“Sebastian, that’s enough,” Catherine interrupted him, clearly feeling offended herself, because if Theodore was an Everett heir, she had to have come from Rosemont as well.
There was a moment of silence but it was too late for me to compose myself. I had lost the battle and fat tears started running down my cheeks.
“Crying,” he raised his voice and started scowling me again, “is another trait that won’t get you far with me. Childish and completely without manners—exactly what I expected!” He shook his head at his father and effortlessly said those cruel things about me.
It seemed as though that man had no ability for compassion. I guess he had a cold pit where his heart should have been. He and his family were obviously accustomed to walking all over other people. Everybody was staring at me by that point, and no matter how hard I was trying, I couldn’t stop crying. For the first time in my life, I felt so ashamed for simply being me. I felt angry with myself because I was so inadequate and so worthless, compared to this beautiful, cruel man sitting across me. Every tear I shed emphasized my pain and instead of washing away my embarrassment, it had only prolonged it. Helen looked at me with empathy gleaming from her stare.
“Stop.” She formed the word with her lips, but never uttered it. “Be strong.” It was another silent plea from her lips.
At last, I stopped crying and I prayed for that dinner to be over. I begged whichever force on earth there was for the Everett’s to finally send me away—away to my heartless mother who would lash out at me because I’d ruined her plans of getting rich. Still, I felt relieved after what had occurred that evening, because I knew that chances of Sebastian marrying me after the dinner fiasco were equal to zero.
Chapter Five
Coming back to Rosemont turned out to be more difficult than I thought. Mother was intent on getting every single detail from me, but I felt so shattered and desperately ashamed after everything I’d been through in New York, that I informed her there would be no marriage. She was furious, telling me I was selfish and that she’d known I would deliberately ruin everything. But how could I make her see that I was at the mercy of a man who was way out of my league? I was simply beneath him. How could I convince Mother that nobody had ever shamed me like Sebastian Everett had? He’d called me a gold digger and I had nothing to say in my defense. The reason I had been sitting at his dinner table was marriage and I was driven by anything but love, so that’s precisely what I was—a shameless gold digger. That was exactly what my mother had made me out to be.
Despite Mother’s intolerable fury towards me, after some time, my life slowly settled into a dazing everydayness. I’d blocked out everything that had happened in New York and had decided to try and convince Mother to allow me to attend the local college. It took me days to collect the courage to talk to her. One day, she seemed to be in a relatively good mood so I decided to tell her about my intentions. I approached her while she was in the kitchen.
“Mother.”
“Yes?” she asked indifferently.
“There’s something I want to talk to you about.” I had no idea how to ask her to support my plans.
“Oh, is that so?” It was like a dark cloud covered her ray of sunshine, and she wasn’t in a good mood anymore. “Go ahead.”
“Well, I... I was thinking and... I wanted to ask you if maybe we can talk about... about—” I was stuck, too afraid that the slightest hope I had would be shattered to pieces.
“About what, Isabelle? Spit it out already. I haven’t got all day to waste.” She was getting agitated and that wasn’t a good sign.
“Mother, you know how I’ve always loved literature, and that my dream was to study...”
“Wait!” she interrupted me and went towards the kitchen window. The most important sentence I had uttered in my entire life was left hanging in the air.
There was an expensive car parked in our driveway and Rosario Moran was getting out of it. Seeing her again sent shivers down my spine. What on earth was she doing there? Whatever it was, I knew it must have something to do with the Everett’s prolonging my humiliation somehow. My mother ran to the door ecstatically and opened it before anyone even bothered to ring the doorbell. I listened to their conversation from the kitchen.
Mrs. Moran greeted Mother and explained why she came to visit us.
“I apologize for coming unannounced, but my only intention is to inform you that the Everett family has approved of Isabelle’s marriage to Sebastian and that we should take care of the necessary paperwork as soon as possible.”
“What great news! Please, would you like to come in? We can take care of everything now if you wish.”
Mother’s enthusiasm to marry me off seemed to have surprised even Rosario, who was accustomed to these kinds of arrangements.
“No, I’m sorry, I am in a bit of a hurry. I still have to prepare everything. Are you free tomorrow? We could take care of everything in the afternoon, if you don’t have any other plans,” Mrs. Moran offered.
“Of course,” Mother said in a cheerful voice. “Tomorrow afternoon sounds perfect. We’ll be waiting for you.”
“I’m very glad to hear that,” Mrs. Moran responded without returning her smiles.
“Until tomorrow then, it was great to see you again.”
“Likewise,” Mrs. Moran said before she left.
My heart sank and I had to lean against the wall not to collapse. What kind of cruel games was God playing with my life? The moment I decided to try and make a difference for myself, my worst nightmare comes knocking on my door. Sebastian had made it clear that he despised me, and it was beyond me to find any reason for him to marry me. This had to be some kind of a sick joke. Tears streamed down my face and I began drowning in despair. I was so scared of what the future held for me.
“Isabelle, you will not believe...” Mother entered the kitchen ready to share her joy with me, but stopped when she saw how upset I was. “Isabelle?”
“Please, for the love of God, ask anything—anything you want, but please don’t ask me to marry him,” I begged her with everything I had.
“Isabelle, sweetheart,” she hadn’t called me that since the last time Mrs. Moran came to visit, “I understand you might feel a little scared about everything that is happening to you lately, but soon you will be thankful I persuaded you into this marriage. Trust me.”
“Persuaded me? You are making me do this against my will. Please, just leave me alone.” I yelled.
“Isabelle, I am much older and wiser than you are. Let’s not play these childish games anymore. Just accept this wonderful opportunity life has offered you.” Her voice was filled with menace.
“But you don’t know what he’s like. He—he doesn’t even like me. He can’t stand me!” I desperately tried to make her understand.
“Don’t be a fool Isabelle. A man’s affection has to be earned.”
It stung like fire to hear her say that, because I had nothing to offer to that man to make him love me, or even cherish me like Helen had said.
“I see nothing I do or say will make you change your mind, Mother. So, I give up. You have won. You have condemned me to a life of misery.” I wiped my tears and started walking away.
“Isabelle…” Mother grabbed my wrist to stop me. “What did you want to talk about earlier?”
Why didn’t she just put a dagger through my heart? I started laughing because the irony wasn’t lost on me. Then I swallowed a big lump that was forming in my throat. There was no point in discussing my wishes anymore.
“Nothing, Mother. That is, nothing that’s important anymore,” I said vaguely and headed towards my room.
Stuck with my loneliness, I didn’t have enough strength to do something about my situation. Lying in my bed, I let my heart sink. Not having to feel was all I wanted in that moment. It felt like I had no one in the world. Even Ashley, my dearest sister, had become a stranger in the last weeks. Honestly, I didn’t want to blame her, because she wasn’t guilty
of anything, but my bitterness ran deep. Ashley would get everything I had ever wanted. She would be educated and she would get an opportunity to make a life for herself, while I would be paying for it. My mind didn’t dare to think about what my marriage to Sebastian Everett would be like. Instead, it felt better to lie awake, staring at the ceiling and counting stars until sleep claimed me.
***
When I joined Mrs. Moran and Mother the next day, they were already discussing the terms of the prenuptial agreement which had to be signed before the wedding.
Since we weren’t in a position to demand anything or to make any changes in the contract, Mother urged me to sign everything without reading it first. Appalled by her demand, I tried to protest, demanding to read the contract that would seal my miserable fate, but one threatening glance from my mother was enough to make me comply without any resistance. In reality, I objected out of sheer necessity to spite her, and not because I wanted to study the contents of the arrangement. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t have cared less what that contract required me to do. All I knew was that I was always going to be owned by someone—a slave being passed from one master to another. Going through slow motions, I signed my name on each and every page on that lengthy document, while my mother’s eyes burned on my hand. After having made sure I signed all the papers, Mrs. Moran reached into her briefcase and laid a small jewelry box on the table.
“Open it,” she urged me.
I reached for the box and opened it. Inside of it was a huge, shiny ring. The kind of ring you noticed in the shop window but knew you would never be able to afford it. The kind of ring you dream your Prince Charming will put on your finger one day to claim you as his own. I felt something heavy in my heart, but once again swallowed my pain and smiled.
“This is your engagement ring,” she clarified. “You are required to wear it at all times from now on. Alright?”
“Yes, I understand,” I said quietly.
“Oh, this is so exciting,” Mother said with happy tears in her eyes. “Congratulations, honey.”
She pulled me into a hug and I could have sworn that Mrs. Moran noticed how stressed out I was at that moment.
“The only other thing I have to inform you about is the date of the wedding. It will take place in New York on Theodore’s sixtieth birthday, that is, in exactly three and a half weeks from now.”
“Three and a half weeks?” I was shocked it was happening that soon.
“You are not expected to take any part in preparations for the wedding. Your only obligation will be the dress fitting. As for your other duties, you are required to fly to New York as soon as possible. Mr. Everett has appointed a number of private tutors who will help you transform into an accomplished businessman’s wife.”
I knew exactly what that meant—lessons about cutlery usage so I wouldn’t embarrass him when we attended his precious business dinners. Mrs. Moran gestured at me to put on the ring. The heavy ring on my finger meant that I was officially engaged, and that my life as I knew, or imagined it, was definitely over. The Everett’s expected me to pack my bags and move to New York in two days. Mother and my sisters, together with the rest of the family, would join me three days before the wedding.
***
My days in New York went by in painful slowness and I couldn’t focus on anything that would get my mind off the wedding. At night, I would lay awake, wondering if something could have been different and I felt sorry for myself, because a bride wasn’t supposed to be dreading her own wedding. Helen was the only one who sometimes kept me company and I liked spending time with her. A small part of me hoped that Sebastian would come to visit me or at least give me some sign that he didn’t completely hate me, but I quickly realized that I might not see him until the day of the wedding. To say that I felt trapped was an understatement. Since the Everett family didn’t want to create any media frenzy over our wedding, I was expected to stay away from the public as much as possible, which meant that I was confined to the solitude of my hotel room for the most of my stay.
The tutors hired by Sebastian made my life a living hell. I had to learn how to walk, talk, eat, dance and use appropriate gestures for different opportunities. Almost a week before the wedding, one of the tutors I hated, Mr. Andre—the annoying Frenchman who taught me how to use the cutlery and walk properly—announced that he would be videotaping me that day because Sebastian wanted to see how I progressed. My cheeks immediately turned red and I wasn’t sure whether it was from shame or fury. So he was set on humiliating me again. This time, I swore I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
A plate with some kind of a fancy meal was served to me and Mr. Andre sat across from me to see if I would use the proper cutlery. At first, I hesitated because I couldn’t believe that he was actually making me do that, but his impatience was growing with each passing second.
“Today, Isabelle! I haven’t got the time to waste,” he said in his ridiculous French accent.
For a moment, I thought about defying Sebastian’s wishes, but after realizing it would only make matters worse, I complied and showed him I could use the damned cutlery and act like a freaking lady, just like he wanted me to. However, he noticed the rebellion that was building up inside me, because I rolled my eyes at him more than once.
“Respect, Isabelle, is the only thing that’s expected from you in this marriage. You seem to have a lot of difficulty learning that,” Mr. Andre spat out.
“Maybe it’s the same thing I expect from everyone else. Maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to respect my future husband if he decided to treat me like a human being and not a dog he needs to train.” My voice was quiet and insecure but I was glad I had stood up for myself.
“As Confucius said—respect yourself and others will respect you. The question is, ma chérie, will you ever be able to extort such respect, knowing that you’re selling yourself in exchange for a lavish life of luxury? I think you know what that’s called,” he said in a teasing voice.
I looked away. He was right. I was a coward and I had a feeling that the man I was going to marry would never let me forget that.
Chapter Six
The wedding day I had been dreading arrived, and all I wanted was to hide somewhere no one could find me. An army of makeup artists and stylists marched into my room to transform me into a gorgeous bride. For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. My blonde hair was loose and curled, with a beautiful tiara that pulled it up. The brown depths of my eyes were accentuated with a river of mascara and it seemed that my cheeks, which were usually as pale as snow, now had a healthy shade of pink. But some crucial part was missing, because everything felt wrong and I thought I was a fraud. Tears were forming in my eyes but I bit down on my lips and decided that not crying would to be the one thing I could control. No matter how pitiful my marriage would probably turn out to be, I swore I wouldn’t shed a tear at my own wedding. When I was ready at last, I heard a knock on the door and it flew open before I could invite in whoever was on the other side. Naturally, it was none other than my mother. She probably came to check if I was still in the submissive mode she so desperately wanted to keep me in. She approached me with a wide smile on her face.
“My, oh my, Isabelle. Look at you. You look absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Sebastian won’t know what hit him when he sees you.” She walked around me and admired my looks.
“I’m sure he won’t, Mother,” I said sarcastically and managed to produce a fake smile, but as always, Mother didn’t take my anxiety seriously at all.
“Oh, you poor thing. You must be afraid of what’s going to happen tonight.” I gasped at her words and blushed, because sadly, I would have preferred to discuss sex with anyone except my mother.
She took my hand and gave me a warm serpent-like smile. No matter how supporting she wanted to come across, she couldn’t hide her true colors.
“There’s no need to be afraid. You see...” It was apparent she was trying to prepare me for the wedding night, but i
t was the last thing on my mind. I was pretty sure that Sebastian wasn’t interested in me in that way at all. I imagined different scenarios for the night, but us sleeping together definitely wasn’t one of them.
“Mother, I don’t think we have to—” I tried my best to reassure her.
“It’s perfectly normal Isabelle, and you don’t have to feel ashamed. It may be a little uncomfortable but it gets better in time. You just need to relax and follow your husband’s lead.” She looked like she was already priding herself with the fact that her daughter’s virginity would be taken by a rich Everett heir that night.
“I understand. Please, let’s not talk about it anymore.” I just wanted to be away from her.
For a moment, we stood there like two strangers, not a mother and a daughter. I had nothing to say to her anymore and she seemed to be bouncing on her own nerves too, probably anguished with the fear that I wouldn’t play my part right. The unpleasant circle of silence was interrupted by another knock on the door and I was informed that there were two cars waiting in front of the hotel. One of the cars was for me, and the other one for my mother and sisters. I felt relieved that I would get a few moments all to myself to collect my thoughts and to calm down.
Once in the car, my mind started processing Mother’s words about the wedding night. I was so anxious and distracted by other things, that it had never occurred to me Sebastian might want to consummate our marriage that evening. My conscience was screaming, telling me that a man would never want to sleep with a woman he despised, but the little voice in the back of my mind told me that if he decided to do so, there was nothing I could do to stop him. Recollections of my short, but bitterly memorable, encounter with him appeared before my eyes and I was sure I didn’t want to be intimate with that man, because no matter how gorgeous and beautiful he was, he terrified the hell out of me. I tried to make myself believe that nothing would happen that night. It was the only way I could ease my mind.
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