by Jane Lark
“You are not to judge, and you are not to say a thing to Rupert. You’re going out. He won’t know.”
“Is this wise, though? Where are you going?”
Rowena’s chin tipped up. “Lord Kendrick asked if I would meet his children. I said I would. He is bringing the two eldest and a groom. We are going to Green Park and we will have a picnic there. It is nothing inappropriate.”
“You should tell Rupert and ask your cousin’s wife to accompany you.”
“No, Rupert would make a fuss and I cannot speak openly if Ellen is there. I am not going to be alone with Lord Kendrick.”
“Rowena, it is not sensible. Shall I stay, and come with you? I wou —”
“I like him, Meredith. I wish to spend some time with him. You of all people should understand...”
“I did not trick Rupert with deliberation, Rowena. I sought your friendship because you were kind to me, and I like you. I care for you, and I fell in love with Rupert. Do nothing foolish, Rowena... I shall stay here....”
“Do you regret what you did to Rupert?” Rowena asked suddenly as they stood with the table between them, her gaze holding Meredith’s.
“No.” Meredith did not, not now she thought he might learn to love her. “I am going to make him happy, Rowena. I promise.”
Rowena sighed. “Very well, I will give you a chance to prove your affection for him, but you must give me a chance to explore my own for Lord Kendrick —”
“It is not the same, Rowena. He is —”
“Caring and kind, and I like him.”
“Rowena?”
“Say nothing to Rupert,” Rowena said, before turning away, and then she left the room, hurrying off, giving Meredith no chance for further argument.
~
Rupert glanced at his wife for the umpteenth time as she walked slowly beside him.
Her fingers were a gentle pressure on his arm, and wisps of her auburn hair had crept free from the confines of her bonnet, and caressed her neck.
She was talking, speaking of her childhood and how she missed the mother she’d never really known. He was listening with only half his mind. The other half was transfixed by imagining the figure beneath the pale blue muslin gown she wore today.
The dress was very pretty, mind, it had a pattern of printed forget-me-nots, and her straw bonnet matched it perfectly, with a sprig of flowers and blue ribbon. She looked gorgeous, and he’d never noticed before just how gracefully she moved. But, of course, before, she’d always clung to Rowena.
She hadn’t needed his sister as a foil. Meredith was more exquisite when she stood alone.
His fingers covered those lying on his arm and a warm feeling spread within his chest, as though it leaked from his heart. Grays? Was that what he was seeing now, the shades which added depth to a person?
“Meredith, why did you do what you did that night, and why did you befriend Rowena?”
She stopped and looked up at him, her eyes wide, and shining with an unspoken question.
“Tell me honestly and then let us set it aside...”
She bit her lip for an instant, but then she spoke. “I love you.”
The words pierced him like a sharp, pointed knife blade. Did she? It made him feel odd, and strange emotions warred within his chest as she continued.
“I did not plan it, Lord Mor... Rupert, I swear I did not, but I wanted... you... And then my father told me he had signed a marriage contract with his partner.”
Rupert had not realized the agreement with Perrigrew had actually been made.
“You spoke to me and you were there, that night, and you had never really spoken to me... I’m sorry, I just took the chance. I did not think. But I did not make friends with Rowena to do what I did. Rowena has been the only proper friend I’ve ever had...”
More grays.
He bent and kissed her. He was inclined to believe her, her eyes had glowed with sincerity.
When he straightened again, he looked into those eyes, one hand now gripping hers and his other at her nape. “Do you regret what you did? Are you sorry?”
She shook her head, immediately. “I’m not sorry, not at all. Not if it can be like this.”
He stared at her, his answer building like wildfire within him. He was not sorry either. If she had not done what she’d done, then he would never have seen the shades been black and white. He would not be discovering the things he was now. Like how good it felt to have a willing, vibrant woman waiting in bed for him at night. “I am not sorry either,” he whispered over her lips, the moment before he kissed her again.
He could very easily become deeply attached to this girl, and he felt himself falling as he kissed her. He wondered if this was how Edward had felt when he’d met Ellen.
She broke the kiss, looking suddenly hesitant. “Oh Rupert, I have to tell you. I am your wife, and no matter how much I love Rowena, too, I cannot keep this secret from you.”
What secret? His eyes, perhaps, asked the question, because she answered without him asking.
“Rowena has gone out with Lord Kendrick.”
“Kendrick? To what end?”
“He wished her to meet his children.”
“She is not with Ellen?” He did not know what to think.
“No, she’s gone alone, but they were going to the park. They will be in the open, and there will be the children and a groom —”
“Even so, Meredith, where are they?”
He turned back to his carriage, feeling a rush of anger, but she grasped his arm. “Do not be angry with her, Rupert, please. She’ll know I told you, and she will hate me more. We saw him yesterday, too. He took us all to Gunter’s. I don’t think he’ll do her any harm, Rupert. I had to tell you, though. It doesn’t feel right to keep secrets from you.”
“Yet you would rather I do nothing?”
She nodded, and for the first time he saw she was afraid of him. It was in her eyes. Uncertainty and insecurity shone there. Had she been afraid of him before? In love with him and afraid of his poor—opinion?
He’d made no secret of how little he thought of her. He’d seen black or white, when there was definitely a vast spectrum in between, not just grays. She had, of course, forced him into this match. A burning gladness ran through him. He was not only, not sorry. He was glad she’d done it.
“Very well.” He set Rowena’s situation from his mind, something he had not been able to do for years, and turned to walk along the river path again, keeping a hold of Meredith’s hand, and he asked her another question, feeling warmth wrap about his heart.
Was this how Edward felt? It was new uncharted, unsteady, ground for Rupert.
~
In the evening, Rupert watched Rowena closely when they went to the Hartford’s ball. She danced with Kendrick, twice, and she smiled at him, no longer looking wary. But surely she could not be interested in Kendrick? Yet she ate super with him, too, after their second dance. Ellen and Edward sat with them, and the conversation seemed continuous and easy from what Rupert could see as he sat across the room with Meredith.
Meredith touched his arm, drawing his attention back to her. She’d done it deliberately, he guessed, to stop him staring at Rowena. His observation had probably been too obvious; others were looking at Rowena and Kendrick now. In reality, Kendrick had done nothing wrong. Rupert put Rowena from his mind, and focused on Meredith.
He had introduced her to his other cousin, Edward’s brother, Robert, tonight.
Robert then ribbed Rupert mercilessly for a half-hour, while Meredith was dancing. He thought it highly amusing that Rupert had been snared — and snared so unwillingly. Yet he’d told Rupert, when Rupert protested, not to complain if a beautiful young woman wanted him so much she’d felt forced into laying a trap for him.
Robert’s view was Rupert should be flattered.
Rupert did feel flattered, tonight. Meredith was sitting beside him, smiling openly, with none of the coercion he’d sensed previously, and she chatter
ed merrily with his acquaintances, who’d come to congratulate him on his choice of wife, even though they all knew his hand had been forced.
She seemed so different to the person he thought he’d known.
He danced a waltz with her after supper. It was not like their first waltz. He was starting to barely recognize the man who’d danced with her then. It seemed it was not only Meredith he’d seen another side to. This man felt companionship, need and cherishment as he danced with her, holding her gaze and smiling as he looked forward to tonight.
She smiled, too. Not the smile which had always angered him, but another, a new one, one, which caught as light shimmering in her blue eyes, too.
His heart beat steadily.
~
When Rupert came downstairs the following morning, Rowena was waiting in the hall, looking up at him.
“Good morning, Rowena.”
“Oh Rupert.” She rushed forward. “I have to tell you something, and you must listen.”
He took her hand to stop her outburst as she neared him. “Tell me while I eat, Rowena. I’m hungry.”
He’d built an appetite up with his wife again this morning. He’d discovered at least one thing he never expected from marriage, that he liked to sleep beside a woman, just as much as he enjoyed making love to her. Tonight he might simply tell Meredith to always sleep in his bed.
“But, Rupert, I’ve something important to tell you.”
“Very well, I will send the servants out while I eat.”
She did not look happy to wait, yet it would only be moments.
Just as they seated themselves, the door knocker struck.
Rowena immediately stood, and her eyes spun to Rupert.
What now?
“Will you ask Lord Morton to receive me?” Kendrick’s baritone voice echoed in the large hall, reaching through the open door of the breakfast room. Rupert looked at his sister as she looked at him.
“His Lordship is at home, sir. Let me show you to the library, you may wait there.”
“If I must...” Kendrick’s voice rang with impatience.
Rupert put his finger to his lips when he saw Rowena was about to speak.
They heard footsteps, and then a door opened across the hall. “I shall fetch his lordship, sir.” The door closed, and in a few moments, the butler was at the door of the breakfast room.
“Lord Kendrick, my Lord –”
“Yes, I know, Owens, we heard. Leave us alone now, and shut the door. I’ll be there in a while.”
Once he’d gone, Rupert looked at Rowena. “Well? I suppose you knew he was coming. Why is he back?”
She blushed. “I wished to tell you —”
“That you spent an afternoon with him yesterday, I know. Meredith told me, as she should have done. She is my wife, Rowena; you should not ask her to keep secrets from me, and do not disparage her for telling me.”
His thoughts turned to the woman he’d left sleeping in the room above them. She’d been warm and soft. He wished he’d not risen.
“Rupert, do not judge Lord Kendrick so ill, just because he is older than me. I... He has come to ask for my hand again.”
“Has he?”
“I have said I shall accept him.”
Rupert felt cold. “Why?”
“Because I like him, Rupert.”
“Liking is a poor foundation for a marriage.”
“No, like is a good foundation. I do not seek more than that. I will be happy. I like his children, too, and...” Her words dried, but then they began again. “I can give them the childhood I wished for...”
His brow furrowed. “You must want more for yourself; something like Edward and Ellen have... I’d not thought I wished for it, Rowena, but I am....” He felt himself flush. “I’ve discovered it with Meredith, Rowena, and I would not be without it, now.” It? Love... Was that what it was? Had he fallen in love with Meredith? If he had, he’d only known it just now as he’d spoken.
Rowena came to take his hands. “Then I’m glad for you, Rupert. But I do not look for that. There is no one I’ve met, other than Lord Kendrick, who I think I would be happy with, and happiness is enough for me. Say yes to him, please.”
Rupert didn’t know how to answer. She’d obviously thought about her response. It was not a whim. “You’re sure? He’s not coerced you in any way?”
“No. He’s been kind, he cares, and he can make me laugh. I know I was scared of him at first, but now I do not know why.”
Rupert smiled, remembering looking into her eyes a dozen years ago, when she’d been a small child.
If this is what she wished... “Very well, I will accept him, but you must come and speak with him in front of me, and let me see how you are together.”
She nodded, then hugged him.
~
Once the settlement was agreed, Rupert left Rowena and Kendrick alone, leaving the library door ajar. He did not know what to think of this. Rowena seemed happy, and her happiness was what he wished for. He’d heard nothing bad of Kendrick, and yet it simply did not feel right. He looked for Meredith.
She was not in the breakfast room.
“Has Lady Morton already eaten, Owens?” he asked in the hall, glancing toward the stairs and wondering if she was still in bed.
“My Lady has gone out, sir.”
“Out?”
“Yes, sir, a few moments ago, and in a hurry.”
Rupert’s brow furrowed. “In the carriage?”
“No, sir, Lady Morton received a letter and then left on foot a few moments later.”
“Did she say where she was going?”
“No, my lord.”
Why had she gone out? He felt desolate to think she would go without a word to him. And then he felt ridiculous; how utterly foolish to make a fuss over his wife going out during the day.
He stood in the hall, not knowing which way to turn. Normally by now he would be preparing to go out himself, yet he did not wish to leave. He wanted to see Meredith and discuss his concerns over Rowena.
He’d not eaten yet, he remembered. He decided to do that. Then, when Kendrick left, he could ask Rowena if she knew where Meredith may have gone. Meredith should not have walked out alone. If he knew where she’d gone, he could find her and at least accompany her home.
But Rowena did not know.
“She has no other friends, Rupert,” Rowena said half an hour later. “I can think of nowhere she might have gone. The other girls always tease her about being my charity case. No one else likes her. People have only ever suffered her presence because of her father’s money-making scheme in America. Their parents have invested with him. No one would even let her through the door, if it weren’t for the fact they had a financial agreement with her father. She is considered a necessary evil. Did you not know?”
No, he had not known. “Is that why she clung to you so much?”
Rowena smiled. “I thought you knew. I thought that was why you disliked her, too.”
“I disliked her because I thought she was using your friendship.”
“Only as friendship, Rupert. She was not even using me to get to you. Not as you think. I doubted her at first, after what happened. But she was not. ”
“I do not think she was anymore either, Rowena. But if she has no one to call upon, then where has she gone?”
Rowena shrugged. “To her father’s?”
He would go there. “Thank you. Are you going up to tell Mama about Kendrick?”
She nodded.
“Then tell her I’ll speak to her later.”
Rowena kissed him before she left the room. Rupert sent a footman for his hat. He felt strange today, and guilty.
He put his gloves on, and took his hat, and was just about to turn to leave, when the doorknocker struck again.
Owens looked at Rupert.
“Open it,” Rupert said quietly.
He was surprised, though, when Meredith and her father came through the door. “Meredith? I was coming to
find you...”
“I —”
“May I speak with you in private, Morton?” Her father gave Meredith no chance to answer. Rupert did not give the man his attention, instead he continued looking at Meredith. She was excessively pale, and she looked afraid. In fact, she looked just the same as when she’d arrived with her father at the church. Divine gripped Meredith’s arm, too, just as he’d done at the church.
Rupert wondered what her life had been like before she’d married him. He suspected she’d been as unhappy at home as he’d been in his childhood, except of course he’d had Rowena. Rowena was much younger, yet she’d been a reason to endure. He supposed Meredith’s reason to endure had been knowing one day she would marry... No wonder she had chosen to avoid Perrigrew at any cost — even to the point she would press a man who had shown nothing but disgust for her.
He looked at her father, and remembered Divine had asked to speak to him. “Of course.” Rupert nodded, gathering his wits and wondering what this was all about. He handed his hat back to the footman, and watched Divine pass his over, too.
They left Meredith in the hall and walked into the library.
“As my daughter’s husband, you have a responsibility to me, Morton...” Divine began. He went on to explain that his partner, Perrigrew, had taken the money others in the ton had invested in a diamond mine in America. There had been no diamond mine apparently, and now there was no money either. The mine had been a figment of Perrigrew’s imagination. Divine was desperate. He wished Rupert to bail him out.
Rupert listened with growing horror. He did not have the funds to save Divine from such a mess. “I cannot, Divine. If it was a lesser sum, I could help, but not when it so much.”
“You would leave me to be thrown into a debtor’s jail then?” The man moved a pace forward.
“Divine, I cannot help you. I do not have that much to give you. All I may offer you is a smaller sum to go abroad. That is all you can do now.”
The man blanched but it was the only way. Divine nodded. “Then it will do, and I must have it now, before word spreads.”
When Rupert signed the bank note, he knew this would create horror and bitterness among the ton; and with her father gone, it would be directed at Meredith. Yet, he gave the money to Divine, gladly. He knew the whole truth now. He felt as though he finally saw all the colors which made up Meredith, not white, nor black, nor gray. As he’d begun to see on the bank of the river yesterday, Meredith was a beautiful rainbow within. Rupert thought of her vibrant amber hair, and her blue eyes; it was only right then that she should have such bright internal color, too.