Klank nodded. He raised his snout and sniffed. “There’s a stream up ahead a little ways. There’s usually something to eat around water. Plus…” He smiled, “Grim can get cleaned up. Or…”
“Or?” Grimbledung peered at Klank.
“We could just finish what the Elves started and cook the little Gnome. He’s all marinated. I’d hate to waste a good marinade.”
Nulu laughed. “I’m in the mood for something a little less gamy.”
Grimbledung frowned. “So now it’s all funny huh? I was almost killed. And you know…” A thought came to him. “Say, did we win the battle at Frank’s?”
Nulu nodded, glad to change the subject. “Not at Frank’s Keep, but Drimblerod and Rat lured the Halflings out on the plains and they were beat there.”
“Thanks to me and Drimblerod,” said RatShambler. “I played a key role, along with Drim. The two of us, you know.”
“There’s no doubting that,” assured Nulu. She turned her head. She heard water running. “I think that stream’s getting close.
Klank bolted ahead of the group, disappearing into the underbrush and dark.
RatShambler picked up his pace. “Here we go again.”
Within moments, the group emerged into a clearing straight out of a storybook- there was close-cropped grass interspersed with flowers of several colors and variety. Clover-covered spots made darker patches as if soft green blankets had been laid about. Through it ran a burbling brook.
“Nice, Klank. I could put a winter cottage here,” said Nulu. “Klank?”
Klank ran into the clearing from the far side. “There’s blackberries and raspberries over here.” He loped to the water’s edge. “And some nice looking mushrooms here that would fry up nice. But only the ones on the far bank.”
Grimbledung clapped as he slipped off his friend’s back. “What are we waiting for?” He ran to the stream and gingerly waded across. On the other side, he scooted to the blackberry bushes.
“He really does need some clothes,” said Nulu.
“Don’t look at me,” said Klank. “I travel light in that department. I got one apron.”
“I know, I know,” she said as she took her pack off her back. “I suppose I could cut off the bottom half of one of my traveling dresses. She had brought several for the journey. She began to rummage through it.
“Got anything with flowers?”
“Why, Rat?”
“Cause if you’re going to make him wear a dress, it might as well have flowers.” He guffawed. “That would almost make this trip.”
Nulu produced a tan sundress that had white daisies embroidered on it. “How’s this?”
“Perfect!”
“Well, daisies are such happy flowers.”
Klank hopped over the stream, arms full of mushrooms. “Found some rocket and watercress as well”. It’ll be a nice Elvin meal.
“Elvin?”
“They’re vegetarians.” He looked back in the direction they had come. “Most of them anyway.” He shrugged out of his pack. “A small fire is all I need to make it happen. Say!” He looked at RatShambler. “Didn’t you bring his wand with you in case we found him?”
RatShambler did a little hop. “That we did! Give that Gnome his wand so he can change me back for a while! It’s been ages since I was just a rat. Thanks for reminding me, Klank.”
Klank shook his head, “No, I figured he could start the fire so I wouldn’t have to mess with my tinderbox.”
“Good idea.” Nulu turned to look where Grimbledung was picking berries and eating them as fast as he picked them. “Grim! Come back over for a moment, will you? And save some of those for us!”
Grimbledung came jogging back to the group. He put his hands on his hips. “Yes?”
“Gads. Klank, give him the wand while I do some quick tailoring.” She sat down hard. Pulling a knife from her boot, she began to work on the dress.
“Hey, Grim. Want your wand?”
“Do I? Do I?” He asked, “Does an Elf like the taste of Gnome?”
“We’ll never know.”
“Well, fine. I’ll take my wand anyway.” Grimbledung moved to Klank. He still had his hands on his hips.
“You should go see Nulu while I dig it out. I think it’s settled to the bottom of the pack.” Klank began to remove cooking utensils, spice jars, and even a large skillet from his pack. “I’ll get to it.” He glanced at Grimbledung with a grin. “Shortly.”
“Hey now!” Grimbledung smiled as he walked over to Nulu. She was hunched over a dress, working on it with a knife. “What’cha doing, Nulu?” He peered over her shoulder. As he leaned against her.
Nulu raised her head. She had combined all her gear since abandoning the wagon and was using the extra-full pack as a worktable. “Grimbledung, if you don’t stop leaning over me, I’ll take this knife and we’ll be having a Bris with dinner.”
“Ohh, I love that stuff! The meat is all tender and juicy” said Grimbledung as he moved around to the front of Nulu. His hands were still on his hips.
“No, that’s a brisket. A Bris is… Neveryourmind. You probably don’t want to know,” said RatShambler.
“Here, put this on,” said Nulu as she held up the severely shortened dress up to Grimbledung. “It’s just about your size. I’ll even make a belt from the hem.”
“What do I need clothes for?”
“YOU NEED CLOTHES!!”
“All right you three. You don’t all have to shout at once.” Grimbledung yanked the dress from Nulu. He eyed it suspiciously. “Isn’t this a dress?”
Nulu hesitated. “Uhm. It’s a tunic. A summer tunic.”
Grimbledung started to pull it over his head.
“Wait! You should wash off the marinade first,” suggested Nulu.
Grimbledung froze, hands over his head. “You’re probably right. I’ll just stay nacke…. I mean let me go get washed off and I’ll be back as soon as I’m done.”
Nulu maintained eye contact with the Gnome. He was still standing with his hands over his head. “Great. Go get cleaned up. Then you can get dressed.” She couldn’t help but giggle at him, “You mighty Gnome, you.”
“Right?” Grimbledung strutted to the stream. As he passed Klank, he stopped. “I almost forgot. You should try some of these royal elf spices I picked up”. He took the sack off his neck and handed it to Klank. “It seems a little goes a long way.” He smiled and made a dash for the stream. When he got to it, he jumped high in the air and grabbed his legs around his shins. “Cannonball!” He shouted.
“What’s a cannonball?” Asked RatShambler.
Grimbledung stood up. Thankfully, the stream was waist deep on him. “I have no idea. But they feed infantry to them.”
“What?”
“They’re cannon fodder”
“Are you sure that’s what that means?”
Grimbledung shrugged. “I dunno. It sounded like something good to yell anyway.” He grabbed a handful of loam from the riverbank and began to scrub himself with it by the handful.
“When you’re presentable, I want to go be a rat for a little bit.”
Grimbledung nodded as he worked on his shoulders. “Anyone want to do my back?”
None of the others made eye contact with him.
Grimbledung frowned. He took to rubbing against the bank to get the hard-to-reach spots.
“Found it, Rat!” Klank held up Grimbledung’s wand. “You’ll be back to scurrying in no time.” He stood up. “I’m going to get some of those berries to make a nice dressing for our meal.” He waved his saucepan at RatShambler. “You should be a rat when you eat, so you don’t need as much since you’re smaller. Then we’ll make you big again, but you’ll still be full.”
RatShambler opened his mouth, then closed it. It was hard to argue with that. It really didn’t make sense, but kind of did at the same time.
The quartet of travelers ate a hearty meal of fried mushrooms in blackberry sauce, and, thanks to a remaining apple i
n Klank’s pack, and some found nuts, a tasty salad with raspberry vinaigrette as well.
After eating their absolutely delicious meal (thanks to the Elven spices), the group sat in silence watching the fire burn down. The last couple of hours had been exhausting. Without much else said, they fell asleep, one by one.
The sun crested the trees, bathing the sleeping travelers. Nulu sat up quickly, knife at the ready. She looked around. The clearing was empty except for two deer who were busying themselves with blackberries. Rat had opted to spend the night in his natural form. He was still asleep, on his back, legs spayed out towards the brightening sky. Grimbledung was in a matching position. Also, au natural. Nulu shook her head at the sleeping Gnome. Even though he was unstable and unpredictable, he had shown -according to Drimblerod’s accounting of the tale- unbelievable bravery in the face of overwhelming odds at Frank’s Keep. It was either that, Drimblerod said, or a complete misunderstanding on Grimbledung’s part. Either way, he had put events in motion that thwarted the Halflings’ invasion plans. Nulu chuckled; that was another place Grimbledung couldn’t go to anymore. If he kept up this pace, the only safe place for him would be Julesville.
Grimbledung turned over and farted at the sky. Long and loud. Twice.
Klank rolled to his feet. “How does one Gnome produce so much gas?” He asked as he stretched. “Something’s not right inside that creature’s innards.”
“I don’t think it’s limited to just his innards.” Nulu giggled.
“I’m not asleep, you know.”
Rat continued to snore.
Grimbledung made his way to his feet. Like Klank he stretched, hands high over his head.
“Delberger’s Hand, Naked Gnomes is not how I like to start my day. Hot coffee, eggs, and some pancakes. That’s how you start a day.”
Grimbledung shrugged, “What do you want me to do about it?” He grinned and waggled his ears.
“Clothes. On.” Said Nulu. It sounded nothing like a request.
Grimbledung reached down and picked up the dres… tunic. He slipped it over his head. “Better?”
“Only barely,” said Klank. “I’m going to wrestle up some breakfast to make it better.” He smiled. “Then we can get out of this forest.”
Grimbledung nodded. “I’m going to step to the tree line while you do. Want me to bring back some berries?” He looked over. “Or maybe a deer?”
“We are not having a deer for breakfast.”
“Fine, Miss Nulu No Deer Bentknees. I’ll just bring back some berries. Grimbledung moved to the stream, picking up his tunic as he daintily crossed it. Once he got to the other side, he flapped his arms and charged the deer, squawking as we went. They ran off before he got halfway to them. “Berries is mine!”
Nulu shook her head. “It’s good to get him back.” She looked around the forest. Even though they were in a bright, open clearing, the forest all around them formed a dark ring. A dark foreboding ring. “This place gives me the creeping willies.”
“Yeah,” said Klank. “Lemmie go see if I can scrounge up some eggs to use on those mushrooms.” He loped off in a different direction than Grimbledung. By the time Klank returned, Grimbledung had a fire started and Nulu had packed up their remaining gear.
“Nice fire, Grim,” said Klank as he put six large eggs on the ground next to the fire. “Go grab me some mushrooms while I get the eggs started. Far side only.”
“Sure thing. I have some berries as well if you want to use them too. And that Elvish spice. That stuff is hard to beat.”
Klank shook his head. “I want to save that stuff for special occasions.” He grinned. “And I want my brothers and me to have a chance at making it ourselves.”
Grimbledung cackled as he moved to the stream “Maybe you can sell it to the Elves when you figure it out. Leaves said they didn’t have a lot of it.”
“Did you take the last of this royal spice?” Nulu asked.
Grimbledung waved a hand dismissively at her. “It’s some lousy spices. It can’t be all that valuable. They probably won’t even notice its missing. Who ever heard of spices being worth anything?”
Just then, the air was filled with the sounds of Elvish horns. War horns.
Nulu picked up a rock at threw it at Grimbledung.
“Now hold on! If you’d have said that, no one would have raised an eyebrow!” He ducked below the stream bank as he quickly picked mushrooms. From the side nearer the group. “I hope they don’t spoil breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day, besides brunch, lunch, tea, dinner, and supper”. He stood back up. The fire was out and Nulu, Klank, and Rat were all standing at the ready. “Oh come on!” He hopped up and down.
“Bring the mushrooms. You can eat them along the way. Change Rat so we can get going,” said Nulu. Another round of horn blasts broke the morning silence. “Quick like.”
Grimbledung half walked, half stomped to Rat. He pulled out his wand (the dress tunic had pockets) and waved it at Rat.
Rodentus Grigio
Transmutis Completus
Shambles Verdes
He intoned half-heartedly.
“Better?” Grimbledung asked.
“Yes. We need to make good time, so hop on Klank, and I’ll ride on rat.”
“Whoo! I get to ride on a Gnoll. How many times do you get to say that?”
“No farting,” warned Klank.
Nulu looked up at the sky. “We need to head due west to get out of here nearest Frank’s Keep.”
“North Jute is closer,” said Klank.
“You know the way?” Nulu swung onto RatShambler’s back. Another blast of horns filled the air. “Either way, we need to get moving.”
Klank shook his shoulders. “I know the way. Used to go up there for some spices on a regular basis.” He winked, “Till we figured out the mix on our own.”
“Lead the way,” said Grimbledung as he popped another mushroom into his mouth. He put the remaining mushrooms in his dress’s pockets (it’s a dress, okay? It’s not a tunic). . “Excitement always gives me an appetite.”
“Everything gives you an appetite,” said RatShambler.
“Not everything.”
“Everything.”
“Not asparagus. Nasty things, asparaguses. Asparagusi?”
“I think it’s like fish,” offered RatShambler as he craned his neck to look back.
“No, that can’t be. I like fish.”
“I don’t think this conversation is going to end any time soon,” said Klank.
He was right.
TWO HOURS LATER
What about Spargle?” Asked Rat.
“Now you’re just being silly,” countered Grimbledung.
Just as Nulu was about to threaten them both with egregious bodily harm, the Incident happened.
ONE HOUR LATER
The group moved along in self-imposed - and Nulu enforced- silence. Grimbledung walked alongside RatShambler, who had decided he would stay a rat so Grimbledung wasn’t even tempted to ride him for the rest of the journey. And perhaps a for a few weeks after they got back. “No, for the last time, I’m through carrying you. Keep your incantations to yourself.”
“I swear, I’m all better now. It was just a bad batch of mushrooms.”
“No.”
“No.”
“I even cleaned out Klank’s fur! That’s got to count for something.” Grimbledung patted his friend on his side, “Right?”
Klank tilted his head to the Gnome, “No, what counts for something is the incident...”
Grimbledung opened his mouth.
“... that will never get mentioned again that made it necessary for me to have an entire, throurough cleaning. Will never get mentioned again.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“No, what you said was ‘holy crap! Holy flaming crap!’ That’s what you said as a vague and unhelpful warning!”
“It seemed appropriate considering what was about to happen.”
“Quie
tness,” reminded Nulu. “Quietness and only quietness.”
Surprisingly, there was until they left the forest
Chapter Thirty-One
Arrrg! There Be Squalls Ahead…And Angry Pixies
As the group neared the edge of the forest, a stiff breeze picked up. One, then another leaf swatted Grimbledung’s face. “Hey! What gives?”
“It was like this coming into the Foreboding Forest,” said Nulu, “didn’t you notice?”
“I was upside down with a bag on my head at the time. I was noticing not much of anything.”
“Don’t you mean ‘not noticing’?” Asked Rat.
“No, I was noticing that I was not noticing. There’s a difference.”
“You say that as if that happens every day,” said Klank has he stopped walking. The rest followed suit.
“Well, not every day, Klank, but more often than you’d think.”
“I’d think once was more than enough,” said Nulu. “How many times have you been captured, hung upside down, and had a sack over your head?”
“Lots, I suppose.”
“Lots?”
“In Grimbledung’s defense, anything over two is lots,” explained Nulu. She shook her head. “You know, maybe you should reassess your...”
“Life choices,” interrupted Grimbledung. “Yeah, I’ve heard.” With another shake of his head, he started forward again. “Heard it a few times.”
“A few?” Nulu called after him. “Or lots?”
The quartet emerged from the dim -blustery- forest. On the Great Shambler Plains, the sun was high in the sky, already moving towards its nighttime retreat. Large black clouds seemed to be crowding it on its way.
“Ahh, sunlight.”
Nulu nodded at Klank. “Finally.”
“At least for a while anyway,” said Rat. He was looking at the dark clouds. “Say, that reminds me.”
Grimbledung craned his neck to look at his friend who was now a rat and perched on his shoulder. “Of what?”
Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3) Page 19