by Cora Brent
Chapter Twenty-Six
Derek
While standing in front of Paige’s house on the verge of ringing the bell I had a flashback to the first time I’d stood in front of Paige’s house ready to ring the bell. It was the day after our lives collided in a brutal way and I wanted to make sure the frightened girl who’d clung to me on the floor of the Super Q was all right. I’d been less nervous then.
She opened the door almost immediately, looking pretty if a little pale in a summery dress I’d seen her wear before. It looked like she might have been crying and my gut twisted because I’d rather get stabbed by three more Super Q madmen than see her cry.
But then she broke into a smile and reached for me. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her body and breathing in the coconut scent of her shampoo, unable to stop myself from kissing her neck. We hugged there in the doorway for a long time, or maybe it wasn’t long at all but only seemed that way because I’d been wanting so badly to hold her again.
Paige sighed as she relaxed against my chest, then she placed a sweet kiss at the place where her cheek had been resting before she took my hand and led me indoors.
She sat on the couch and tucked her legs underneath her, watching as I took a seat at her side. We stared at each other for a moment.
“Hi,” she said, running her fingertips over my arm almost timidly.
I put my hand on her leg. I wasn’t trying to sex things up. I just wanted to touch her. “Hi.”
She bit the corner of her lip. “I wanted to call you back sooner.”
I shrugged like it was no big deal. “We’ve had some tense moments lately. I get it if you needed some time to think.”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I reached up and moved a wisp of soft brown hair out of her face. Yeah, she’d definitely been crying. “Are you?”
“I don’t know.” She looked so small sitting on the couch. I wanted to pull her into my lap. Her pretty brown eyes were full of hurt. I hoped I wasn’t the reason why.
She swallowed. “Something happened today.”
I paused. “Do you want to tell me?”
“Yes.” She picked up my hand and laced her fingers through mine. “I want to tell you everything.”
I wasn’t prepared for what she had to say. That Los Angeles reporter had come to town early. Paige had brought her uncle along for the meeting to rule out the possibility that a woman found dead of an overdose in a seedy motel room years ago was Paige’s vanished mother.
“It was her,” Paige said and the pain in her voice was tough to hear. “An artist sketch was done and it was her face. There’s got to be DNA confirmation of course but it’s her.”
“Oh, baby.” I couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. Paige had suffered for so long with the idea that her mother had abandoned her. She must have had hope though, no matter how much she denied it. Hope that someday Sara Morrissey would vanquish her demons and come home. Now Paige and her family had to live with the fact that throughout those heartbreaking years there’d been no reason to hope.
Paige took a deep breath. “I wanted to know,” she said and now sounded defiant. “I felt like I couldn’t go on with anything else in my life until I knew.”
“And now how do you feel?”
She looked at me. “I can’t wish it away. I can’t be sorry that we know the truth. And I can’t regret that now we get to mourn Sara the way she should have been mourned a long time ago.”
She suddenly rose and walked to the opposite side of the room, picking up a framed family photo that was sitting on an end table. She gazed down at the smiling faces that were frozen in time.
“I never thanked them,” she said.
“Who?”
“My grandparents. They never complained but the fact remains that instead of a peaceful, happy retirement they were burdened with the task of raising an abandoned grandchild.”
“I’m sure they loved you,” I reassured her.
“They did,” she nodded. “I never doubted that they loved me. Maybe even Sara did too, in her own way.”
Paige carefully replaced the photo back on the table and turned toward the tall window that looked out into the shady front yard. She crossed her arms and seemed to shiver a little even though it was warm in here.
“Derek, I don’t know if I can pick you up the way your brothers do,” she said and her voice broke a little so I knew how much it took for her to say that.
The idea of Paige being required to pick my drunken ass up at all was horrifying, even worse than knowing my brothers had done it. “That won’t happen. I swear.”
She looked over her shoulder. “I believe in you. I really do.”
“I can beat this, Paige.”
Her eyes were bright with tears and this time they were definitely because of me.
“How?” she asked.
She had to be thinking about her mother and how no amount of rehab or therapy or loving family members had helped Sara Morrissey.
I got to my feet and joined her on the other side of the room. She’d turned back to the window so I stood behind her and slipped my arms around her waist, pulling her against my chest. “Because I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Because I want to make sure I never hurt anyone again, not even myself. And because I’m not willing to accept another failure.”
I swept her hair aside and kissed the tender place where her neck and shoulder connected. “Never again,” I whispered and she placed her hands over mine, sliding them over her belly and leaning into me so I could keep kissing her neck.
Then she abruptly turned around and placed her hands on my shoulders, looking up at me with eyes that were no longer tearful but determined. “Don’t you dare break my heart,” she warned.
I would never. “No,” I said. “I won’t.”
She kissed me, not a hot and heavy kiss but one of gentle forgiveness. I would have liked to keep kissing her but there was something else we still had to talk about.
I tried to present the question as carefully as possible. “I need to ask you something. Do you need help?”
She sighed and then nodded. “Yes, I think maybe I do.”
“Then we’ll make sure you get it.” I paused. “You know, you don’t ever have to hide anything from me.”
She lowered her head. “I thought I did.”
“Why?”
She looked up again and a lone tear escaped. “It’s a hard thing to say out loud. I guess it’s become a habit, hiding my scars. And I don’t know, maybe I thought you wouldn’t want me if you knew I was messed up in that way.”
I lifted her chin up and kissed her forehead. “I want you. No matter what your scars look like.”
She closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them she looked down at my arm and traced the line where my stitches had been.
“Same here,” she whispered.
There was nothing else like this, like finding a girl who makes your heart beat faster, who comprehends your baggage and still wants to stick around.
“Then kiss me,” I said.
Paige smiled, rose up on her tiptoes and leaned in. This time there was plenty of heat and I would have been ready to take this a whole lot further but this wasn’t the day, not when she’d be feeling all kinds of emotions over discovering her mother’s fate. She seemed surprised when I backed off though.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m hungry.” I took her hand. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving,” she admitted. “I never got to eat lunch.”
I jerked my head toward the door. “Let’s get out of here for a little while.”
Since I still owed her a nice dinner where I wasn’t behaving like a drunk bastard we went to a steakhouse and sat across from each other at a cozy booth in a corner.
She rubbed her arms and checked out the menu. “I forgot to bring my sweater.”
I patted the seat beside me. “Luckily I’ve got some body warmth to spare.”
; She was glad to change positions and looped her arm through mine, snuggling close as we checked out the menu together.
Two baskets of bread later our steaks were delivered. After a few minutes I realized I was watching her to see how she handled the food.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said, swallowing a bite.
“What?”
“You know what. I promise I won’t be tossing this in the toilet. It’s too expensive.”
She cut another piece and winked at me. I laughed. Maybe it was a terrible topic to joke about but sometimes a little humor was in order even when it came to terrible topics.
“And I promise I won’t get shit-faced on shots and then puke all over your shoes later,” I said.
She shook her head. “You didn’t puke on my shoes.”
“I didn’t? I thought I did.”
“No. But I think you managed to splash Thomas’s pants.”
“I guess he was too polite to mention it.”
I watched her shake some salt onto her fries.
She looked up at me, reading my mind. “I’ll get help, Derek. I promise.”
I believed her.
“And you?” she prodded.
“Already happening.” I told her about going to the meeting last night, about coffee with Emily, about my confession to my father today.
She kissed my cheek. “I’m proud of you.”
“Good. Now eat your steak. I’m still watching.”
She giggled, took a few more bites and then she remembered something.
“Guess what? My uncle’s giving me the house.”
She’d mentioned before that her aunt was on a mission to sell the house. That would have been a damn shame. The Gingerbread House meant a lot to Paige. To her it was like a member of the family. I was glad to hear her uncle had stepped up and decided to pass the title over so she wouldn’t have to worry about finding a new place to live.
“And I think I’m going to ask Julianne if she wants to move in,” she mused.
I had to take a minute to remember who the hell Julianne was.
“The nurse?”
“Yeah. She and Noah are getting kicked out of their apartment and I thought if I cleared out the two downstairs bedrooms it would give them kind of a private enclave. There’s a bathroom right across the hall.”
I liked the idea she’d have some company in that big house. It was the kind of house that needed people. But I knew one of the bedrooms she was talking about letting Julianne have was still a shrine that held all of her mother’s old possessions. “You sure you’re ready to do that?”
She nodded, looking serious but not unhappy. “It’s time. Uncle Ryan said he’d help sort through all of my grandparents’ stuff.” Then she turned thoughtful. “So I guess I’ll be claiming the master bedroom. There’s no sense in leaving it empty forever.”
“That’s a big bedroom,” I observed.
Paige agreed. “Yes, it is. And very drafty.” She grinned. “I might need someone to help keep me warm.”
I raised my hand. “I volunteer!”
“Shh.” She elbowed me. “God, you’re so loud.”
She dropped her fork and started digging around in her purse.
“By the way, I want to give you something.”
“Shouldn’t we wait until we’re alone?”
“Down, boy,” she said but she was smiling. She found what she was looking for and held it out.
“It’s a key,” I noticed.
Paige nodded. “You’re smart.” She set it on the table. “It’s a key to the house. Since you’re over there so much I thought you should have one.”
Her cheeks were slightly red and her voice tilted up at the end, like she was asking a question.
I picked up the key. It wasn’t just a piece of metal. It was Paige’s way of saying that she trusted me, that she wanted me to be a huge part of her life. I felt kind of great as I pocketed it.
“Thanks. I’ll give you a key to my apartment but you should be careful about using it. Kel can’t be talked out of parading around in his underwear.”
She laughed. “I think I’ll stick to knocking first.”
We took our time finishing dinner and even shared an ice cream sundae for dessert. Then Paige wanted to go see a movie so we wound up sitting through some flick about headless aliens fighting the remnants of the human race. The girl definitely had eclectic taste in films.
I’d already texted Kel to let him know I wasn’t off on a bender somewhere. He was happy to hear I was with Paige. I also checked in with Emily because I’d made a plan to do that every day whether I was feeling like drinking at the time or not. Right now it was just all about being consistent, staying on a straight path.
Paige was yawning by the time we drove back to her house. This had been a painful day for her and I didn’t expect that a few hours of distractions were going to make up for all that.
“You staying?” Paige asked me, threading her fingers through mine and pressing close.
I answered her with a kiss that spoke for itself. I knew this wasn’t the right night to break the last boundary between us and we didn’t. She wore her Snoopy shirt to bed and we got each other off and it was as hot as ever but we stopped there.
There’d be lots of other nights. Plenty of them. On this one I was just glad to be here with her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Paige
Approaching my boss to hand over my two week notice was an anxious moment but Dominic was ridiculously supportive. He said I’d always have a place in the Esposito’s family and I promised I’d come around often just to say hello.
Sam and Ric were here for dinner and Derek had also said he’d stop by between leaving work and meeting his sponsor for coffee. Still, it was a little bit of a shock to exit the kitchen and find them all sitting together at a table in the dining room, along with Kellan.
“Look who we ran into,” Kellan said as I approached them.
“He just kind of sat down at our table,” Sam explained.
“Is there room for me?” I teased and Derek was quick to pull me into his lap.
“There’s always room for you,” he said and I swiveled around to meet his lips in a kiss that was far from quick.
“Some of us are eating,” Kellan complained, waving a slice of pizza in the air.
“Oh, let them be cute,” Ric argued with a wink.
I grabbed a piece of pizza from the half eaten pie. “What were you guys talking about before I interrupted?”
“Med school,” Sam said before taking a sip of her soda.
“Surprisingly, I had little to contribute to the conversation,” Derek remarked and I laughed.
Only a week had passed since the disastrous birthday dinner and I knew he was really trying to prove himself where Sam and Ric were concerned. They wanted to like him. I knew they did. And the fact that they were all out here trying to get along for my sake meant the world to me.
“I think you can’t go wrong with cardiothoracic surgery,” Kellan said seriously. “You said it’s your mother’s specialty so it seems to be the family business.”
“If our mother were here she would kiss you for saying that,” Ric told him.
Kellan brightened. “Feel free to participate on her behalf.”
Sam rolled her eyes at me. “The kid never stops, does he?”
“No,” Derek and I said together.
Sam and Ric had plans tonight so they couldn’t stay long. Ric’s friend Eric, or as we jokingly called him, He Who Is Not Named Travis, had a brother who played ball for the university down in Tucson and they were all going out together. Kellan seemed a little put out that they were seeking the company of guys who weren’t him but he was just being Kellan.
“Are we still doing all that furniture moving this weekend?” he asked when Sam and Ric were gone.
I slid off Derek’s lap and into an empty space in the booth. “I’m renting a truck on Sunday,” I confirmed. “So if you can
come over and contribute some muscle it would sure be appreciated.”
The week had been a busy one involving a lot of decisions over which furniture would stay or go. Aunt Maddie’s temper tantrum over the house had only been subdued with the promise that she would have dibs on anything inside that she wanted. So far she’d barged in no less than four times this week planting orange sticky notes on anything that looked vaguely like an antique. Derek had grumbled that she was acting like a scavenger but I really didn’t mind. If Aunt Maddie’s happiness rested on owning my grandmother’s dented china hutch then that was a small price to pay in my book. My uncle had pulled me aside to thank me for indulging her and also to tell me that he’d submitted a DNA sample to the Los Angeles Police Department. It would be several weeks at least before the results came back but it was only a formality. We knew what they’d say.
“And Julianne will be moving her stuff in two weeks?” Derek asked.
I nodded. “That’s the plan.” My new friend had jumped at the chance to move into the house. I was really looking forward to having her and Noah around.
Kellan was interested now. “Julianne?”
“Yeah,” Derek said. “I told you about Julianne.”
“The hell you did. I remember everything.”
Derek shook his head. “Forget it. She’s not your type.”
“How come? She’s not hot?”
I cracked up. Julianne, with her career, responsibilities and mature approach to life would be even less of a match for him than Sam or Ric.
“Stick to college girls, Kel,” I told him. “They’ll appreciate you more.”
He didn’t appear to be insulted. He stacked the last two slices of pieces on top of each other and took a bite.
I checked my watch. “I’ve got to get back to the kitchen in a minute. Oh, I gave Dominic my notice tonight.”
Derek raised an eyebrow. “How’d that go?”
“Great. He understood. And I think he was actually happy for me when he heard I was starting a degree program this summer for substance abuse counseling.”
I found that lately I’d been thinking a lot about that night at the Super Q, about how powerless I’d felt and how I’d admired Julianne when she was able to step in and help a man as he was sprawled on the floor bleeding to death. I didn’t believe the medical field was for me but I was hoping to help save lives in a different way. I hadn’t forgotten my promise to Derek either. Or the one to myself. Next week I was joining a weekly therapy group and I was determined to get my own compulsion under control for good.