Virtue & Vanity

by Astrid Jane Ray

  “Excuse me,” a chirpy woman’s voice traveled in my direction.

  I turned towards this unknown woman who held a camera in her hands and smiled at me.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could take a photo of me and my husband?” she asked, her smile unwavering.

  “Yes, of course.” A short smile twisted my lips while she explained how the camera worked.

  They hugged each other, smiled broadly and raised their thumbs. Her husband was a typical middle-aged man. He was a bit chubby, with traces of gray in his brown hair and he had a moustache. She was blonde, thin and a lot shorter than him. Nevertheless, they looked like they belonged together—like they were meant to be.

  “Cheese,” I said before taking a beautiful picture of them.

  Returning the camera, I showed them the picture and they burst into laughter. It was nice to see that they were so happy together. There was a time when I dreamt of finding someone to take goofy pictures with, but those dreams were long gone. I almost turned around and walked away, when she looked at me again.

  “Thank you. We love the photo. You would make an excellent photographer,” the woman teased me.

  “You’re welcome.” I smiled at her, preparing to leave.

  “I’m sorry, but... Can I ask you something?” Suddenly she became serious.

  “I guess,” I said, confused.

  “Kate, please!” Her husband seemed uncomfortable and he tried to pull her away from me.

  “No, I need to tell her,” she reassured him.

  I was beyond confused when she took hold of my right hand and looked into my palm. I wondered what on earth this stranger was doing to me.

  “You know, I feel things and I can see you’re distressed. Did something bad happen to you?” she asked, but she seemed to have known the answer already.

  Ridiculously, my cheeks blushed and I ripped my hand away from her in shock. I just stared at her and my chin started trembling while I tried to compose myself.

  “It’s okay. I can see you’ve suffered through a traumatizing experience not that long ago. Someone has hurt you.” Certainty rang from her voice.

  “How can you possibly...?” I was stunned.

  She smiled at me again. “We all have our little gifts.” She lifted her head towards the sky. “You’re also talented, but you seem to be stuck in one place because something is holding you back.”

  She seemed to be lost deep in thoughts like she could actually see everything she was talking about. I wrapped my hands around my middle and started shaking my head at her. That was all I could do, because she made me feel completely uncomfortable. She started saying something else, but her husband stopped her when he noticed that all the color had drained from my face.

  “Kate, please. Can’t you see you’re freaking her out?” He was persistent.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said warmly. “I just thought that you needed to know that things are not as bad as you think. You shouldn’t worry. Everything will fall into place. There are great things waiting for you in the future.” She winked at me as her husband lost all of his patience and she started walking after him.

  “One day you’ll remember my words,” she said before they disappeared into the crowd.

  My legs wouldn’t move and I stood frozen in one place needing to process everything that woman had told me. I didn’t believe in fortune tellers, psychics or whatever she was, but I couldn’t help being a little shaken by the experience. Maybe she was just a crook, but in a way, I knew she had told me exactly what I needed to hear. A disbelieving smile curved my lips and I tried to decide whether or not meeting that woman had been some kind of an omen. Struck by my unusual experience, I slowly walked back to the hotel.

  ***

  At seven o’clock sharp, the door to the room opened and Sebastian stormed inside. As usual, he was in the middle of a business phone call, scowling at somebody who didn’t do their job right. He picked up the credit card which had remained in the exact same spot where he had left it and sighed before returning it to his wallet. When he hung up the phone, he shortly glanced at my simple black dress, informed me that we were leaving and ushered me towards the door. He seemed to be detached and lost in thought.

  “Isabelle...” He stopped me by the door to tell me something, but when I turned around he just looked at me like he wanted to share something delicate, but didn’t know how.

  “I’ll try my best not to embarrass you,” I said quietly, convinced he wanted to warn me about my behavior just like at his parent’s house.

  He looked at me with what seemed to be surprise on his face. “That’s not...” He sighed. “You couldn’t embarrass me,” he said in a soft voice and let go of my elbow.

  Astonished by his words, I didn’t know what to say and we remained on the same spot for a few moments, staring at each other.

  “We should go.” He finally regained his dominance and put himself together.

  ***

  The ride to the fundraiser went by in a gloomy atmosphere. Both of us were lost in our own world. That woman’s words that everything would turn out to be okay troubled my mind. I glanced at Sebastian, wondering if it could be even partially true, but the look in his murky eyes didn’t give me much hope.

  After minutes of awkward silence in the car, we arrived at the location where the fundraiser was held. Instead of being relieved, I freaked out when I saw all of the reporters around our car and in front of the building. Sebastian got out first and then took my hand, helping me out of the car. He gently placed his hand on the small of my back and I felt goose bumps from the contact. Reporters screamed his name, begging him to answer only one question or to allow them to take one shot of us, but he kept ignoring them and led me straight inside.

  The feeling of not belonging swept over me the very second we entered the magnificent hall filled with conceited high-class society members who always managed to intimidate me. Maybe I had a wild imagination, but I got the impression that a lot of people knew who I was and I could feel them staring at me with stern condemnation.

  “Relax. I’m here,” Sebastian whispered in my ear when he noticed I was distressed.

  It was easier said than done, because when we sat at our table, all I could think of was that Sebastian would leave me alone like he had at his parent’s dinner party. Luckily, his evil sister wasn’t lurking around with her vile plans to humiliate me, but I also didn’t have anyone else I knew around me. I was dependent solely on Sebastian and that made me uncomfortable. Despite my fears that he would leave me by myself in a room filled with stuck-up, rich people, he didn’t leave our table at any moment. Several people had approached him and he had introduced me to them. They all congratulated us on our marriage and he thanked them with a smile that seemed to be so genuine that even I believed it. His abilities to deceive people were extraordinary. But even though he was very talkative and nice to those people who would come to greet him, his coldness would return the moment we were left alone. He observed me the entire time like he was intensively thinking about something.

  “Well, if it isn’t the notorious Sebastian Everett. Long time, no see.” I heard a deep baritone voice and when I looked up I saw a young man standing next to our table.

  “Ethan Shaffer, you, of all people, call me notorious?” Sebastian teased the man. “It’s been a long time since college indeed. How’s the oil business?” I realized the man was Sebastian’s colleague from college.

  “Flourishing!” Ethan laughed and Sebastian joined him. I’d never actually seen him laugh before and he seemed to be a completely different person when he was carefree. “But I don’t want to talk about business. Who’s the lovely lady?” Ethan smiled at me and looked at Sebastian.

  “My wife,” Sebastian replied simply.

  “Oh, did it happen at last? I’m Ethan.” He offered his hand and just when I was about to say my name, he forestalled me. “Nice to finally meet you, Cora.”

/>   I momentarily froze at his words and deep blush covered my cheeks.

  Sebastian became serious and looked at Ethan with an upset look on his face. “Her name is Isabelle.” A courteous smile twisted his lips.

  Ethan seemed to be flabbergasted, ashamed and confused at the same time. “I apologize. Please forgive me, Isabelle,” he told me and returned his attention to Sebastian. “I just thought... you know since college, when you said...” He felt uncomfortable about his hasty assumption about who I was.

  Sebastian shrugged. “Well, it didn’t work out.”

  “Yes, well... You certainly don’t need to feel sorry about that when you have this beauty sitting across the table from you.” He laughed again trying to remedy the bad situation his comment had caused, but Sebastian’s cold demeanor gave the impression that he didn’t think Ethan’s comment was funny. “Again, I apologize for my mistake. I have to go to my table. It was nice to see you again, man. We’ll keep in touch!” He patted Sebastian on the shoulder and rushed away.

  I was still blushing because of Ethan’s comment and Sebastian observed as I struggled with my discomfort.

  “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I should have introduced the two of you immediately and then he wouldn’t have made that wrong assumption.”

  I took my time to compose myself and then I said something stupid. “I’m sorry as well. I know you would have been a lot happier if Cora was the one sitting across the table from you right now.” The words spilled from my lips before I got the chance to think about what I was saying.

  His murky eyes suddenly looked at me in a threatening manner, like they were condemning me with their green depths. “You should stop trying to decode what I think or how I feel, because you’re doing a very lousy job at it.” His voice was like fire that managed to melt me and I found myself wrapped up in a tangled web of his mesmerizing words.

  I care. The remembrance of his admission came back into my mind with a full force that swept over me. For a few short ridiculous moments, I struggled to come up with something to say, but nothing came to mind. I was speechless.

  The rest of the evening went by in painful slowness. Sebastian and I didn’t share another word, but he never took his eyes away from me and the more he looked at me, the more I was intrigued by the man that lay behind that icy cold, arrogant surface. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something about him was different. Something had changed.

  ***

  After numerous speeches about cancer, I was appalled that most of the people weren’t courteous enough to pay at least a bit attention to them. It seemed as though nobody came there because they cared about the cause.

  It had occurred to me that half of them probably didn’t even know what the fundraiser was about. I was relieved when Sebastian donated a large sum of money and told me that we were leaving.

  The driver was already waiting for us when we left the building and I was relieved to see that the most of the press was gone. I reached for the handle, but Sebastian gently brushed his palm against my hand and opened the door for me. It would be an understatement to say I was surprised by his action. He never ceased to shock me, because he was capable of doing such a gesture while his mood was so dark and cold. The proof of that was that he didn’t pay any attention to me when we got into the car. With an earnest expression, he looked out the window and gaped at the glowing streets of Las Vegas. Although it was unlike him to act this way, it didn’t bother me at all. If anything, I was happy I could have a moment of peace. Since I didn’t get much sleep the night before, I tried to stay awake. I didn’t want to fall asleep in the car, but I was fighting a losing battle. Before I knew it, my mind drifted into distant dreams.

  At first, there was nothing but the frightening darkness before my eyes, but slowly, the music emerged from the background and I tensed up when I recognized the lyrics of the song. 'Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life.’ I was certain that I was in a moving car and it triggered some of the bad memories. The urge to open my eyes was strong, but I pushed it back because the fear of the unknown had returned to taunt me. The driver suddenly braked and I was startled from my dream.

  I woke up confused, realizing that I’d fallen asleep during our short ride to the hotel. When I looked up, I noticed Sebastian’s eyes were boring into me. For several moments, his gaze remained frozen on me so much that he didn’t even blink during that time. The discomfort caused by his undecipherable stare made me nervous and he looked away when my breathing became unbearably harsh. When the car pulled up in front of the hotel, he repeated his earlier gesture and waited for me to get out as well. Normally, I would always have to follow him and catch up with his rapid pace, so this sudden change of behavior left me somewhat confused. Then, just like in front of the building where the fundraiser was held, he placed his hand on the small of my back and led me inside the hotel. I was convinced that he’d done it for show earlier, but the reason behind his repeated gesture was fathomless to me now. Even when we entered the elevator, his hand remained lingering on my lower back and at one moment I felt him tighten his touch on me—a direct display of emotion. An electric shiver ran through my body when his grip became stronger and I flinched a little. I regretted it right away, when I saw that another layer of darkness settled in his already bleak eyes.

  He removed his hand from my back when we reached the door to our room, because he had to look for the card to unlock it. As usual, when the door opened, he patiently waited for me to go in first. I took a few steps inside, aware that his eyes were boring into my back, and in a reckless attempt to storm into the room, I tripped in my high heels. Sebastian tried to stop me from falling, but it was too late and I ended up on the floor. He held his hand out to me and I silently cursed at myself for being so clumsy and for having no other choice but to accept his helping hand. As my palm settled into his with noticeable reluctance, he carefully lifted me up and my back ended up being pressed against the wall.

  “Are you okay?” he whispered and it seemed as though his darkness from moments ago had completely subsided.

  I nodded and then cautiously looked up at him. As our eyes met for a split second, his lips landed on mine before I got a chance to process what was about to happen. I was startled and my body started shaking all over while his lips patiently brushed against my mouth. His eyes met my surprised gaze and pierced into me while we were bathing in semi-darkness. At first, my lips only trembled against his as he kissed them gently, almost innocently, like he could sense my panic. Then, he slowly started parting them with his tongue and they opened for him without hesitation, even though my mind told me that I should stop him. The moment his tongue gained entrance, his fingers slid between mine and his eyes closed as he tenderly deepened the kiss. With each moment, my panic lessened until it was completely gone and I gave in to his skilful lips, allowing him to consume this last part of me that I naively thought I could keep for myself. My body relaxed against his, while his tongue started softly massaging mine and the feeling of pleasure settled in together with the unnerving guilt. The hand he was holding me with pressed even harder against my palm, whereas his other hand ended up on my head and his fingers twisted through the strands of my hair. I was entirely overwhelmed, enjoying this passionate moment between us and letting him tear down my usually guarded walls. The reassuring tenderness of his kiss made me close my eyes and I heard myself moan into his mouth. The heat rose up to my cheeks as he started touching me with more passion and I felt that fluttering feeling again, only this time it traveled all the way down until it reached its peak between my legs. I started breathing loudly because I couldn’t believe that his hands were nowhere near that area and I could get that aroused only from his kiss. A part of me liked this newfound pleasure and I saw how easily I could give in to him. At the same time, my subconscious was overloaded with the signs of warning produced by the images I fought to suppress in the back of my mind. There wasn’t anything demanding or forceful about his kiss, but I could tell
his breathing became harsh and his restrained excitement gleamed from his eyes. I tried to focus on his tender caresses, but then his erection brushed against my upper thigh and just like that, the magic was over. I froze and let out a frightened moan that broke our kiss momentarily. His eyes flew open as he stepped away from me and we just stared at each other, trying to get our breathing back to normal.

  “Isabelle,” he whispered my name as his hand reached towards me and I cowered from his touch.

  Confusion swept over his face while he glared at me incredulously. I looked away, breaking the gaze between us and my hands instinctively wrapped around my middle. He could tell I was back in my protective mode and he didn’t make another attempt at touching me.

  Suddenly, the realization of what had just happened between us hit me with the strength of an explosion. In a way, it felt like my head and my heart were fighting each other in a harsh battle that would end in madness. It felt like the tables had turned and from that moment I knew that I should fear myself more than I should fear him.

  Whereas his breathing and posture returned to normal after brief seconds, my breathing was still rapid and shallow. No matter how hard I tried to compose myself, I couldn’t calm down when he was only inches away, staring at me intently. I turned around and hurried towards the balcony door, hoping that he wouldn’t follow after me.

  The first thing I did when I got outside was inhale a big chunk of fresh air. That was when I became aware that he had just given me my first kiss that had managed to turn me upside down and evoke such powerful emotions. Deep down, I knew how dangerous those emotions were and I felt ashamed for giving in to the touch of the one man I should stay away from. Pain threatened to return as I remembered all of the harsh things he had said and done to me. Then again, there were his compassionate caresses, words of consolation and now that kiss that had left me completely bewildered. I knew that the constant interchanging between his cold cruelty and compassion would eventually manage to creep up against my guarded defense and my vulnerability made me scared to death.