by Joan Kilby
He wasn’t afraid of injuring himself, or going bankrupt or working eighty hours a week if he had to. He wasn’t afraid of failing. Those first couple of years he’d made more mistakes and false starts than smart moves.
So what could he possibly be afraid of? Success? No, he wanted to achieve his dreams. He longed to see his Dreamcatcher a reality so badly, it was like a physical craving.
But having his life change dramatically, being yanked out of his comfort zone and propelled into the unknown, that was a different matter. The last time that had happened on a large scale was when he was a child. First, his mother died and he’d been a lonely kid, looked after by a series of housekeepers while his father worked long hours and most weekends. Then Ian had moved him clear across the country, away from his friends, and left him with an aunt and uncle who were strangers to him. Aunt Lynn, his mother’s sister, and her husband, Rob, had proved to be kind and loving, and once he’d found Cassy he’d been fine. But those first weeks had been frightening, and made worse by the misery of his father leaving and not telling him when he was coming back.
Now, the thought of catapulting into the big time, of mixing it up with sharks like his father, made his skin clammy and his heart palpitate. It wasn’t rational. He was an adult—smart, resourceful, resilient. So why did he feel like a small boy again, in a strange house with creaks in the attic, covering his head with the blankets at night so no one would hear him crying?
He had no experience running a large corporation, especially one that would likely become multinational. What if he made bad decisions that adversely affected his staff? What if he was addressing a board meeting and froze? What if people didn’t trust him? And why would they, since he had no qualifications for this kind of position? With a larger workforce he would lose contact with the guys. He would be at a distance from people he cared about. And didn’t restructuring usually mean that people were fired?
What if he got everything he thought he wanted and he couldn’t handle it? What if everyone found out he was an imposter, a geek pretending to be an executive? What if his father, seeing he couldn’t hack it, withdrew his money?
What if his father was disappointed in him?
Stop it, stop giving in to negativity and try to think clearly.
Lightning flashed again. Scott pushed away from the window and paced across to the couch. Would he have all these doubts if the money were coming from Lorraine? He stopped in his tracks to consider that. Interesting. Yes, the changes in his life would be just as challenging and he was a bit worried about biting off more than he could chew. But he didn’t feel paralyzed by fear.
So what was the problem? Was it his dad?
Was he really afraid of failing in his father’s eyes? Of his dad realizing he’d made a mistake and abandoning him again? Oh, Jesus. He sank onto the couch. Cassy was right. His fears were those of a small boy, a hurt and lonely child.
The first time he’d hurtled down a mountain on his bike, his insides had been liquid with the realization that he could break his neck. When he’d sold his car and it hit him that if his software business failed, he wouldn’t have transportation to take him to another job, he’d experienced a moment of sheer terror.
But he hadn’t let fear stop him. He’d launched himself headfirst down the rocky slope. He’d scribbled his name on the dotted line. Because if he hadn’t, he would have had to give up his dream.
He wasn’t a child anymore, he was a man. He didn’t have any expectations about his dad in terms of them having a relationship—that hope was long dead—but he wasn’t prepared to let fear get in the way of his dreams. He could learn public speaking. He could learn how to manage a company. He could make sure he didn’t lose contact with his friends.
He could learn how to not give a damn what his father thought of him. He’d worked so long and hard to make the Dreamcatcher a reality that he would regret it forever if he gave up now. Damn it, he would go for it. He would launch himself off the cliff and sign his life away and to hell with the consequences.
Lights winked on in nearby office buildings and street lamps. Beeps sounded in the apartment as electronic devices came back on.
Just making the decision energized him. Having made up his mind, he didn’t want to wait around for Lorraine to make up hers. It was time for action.
Scott went through into the kitchen to the phone. He didn’t know what time it was, and he didn’t really care. He felt his way over to the phone and replayed his messages until he came to his father’s call. Then he hit dial and waited for his dad to pick up. The ringing was almost drowned out by a long rumble of thunder directly overhead.
“Hello? Who’s this?” His father sounded alert despite the early hour. And not surprisingly, somewhat annoyed.
“Scott. Sorry to disturb you, Ian.” Best to keep things at arm’s length. “I’m prepared to accept your offer.”
“Really? Well, that’s great. I’m pleased.” Ian’s voice had softened. “Come to my office in the morning and we’ll discuss details.”
“I’ll be there.”
It was done. Scott hung up and sat in the dark with thunder rolling overhead. Cassy was right. His father wasn’t a monster, just a flawed human being. That didn’t mean Scott would embrace him with open arms and forgive the past, but he could work with him like anyone else.
This deal wouldn’t have come about if it weren’t for Cassy. She’d risked his anger and alienation to help him get what he needed. Gratitude filled him for all she’d done for him, and for being such a vital part of his life. Suddenly, he wanted to hold her, to feel her as close physically as she was in his heart.
He went back to the bedroom and slipped into bed. Cassy stirred and he took her into his arms. Her quiet murmur of pleasure made him feel wanted and whole. She was warm and soft and naked and she smelled musky from their lovemaking but with a hint of wildflower, like springtime and sunshine and optimism. He pressed a tender kiss to her cheek. “I called my father to accept his offer. The deal is going ahead.”
“Oh, Scott, I’m so glad.” Sleepily, she slid her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him, her breasts soft yet firm, her hips cradling his hardening body. He found her mouth in a long, languorous kiss and their limbs twined together beneath the down comforter, cocooned in warmth. The backdrop of thunder and rain added to a sense of being locked away together, safe from the storm outside.
He made slow, sensual love to Cassy. They weren’t in a hurry but took their time, pleasuring each other in ways they knew from exploring each other’s bodies and finding what they liked best. They didn’t speak; they didn’t need to. The silence between them was filled with thoughts and feelings that flowed on the same harmonious wavelength.
When their arousal was at its peak, she came, quietly but intensely. As the shudders rippled through her, Scott let go and found his own release. In the moment of perfect surrender, he silently poured out his heart and his hopes for the future. Everything was coming together for the good in his life.
Thanks to Cassy.
Chapter Ten
“Attention, please, geeksters!” Cassy sang out as she bustled into the office the next morning.
Scott had gone to meet his father to thrash out the basics of their deal before Ian left for Beijing. Cassy had wanted to attend as Scott’s financial adviser, but he asked her to prepare the guys instead. He probably wanted to feel his way through the meeting in his own way. To outsiders, it would appear as if manna had dropped into his lap, but she knew how hard dealing with his father would be for him. She was so proud of him for taking this step.
A sober business meeting didn’t suit her bubbly mood, anyway. What with getting the funding, and last night with Scott, she was overflowing with happiness. She’d actually broken into song in the lobby of Scott’s apartment building, much to the consternation of other residents and the delight of Martin, the doorman.
Tom’s head bobbed above his partition as he got to his feet, pushing back a
blue cap that read, “Mmm, pi.” “Someone smack you with the happy stick?”
In Leonard’s cubicle, a mechanical pencil fell to the floor. He bent to retrieve it, then straightened and pushed his thick glasses up his nose. “Wow! You look beautiful, like Princess Leia, only, you know, better, because she has kind of a weird mouth but yours is really hot. I mean, your lips are all full and…” His blush deepened. “I’ll shut up now.”
The sound of K-pop briefly blared out of Park’s earbuds as he turned off his iPod. The cord dangled into the pocket of the white shirt he wore with a spotted bow tie and a black vest. “Wassup?”
“Good news! Wonderful news!” Cassy enthused. “Scott got funding. He’s with the angel investor right now, hashing out details so the lawyers can draw up an agreement. The Dreamcatcher will be coming soon to a store near you.”
“Woot, woot, woot!” Park did a dance, Gangnam-style.
Tom gave a whoop. “Take that, PacTech, you thieving scum.”
Leonard polished his glasses on an optical cloth, a slight frown above his squint. “What will happen to us?”
“You won’t have to buy office supplies or deal with salesmen ever again,” Cassy said gaily. “You’ll all get corner offices and have a personal assistant.” Hastily, she added, “Don’t quote me on that. Nothing’s settled yet. But I’m sure your jobs are totally safe.”
“What about you?” Tom asked. “Now that funding is secure, will your job end?” He sent a worried glance to the other guys.
“I sure hope not,” Leonard chimed in.
Park said, “It wouldn’t be the same here without you.”
“You guys are so sweet. I’m going to be fine. Scott will need me more than ever. The company will be expanding.” And restructuring. Should she tell the geeks about that? Maybe not. She didn’t know what would be involved. Anyway, this was Scott’s news and she didn’t want to steal his thunder. But she was going to be chief financial officer! The thought had her doing her own mental happy dance. “Never mind that now. We’re going to have a party when he gets back. Can someone help me bring in the cake and drinks?”
All three of them came down to her car. She loaded them up with a box containing a huge chocolate cake decorated with “Congratulations, Scott and Team,” a selection of Seattle’s best boutique beer, and bottles of French champagne.
Cassy found party hats in a cupboard and made the guys put them on. They tacked up streamers and balloons. They looked a bit silly in the hats but the geeks were into it. Now all they had to do was wait for Scott so they could celebrate.
…
Scott’s first glimpse of his father’s spacious corner office on the thirty-fifth floor of the downtown building was intimidating. A secretary ushered him in and closed the double doors behind him. Across the plush carpet, seated behind a massive oak desk, Ian Thornton was holding court on the phone from a leather chair large enough to rival Jean-Luc Picard’s captain’s chair on the USS Enterprise. Ian gestured to him to take a seat, then swiveled away to continue his call.
Too nervous to sit, Scott strolled to the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked across the central business district to Puget Sound. Ian showed no sign of winding down, so he moved on to study the artwork adorning the walls of the sitting area. Tall ships in full sail, steamships crossing the ocean, European canal boats, English sailing barges, early settlers’ canoes loaded with furs, long-tailed Thai boats laden with fruit and vegetables…
Hang on. He leaned in for a closer look at a photo that didn’t fit the theme. The odd picture out was a framed Polaroid of a young boy with a shock of thick brown hair standing behind a homemade lemonade stand, squinting into the camera. Aunt Lynn must have taken the photo, but how did it come to be here, in his father’s office? Scott’s chest tightened and for a moment, he couldn’t seem to catch his breath.
Ian clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You had get-up-and-go from an early age. I always knew you’d amount to something.”
Really? Thanks, Dad. Thanks for waiting ’til I was thirty years old to tell me. He felt as if he’d just been patted on the head. Which would have been nice when he was seven years old. He should want to punch Ian’s face except that a traitorous part of him was lapping up his father’s crumbs of praise.
“Sorry about the wait,” Ian went on. “That was a call from the owner of the factory you said you were interested in. He’ll show you around the premises this afternoon.”
“You don’t waste any time.” Ian was already opening doors. Scott hadn’t even been able to get hold of the owner, much less arrange a viewing.
“Come. Sit down and we’ll talk.” Ian released his shoulder and motioned Scott to a chair in front of his desk. He removed a document from a file folder and placed it in front of Scott. “This is a preliminary term sheet outlining the financing.”
Scott scanned the first few pages of the document. It was mostly about dividends, conversions, and voting rights for the shareholders. He tried to concentrate but his mind kept skipping back to the photo of him and the lemonade stand. So, his father had taken notice of him.
“Your lawyer can look it over and when I get back from Beijing we’ll negotiate the nuts and bolts,” Ian added. “For now, let’s discuss what I, as your angel investor, will expect from you.”
That got his attention. “I’m not letting any of my techies go. They’re the best around and they’ve been with me on this whole journey.”
Ian’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he held up a reassuring hand. “Absolutely no need to worry. I’ve followed your company from the beginning. All those guys are good. But you will need to be open to suggestions. Some business owners get sentimental about the businesses they’ve built from scratch and that sentimentality can cost them.”
Yeah, Ian would think sentimentality was a problem. Scott tossed the document on the desk. The question he’d intended never to lower himself to ask just blurted out. “Why didn’t you keep me?”
Ian’s head jerked in surprise and he frowned. “I beg your pardon?”
Damn, he should have kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted was for Ian to think he was some sniveling brat stuck in the past, moping over Daddy. “Never mind. Forget I said that. It doesn’t matter.”
Ian gave him a sharp look and cleared his throat. “Thornton Holdings will be listed as a secondary shareholder at forty percent of shares. Your company will own sixty percent. If market predictions are accurate, within two years of manufacture you should be able to float the company on the stock market…” He trailed off. Mouth set, he got up and went to the window, his hands clasped behind his back. Then he turned and leveled his gaze at Scott. “I never wanted a child. I was totally wrapped up in my work. I only agreed because your mother wanted a baby and I would have cut off my right arm to make her happy. When she died, I didn’t know what the hell to do with you.”
Scott listened in shock, his eyes widening. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this raw, brutal honesty. What the hell was he supposed to say to the news his father hadn’t wanted him? Well, that’s what he’d always known. All along. So he said nothing.
“I gave you away, got rid of you.” Ian seemed almost angry, with himself and with the situation he’d been forced into. “Lynn and Rob couldn’t have kids of their own. They were thrilled to be able to raise you. They took good care of you, far better than I would have. They loved you as if you were their own child.”
“I have no complaints about them. They were great. Still are.” His own anger simmered, barely checked. What about you? Didn’t you love me even a little? “Did you never have any regrets?”
“Not one. I knew I would screw you up if I kept you. Your happiness came at the price of mine.”
“My happiness?” Scott pushed away from the desk and surged to his feet. “Did you think I was happy to be dumped on virtual strangers after I’d just lost my mother? At least you were the bastard I knew. How dare you pretend you were concerned with my
feelings?”
Ian swelled to his full height, only slightly shorter than Scott’s six feet four inches. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking of you.”
“I knew it. You were thinking of yourself, first and last.”
Ian shook his head, his gaze never wavering, but his jaw worked. “I was thinking of your mother. She was the love of my life, the sun, the moon, and the stars. In turn, you were the love of her life. She doted on you. After the crash, when we knew she wasn’t going to make it, she told me she wanted you to grow up in a real home and a loving family. She begged me to remarry and give that to you. But I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t be ready for years.”
Scott blinked. In all his ranting against his dad, he’d never imagined this cold, distant businessman could have such a passion for his wife. Or that it would be a Shakespearean-level tragedy when she died.
“I loved you, of course I did. You were my son. I may not have wanted you at first but once you were there, well…” Ian’s handsome features twisted and he looked old and tired. “I gave you up for her sake, to fulfill my promise to her. It was painful to visit you and be reminded of everything I’d lost, so I didn’t come around as much as I should have. That I do regret. But I don’t regret letting Lynn and Rob bring you up. How could I when I see what a fine man you’ve become? It may have been the wrong decision, but I believe I did it for the right reasons.”
Scott sank back into his chair. He thought of the times during his teenage years when his father had visited and Scott had refused to talk to him. “I never knew.”
Ian shrugged. “There was no point burdening you with the truth.”
“I disagree. It might have helped me understand you better.”
“It didn’t matter if you understood. You were a child. All you had to do was accept.”
If Ian thought that, maybe Scott was better off having been raised by Lynn and Rob. Speaking of them, it had been months since he’d talked to them. He ought to give them a call, let them know the progress on the Dreamcatcher. He owed Uncle Rob, a high school physics teacher, for encouraging his interest in science, and Aunt Lynn for turning him into a rounded human being. He would always regard them as his parents in every important way. But Ian’s honesty, while painful, had the effect of softening his attitude toward his father.