Virtue & Vanity

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Virtue & Vanity Page 19

by Astrid Jane Ray


  “That’s enough.” I heard his low voice and if I didn’t know better I would have sworn it rang with worry.

  At this point, I was inconsolable. I expected him to violate me but he had barely touched me and I was already a trembling mess of nerves. When his arms reached towards me, I stopped breathing and my body turned to stone. I heard the buzzing in my ears and shock took hold of me as he pulled the blanket over my exposed body. Then he climbed onto the bed and picked me up into his arms with the sheet wrapped around me. I was convulsing against his chest, hysterically crying and waiting for him to do something, but he just calmly held me in his embrace.

  “Please, just...” I whispered numbly, taunting the devil and fighting the urge to start screaming at him.

  Something in him tensed up and he held me by my shoulders before abruptly pushing me away from him. Then he stared at me, almost pleading, like he needed something from me. And as I stared back at him, I could tell he was in pain—we both were.

  “I won’t. Not against your will, Isabelle.” He was the one to look away this time. “I...” He swallowed hard as he spoke in a shaky voice, startling me with his bare honesty. “I can’t.”

  A taunting memory came back to haunt me. You can and you will. Those were his exact words when I told him I couldn’t and begged him to stop that night.

  “It’s too late to say you can’t w-when...” I shook my head as my voice choked on the heavy lump of sadness that formed in my throat. “You already took it all.”

  The grip of his hands on my shoulders tightened and his eyes snapped open, driven by a forceful emotion I never thought he would let me see. Leaning closer to me, he claimed the space between us, breaking the barrier I’d wanted to keep. His fingers slid down my face before he pulled me back in his embrace and my entire being started shivering, rejecting his closeness.

  “Be at ease,” he tried to soothe me, “I don’t want to cause you more harm,” he whispered, pressing me so close against his chest that I couldn’t move anywhere.

  I tried to get away, but restraining my already weakened body against his strong, tense muscles wasn’t even mildly challenging for him, so eventually I gave up fighting. I stilled and started crying on his tense chest. When he sensed my surrender, he pulled me even closer and then, to my absolute astonishment, he stroked my hair as if nothing had happened.

  “What am I going to do with you, Isabelle?” he said in a voice so soft I barely heard him, and it made me cry even harder.

  I sobbed in his embrace, letting the tears stream down my face and fall onto his chest. The fact that I accepted his solace like he was my friend and not my enemy frightened me to death. I felt his body slowly relax against mine. He didn’t make a sound. He just held me in his arms and kept stroking my hair while I continued crying until I had no more tears left. After neither of us moved for what seemed to be hours, he lifted up my chin and kissed my forehead. My eyes were closed and I was already half asleep, but I was still aware of his actions. Gently, he removed the strands of hair plastered to my temple and though I couldn’t see him, I felt his stare linger on me with intensity.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered and I tensed at his words, but didn’t open my eyes.

  He lowered his head on the pillow, pulled my head back on his chest and continued caressing me for the rest of the night. His hand slid down my shoulder, all the way to my wrist and back. He repeated that movement hundreds of times during the night, never letting go of me. I heard his breathing deepen and I knew he was asleep, but he still didn’t stop touching me so softly, so tenderly that it made my heart ache. I felt like I was losing my mind because he had truly shown me both of his sides that night and I had learned the horrifying difference. How could he be so intimidating one moment, and then so gentle the next? Why did I enjoy his comfort so much when he was the one who caused my pain? I was exhausted but I didn’t want to fall asleep. I needed to process everything. I winced at the thought of what could have happened, and he tightened his grip around me.

  “It’s okay. You’re safe,” he whispered in his soothing voice, the one he would use when I’d have nightmares.

  I dozed off into the world of dreams, hoping I wouldn’t wake up screaming in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  A sophisticated, aristocratic looking woman dressed in expensive branded clothes stared back at me from the mirror. It was surreal to observe that reflection of myself. I didn’t feel comfortable with my appearance, but I was getting ready for the dinner at Sebastian parent’s house, so that was exactly how I needed to look. As I was putting on my shoes, Sebastian entered the room and glanced at me. We didn’t talk after the incident from the previous night, although I woke up in his embrace and not alone like usual. The tension between us was still very present and he was looking around the room like my presence disturbed him.

  “Ready?”

  He finally looked at me and I noticed his gaze trailed down my body before returning to my eyes. He gaped at me like he was lost in thoughts.

  “Yes. I’m ready,” I replied quietly.

  “Then we can go. Come,” he invited me to follow him.

  The walk through the hallway was awkward, because we were walking next to each other like two strangers passing by on the street. And that wasn’t far from the truth, because although we were married, we didn’t know anything about each other. After our wedding, this was the first time we’d attend an event as a couple. When we reached the front door, he opened it and motioned that I should go out first. I noticed his head turning after me as I was walking out.

  “You look beautiful,” he said coldly, like he said it just to say something.

  “Thank you,” I answered in the same tone.

  I almost told him he looked beautiful too, because his grey suit accentuated his green eyes making him look gorgeous, but I wasn’t in the mood for small talk and I certainly didn’t want him to believe that I liked anything about him. I sat in the car and remembered our trip from the hotel to his mansion when I was occupying the same space in my wedding gown. I closed my eyes to block the bad memories. Unlike the last time, when he’d driven way above the speed limit, now he was driving normally. The ride went by in complete silence and it seemed that we were both in our own worlds, miles away from each other. When we reached the Everett mansion, Sebastian parked the car and caught my wrist when I wanted to get out. I looked at him in confusion because he kept staring at me like he wanted to say something, but moments of silence went by without him uttering a single word.

  “I just wanted to tell you,” he said quietly, “that tonight you are expected to behave with manners which are appropriate for the occasion we’re attending.” He looked at me with a serious expression on his face.

  I blushed for a moment, because I realized he was ashamed of me and he feared that I would embarrass him in front of his high-class milieu. I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded. How could I guarantee that I wouldn’t mess up and do something wrong? The closer we approached the house, the more the nervousness caused by his warning rose into slight consternation. I was about to be confronted with the pack of wolves who couldn’t wait to rip me apart and he would be watching my every move.

  When we entered the house, the first person we saw was Frederick, who was walking around the vestibule nervously, and approached us the moment he noticed we were there.

  “Sir, can I have a word with you?” He glanced at me to let me know he wanted to speak to Sebastian in private.

  “Stay here,” Sebastian instructed before walking away with Frederick to the other side of the room.

  They were speaking quietly and Frederick sounded like he was very worried about something. I couldn’t understand what they were talking about, although I was beyond intrigued. At some point, I was sure I had heard Helen’s name come up in the conversation and I got worried too.

  “Fuck.” Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair and he was getting upset.

  It was ironic how he wa
rned me about behaving properly, but he didn’t have any problem with swearing in the middle of the vestibule where the guests could have walked in at any moment. Obviously he had double standards when it came to the rules which applied to our behavior. He walked up to me in a quick pace and told me he had some things he needed to take care of and that I should follow Frederick. That was the last thing I expected to hear because I couldn’t imagine going there all by myself.

  “What’s wrong? Is Helen alright?” I asked worriedly.

  “Don’t ask questions right now. Just do as you’re told. I’ll join you later,” he demanded in a light voice, leaving me alone with Frederick.

  “Please, follow me, madam.” He gestured towards the long hallway I had walked through the last time I’d been there to meet the Everett family.

  I waltzed into the huge dining room and the immediate feeling of uneasiness swept over me as I became aware that people were staring. Everybody seemed to be standing around; mingling, drinking champagne and eating the small appetizers the waiters carried around. My palms were sweating when I noticed Theodore and Catherine. I walked over to them and congratulated them on their thirtieth anniversary, but their reaction was very cold. They thanked me and then acted like I was invisible while I stood right there in front of them. The shame I felt made me wish for the ground to open and swallow me up. As I was blushing, feeling uneasy and scanning the room to find Helen, Dianne and another woman approached me.

  “Well, if it isn’t the lovely Miss Walsh... Oh, how silly of me to say that. Pardon me, it slipped my mind that you are Mrs. Everett now. It’s nice to see you again.” She immediately started spilling her venom and I felt threatened by her unyielding attitude.

  The woman standing next to Dianne seemed awfully familiar. I knew that face, but I just couldn’t put a name on it. She had black shoulder-length hair, piercing blue eyes and she was also breathtakingly beautiful with her long body and slim figure. I thought she looked amazing. Next to her beauty, her attitude radiated graceful elegance that she seemed to produce without any effort, like it came to her naturally.

  “Oh, I am sorry, how rude of me. I should introduce the two of you.” Dianne smiled viciously before revealing the woman’s name. “Isabelle this is Cora, Cora this is Sebastian’s wife, Isabelle.”

  My eyes widened in shock as I recognized her and my cheeks burned with shame when I remembered her little rendezvous with Sebastian. Cora smiled at me, her eyes giving away she noticed how uncomfortable I felt around her.

  “Cora.” She offered her hand and I accepted it warily. “Nice to meet you,” she said softly.

  “Isabelle, nice to meet you too,” I said as we shook hands.

  Dianne seemed to be completely entertained with the compromising situation she had created and she sipped her second glass of champagne, glowing with the feeling of accomplishment. That woman was evil to the bone. I looked away in hopes to finally see Helen, but she was nowhere to be found and Sebastian also hadn’t shown up yet.

  “Looking for someone?” Dianne asked in a mocking tone.

  “No,” I replied calmly.

  “Well,” she sighed, “I don’t think your little friend will be joining us tonight.” Her lips twisted in an evil smile when she hinted that Helen wouldn’t be coming at all.

  “You have a beautiful dress.” Cora smiled and complimented me like she wanted to break the tension that was building between Dianne and me. If she wasn’t who she was, I could have liked her.

  “It’s such a pity that a fancy piece of clothing cannot rub off some of its allure on the person wearing it.” Dianne’s atrocious comment made an already uncomfortable situation even more difficult.

  Dianne’s rude comment left me flabbergasted and for a while I stood frozen in space and time. I knew she was an evil, conceited woman, but I hadn’t seen it coming. Her behavior towards me was bordering on harassment. After thinking about whether or not I should retaliate, I remembered Sebastian’s warning in the car and decided it would be best to get away from her as soon as possible.

  “Excuse me.” I bit my tongue, smiling to Cora and passed by Dianne, ignoring her conniving smile.

  I noticed a spot in the corner and hurried towards the unoccupied seat because I needed a moment to calm down. When I sat down and looked around, I became aware I was trapped in a room full of arrogant snobs. Silently, I prayed for everybody to leave me alone until that awful evening came to an end. As usual, my prayers went unanswered and I was confronted with none other than the infamous Theodore Everett. He sat next to me, wearing a self-assured smirk on his face. That man never ceased to intimidate me and I could see where Sebastian got his ruthlessness from. At first, he didn’t say anything. He just looked me straight into the eyes with an expression that made it obvious he was studying my posture. Needless to say, I felt completely exposed and threatened by him.

  “So, my lovely daughter-in-law, how are you doing?” By the looks of it, he wanted to sound pleasant, but he did a very poor job at it.

  “I am doing fine, thank you. I hope you are also doing well.” I tried my best to follow the etiquette.

  He smirked and nodded a few times before answering. “Things are going good around here, I cannot complain.” He paused shortly and then continued his interrogation. “Is Sebastian treating you well?” He had a knowing look on his face.

  “Yes, he is.” I blushed and looked at the floor.

  Theodore apparently played some kind of mind game with me, and I couldn’t understand the purpose of our conversation. Despite my oath to never drink a drop of alcohol, I took a sip of wine since Theodore was making me terribly nervous.

  “Sebastian tells me we might expect a new addition to our family soon.” He smirked as I abruptly spat out the sip of wine that lingered down my throat.

  Heat crept up my cheeks and I felt assaulted by his comment. The fact that Sebastian had told his father he might expect us to have a baby soon sent chills down my spine. I took a deep breath and shyly looked up at Theodore. I had no idea what to say.

  “I... I don’t know,” I mumbled, feeling distraught.

  Theodore narrowed his eyes and I knew he was very suspicious of my reaction, but he seemed to restrain himself from any inappropriate comments.

  “Well, there’s a time for everything, dear. But here’s a piece of advice. You shouldn’t postpone things that cannot be avoided. So the sooner you bless me with a grandson, the better. I think you know what I mean.” He smiled as he spoke calmly, referring to the contract which bound me to go through hell.

  I was a mess and visibly shaken. Even Catherine observed us from afar with wariness written all over her face. If Theodore hadn’t left me alone that very second, I would have had a panic attack right then and there in front of a crowd of the most prominent people in New York. Luckily, he took my uneasiness seriously and decided to get away from me.

  “Have a nice evening and think about what I’ve told you.” He smiled with courtesy and left.

  I needed to get out of there. Fighting my conscience in the process, I took another sip of wine and stumbled across the room, frantically searching my way towards the exit. The very second I left that crowded, smothering space and ended up in an empty hallway, I felt slightly relieved. I leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath of fresh air. After scarcely putting myself together, I headed towards the lavatory to freshen up.

  As I was rushing through the hallway, I was surprised by the sight of Sebastian and Cora talking to each other, bathed in the semi-darkness. Sebastian’s hand was on her shoulder and they seemed to be so attached to each other that it hurt to watch. I paused for a moment, unsure of how I felt about the sight in front of me. Sebastian’s eyes pierced into mine as we exchanged knowing looks. He remained calm and he wasn’t even a bit upset by the fact that I had caught them together. On the other hand, Cora seemed to feel uncomfortable because I had accidently stumbled upon one of their encounters again, so she looked away from me. The situation I found myse
lf in was overwhelming and I needed to escape because I couldn’t let him witness my pain. I sighed, produced a shy smile on my lips and disappeared into the lavatory before giving them a chance to say anything.

  Once I made it to my destination, I locked the door and leaned against it. One tear escaped my eyes, but I wiped it away, decisively holding back the rest of them. My body slid down the door until I was sitting on the floor with my knees drawn to my chest. I covered my face with my palms as the wave of emotions swept over me. I was terrorized by Theodore’s statement that Sebastian had told him we were trying to have a baby together. The realization that he was in love with Cora but still wanted to hold me accountable for signing that crazy agreement, broke my already battered heart. His empty words from the night before echoed in my mind. Be at ease, I don’t want to cause you more harm. It hurt so much. It hurt to think I was nothing but a pawn in his cruel game. I didn’t even realize that I was in there way longer than I should have been, until I heard knocks on the door. The woman on the other side asked if I were alright. I quickly got up from the floor and I started panicking when I saw my reflection in the mirror. The misery was completely visible on my tired, pale face. I washed my face and opened the door because the woman kept on knocking.

  “Oh my goodness!” She gasped in shock when she saw me. “Are you alright? I almost called for help. I thought you were injured or trapped in there.” She sounded upset.

  Her presumption that I might have been injured wasn’t far-fetched at all, but of course I couldn’t have told her that. I had to transform into an A-star actress and pull out the act of my life.

  “No, nothing like that happened. I’m fine.” I tried to sound calm and surprised at the same time. “Sorry to keep you waiting,” I said and walked away from her.

 

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