Drimblerod did a little hop, almost falling off the chair. Using the crutch for balance, he carefully got down.
“For a while,” she emphasized, “But where do we even start?”
RatShambler pushed through the doors and walked to the table, “What’d I miss?”
“Rat! Have you heard anything?” Drimblerod sat down and leaned towards RatShambler expectedly.
RatShambler sat on his haunches. “Did you know that it’s hard to convince a rat to talk to a shambler?”
“What did you hear?” Drimblerod asked again. This time testily.
“Let’s see. What’s the latest you’ve heard? Did you hear he’s still alive?”
“See?” Said Julie, pointing at Drimblerod, “told you so.”
RatShambler nodded, “They’re taking him to see the Lord High Priest so they can try and execute him.”
“See?” Said Julie, “told you so.”
“Don’t you mean try and if he’s found guilty, then executed?” Drimblerod said hopefully.
RatShambler blinked at the Gnome with his good eye. “A Gnome in the Halfling court system would have almost no chance of being found innocent of anything. Grimbledung in the Halfling court system is pretty much guilty before they even get him there.” He bent down and ate a muffin off the table. “He’s done for.”
“Rat!”
RatShambler flinched. “What I mean is, until we rescue him.” He peered at Drimblerod, “That’s what I meant. I mean, just look at me. You think I want to stay like this?”
“Well, yerrrr gonna need a tracker to follow him.”
“I got a nose too, Akita,” said RatShambler. “It may not be as good as yours but should be good enough to find and follow a Halfling trail tainted by Gnome. It should just reek of him.”
“Hey!” Snapped Drimblerod.
“I meant that in a good way,” offered RatShambler.
“I don’t see how you can use ‘tainted’ and ‘reeks’ in any way but bad.”
Rat sighed. “It’s good enough to find and follow a stinky Halfling trail improved by the fragrance of Gnome. Better?”
Drimblerod nodded, “Much.”
“Fine,” said Big Julie, “but with you out looking, your shop won’t be up and running. I can’t imagine Dummy being able to handle sales. What are you going to do about that?”
Drimblerod frowned. Business had been improving as the town grew. As luck would have it, travelers on their way to the Dwarf Encampments and mines were swinging by, since the shop was now closer to the Toll Bridge. A month -or more- off could put them out of business. Once word got out that Second Hand Sorcery was shuttered, people would begin to look elsewhere for wands and never look back. “I didn’t consider that.”
“Drim. Rat and I can handle this,” said Nulu. “Rat can track them and I can question anyone we come across.” She smiled at Rat, “We’d make short work of it.”
“And, you’re going to need to keep the shop up and running so we’ve got a place to stay when we get back,” added RatShambler. “I need a prosperous shop around me so I can return to my life of leisure.”
Drimblerod’s eyes got misty, “Well. That’s about the nicest… I really don’t…. What I mean is…”
Nulu put her arm around the Gnome, “Don’t you go and cry on me. I’m liable to join in.” She sniffed, “And that, I don’t have to tell you, is no way for a Trolless to behave.”
Akita stood quickly. “I’ve gotta go.” With that he loped out of the cafeteria.
A long sorrowful howl pealed through the night air.
Julie chuckled, “What a bunch of softies we are.” She wiped her nose.
“So you want to wait until first light or just head out now?” Rat asked Nulu.
“I can see in the dark just fine. All I need to do is pack a knapsack, let my manager know he’s got the keys, and I can head out.
“Then I’ll meet you in front of the Duck Inn in an hour,” said RatShambler. “I just got to let someone know I’m leaving too.”
Big Julie raised an eyebrow, “Why Rat, is there a Missus Rat that you’ve been keeping secret?”
RatShambler shrugged as he stood, “Listen, when all is said and done, I’m still a rat.” He winked at Julie, “Half the rats in town should call me Pops. Some more, Gramps even.” With that he loped out of the cafeteria.
“Well, I’m dashed.” Drimblerod shook his head. “You think you know a Rat and something like that comes out. I think I’m an uncle!” He also stood. “Well Ladies, I think I’m going to head back to the Shoppe. If I’m running things on my own for the time being, I need to make sure I get plenty of rest.” He shrugged, “At least I can have Dummy handle the backroom stuff.” He smiled at Nulu, “I’ll see you soon then.” His eyes misted up again, “Rolton Chips. I’m leaving.” He got up and hobbled to the door.
Nulu waved, “See you soon, Drim.”
Almost as quickly as Akita, Drimblerod made his exit.
Big Julie leveled a look at Nulu, “Do you actually think you’ll find him?”
Nulu shrugged as she picked up a muffin. “Well, they only have a day’s head start on us and I’m hoping Grimbledung is up to his usual antics and costing them time…” She popped the muffin in her mouth to buy herself some time.
Big Julie hadn’t changed her expression; she wasn’t buying it.
“… but what I’m really hoping for is that he’s escaped and on the run, heading back this way.”
Big Julie blinked at that. “You know, I hadn’t considered that.” So she stopped to consider it.
Nulu waited.
Big Julie sighed. “Well, that would make it better because then he wouldn’t be moving farther into the Halfling Territories. Of course, you’d still be looking for one Gnome in a whole lot of wilderness. And if he’s on the lamb, he will be keeping a low profile.”
Now Nulu returned the look.
“Well, as much as Grimbledung can keep a low profile, that is. You really need to find him before he gets to the Halfling Territories. You’d practically be off the map by then[7].
“I know. I’m really hoping he’s in the Foreboding Forest.”
“You’re hoping that’s where he is?”
Nulu shrugged, “Plenty of cover in there. I hear the Elves there are peculiar and mostly keep to themselves and probably wouldn’t even want to interact with a Gnome if they even saw one scurrying along…”
“Much less Grimbledung,” interjected Julie with a smile. “But what about the Grand Heard of Minotaur?”
“No one’s seen them in years. They’ve probably moved off.” Nulu shrugged. “I won’t worry about them until I have to.”
“Hopefully it stays that way. So the Halflings would consider the forest safe for them and they would probably just go through it from Prost Garrison instead of the long way around if they were heading to Halfling City. I can’t imagine an armed group of Halflings would feel threatened by unusual Elves.”
Big Julie nodded. “Well, with a day’s head start, they should be right in the middle of the thing.
“I’m sure the Elves would be more than happy to put the word out that there’s a Grimbledung running amok in their forest and we’re there to rid them of the pest.”
Julie raised an eyebrow.
“Well, that’s how I’ll pitch it anyway. With any luck, the Elves will arrest him and I can just go collect him from the jail in TreeTop City.” She smiled broadly, “If he finds his way there on his own, their constable will arrest him and I can just go collect him there.”
“Why would the constable just arre… never mind. It’s Grim we’re talking about.” Julie laughed. “The way you say it, it should be a walk in the park.”
Nulu stood. She shook her head, “Not exactly. You’re forgetting that while they currently have a day’s head start, it will take me the better part of two days hard riding just to get Frank’s Keep. That makes three days they have on me. I’d love a walk in the park but I’m expecting to slog my way through the Hal
fling Territories.” She raised an eyebrow, “Got any of that Silesian Bug Juice left?”
Big Julie shook her head, “Used the last bit to get Grim and Drim up to Frank’s Keep. That stuff’s hard to come by.”
“It was worth a shot. Hopefully it will be a quick trip up to the forest,” she said hopefully. “With not any unpleasant encounters to slow us down.”
“So you’re bringing the Please Stick?” After several days of Nulu using her tree-cum-weapon as a way of demonstrating various forms of punctuation (usually an exclamation point), several of the locals had jokingly started calling it the Please Stick. Thanks to Nulu tending to point it at people when she said things like, ‘I really think you ought to (insert action)’, the nickname stuck. The fact that it rolled off the tongue easier than Shellelalaugh didn’t hurt either.
“It makes a fine walking stick, among other things. I need to get going if I’m meeting Rat in an hour. “I’ve got a pretty good manager but if you could swing by the place to see how things are going, I’d appreciate it.”
Big Julie nodded. “Either Pinky or I will. It’s the least I can do.” She also stood. “Good hunting, my friend.” She hugged Nulu.
Nulu wiped her eye. “Disgraceful pair, we are.” With a smile and a wave, she also made a quick exit.
Bonk approached as Julie shook her head as she gathered the plates and cups left on the table. “Next time, there’ll be one more place setting,” she said to the Gnoll.
“Definitely,” he agreed. “I’ll get this. You should get some sleep. Ya got a lot t’do between this place, the Duck (everyone shortened the Duck Inn and Diner differently) an’ th’ wand shop.”
“Listening in?”
“Gnoll ears. I kin usually even hear ya from upstairs w’thout tryin’.”
“Really?”
Bonk nodded. “Yep. Klank’ll meet those two at the Duck.” He winked an eye at Julie, “Don’ tell Akita but we’re better sniffers th’n Werewolves ev’ry day o’the week, ‘cludin’ Grundsdays. We were born with our noses.”
“I won’t tell.” Julie promised as she moved off. She was well aware that Akita was born with his current nose as well, but didn’t dare question Klank’s abilities to find Grimbledung. “Good night, Bonk.” With that she also made a hasty exit.
Glad to be alone, a misty-eyed Bonk cleared the table.
Chapter Fifteen
A Gnome in the Hand is Worth Nothing
When He’s in the Bush
Grimbledung took a deep breath. Then another. It wasn’t impossible to breath; just difficult. From what he could tell, the burlap sack had been on his head for two days. On the bright-side, they had put food in the bag for him to eat. On the dark-side, they had hung him by his feet that he could only barely reach the vegetables that they dumped into the sack. Onions mostly but also a couple of juicy tomatoes, so the issue of not being given anything to drink wasn’t at crisis levels. Yet. As an expert eater, Grimbledung had been only mildly inconvenienced by having to eat upside down. It wasn’t, by any means, the first time he had done it. Of course this time, there wasn’t any money riding on the feat.
Where the Halflings were taking him was anyone’s guess. They’re taking you to Halfling City so the Lord High Priest of Halflings can deal with you personally Grimbledung frowned. I hate to break it to you, buddy, but there’s a public execution in our future. He was pretty much fed up with listening to himself. “I told you; if you don’t have anything constructive to say, don’t say anything at all!”
“Stop having conversations with yourself, you crazy Gnome!” Ordered a Halfling voice. The kick to his side let him know that once again, ‘Righty’ on watch.
“Hey Righty,” Grimbledung chuckled.
Another kick let him know he was correct. For the most part, Halflings were left-handed. ‘Righties’ as they were called, were often looked down upon as being not quite right as far as Halflings were concerned. The irony was not lost on other races. Nevertheless, many a Halfling parent had forced their younglings to use their left hands lest they be teased for their ‘wrong handedness.
“Are we almost there?” Grimbledung asked. “I don’t know if there’s mixed company out there or not, so I’ll be delicate about this…” He paused, waiting for some sort of response. None came, so he pressed on. “At some point in the near future. And getting nearer by the hour, mind you, I’m going to need a little bit of alone time. Just me. A shovel, and perhaps a parchment or two. With the amount of onions I’ve been eating, probably two.” He paused again. Still nothing. “If you get my meaning. Otherwise. Things are going to get ugly around here. For everyone.”
Again, he was greeted by silence. Except for the creaking of the wagon, it seemed no one was around.
“Hello?” Grimbledung tried again, “I’m not kidding about that alone time. I mean, it has been a couple of days that I’ve been… your guest of honor. And I have been patient about the whole thing, you have to admit.”
Silence.
“One doesn’t just skip their morning constitutional without some effort on their part.”
“We heard you, Gnome” said a voice that wasn’t ‘Righty’. “We’ll stop in a little bit.”
“Thanks! You won’t regret it, really.”
“But first, we need your solemn oath as a Gnome that you won’t try to escape.”
Grimbledung stifled a chuckle. Thanks to the burlap sack, the smile came out wide and bright. “Solemn oath?” He waggled his ears.
“Yes. Swear on all Gnomekind that you won’t try to escape.”
“When?”
“What?”
“Well, you want me to swear an oath saying I’m not going to try to escape ever? That’s a pretty big oath. Or do you mean in just a little while when we stop, which is far more reasonable?”
“Well…” began the Halfling voice.
“Making me swear to stay put when we stop in a little bit is reasonable, but trying to get me to swear to never try to escape is absurd. That’s an awfully big thing to ask of a prisoner. Would you just promise to never escape if the Great Gnome Army captured you?” Grimbledung waggled his ears again. Just lie to the Halfling like you’re going to anyway and stop pestering him! Said his mind. “Let me handle this!”
“I didn’t say anything,” said the Halfling voice, “handle what?”
“He’s talking to himself again,” explained Righty, “stop talking to yourself and answer the Lieutenant!”
Lieutenant! “I can’t answer until I know which one he means,” explained Grimbledung, “I won’t agree to the second one, but that first one sounds reasonable, El Tee.”
“The first one then,” snapped the Halfling Lieutenant.
“OK.”
“OK.”
There was a long pause, broken only by the occasional squeaking of a wheel.
“Well?” Asked the Lieutenant.
“Well what?”
“Well are you going to swear that you won’t try to escape when we stop in a little bit!”
For Delberger’s Hand, just agree with the Lieutenant so we can get on with this. You know as well as I do that there’s no great Gnome Oath. We’re a bunch of liar-liar pants on fire Gnomes, when it comes right down to it. “That’s true.”
“What’s true?” Snapped the Lieutenant. “You really are a disturbed Gnome, you know that!”
“That’s true,” agreed Grimbledung.
“Who are you talking to?”
“To the Lieutenant,” said Grimbledung. He smiled again. “Fine, fine. I do solemnly swear to not try to escape for the entire rest of this day and make such oath on the heads of the entire Gnome Council and the wonderfully wonderful race of Gnomes.” That sounded absurd. He’ll never buy it.
“I accept your oath and will hold you to it, Gnome,” declared the Lieutenant. He clapped his hands three times. As far as Halflings were concerned, that was end of negotiations.
Grimbledung’s hands were bound behind his back so he was unable to c
lap them. He clicked his heels together three times to show his end of the bargaining was over as well. “There’s no place like home,” he tried.
“What?”
“Nothing. You never know when that will work,” said Grimbledung, “so the deal is set. I really appreciate it.”
“So keep quiet until we stop,” said Righty.
It was another hour before the wagon finally came to a halt. Time was drawing short for Grimbledung. “Are we stopped yet, Righty?” He asked, “Dee-hour is rapidly approaching and there’s not much I can do about it at this point.”
“Dee-hour?” Righty asked nervously. “What’s the Dee stand for?”
“It rhymes with ‘big turd’. Mayhap even several. Or maybe just a large squishy pile o’ crap.”
“Gads. Give me a couple of minutes to find a shovel and some parchment, and then we’ll go,” said Righty. Being not only the lowest ranking, but also a ‘righty’ he was sure any sort of ‘cleanups’ would fall on him to take care of. “Got it?”
“Sure thing. Righty.” Grimbledung smiled broadly. “I’ll wait right here.”
After another nearly half an hour, Grimbledung felt his legs being cut free. He tucked his head as he crashed to the floor of the wagon. His hands were untied as well. They flopped to his sides useless. Two days of being tied behind his back had left them completely numb. He twisted his body and his arms flopped back and forth with it. He giggled. “That’s just plain weird.”
With a rough tug, the sack was pulled from his head. The bright light made him squint.
Grimbledung turned and looked at the Halfling that had untied him. For a Halfling he was large. They were practically the same height. Width wise, the Halfling was wider, thanks to bulging muscles. His head seemed to just sit on his shoulders his neck was so thick. “Righty?” Grimbledung asked nervously.
The Halfling nodded at him. “That’s me.” He held up his right fist and shook it at Grimbledung. It was the size of a large potato- easily twice the size of a regular Halfling fist. The glove he was wearing had spikes on the knuckles. Worn-down spikes. “So don’t give me any grief.”
Grimbledung gulped. It was a good bit of irony that since right handed Halflings were constantly picked on throughout their younger years, that by the time they became adults, they were far more muscular and much better in a fight than a typical Halfling. It was because of this that when ‘righties’ were adults, Halflings tended to pick on them in groups. “Fine by me.” Grimbledung flexed his fingers. The feeling was beginning to return- now instead of just feeling numb, it felt as if dozens of needles had been stuck in them. He flapped his arms around. “Gah, that is not pleasant at all!”
Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3) Page 9