Oh, Shawn, please let this go.
I tried to cobble together a decent excuse for why I wouldn’t be attending, but my efforts weren’t necessary. Cara sighed in exasperation and spoke on my behalf.
“God, why don’t you give up, Shawn? She’s already seeing someone. This is totally second-hand embarrassing to watch.” She rolled her eyes, her arms crossed under her boobs.
Shawn scowled at her for butting in.
My heart seized for a second. Who could she possibly think I was seeing? Then I remembered. Of course! She’d seen Brad sitting with his arm around me on the night of the benefit. She thought he was my boyfriend.
Shawn turned to me in confusion. “You’re seeing someone? But Matt said—”
I tried to speak calmly, in spite of my hammering heart. “Matt and I may be roommates, but that doesn’t mean he knows all of my personal business.”
“I’d like to get to know his personal business,” Cara said, thrusting her chest out suggestively and looking at Shawn with a challenging expression. “I hope he’s going to the pub tomorrow night. I think it’s time to make my move before he goes back to B.C.”
Oh, Jesus, no. Cara and Matt? I thought about the way Matt’s headboard had crashed against my wall all weekend. At the time, I’d been fuming, cursing his erotic escapades with Sarah while simultaneously wallowing in a miserable pit of sexual tension. Suddenly I was extremely grateful for their amorous weekend.
Shawn held up his hands and backed away. “Okay, I really don’t need to be hearing this. Sorry, Aubrey. I honestly didn’t know you had a boyfriend. You can’t blame a guy for trying. I’m going to grab a coffee before it’s my turn to go in. See ya around.”
“Sorry, Shawn. Hey, have a good Easter, okay?” I called after him.
He turned and smiled tightly before escaping down the hall.
“Aaaaawkwaaaard,” Cara said dramatically as Shawn disappeared around the corner.
“Yeah, totally. He’s the nicest guy, but he’s so persistent. And like you said, I’m not even available.”
I couldn’t believe Cara Switzer had rescued me from Shawn Ward’s determined advances. Well, one good turn deserved another.
“Cara, can I talk to you about something?”
“I guess.”
“This probably isn’t any of my business, but I wanted to give you a head’s up. You’d probably be better off not going after Matt.”
“What are you, his mother?” she scoffed. “I know you don’t like me, but you can’t tell him who he can and can’t go out with.”
“Look, I just thought you should know that he got back together with Sarah. I’d hate for you to make a move on him and—”
“Get rejected?” she said.
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Thanks for looking out for me. But FYI, I knew they were back together. I don’t think she’s good enough for him. And I totally doubt he’d reject me.”
It took everything in me not to burst into hysterical laughter. Was this some sort of belated April Fool’s Day joke?
“But you know what? Since you so were so sweet to offer me advice, I’ve got some for you, too.” She leaned over to whisper in my ear. “You should be careful what and who you talk about in public washrooms. You never know who might be listening.”
I shrunk back from her. “What’s that supposed to—”
At that precise moment, Daniel opened the door of the meeting room, handing me my conference notes and cutting off my question.
“Here you are, Miss Price. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. I wouldn’t want you to be late for your class. And good luck with your written analysis. See you next Wednesday.”
I looked at him, my pulse thumping in my temples.
“Thanks. You didn’t. I mean, I won’t.” My voice was barely audible, which was a blessing because what I’d said probably hadn’t made any sense.
“Are you, ready, Miss Switzer?” Daniel asked looking cautiously from Cara’s face to mine.
“Totally,” she replied. “Talk to you later, Aubrey.” She left me standing there, gaping after her.
Chapter 16
Shallow Fools
What your wisdoms could not discover,
these shallow fools have brought to light…
(Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, Scene 1)
“JESUS, AUBREY, WHY DIDN’T YOU wait for her to come out after her conference so you could ask her what the fuck she was talking about?”
“I couldn’t. I had to go to my night class.”
“You know what? There are times when it’s appropriate to be late for class. I’d say this was one of those times.”
I walked another circuit around Julie’s room. I was wearing a path in her area rug while she watched me from the middle of the bed.
“I wasn’t thinking straight,” I confessed. “I was in a daze. I might as well have skipped my lecture. I didn’t process anything the prof said.”
“So, what are you going to do now?” Julie asked, jamming clothes and toiletries into her suitcase.
“I don’t know.” I made another anxious lap of her room, sitting briefly on her roommate’s bed before leaping up and pacing again. “But I need to know what she was talking about. Do you think I should try to track her down? She lives somewhere off campus with Lindsay, right?”
“I might be able to think straight if you’d stop moving. You’re making me dizzy. I pirouetted my ass off for two hours tonight. I don’t need to spin any more, thank you very much.”
I sighed and slouched against her dresser. “I don’t know what to do! When could she have possibly heard me talking about anything—in a washroom, of all places? I’m trying to remember if I’ve been at any events lately where I might have said something, but it’s not like I’ve been wasted at a party somewhere spewing nasty rumors about someone. I have this horrible feeling it’s about Daniel, but how could it be?”
“Unless you’ve been talking to yourself, I don’t see how. You’ve only told Matt and me. Maybe you’re making something out of nothing.”
“I know! I don’t get it. It’s paranoia or my guilty conscience making me think it has to do with him, right? But you should have seen the look on her face. It was like she was mocking me and feeling sorry for me at the same time.”
“Well, think back. Have you ever been anywhere with Daniel where you might have gone to the washroom and chatted to a stranger or a waitress—”
“A waitress?” I rubbed my eyes. I was driving myself crazy. “Seriously? It would have involved you or Penny, since you’re the only females who know about us. It makes no sense. I don’t hang out with Cara. I never see her outside of the classroom.”
I was on the verge of dismissing Cara’s cryptic comment, prepared to conclude that she was just trying to psych me out, when the expression on Julie’s face changed. She brought her hands up to cover her mouth.
“Holy shit. Oh no, Aubrey. Fuck—”
“What? What is it?” I rushed over to the bed and dropped beside her, pulling her hands down. She looked at me, horror-stricken.
“Oh crap, Aubrey. Think for a second. When was the last time you remember seeing Cara outside of class—for a social event, I mean?”
“She was at the Kap semi-formal a few weeks back, but she didn’t see me. I wasn’t even there for ten minutes before I left with Daniel. And he didn’t come in—”
“No, before that…go back farther,” she interrupted, her face serious, her voice low and controlled.
“I can’t think of anything. Wait, there was the memorial service for Mary. She sat behind us, remember?”
“And the next day?” Julie asked.
“Oh, right. The benefit at Brennan Hall. She was there, but we hardly—”
I stopped short, remembering that I had made two trips to the washroom that night. Julie had been with me each time, and Penny had been there for the second one. And we had definitely talked about Daniel. Both times. Not once had I paid any attention
to the stalls. The blood rushed out of my face, and my own hands flew up to my face.
Julie nodded slowly. “Remember when I first arrived? After our fight, we went in the washroom to talk?”
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” I breathed, horrified.
“I know. We were talking about how you hadn’t told me about you and Daniel. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went down. Maybe we mentioned his name when we were talking. Do you remember looking around to see if anyone was in there?”
“No, I was too worried about our fight. I didn’t even think twice about anything else. What if she was in there the whole time listening?”
“Oh my God. You know what? That would explain how weird she was when she came over to the table to say hi. Remember how she looked at us like we’d all grown two heads? And then on Monday, in class, she gave you that creepy look? You brushed it off, but I knew there was something up. Fuck, Aubrey, she knows.”
I flopped on the bed, burying my face in my arm as terror gave way to acute anguish.
“Oh my God, what the hell am I going to do? Daniel is gonna have a shit fit!”
Julie nudged my arm away from my face. “Let’s think this through. Why was she telling you?”
“To freak me out? To scare me? It’s no mystery she doesn’t like me.”
“She’s probably jealous. Maybe she wants the upper hand for once. Maybe she has no intention of doing anything with the information. If she was planning to use what she knows, wouldn’t she have done something by now?”
That was a good point. If she meant to hurt me or Daniel, why would she wait weeks to do it?
Unless…
“Maybe she’s biding her time to see if she needs leverage. Perhaps if Daniel assigns her a low mark she can use what she knows to blackmail him.”
My thoughts flickered anxiously to Nicola. I couldn’t discuss Daniel’s history at Oxford with Julie, but there was a very real possibility that Cara had similar plans in mind.
“You need to tell him,” Julie said resolutely.
“Don’t you think I should get proof before I start throwing around accusations?”
“You don’t have to word it that way. Tell him what she said and what you suspect she might mean.”
“And then tell him that I was blabbing about him and our relationship indiscreetly in a public washroom? He’ll kill me. Any hope of a relationship, out the window. Fuck, this is brutal!”
“I’m just as much to blame.”
I tried to picture myself telling Daniel. I’d have to break my promise to his father and tell him in person. It’s not like I could call him or tell him in an email. I imagined the look of panic on his face. All his worst fears and nightmares would be realized. What if he had an anxiety attack right there and then? What if I couldn’t talk him down?
“Jul, I need to think this through and figure out what to do next. Please don’t say anything to Jeremy, okay?”
“If that’s what you want. I won’t be seeing Jer until next week, anyway. I’ll be on the train by ten o’clock tomorrow morning. Are you gonna be okay here alone this weekend?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m planning to work my ass off to try to make a dent in these last three papers.”
“Is Matt going to be around?”
“No. He’s going to Sarah’s until Sunday night.”
“And Jo?”
I shook my head.
“That sucks. You should come home with me.”
“I have three classes tomorrow. I can’t miss them. I’ll keep myself busy, don’t worry.”
She looked at me sadly. “Try to stay positive. I’m sure everything will be fine. Maybe Cara’s just blowing smoke.” She squeezed my hand. “You know there’s a big Easter dinner at Casa Grant on Sunday, right?”
“Yeah, Daniel was telling me about it. They’re going to church for the Easter service and then having an early dinner because Penny leaves for England Sunday night, right?”
“That’s what Jer said. It’ll be so fun when the semester is over and you and I can go to some of these Grant family events. I can’t wait until they know about us and we can all hang out together,” she said.
Julie, the eternal optimist, was looking ahead to the end of the semester as if nothing had changed. I wasn’t as hopeful. The likelihood of the six of us having a great time together anywhere was now in question because I had foolishly committed the cardinal Grant sin: I hadn’t been discreet.
An hour later I was sitting in the middle of my bed in fleece PJ pants and Daniel’s black T-shirt. Cara’s whispered warning made the hair on my neck stand on end every time I thought about it. Desperate for a distraction, I opened the CD Daniel had made me. He’d created a liner sleeve—a picture of a cherubic angel playing a lute. Across the top he’d included the words, “If music be the food of love, play on.”
I slipped the CD into my laptop and scanned the folded papers he’d included in the envelope. What I saw made my heart flip. It was a list of the songs on the CD, along with selected lyrics and a personal commentary explaining why he’d chosen each one. I took a deep breath and started the CD, alternately reading along with Daniel’s notes and listening to the music as each new song began.
It was like a scrapbook of our relationship thus far, each song corresponding to an event from the past couple of months or tied to his feelings for me. He covered everything from the early days of our acquaintance to our mutual admission that we had feelings for one another and beyond.
He claimed to have included the second-to-last song, “Heart on My Sleeve” by Idina Menzel, because the words made him think of my willful independence. In the liner notes, he’d written, Your combination of strength and vulnerability takes my breath away. You amaze me—every single day—without fail.
Tears welled in my eyes, but they spilled over when the last song began. I’d never heard of it, but “You’re the Best Thing” by The Style Council was an old favorite of Daniel’s, one which had suddenly come to mean more to him than ever before. His notation to accompany the song said, You are the best thing that’s happened to me, Aubrey. Mark my words—this is a song we’ll make love to.
I finally gave in to my tears, sobbing openly. If I’d listened to the CD before my conversation with Cara, I’m sure I would have reacted emotionally, but now the knowledge that she could do him serious harm if she went public with her allegations, or if she tried to blackmail him into giving her a better mark on her conference or her paper—well, that changed everything. She would ruin him and probably destroy any chances we would have for happiness by irreparably tainting our relationship.
Unable to string words together coherently enough to thank Daniel for his wonderful gift, I went to bed at midnight. My eyes were sore from crying.
On Thursday morning, I awoke just before ten o’clock. Prior to leaving for my class at St. Mike’s, I managed to throw together a quick email to Daniel to thank him for the CD and to explain how deeply the songs and accompanying words had touched me. I also tried to impress upon him that this present meant more to me than any gift with high monetary value possibly could. I didn’t mention anything about Cara or her ominous warning.
Daniel wrote back almost immediately to say he was so glad I’d written—he’d been worried when he hadn’t heard from me the night before, but he’d assumed I’d been too tired after class to give the CD a listen. He said choosing those songs and writing about what they meant to him was one of the most enjoyable things he’d ever done for someone and that he wished he could make me a hundred more CDs just like it.
I thought I’d cried myself dry the night before. I was wrong.
By the time my French lecture came to a close that afternoon, I’d managed to forget and then subsequently remember Cara’s cryptic advice too many times to keep track of. My mind would wander as I moved through my day, and then her words would come back to me with a sudden jolt and I’d cringe, my shoulders lifting as if to protect me from some tangible physical onslaught.
>
All day I vacillated between wanting to stick my head in the sand to avoid dealing with her threat and knowing I needed to face it head-on. As I made my way back to Vic after my final lecture of the day, I decided the best course of action would be to track Cara down at the campus pub that night. It was the only approach that would clear my mind and alleviate my anxiety.
With that decision made, I sat on a bench in front of Hart House to read the email Daniel had sent while I’d been in class.
From: Jung Willman
To: Miss_V
Date: Thurs, Apr 9, 3:15:43 PM
Subject: LONG weekends
Well, here we are, poppet, on the brink of a very long weekend. Normally these extra days off are such a boon, but I’m certainly not looking forward to it. The fact that I won’t see you until next Wednesday has me feeling really lost.
I wish you were coming with me to my parents’ for Easter dinner. My mom makes a mean turkey dinner—which you know—but Patty’s bringing her famous pecan pie. It’s to die for. I wish you could be right by my side, trying it for yourself.
April 13th was my grandfather’s birthday. Easter was at the end of March last year, but this year, with the family dinner being the day before his birthday, I’m anticipating some melancholy moments at the table. I’ll probably go to see him on Monday. Since you won’t be sitting beside me on his bench this time, I’ll feel even sadder.
God, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m burdening you with all this. I wish we could talk face to face, but I know you’re trying to do the right thing. You’re so strong, my lovely.
Anyway, at the risk of putting undue pressure on you, I’m going to say this anyway…feel free to call me this weekend. But if you can’t bring yourself to do that, then please email me as much as you like. Regardless of what I’m doing, know that I’ll be thinking about you.
-D
xo
Daniel’s words led to more pangs, and again tears clouded my eyes as I read. I typed out a reply on my phone, struggling to keep my tone light.
Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2) Page 17