by Stacey Lynn
And I hear him.
Adam.
“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Amy. I never wanted to love anyone.”
My eyes dart around. I spin to the trees, turning in a slow circle, as if I expect him to appear directly in front of me in the sunshine.
I frown. He’s not even here. He’s in Iowa. I know this, and yet suddenly, I feel as if he’s right next to me and holding my hand, which feels too warm to not be enclosed in someone else’s.
I look down at my left hand. I turn it upside down and, moving it in small circles, fisting it and relaxing it, wondering where the heat is coming from when it shouldn’t feel any different than any other part of me.
I look back at Kelsey, but she’s several feet away from me.
“What happened?” I ask, my throat is tight and my words are scratchy. Tripping over themselves as they work their way out of my mouth.
Her lips pull into a tight line and I see tears form in her eyes. She shrugs one shoulder, looking out over the waterfall, and says nothing.
I turn back around slowly, my eyes still scanning the area. All the answers I’ve been wanting, been trying so hard to bring to the front of my mind, are here in this very place.
I can feel it.
And slowly, they begin to come to me in colorless images like picture snapshots until everything is lined up exactly the way it supposed to be.
I look back down at my hand and hold it with my right hand as my knees hit the dirt below me. And the first tear rolls down my cheek.
“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Amy. I never wanted to love anyone.” Adam takes my hand in both of his, kissing each knuckle. His lips turn into a nervous smile right before he drops to a knee.
My eyes flash open. I open my mouth and then close it. Wanting to say something but not knowing what to say.
“We’re still young. I know we are. And I know we’re just getting our lives started, but I want to do it together. You and me – forever.”
“Adam -” His name comes out choked through tears. Emotion overcoming every single one of my senses. I stare at him through wet eyes. Never would I have thought this is what our picnic today was for.
“Marry me, Amy. Marry me and be with me forever.”
I don’t hesitate. I don’t have to. I’ve known Adam is the only man I’m going to love ever since I finally decided to give him a chance and go on the date he fought so hard to get.
“Of course I’ll marry you.”
He doesn’t say anything as he slides the small platinum band and solitaire diamond on my finger. I don’t care that it’s small. It’s from Adam and the only thing I care about is being with him forever.
He pulls me to him, and I fall down, pushing him into the ground that’s still wet from the snow and the early morning rain. It almost ruined our day trip, but I’m so glad the sun is shining now, warming the ground and the air.
I kiss him without hesitating. Our lips hit together in a passion that is unexplainable. And unavoidable.
I should know.
I tried as hard as I could to avoid the emotions that awakened in me just being near this man.
But the fight was useless. I was always going to belong to him.
Adam wraps his hands around my waist as he holds me to his chest; both of my cheeks are wet from my tears. Laughter escapes both of us, even though our lips are still connected.
He pushes forward so he’s sitting straight up and I wrap my legs around him.
“There’s one more thing we need to do today,” he says to me, brushing back my hair from my face. It’s stuck to my cheeks and neck from the wetness of my tears.
“Another surprise?” I ask, baffled.
I look between his eyes that have never shown so much happiness in them and down to my ring. It may be a small diamond, but it sparkles as bright as the sun.
“We’re jumping. You and me, Amy. Fighting our fears together.”
My eyes widen and my heart skips a beat. Or twelve.
“Adam,” I say warily.
He holds up a hand to stop me. Then he stands up, still carrying me wrapped around him.
“We can do this. It’s just like anything else we’ve fought for in order to be together. You’re brave enough for this.”
He walks me to the edge and sets me to my feet. My legs are shaking and he holds my hand, squeezing tightly.
“You’ve always wanted to do this,” he says to me, looking at me and then to the water below us.
“It’s going to be freezing.” I shake my head and take a hesitant step backwards, back to the safety of the grass and our Broncos picnic blanket.
But he doesn’t let go of me. He holds my hand firmly and pulls me back to him.
I chew nervously on the inside of my lip as he looks down at me, brave enough for the both of us. Always willing to fight for us. For me. Even when the easy thing to do would have been to just walk away.
But that’s not Adam. He’s a fighter.
He’s fought for everything he has, and I know by looking at the brightness in his eyes that he will fight for this, too. For me to conquer the last fear I have.
And I won’t let him down. Not when I’ve struggled so much to get to where I am. Independent and strong on my own two feet. I now know exactly what I want for my life, and I’ve done it all by mapping out my own plan with Adam’s encouragement and support.
He smiles when he sees my determination to follow him. Jumping blinding into the air all because I know he’ll be there to catch me at the bottom.
“On the count of ten.”
I shake my head quickly. “Five.”
I need a smaller number so I don’t have the time to change my mind. He laughs softly and brushes a light kiss across my lips.
“I’m going to love you forever, you know.”
“Me too.” I smile and press my lips against his, firmly.
I squeeze his hand as we stand at the edge.
I take a deep breath as he says the word five. My feet shake and I hear a soft rumble in my ears.
“Four.”
My heart lodges in my throat and my knees bang together. I feel one light rain drop on my nose and I look to Adam.
He smiles. “Three.”
My feet shake again and I hear a cracking sound. Adam squeezes my hand tighter and I feel a slight tug in it.
But I don’t catch his worried expression. I’m too concerned about the jump.
“Amy,” he says, and tugs me harder.
The ground rumbles beneath my feet again and it suddenly hits me that the shaking isn’t from nerves.
I take a step toward Adam, my eyes widening as I move.
“Adam.”
And then my feet slip, yanking me out of Adam’s hand.
“ADAM!” I shout, right before the mud covers me and everything goes black.
I’m gasping for breath. My hands are digging in to the dirt underneath my fingertips, but I can’t say anything. I can’t see anything.
All I can feel is my body heaving everything I’ve eaten in the last twenty-four hours out of my stomach.
“Amy.”
Kelsey’s voice barely breaks through the ringing in my ears as I continue heaving the remainders of my breakfast and last night’s tequila and beer onto the ground below me.
“Oh my God,” I gasp through strangled tears and emotions that clamp down on my throat like a vice grip.
I survived a mud slide.
I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the images I suddenly see so clearly to disappear into oblivion.
I don’t want this memory. Not the one that shows how I could have died. How I should have died.
My right hand moves to my abdomen where my fingers run along the jagged scar, the one that sliced me open from breast to hip. I shake my head to get rid of the sight I can now see replaying through my mind.
Everything.
It hits my mind like the avalanche that Dr. Hassen warned me about. I press the sides of
my head with my dirty fingers as the tears fall down my face, only vaguely aware that Kelsey is calling my name and shaking my shoulders.
“Look at that,” Adam’s crooked grin is contagious. I smile as I see the bright red ‘A’ on his Statistics test right before he slams it down on my desk.
He stands above me, leaning down and whispers in my ear. “You owe me that date now.”
“You don’t date,” I remind him of what he said to me last week in the library.
Inside, my heart is fluttering madly out of control. I thought he’d get over this mad obsession with taking me out on a date weeks ago.
He wiggles his eyebrows once. “You promised. A deal’s a deal.”
I feign a scowl. I really do want to go on a date with him. “Fine. One date.”
“We’ll see.” He bends down and grabs my backpack, throwing it over his shoulder.
The move baffles me, yet I’m turned on by the confidence he carries himself with. How can anyone be so sure of themselves? Most of the time I feel like I’m floundering in a fishbowl, wanting to break out of the bowl but getting nowhere. Just peering out and seeing everyone else living the lives they want to have.
“Today,” he says, grinning.
I scoff. “It’s Tuesday.”
“People don’t date on Tuesdays?”
I laugh and notice that his hand is on the small of my back, leading me out into the quad where hundreds of students will see me with Adam Taylor. Instantly, I move away from him and turn around, reaching for my backpack.
“Fine. What time?” I ask, trying to hide my excitement.
Fine, I want to go on a date with Adam. It’s not like I haven’t heard the constant rumors about him. How hot he is, how good he is in bed, and even though that last one makes me nervous given my inexperience, it doesn’t mean it’s not tempting.
“After class.”
“A day date? You really don’t know how to do this, do you?”
He throws his head back and laughs before his eyes meet mine. He sobers immediately, taking the two steps in between us and closes the gap.
His lips brush against my cheek. I gasp at the warmth and the softness of them. They’re gone before I even knew they were there, but my entire body feels like it just went up in flames.
“You’ll want more than just an hour or two with me.”
I stand there, frozen, as he heads out the door and high-fives his teammate and best friend, Zander, out on the front lawn.
“Amy!” I jerk back from the forceful push and gasp. Kelsey is instantly in my face. “What in the hell is happening to you? We need to go!” She’s pulling my hand, forcing me to my feet before I can answer her, and I trip over my feet, almost falling back into the dirt.
“I saw it,” I gasp, still trying to catch my breath and erase the flood of memories that simply won’t stop.
“I figured. We need to get you home.”
I squeeze her hand, not saying anything. I focus on the steps on the narrow lane, and for the forty-five minute trip back to my apartment, I sit in her Camry, shaking, and remembering everything.
“I’m really sorry about dinner tonight. I didn’t think it would be that bad.”
Adam wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him, dropping a soft kiss on my temple.
I shrug. “Okay, so I knew it was going to be really bad. But God,” I drop my head into my hands that are propped on the table at Martino’s. “My mom is such a bitch. I’m so sorry I subjected you to her line of bullshit.”
Adam’s warm hand rubs my back and he leans in, pressing a quick kiss against the skin on my neck. “I don’t give a shit what your mom says about me, Amy. We both knew she wasn’t going to like me and it’s not like we tried to impress her or anything tonight.”
I shake my head and start laughing. I can’t help it.
What in the hell was I thinking, showing up for Thanksgiving dinner with my entire family, bringing Adam for the first time, and we’re both wearing jeans? And me in a faded grey vintage looking t-shirt from an indie rock band we went and saw last week. I’m lucky my mom’s head didn’t explode all over the Thanksgiving turkey.
“I totally screwed this up,” I groan.
I should have known that breaking out from my parent’s protective and obsessive watch would blow up in my face.
“What do you want me to do? Because I’ll do it. We can go find a suit and then dress you up like their little doll if you want to head back and salvage this dinner. I don’t really care, I just want you to be happy.”
I shake my head. “They have to accept it at some time. Might as well be today.”
“Okay … so what do you want?”
I lean back in the booth, my head resting the top of the leather padded seats and my eyes catch sight of my favorite wind chime. They’re butterflies. Silver and so frail it amazes me that they haven’t broken yet. It seems like just the smallest gust of air would splinter the frail wires.
“I want to be free.”
Adam reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly. His other thumb brushes away the tears running slowly down my cheeks. His touch is protective and loving, just like always.
“Then that’s what you’ll be.”
“What in the hell was that shit?”
Adam’s booming voice makes me pause in the parking lot. My heart is still beating out of control. I think I might stroke.
I feel Brendan tug on my hand toward his truck, but I stop.
What am I doing? Even if Adam just made out with Britnee, Brendan is the biggest douche in the entire world.
Adam makes me lose my mind. I no longer know if this is a good thing or the worst possible thing to happen in the entire world.
My precise life, neatly organized into its perfect little boxes, shattered the moment Adam’s lips first met mine.
“Stop! Damn it, Amy!” His hand grabs mine, pulling me so tightly that my hand is ripped out of Brendan’s grasp.
“Hey,” he protests. Adam levels him with a look.
“Go back to your date, Whitaker.”
Brendan puffs out his chest. Oh shit, a pissing contest. Fabulous. Just what turns me on.
I put my hand on Brendan’s chest, stopping him from moving. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. But there’s no way in hell I’m going home with you.”
He shrugs and gives me a lopsided, cocky smile. Damn. I really do hate him. “It’s not like you’d be that good anyway. Everyone at the house knows you’re just a lame piece of pussy-”
The next thing I know, Brendan’s head flies back and he’s on his back on the parking lot, holding his nose, covered in blood and moaning.
“Say it again, you fucker!” Adam yells, bending over him, his breath panting.
“Adam.” I reach out for his hand. Maybe he’s just as insane with the thought of someone touching me as I am about someone – Britnee especially – getting their hands on him. We’re such a wreck.
But it’s the most glorious wreck I’ve ever seen.
He looks at me, his hands fisting and releasing.
“You were seriously going to go home and fuck him? Just because Britnee threw herself at me?”
I run my hands through my hair, disgusted this night that was going to be so perfect has taken such a shit-tastic turn.
“I don’t know! I was just … pissed! I planned on us being together, and you’re you – and I’m me – and I saw Britnee’s hands all over you and I just freaked out!” My hands wave madly in the air. I feel like a lunatic, and I’m sure I don’t look sane.
“I’m me and you’re you? What does that mean?” He takes a step over Brendan. Adam’s foot pushes him back to the ground and he moans again. Then Adam takes my hand and pulls me away.
“You’re … magnificent,” I mutter, and blush heatedly. Thank god it’s dark out here and he can’t see me. “From what I hear anyway. And I couldn’t …” I pull my eyes to him, letting him see my vulnerability for the first time. “I couldn’t eve
n keep Tyler happy.”
Adam laughs. He laughs so hard that I start to get pissed.
“Hey!”I yell, slapping him against his chest.
“You are such a girl. This is about sex? You’re freaking out because you think you won’t be good in bed?”
I bite my lip and look away.
Adam laughs harder. He’s not helping my ego. I open my mouth to tell him, but I don’t get a word out.
His mouth hits mine, his hands cup my cheeks, and I gasp into his mouth. His body molds to mine, and he walks me backward until I bump into a car. It’s not his, and I don’t care if the owner sees us defiling it. Adam’s lips on mine erase every thought, every insecurity, I’ve ever had.
“We’re going. Now. And we’re going to the Lux, and I’m going to prove to you exactly how happy you’ll make me.”
He tugs my hand again, leading me like he always does, muttering under his breath. “All this dramatic shit for no reason. I swear to God, Amy. If you don’t know how fucking crazy I am about you after tonight then I’m spending the rest of the weekend proving it to you.”
I gulp. An entire weekend of sex with Adam? He might break me.
“What is this?” Adam asks, a smile on his face from ear to ear.
I blush. I look at him, waving my photos in the air. “It’s my box.”
He laughs that laugh that heats my insides. “I thought you were unpacking the apartment today.”
I look around our room in our tiny little apartment. I love it. It’s my favorite place in the world, even if it is a disaster. Boxes are opened in every available space and we have yet to set the beds up. We still haven’t bought furniture, but we’re supposed to go tonight.
“I got side-tracked,” I tell him, and give him a kiss when he leans closer, still grinning. “Look at these.”
I show him the photo of the day his frat house had a car wash in a grocery store parking lot in downtown Denver. Adam laughs into my neck when he sees the photo of him and me wearing matching bikinis.
All the guys wore bikinis that day for extra attention. Kelsey and I helped pick out bikinis for Zander and Adam, and then later, we went back and bought matching ones in our sizes.