Here and Now

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Here and Now Page 13

by Wasowski, Mary


  “What?”

  “We’ve had more good than bad and a few hiccups along the way, but nothing so bad that justifies divorce. We promised that we would grow old together and even die on the same day. I never gave up on anything in my life, and neither have you. So, I’m not going anywhere and if you are, then I’ll follow you.”

  “I promise I will never…” She placed her fingers over my mouth and then kissed me again.

  “Lawson, no more promises, okay?”

  “I don’t understand?”

  “We don’t need any new ones, not when the original ones are still intact.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. You are the one I love and I would have to be deaf and blind not to know how much you love me. Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can.”

  “When I was asleep, I had so many dreams of us and our life together. Some of it was fuzzy but I pretty much understood where my memories were taking me to. I remember asking you before I left for my trip what your grand gesture would be to win me back. So, I guess my question is, were you coming to New York to sweep me off my feet?”

  “Yeah, something like that. I expected our reunion to be a little more graceful than watching my wife get hit by a car. That was the scariest moment of my life and I wanted to kill the driver that hurt you.”

  “Yeah, I imagine you did. I remember hearing your voice and me turning around looking for you. At first, I thought I was just missing you so much that I wanted to believe you were there and then you were and I was so happy. Remind me to never wear five-inch heels again.”

  “Never, not when they make those legs of yours look so damn sexy.”

  “You’re the sexy one, I’m just trying to keep up.”

  “Oh, baby, no it’s me that’s been trying to keep up with you. You never knew how beautiful you are and not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I see you practically kill yourself with all those crazy diets and work-out routines, and I’m like, what is she doing? You are gorgeous and I think it’s about time you begin to believe it.”

  “Okay, I’ll try.”

  “Thank you, my love. Renee?”

  “Hmmm”

  “What’s next for us?”

  “You come home to me if that’s what you truly want?”

  “With all my heart, baby. You really forgive me?”

  “Yes, and if it’s all the same to you Lawson, I don’t ever want to talk about it again. It’s over and in the past, let’s keep it there where it belongs.”

  Even in the face of crisis, my wife was so strong and honest about her feelings. I loved her so much. I took her face in my hands and kissed her ever so gently. Dr. Amsterdam came into the room shortly after and checked on Renee. She was relieved that Renee was sitting up and talking. She was hopeful with a few more day’s rest and help from a physical therapist, Renee would be strong enough to fly home.

  “Do you have any questions for me, Renee?” her doctor asked.

  “I know you said you’re confident I will make a full recovery but just look at my leg. I have plates and screws and more tubes than I have ever seen in my life. How am I going to be able to do this?”

  “Simple. You are going to follow my orders down to the last bolt in your leg. The tubes will come out once the sites are completely drained and I see no sign of infection. Recovery can take up to four months to the latter six months, but I promise you, Renee, with hard work in physical therapy, I’m confident you will be able to resume your routine again.”

  “Will I have a limp? Or need to use a cane?”

  “You may at first through the recovery process but once you are strong enough and making positive progress, the helpful aides won’t be necessary. Try not to worry about all you may or may not need. Let’s focus on what we have right now. Your wound sites need to drain. I need to get you on your feet after that, and then we will get you home. I’ve met your family, and your husband here never left your side, I think you are in good hands.”

  “You got that right,” I interrupted the pep talk she was giving to my wife. “I’m here Renee, and I will get you through this.”

  “Okay, that’s enough for tonight. How’s your pain level?”

  “I’m managing.” She hesitantly answered.

  “Renee, you don’t have to brave it and it’s actually counterproductive to fight against the pain while you’re recovering. So I’ll ask again, on a scale of 1 to 10, how’s your pain level?” my stubborn wife closed her eyes and sighed.

  “Renee, tell the doctor.”

  “Fine, it’s high right now, probably a solid 8.”

  “Thank you for telling me. I’m going to give you ten minutes more with your husband and then you get some good night medicine and by the time you wake in the morning, you will see the rest of your family.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Amsterdam,” I said for the both of us.

  “A solid 8? Baby, why are you being so stubborn?” I asked her as I crawled back in beside her.

  “Lawson, it’s a miracle I woke up at all. I’m not so eager to go back to sleep.”

  “Okay, I can see how you would feel that way but your body needs the rest to heal, and I want you home. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “Yes, of course, it is, but…”

  “What? Talk to me, babe.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Nothing is going to happen to you, not on my watch. Please take the pain medicine and I promise you when you open your eyes, I will be here waiting and loving you.”

  “Fine. Will you kiss me first?”

  “Try to stop me.” I kissed my beautiful wife and I had never been more thankful to have her in my arms. As I kissed her and told her I loved her, Dr. Amsterdam came in and added the sleep-aid to her IV bag. A few moments later, she was sound asleep.

  “I love you, Renee.”

  PRESENT…

  Renee

  After I finally gave in and stopped fighting my doctor, I willed my body to accept the medicine. Lawson must have forgotten but I have an extreme tolerance for pain and I know what my body can and cannot handle. I had only been sleeping for maybe four hours when I woke up to feel Lawson asleep beside me.

  I knew he wouldn’t leave, especially after promising to be here in the morning. I miss the kids and want to see them. I miss everything about our life and I can’t wait to get out of this bed so I can return to it. He stirred a bit but remained sleeping. I felt around for my phone and once I had it in my hand, I opened up the camera and snapped a selfie of my beautiful sleeping husband. I moved my head to one side to hide my cuts and bruises. I sent the picture to the kids with the caption, “Look who’s awake. I love you and I will see you soon.”

  I wish I could turn and snuggle with Lawson but my leg was still braced above the bed and being hooked up to monitors didn’t help much. I closed my eyes and slept for a couple of more hours and then I was done with resting.

  “Okay, I’m up,” he mumbled against my shoulder. “I’m proud of you for lasting this long. How do you feel?”

  “I’m fine and need to get out of this bed.”

  “Yeah, fat chance at that happening but I love your positivity.”

  He kissed me swiftly and then got up from my bed. I watched Lawson give his body a deep stretch with moving his neck from side to side. “Feel better?”

  “I’ll be better when I get you out of here. I’m going to get some coffee and then call the kids.”

  “Already handled. I suspect the kids are on their way.”

  “What did you do?” he smiled as I handed him my phone.

  “I should have known. Tell me you slept a little bit?”

  “I did, and I promise if I was in any pain, I would have woken you up.”

  “Okay, I believe you. Now give me a proper greeting.” He was so handsome even more so with his day-old beard. It was just the right amount of dusting that just made Lawson Douglas so unbelievably sexy. He held my face, I loved when he did this and cares
sed my cheeks with his fingers.

  “Mom?” our kiss ended when our daughter called out. Oh my Emily, she looked beautiful but sad at the same time with tears glazed over.

  “Come here baby, I’m fine,” I said. Emily rushed over to my bed with Rogan quickly following behind her. They each gave me a hug and held on to my hands with Rogan leaning his head down. Lawson stepped up behind him and rubbed his shoulder telling him I was going to be fine, but I don’t think he really believed it. It took me a little time to convince him that I would be coming home soon.

  “Don’t cry son, I swear I’m okay. Yes, I’m banged up and my leg doesn’t look that great but I will recover.”

  “Mom, we almost lost you.”

  “There was no way of that happening. No more tears, okay?”

  “How are you so calm?” asked Emily.

  “They give some good drugs here.”

  “Yeah right! You wouldn’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”

  “Where’s Roman? Dad said he was here with you.”

  “He is. He’s downstairs in the gift shop probably buying out the florist.”

  “There’s my girl,” sure enough they were right. Roman walked in with a huge bouquet of roses. “How are you darling?” he asked and then kissed me on the top of my head.

  “Sore but on the mend.”

  “Don’t you scare me like that again, you hear me? I don’t want to live in a world without you in it.” He kissed me again and then wiped away his falling tears.

  “I promise, no more scares with New York taxies. Speaking of which, what happened to the driver?”

  “He’s in jail after he was denied bail,” said Lawson. “The bastard is lucky he’s behind bars. I wanted to beat the hell out of him but New York’s finest held me back.” He’s still my protector.

  “I’m happy for that. I don’t need you in jail too.”

  So my doctor may have stretched the truth a bit about the recovery process. I ended up staying in New York for an additional two weeks until they removed all my drains and got me on my feet to begin physical therapy which royally sucked.

  It was days filled with pain and I feared I was going to become dependent on the pain meds so I said no more to the pills and focused on what I know, and that’s my inner strength to get through it. I have been through tough situations with my patients and now I’m the patient, so it’s best to follow my own advice at least from time to time. I laughed quietly to myself because doctors make the worse patients ever.

  Roman and the kids went home to Georgia two days after I woke up after I insisted they return to their lives. Emily and Gus were in the middle of planning their wedding, which now has been postponed because of me. I felt awful and argued with my daughter to no avail of my stubborn daughter changing her mind. “You are not going to change my mind on this mom, it’s done and Gus agrees.”

  “Emily, it’s a cast, and there is no reason why you have to postpone anything because I have a broken leg. Your father can twirl me around in a wheelchair.”

  “No! it’s not good enough and the wedding is off until I can watch my parents dance with each other.”

  “This conversation is not over, only on hold until I can get back home and talk some sense into you and Gus. I’ll tackle the two of you and use my best power of persuasion.”

  “Don’t forget, you mentored me on those skills.”

  My head pounded remembering that fight knowing how stubborn our daughter can be. Emily would not concede on anything which drove me absolutely insane. Rogan was easier. He knew I wasn’t lying when I said I was okay and had enough with Lawson staying with me. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and a huge hug followed before leaving for their flight. He is so much like his grandfather and Lawson. What he was doing was good work that would help so many families and their farms. I understood it and so did Lawson.

  I would be going home tomorrow on a private plane Lawson had arranged for us. He wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. A flight nurse and a member of my physical therapy team were also accompanying us on my return home trip. Lawson spared no expense to my aftercare and if I had any problems with my leg, I would have medical staff to step in and help.

  Lawson went back to the hotel to pack our things and get some sleep. I wanted the night to myself to clear my head and figure out what comes next for us. He’s coming home to live under the same roof again, that’s one thing we established right away. Every once in a while he still slips in an apology but I keep telling him it’s over and we will move on together and be stronger in the end.

  “Knock, knock, how’s my favorite patient doing?”

  “You know, I believe I heard you say those exact words to Mr. Murphy yesterday.”

  “Well, he is handsome,” we laughed. “So, tell me about you. How’s the leg?”

  “I’m okay and I was okay yesterday and the day before that.”

  “I’m just being thorough, habit.” She shrugged her shoulders and examined my leg one more time before leaving for the night. “So, I’ve already spoken to your physical therapy team that will continue the program we started here for you. My only advice and I’m sure it may be tough for you to follow but pace yourself, okay? I know you have a busy life and a lot of people depend on you but you will be useless to all if you don’t take care of you.”

  “It’s funny you say that because that’s the way my life has been like since I created one with Lawson. I’ve put my needs on the back burner and tended to my husband, our parents, our kids, and everything in between before myself. I figured because this is what I do for a living, I can manage my personal life just as well as my professional life.”

  “And? what does that look like?” Dr. Amsterdam questioned.

  “Well, if you ask my husband, he would say a well-oiled machine.”

  “And you? what do you say?”

  “It’s a puzzle with a lot of scattered pieces that you try to fit in its perfect place. On most days, I would say Lawson has me all figured out right down to the way I organize the fine china, but who knows? The one thing I do know is that I need to change in a major way if I’m going to save my marriage.”

  “I’m not married at least to a person, for me, it’s more my career. I’ve heard it’s about give and take and a lot of compromise in between. You’ll find the middle ground. You would have to be blind not to notice how much he loves you. Begin there and I think you both will find your way.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Amsterdam. I appreciate you saying that.”

  “My pleasure, Renee. Get some rest, you’re going home tomorrow.”

  PRESENT…

  Lawson

  They didn’t know I was there and I shouldn’t have been listening to their conversation but once I heard the sadness in Renee’s voice, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. When I heard Dr. Amsterdam say goodbye to Renee, I ducked out of sight so she wouldn’t see me. Once the coast was clear, I stepped inside of her room and she smiled when she saw me.

  “Somehow, I knew I would be seeing you again tonight. Lawson, you are so tired and haven’t slept since the night before my accident. You need to go back to that fancy hotel and get some rest.”

  “I’m fine and all our things are packed, I just need you.” I kissed her gently but my wife wasn’t having it. She pulled me down to her and crushed her mouth down to mine. I moaned with every slide of her tongue that touched mine. “Should I bust you out of here right now? Because you know I want that more than anything.”

  “I do too, but I promised my doctor one more night.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked her and then kissed her again.

  “Sure about what? Going home tomorrow?”

  “No, not about home.”

  “Then what?”

  “Me, Renee. Are you sure you want me? because there is no one I want more in this life than you, and I promise you as long as I draw breath, I will never hurt you again.”

  “I want you, Lawson, how could you possibly believe otherwise?”
/>
  “I heard you talking with Dr. Amsterdam, and I know what doubt sounds like and maybe a little brokenness too.”

  “The only thing broken about me is my leg and that is healing as we speak. I love you and want nothing more than to go home with you and be with our family.”

  “Good. I like it when we are on the same page.” We both laughed and shared a light moment between us. “Do you want me to stay? Because I can.”

  “No, go back to the hotel and pick me up in the morning.”

  As the limo ascended the hill that led to our home, both Renee and I began to feel the excitement and apprehension of being home and home together. My birthday party feels like a lifetime ago and the argument we had that drove me away feeling lost and confused. I hated that my personal confliction made me feel weak and not good enough for Renee or my family.

  This life is the life I chose and the one I have always wanted with Renee since I was eighteen years old. I know she hasn’t said much about it since we decided to put the past behind us and forget the past couple of months, but tell that to my heart or hers for that matter. She is incredibly strong, always has been and that’s what scares me. I know she can take anything life throws at her, even surviving a car accident that nearly killed her. A blip in our marriage should be a piece of cake.

  “Lawson, will you look at that,” tapping me on the shoulder brought me back to the present. “There are welcome home signs everywhere, oh, I love our kids.” She clapped her hands and was careful not to bounce up and down, not that she could do much with her injured leg.

  The car came to a stop and then Rogan, Emily, Gus, my father, and Renee’s parents all came charging at us waving their signs. It’s been a long time since we all gathered together in one place. Her parents had retired and moved to Florida. They wanted to come to New York to be with her but once she woke up and I told her about it, she asked me to hand her a phone. That was a fun day listening to her father grump and of course, blame me. Yes, we had to overcome a lot of indifference in our relationship but I know they love me. I think he just gives me shit now just out of habit.

 

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