Mr. Unibrow nodded and wrote a few more lines as I sat, helplessly watching. After a couple of moments, he tossed his pen on the desk and stood up.
“Thank you for your time, Aubrey. You’ve been very helpful. As I mentioned earlier, I’m still working my way through the rest of the evaluations, but that’s all I need from you at present.”
I stood up and threw my bag over my shoulder, not entirely sure what had just happened—not certain what I would tell Daniel. I needed more information.
“Is this a new practice, sir? I’ve never heard of this sort of thing. I mean, I’ve done evaluations, but never been interviewed about a TA before.”
He made his way to the door and opened it, ushering me through.
“I wouldn’t call it standard practice, but Daniel has transferred from Oxford and this is his first time as TA here at U of T. We’d like to give him as much feedback as we can because his ultimate goal is to teach. I’m sure you understand,” he said dismissively. Clearly I was taking up his valuable time.
“Right. That’s a great idea,” I said, as if he needed me to validate his policies and procedures.
“Thank you again for your time,” he said.
I nodded, taking a quick look over his shoulder at the nameplate on his door.
Aaron O’Connor.
I hurried down the hall and pushed open the double doors, emerging into the afternoon sun. Feeling as if I was coming to the surface after being held at the bottom of a deep pool, I took a giant gulp of fresh air and propped against the wall to steady myself.
I had to call Daniel to tell him what had happened. Not that I even understood what had gone on in there. I dropped my backpack on the ground and fished for my phone in the side pocket with shaking hands. I was just about to dial his number when a voice behind me interrupted me.
“You okay?”
I whirled around, and there she was, sitting on the low parapet at the bottom of the stone steps. Cara. She’d been waiting for me.
Chapter 22
Confession
The fairest is confession.
Were not you here but even now disguised?
(Love’s Labour’s Lost, Act V, Scene 2)
I HASTILY PUT THE PHONE in my pocket. Daniel would have to wait. I walked down the steps to join her.
“Cara, what are you doing here?”
“I had an interview, like you did.”
Duh! Jesus.
“No, I mean, why are you still here?”
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms under her boobs. God, they were huge.
“I was going to see if you were okay, but whatever. Forget it.”
She stood and tossed me a contemptuous look before walking away. I narrowed my eyes as she retreated, remembering that Daniel had warned me not to talk to her. But if I let her go, I honestly felt like I’d never figure out what her deal was.
“Hey, Cara? Wait up.” I caught up with her, and we quickly fell in step. I tried to soften my tone. “What’s this all about? I can’t imagine why you’d want to talk to me—why you care how I am.”
She turned to look at me, chewing on the inside of her cheek like a chipmunk. Funny how I always seemed to associate her with rodents.
She gestured to a bench a little distance away, and we both sat. I waited for her to say something, but she had her eyes trained on the ground in front of us. The uncomfortable silence stretched on. Was she waiting for me to start talking? I was rooting around for something to say to break the ice when at last she spoke.
“Look, Aubrey, I know you don’t like me, and I don’t care. I mean, I don’t really like you much either,” she added.
For some reason, this admission struck me as funny. I laughed. She smiled wryly.
“Well, we don’t have much in common,” I said, aiming for a conciliatory tone.
She fiddled with the strap on her shoulder bag. “I guess not. Except maybe one thing.”
Oh, this should be rich.
“And what’s that?”
She looked straight at me. “We both really like a certain TA and don’t want him to get in any trouble.”
I tried to keep my face immobile. Was she trying to trap me—get me to confess something? Her warning and Daniel’s cautioning words came back to me.
Don’t let her bait you.
“He’s been a good TA,” I said guardedly. “I don’t see why he would get in trouble.”
“I figured you’d say that. I’m actually kinda glad you said that.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re being more careful.”
What the hell?
“Cara, you’ll have to tell me what you’re talking about. I’m a little confused.”
She sighed. “I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t expect you to, like, say anything or whatever. Actually, don’t say anything. I don’t want you to.”
I sat back on the bench, crossing my arms. “Okay. Shoot.”
“You probably don’t know this, but I’ve liked Shawn for a really long time.”
I had no idea what this had to do with anything, but I nodded.
“Back in February when I found out Shawn liked you, I was so mad. Well, first I was upset. Like, totally upset. It was bad enough that he liked someone else, but for it to be you? That sucked, you know what I mean?”
I nodded. What the hell could I say to that? She hated me and the guy she liked was interested in me. That would have been a total slap in the face.
“So anyway, a bunch of us got together for drinks before this event one night,” she said. “Shawn was raving about how great you’d looked the day before, and how he thought you were really hot. Once we got to the actual event, I was so upset that I had to escape to the washroom. Pathetic, I know, but I’ve totally liked him since I met him at the first Kap party in frosh week, and he’s never looked twice at me in four years. It didn’t matter what I did; he never paid any attention. It wasn’t fair that you’d get to have him when you didn’t even seem interested.”
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know why I was apologizing—I had no control over Shawn’s feelings. I’d certainly never led him on.
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter now. Anyway, that night, while I was in the washroom crying, I heard something that made me feel better.” She looked at me pointedly. “It was at Brennan Hall. The night of that benefit thing for Mary?”
Holy shit! Suddenly, I realized exactly where she was going with all of this. What would Daniel say right now? Would he want me to shut her down? As much as I wanted to avoid pursuing this topic with her, I was burning with curiosity and dying to hear what she would say next.
“And what do you think you heard, Cara?”
“It’s not what I think I heard. It’s what I know I heard. You were talking to Julie Harper about this guy you were dating. A guy you probably shouldn’t have been dating. And you definitely shouldn’t have been talking about it, at least not out in the open like that. Anyone could’ve heard you. I heard you.”
I weighed my options, trying to decide how to respond, but I didn’t have a chance.
“You know who I’m talking about. And you don’t have to deny it or whatever. I’m not fishing, and I’m not trying to get him in trouble. That’s the last thing I want. He’s been totally awesome to me.”
I looked uncomfortably at my hands. “I really don’t—”
“Just let me finish?” she interrupted me. “Seriously. Don’t say anything.”
“Um, okay.”
“When I first found out you guys were together, I was stoked, ’cause that meant you were taken. But after a while, that sort of didn’t matter anymore. I wanted him to be happy because he’s a good person. He’s really helped me. And I’ve watched you two all semester, ever since that night, and I swear there’re times when it’s so obvious you’re into each other. That’s why I warned you to be more careful. I should’ve said something earlier.”
I looked at he
r impassively, trying not to look too interested in what she was saying.
“I felt kinda bad after I said that to you,” she admitted. “You know, about being more careful who you talk about and where? But, really, I wanted you to be kinda scared. I figured it would make you realize people might be watching you. Julie was the one who said his name. You didn’t say it once, but you still should’ve been more careful.”
I squinted up at the sky for a second. I hadn’t said anything incriminating—hadn’t confirmed my relationship with Daniel—but I wasn’t denying it either. Wasn’t my silence as good as an acknowledgment?
“I wanted to say something when I was talking to you about chipping in for the gift,” she said, “but Shawn was there and it was awkward. Then later that afternoon, I had a meeting with, well, him, and I figured you must have told him what I’d said, and he thought I was gonna rat you guys out. I felt bad. I wanted you to be careful, but I never would do something that nasty to someone, especially not to him. And just ’cause we’re not friends doesn’t mean I wanted to screw you over either.”
She looked at me expectantly. My mind was racing, trying to puzzle out what must have happened between her and Daniel. Had he confronted her?
“Cara, this is really awkward. I don’t know what to say. I’m sort of confused. I don’t get why you’re telling me all this now.”
She clasped her hands in front of her.
“I guess I’m kinda worried. That guy in there asked a lot of questions about, you know, appropriate behavior and stuff. I’m scared they might know something. I don’t want him to get in trouble. Do you think he’s in trouble?”
“Look, we do agree on one thing—Daniel is a really decent person. It would be shitty if he got screwed over. But as far as I can tell, the university is just being thorough.” I paused and then carefully emphasized my next words. “Unless someone said something to indicate otherwise, as far as they know, he’s a first-time TA who has a few things to learn about evaluation and about building rapport with students.”
She looked at me reproachfully. “All I did was tell that guy in there that Daniel was an amazing TA and that he went out of his way to help me.”
I looked at her levelly. “And I said the same.”
Her expression softened. “Do you think maybe everything’s okay, then? Maybe it’s just the university being hard core to help him and stuff, like you said?”
“I hope so. I don’t know what else to say about it.”
She nodded.
I mulled over her predicament, feeling a vague sympathy for her.
“You know what, Cara? I wish I’d known you liked Shawn all this time. Maybe I could’ve done something to try to help you.”
“No offense, Aubrey, but I never would’ve told you something like that. You’re not very good at hiding the way you feel about people. People you really like and people you don’t.”
“Fair enough, but I really have a hard time with the whole flirty, tits-first routine. I know it’s not your fault for being well-endowed, but you’re not a stupid person. I don’t understand why you behave that way.”
“That’s how I survived in high school,” she explained. “When you’re a blonde with big boobs, everyone, like, assumes you’re an airhead. It’s easier to go along with that than to work to prove them wrong.”
“See, in my opinion, that’s all the more reason to prove them wrong.”
She smiled. “That’s what Shawn said. He said he feels like he’s known me all these years and has never seen who I really am. He said he never thought twice about me because he figured guys were always falling all over me. Which is so not true.”
“I’m happy for you. I’m glad you guys got together before it was too late. He’s a great guy.”
“I know, right?” She smiled in a self-satisfied way. “So, if we were in some cheesy movie, this is the part where we’d hug and decide to be best friends, right?”
“Probably.”
She shook her head. “I hate cheesy movies.”
I laughed. “Me too.”
She stood. “When you talk to Daniel, can you let him know I said hi and that I hope everything works out, you know, with stuff?” she said.
“I will. Thanks.”
“Okay. Well, see ya.”
I held up my hand in a parting wave, and she took a few steps backward before turning swiftly and bouncing off down the street.
“Daniel, where are you? Your voice sounds funny,” I said.
“I’m driving. I had to get out. I was going crazy earlier waiting for your call.”
I closed my eyes. Of course. The whole time I’d been talking to Cara he’d probably been pacing, wondering what the hell was going on.
“Sorry I kept you waiting.”
“I knew you’d call when you were ready. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Hey, if you’re driving, you shouldn’t be talking on the phone.”
He sighed in mock exasperation. “Yes, dear.”
“I’m not nagging. It’s a law.”
“Come on. You know me better than that. I’m using my Bluetooth. Where are you?”
“I’m sitting on a bench in front of Burwash Hall. I just had the most surreal morning of my life.”
“Mine’s been pretty interesting too, but you tell me about yours first. What happened at the interview?”
“I think it went okay. I met with a guy named Aaron O’Connor.”
“Yes, he’s the TA coordinator.”
“Right. I got the sense he was trying to figure out if you’d done something inappropriate. I tried to defend you as best I could without going overboard. And you’ll never believe who I saw while I was there—Cara Switzer! She got called in too. Apparently he asked her a lot of the same questions.”
“Well, that all makes sense.”
“It does?”
“Absolutely. Martin called me about fifteen minutes ago to tell me he’d been called by O’Connor first thing this morning. Turns out O’Connor is spearheading this campaign to make sure I haven’t screwed up, given my so-called track record at Oxford. Martin thinks it’s overkill, and he wasn’t supposed to tell me, but he thought I had a right to know.”
“Really? I can’t believe they’re being so anal! The accusation against you was retracted.”
Funny how I seemed to have completely forgotten that Daniel had been breaking all the rules for weeks by dating me.
“Aubrey, anything that threatens a university’s reputation is bad for business. They had to make sure I wasn’t some loose cannon TA, running around trying to use what little power I might have to blackmail poor, unwitting undergrads.”
“Don’t even joke about that, Daniel. Seriously.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to wind you up.”
“I wish Professor Brown had known about this before. At least we would’ve known there was nothing massive to worry about. He could have put our minds at rest.”
“There’s no point bitching about it now. Anyway, it sounds like the interview was fairly straightforward. What made it surreal?”
“Well, the interview wasn’t really all that strange. But talking with Cara afterward? That was surreal. She’s not the person I thought she was.”
“Did she give you a hard time?”
“Not at all. She was actually pretty cool. I’ve underestimated her.”
“I told you she was an interesting girl.”
“You were right on the money when you said she wouldn’t want to report you. She’s really concerned about you getting into trouble. She has known about us all semester, you know?”
“She told you that?”
“Yes. Point blank. She’s known since the benefit for Mary. Just as I’d suspected.”
“Sounds like a scary conversation.”
“I freaked out a bit at first. For a minute, I had this image of her wearing a wire or something.”
He laughed. “Jesus. Talk about paranoia.”
“I know. I t
ried to stay calm. But, if anything, she was even more cautious than I was. Her discretion was impressive. The whole experience was very illuminating. Oh, and she asked me to say hi and to wish you well with everything.”
“That’s nice to hear. Thanks.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “God, I feel so much better.”
“Me too,” he said. “You have no idea.”
I could imagine how relieved he must have been. As my eyes drifted over to Northrop Frye Hall, I remembered the other big news of the day.
“Hey, by the way, your dad and I had quite the chat at work this morning.”
“About?”
“His new job. He landed it, eh?”
“Yes, he told me on Monday. I wondered when he was going to tell you. How do you feel about it?”
“I’m happy for him, but that bitch Elaine Armstrong is taking over in a week and a half. I’m not looking forward to that.”
“You’ll be fine. You’re a strong, intelligent woman.”
“You have more faith in my abilities than I do.”
“I’m the man who’s in love with you. Of course I do.”
I pulled my feet up onto the bench and hugged my knees. The emotional heft of his words made me smile.
“Hey, sailor? The card I opened today? The picture of the tutorial room and what you said about knowing who I was when you sat beside me? It’s pretty awesome.”
“You like it?”
“I love it.”
“Good. I like making you happy.”
“You know what would make me happier?”
“What’s that?”
“If I could see you. Can you just drive by and wave or something?”
He laughed. “It might take me a while to get there. I’m on my way to Orillia.”
“Orillia? Why the hell are you going up there?”
“Oh, you know. Gonna swing by Casino Rama. Feed my gambling habit.”
“Come on,” I pleaded. “What’s really going on in Orillia?”
“Can’t tell you—I’m afraid.”
“You’re such a hypocrite! How come you’re allowed to keep secrets and I’m not?”
“What if it’s a secret that can’t hurt you?” he said.
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