Together the women approached Thomas, who held out the paper to Evangeline along with a charred point of a stick to write with. Evangeline took it, pressing her lips together as she considered what she needed the spirits to know and how best they could guide her in the future. Speaking to the messengers of the Gods was always tricky and it was best to keep it simple.
With Kyleigh standing so close, she would never write something against Glais but that was all that came to mind aa she stared down at the firm cloth. Finally, she wrote the only thought she felt safe writing in such company.
Allow my children to bring an end this curse
She rolled the parchment up and returned it to the statues hand. Kyleigh pressed a kiss to the seed and added it before Evangeline knelt before the freshly turned soil. Gently she placed the stone figure within its resting place and stood back to allow Thomas could fill it in. Evangeline refused to meet his eyes as he worked silently. Kyleigh took her by the elbow and thankfully began to lead Evangeline away from the scene.
“I am sure this might be an awkward conversation to have with your future mother in law, but with your mother absent, I feel it is my responsibility to have such discussions with you Evangeline.” Kyleigh sat on a bench and Evangeline had little choice except to join her.
“If you mean to discuss the wedding night with me, I appreciate your wisdom in the matter.” It wasn’t the act of sex she was nervous for although that was a small concern as it had always been for Evangeline. It was the blood lust she feared. Glais had made it clear that the blood and the desire for intercourse were linked. Could he perform one without the other? If anyone was to know how best to deal with the Braykith curse, it was Kyleigh.
The danger of this discussion was of course not being able to mention the particulars of her fears and Evangeline feared that Kyleigh was so simple in her desires and personal outlook on life that she would miss the real questions Evangeline wanted to ask. Evangeline needed to choose her words carefully. She had no desires to kill eavesdropper.
“I am aware of Glais and his activities.” She started, staring into Kyleigh’s eyes and hoping she understood the context. Kyleigh knew that Evangeline knew of the curse, but would she understand that she was trying to discuss his blood lust and not anything else? Evangeline was not confident as Kyleigh smiled gently back with her head tilted just a little to the right. “I have a healthy fear of the wedding night.” Evangeline admitted.
Kyleigh nodded. “As did I. I trembled so badly that Quintus struggled with the simplest of knots.” Kyleigh chuckled at the memory but Evangeline’s shoulders slumped. She would not find the advice she was looking for here. “The Braykith men are wild, but they are sensitive when it matters. Glais will treat you properly.”
Evangeline nodded and placed her hands on her lap, looking out on the views of the land. “Shall I be able to satisfy him?” She asked softly. “Can he be satisfied?” She sighed and held her hand up to stop Kyleigh before she answered. “Please, no Kyleigh. This is no fit conversation between his future wife and his mother.”
Kyleigh nodded, following Evangeline’s lead and looking out into the gardens, her eyes instantly skimming over the guards that had positioned themselves strategically around her. “You have created a false impression of my son.”
Evangeline froze, unsure if Kyleigh was aware that she spoke the same consciousness as her son had done. “I can only do what I can to survive here. If it is false, he has left a false impression for me to take.”
Kyleigh nodded. “Yes, he is not as level-headed as his father, but he holds other traits that Quintus did not have. Glais is quick to react but he does so with total truth. He does not question his motive but rather believes it as the only one correct course to take. He believed in love, and foolishly acting rashly.”
Evangeline’s thumb ran the length of her finger, a distraction from a conversation she did not wish to have and yet it was unfolding before her. “I cannot help the way he makes me feel Kyleigh. We had always struggled to communicate, even before I arrived and the distance he put between us cannot be placed on me. That was his decision.”
As was his decision to attack her and leave her to wake alone with more questions then she dared to ask. When she found enough strength to ask them, Glais provides so little information that she never felt satisfied. Evangeline shivered although she was sitting in the full view of the sun, goosebumps threatening her skin as she fought the urge to inspect her neck again.
“I suppose there is truth in that Eva. However, it is your decision on how to move forward. Only you can decide on that.” Kyleigh ignored Evangeline as she made that internal struggle. She understood they couldn’t talk freely so Kyleigh said all that she could say. “Glais is your husband, and Braykith is your home. You will need to perform as a wife regardless of how you feel. The questions become Eva, will you wake at night fearing him or will you embrace all he is?”
It was quite a question, one that Evangeline never imagined she would struggle with. Before coming here, her biggest fears were other women and now she wished for nothing more than for Glais to find solace with another woman so she would not be forced to do so. “I wish it was an easy answer.”
“It is one you need to have by your wedding night. It will be witnessed, and for the sake of our Kingdom Eva, it must be believed that you are not afraid of Glais. It will bring with it to many questions, too many dangers.” Kyleigh said, her view still of the visible grounds even though she was addressing Evangeline.
Evangeline looked at Kyleigh suddenly, her heart leaping into her throat. “Witnessed?”
Kyleigh chuckled. “I mean that retiring to his chambers will be witnessed. Monitored by guards to ensure that the wedding is consummated. Come morning, the sheets will be checked.” Kyleigh rose and paused while Evangeline struggled to control her fear at that prospect. “Being Queen is all an act Eva. It never ends and every scene is harshly judged by ill-witted critics. You cannot make a mistake.” She reached out and her thumb stroked along Evangeline’s cheek. “I am sorry for your burden, but as far as responsibilities go it is not the worst.”
Evangeline could not imagine anything worse than her union to a monster who drunk blood to sustain himself. A monster who swallowed the blood of another, and then slept with them. A monster who admitted this to her, looked right into her eyes and said these things and then did not apologise for the behaviour. Glais claimed it was a physical need and he was powerless. Evangeline was expected to handle her own impulses and stay loyal.
It was maddening and depressing. Kyleigh had given her a fair warning, though. The wedding night viewing would happen, and she would need to act for all the Kingdom as a young girl in love, or at the very least to appear as if lust had overcome her. Evangeline would draw on her inner Teagan and try her best to make her friend proud of her antics for as long as someone watched her.
Once the door was closed, well they would consummate the marriage bed but there would be no audience. For years, she imagined losing her virginity. The romanced idea forged by the stories between her parent’s love letters. The passion and desire, the need to be together and to join with another in such a way that no other person could understand. She wished it for herself once.
Evangeline’s eyes scanned the gardens slowly, not really seeing the greens anymore. Such simple distractions once, and she felt foolish in ever feeling a desire to add to Braykith and make something her own. Now she knew the truth. To keep such a secret and find peace with the monster she was forced to spend the rest of her life with, that was all she could hope to perform until finally she was taken from this world. Her eyes settled on the newly set earth and her stomach flip-flopped.
She may be forced to endure many things as Glais’ wife. Evangeline’s life was never her own, and since a young age it had been decided for reasons she could not control that her life would belong to this monster. Evangeline could not leave, and she couldn’t hope to understand half of the world as it was presen
ted to her. However, she could find control in a single act of defiance.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Deciding something and then making it a reality was difficult for Evangeline. She felt empowered by her decision regarding her virginity and yet she struggled with creating a place where she had a good conscience about it. Glais took lovers, and while he admitted they were not much more than a warm body in need, Evangeline still felt she was entitled to some kind of retribution for his antics.
She had wandered the castle several times, not looking for Thomas but rather practising words that would bring him to her chambers. After several hours of pacing all over the grounds, she returned to her chambers and wrote him a note. Short and to the point, Evangeline only strung together the request to come to her after an hour of time had passed. Not trusting anyone with it, she delivered the note herself.
He was in the kitchens, creating food. Several of the guards stood with him, piling their plates high with the wares from the kitchens. She could not very well present him with this request now, in front of so many witnesses. Evangeline was forced to pace longer still until Thomas came to her.
“You have been waiting for me a long time,” He said to her with a worried frown. “Is everything ok my lady?” Thomas was always sure to address Evangeline properly. While their relationship seemed far more friendly than the beginning, Thomas would not forget her position and that he was not entitled to treat her so casually.
Evangeline said nothing. She pressed the note into his hand and turned on her foot and left. Evangeline went in the first direction her feet set her in which was the wrong way and would only take her from her rooms. She did not look back, not even to check that Thomas read the note. Evangeline supposed she would know in time. If he did not come, she would face her fate as it was expected.
Evangeline had prepared the room for his arrival. A fire did not burn, logs stacked instead where the fire would be later. Windows let in the natural light of the afternoon and Evangeline was dressed appropriately, as a woman of her stature was supposed to. Wick was dismissed, sent on errands and a false demand for produce from the markets that would take her hours to complete. This event was for Evangeline and she needed no witnesses. She had no words to explain this in any way that seemed reasonable so she instead isolated herself away from people
She drank wine as she waited. Nothing that would allow Evangeline to forget herself but enough to lose the edge of uncertainty. Of course, the note held no promise to Thomas. He knew not what she had planned but she doubted he would refuse her. He had been showing his attraction since they met, and Evangeline could think of no one better for the task at hand. She had few friends, and even fewer she would want to know so intimately.
Evangeline finished her third glass and was starting to pour herself another which threatened to finish the bottle when a knock erupted from her door. Still unsure if she meant to go through with her proposal she stared at the door for a moment. Evangeline told herself that she could ignore it. It was not impossible to believe that she could be happy with only knowing Glais intimately. It was that thought, the idea of giving her body to the monster first that propelled her forward.
Glass in hand she pulled the door open and invited Thomas inside. “Thank you for coming. I know I did not give you must reason to accept my invitation.” She crossed the room, and Thomas stayed awkwardly where he was because he was still confused about her intentions in the first place. The room was so brightly lit that nothing was hidden from view, but Thomas was too nervous to take in the sights. “I am glad to be of service.” He coughed lightly into his hand.
Standing directly in the light, Evangeline finished the glass and set it down. The fire from the drink burned her blood and she knew she would do this, and there would be no regret. “I have a big favour to ask of you Thomas and I am fully expecting you to deny me, but I must ask it regardless.”
Thomas nodded, his stomach in a hard knot. “I will not kill Glais for you. I owe my loyalty to the crown, Eva.” He was short to remind her, but already she was shaking her head.
“No Thomas, although what I need from you is just as treacherous.” She pressed her lips closed, collecting her nerve to speak. When she struggled, Thomas crossed the room to hold her elbow to keep Evangeline standing. Little did he realise, what she meant to ask was far less intimidating when he was standing across the room. She looked up at him and her words froze on her tongue. Thomas was looking down at her with such care and compassion she almost cried. So few people appeared to see her this way here, to witness it now was almost too much for her to comprehend.
The sun coming in through the windows kept her warm, but being so close to Thomas created a tension within her body that no sun rays could cure. Evangeline stayed where she was, transfixed and looking up at him. Time had gone still for them both and neither Evangeline or Thomas seemed to even blink as they stood together.
Stuck between breaths, simultaneously frozen and hyper aware of everything, Evangeline stood far too close for a soon to be a married woman. Yet, she dared not move even if it was polite to do so. What if that simple movement somehow broke the moment and then all was lost? She needed it to last, the tension spread between them so she could take her time to commit it all to memory.
Thomas’ eyes appeared darker than normal. Nothing as monstrous as the glint she spied in Glais’ and his glances, when he bothered to spend them on her at least. This was odd, this feeling of mutual attraction. It was something she had felt for a short period before but never had a real chance to experience with someone. Once, Glais had been the focus of these desires but he had made it impossible for Evangeline to ever find those feelings for him again.
She wondered if Thomas was struck just like she was. Evangeline still would not dare to move, the heavy skirts of her dress being caressed by the breeze coming in through the window as it passed between them and reminded Evangeline and Thomas that the world was still watching them. She knew this was wrong. Like Thomas, she owed everything to Glais and the crown loyalty.
Thomas risked death just by coming here even if it was at her command, but it was a risk he welcomed. He watched as Evangeline struggled, Thomas not daring to interrupt her as she openly fought with herself on their situation. It felt like a certainty that Evangeline would not act on this mutual attraction. He felt that she would choose the right thing to do rather then what they both wanted, and Thomas knew that he needed to act or the moment would pass them by. Before she could ruin the thing which should never have started, Thomas increased his touch.
The barest of pressure really. His fingers slid down the outside of the arm and came to circle the palm of her hand. Goosebumps erupted behind his fingertips, a telling sign of the contact which couldn’t be ignored. Evangeline needed to tell him to stop, and yet wasn’t this what she wanted? Her duty as Queen and wife dictated that this was not right, but her role as a woman was screaming for this to happen. All of this she had thought again and again, but never had it been so dangerous to consider. Once this started there would be no taking it back. She could taste his breath, breathing out of time delicately and she knew she wanted to find out more about him.
“Eva?”
She melted at her name, as if it was the code word they were both waiting for. Thomas bent towards her, and she didn’t move. Her lips seemed to prepare themselves before she could even enforce the desire. The passing of lips was gentle. Evangeline swallowed hard, but when she didn’t try and pull away as Thomas brought his lips to hers. His hand found her waist and Eva was stuck against his chest. Trapped comfortably so, her hands fisted and holding onto the fabrics of his shirt to keep him there. Eva greeted each kiss with a responding kiss of her own that invited him to stay a little longer.
The kiss was passionate without being demanding and Evangeline felt that tiny part of her that she thought was long dead breathe a single breath in time with Thomas. Her fingers flexed in her continued grip as Thomas stole her breath and with it all of her
strength. Without him, Evangeline would have fallen but Thomas was sure to keep her standing.
Just as suddenly as it started, it ended and Eva was panting. Embarrassed, her cheeks blazed with a heat of their own which had nothing to do with the sun's heat trapped in the room with them. Her corset felt far too tight and embarrassingly she realised it was his grip and not the boning which restricted her movements. She took a step back and he let her go. Her eyes downcast, Evangeline had no words.
“I’m sorry,” Thomas spoke first. His voice thick, on the edge of an emotional outburst so unfitting for his station and gender that Evangeline almost dared to look upon him to see if he was mocking her in some way. She was so accustomed to Glais and his rejection, and now his overly observant claims, she found it hard to believe any man was genuine. There was no mocking to be had from Thomas. A gentleman he remained even after what he had done.
She shook her head hard and fast. Evangeline’s tongue darted over her lips and caught the last remains of the kiss which lingered there. Her voice was weak and breathless but she forced her thoughts to form words and to be heard. “No.” She hated how she sounded, but Evangeline couldn’t help it. Thomas tilted his head, half bent over so he could look into hr eyes. Once their eyes locked Thomas stood and she followed his gesture.
“Are you ok?” he asked her with more feeling than she deserved.
Never had a man been so delicate with her, and Evangeline managed the barest of nods. “No one has ever kissed me like that.” She tried to explain. She felt foolish, juvenile by her reaction to only a kiss. How could she ever hope to do more?
His face softened, his thumb sliding over her lips before he followed to arch to caress her cheek in the same gesture. Evangeline looked up and warmed to his dark eyes. So unlike her husband, unlike her father, in contrast to any man who she had locked eyes with. He stood over her but she didn’t feel threatened. “That is the only way a woman deserves to be kissed.”
Extol of Agnatic Dreams (The Extol Series Book 1) Page 31