by Marta Perry
“But how many meek Amish girls have suffered a fate worse than mine at their hands? I get sick when I think about it.”
“Yet God saved you.”
“I saved me. The buggy whip saved me. I’m not sure God was even there.”
“God is everywhere, Sally. He did not abandon you.”
She sighed heavily as she faced the truth. “No, He did not fail me. My entire life I have been taught to believe that I must submit to evil and never, ever resort to violence in return. When God tested me, I failed Him.”
Ben stepped closer. “God knows we are not perfect, Sally. We’re human. Our Lord will test us many times in our lives, but He does not require that we live a perfect life. He only requires that we try to live as He wills. The only way to fail Him is by giving up.”
Ben’s kind words were a balm to her wounded spirit. She longed to throw herself into his arms and weep, but she couldn’t. He had spoken to her as a friend. She had to behave as a friend in turn, no matter how much she longed to tell him that she loved him.
Kimi came into the living room. “Is there anything good to eat?”
Sally welcomed Kimi’s interruption and stepped away from Ben with relief. “I’ll fix you some church spread. I think you and Ryder will like it.”
Kimi looked around the room. “Where is the brat?”
Sally scowled at her. “I have told you not to call your brother names.”
“I thought Ryder was upstairs with you,” Ben said.
“He was bugging me so I sent him out.”
Ben took a step closer. “What do you mean you sent him out?”
Kimi walked toward the kitchen. “I told him to go check on Dandy.”
Ben grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. “He went outside? How long ago?”
Kimi shook off his grip, but she must’ve recognized the fear on his face. “I don’t know. A while ago. He came back, didn’t he?”
Sally shouted his name. There was no answer. She raced to the front door. Ryder’s coat and boots were gone. “I didn’t hear him go out.”
“We must have been on the back porch. I’ll go get him.” Ben began pulling on his boots.
Sally held out a scarf. “Be careful. Don’t let go of the rope.”
It was a useless caution. Ben knew how dangerous the whiteout conditions were. When he opened the door, a blast of wind almost jerked it from his hands. Sally stood beside him shivering in the icy draft. He shouted Ryder’s name, but the boy wasn’t on the porch. Did he know to keep hold of the rope? Ben went down the steps and disappeared into the chilling white.
“What’s going on? Why are you yelling?” Granny came out of her bedroom dressed in her robe and slippers.
Sally closed the door against the storm. Kimi turned to her great-grandmother with wide, worried eyes. “I told Ryder to go check on the horse. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I didn’t know it was so bad outside.”
“Hush, child. He is in God’s hands. The Lord is taking care of him.” Granny caught Sally’s eye. They both knew what this could mean. If Ryder hadn’t held on to the rope, he could easily become lost in the blizzard. If that happened, the likelihood of his survival was next to none. Was it already too late?
Chapter Eight
The door opened and Ben stumbled in. Sally’s heart dropped. He was alone.
“Ryder’s not in the barn. I searched through the snow as far as I could reach without letting go of the rope between here and there. He could have been a foot away from me and I wouldn’t have known it. You can’t see your hand in front of your face out there.”
Tears sprang to Kimi’s eyes. “I just wanted him to stop bugging me. We have to find him. He’s too little to be out in such bad weather.” She started to pull down her coat.
Ben stopped her. “I can’t let you go out there, Kimi.”
Granny put her hands on Kimi’s shoulders. “He’s right. Getting yourself lost will not help your brother.”
Kimi turned around and buried her face in her great-grandmother’s robe. Mrs. Weaver’s eyes pleaded with Ben to continue the search.
Sally said, “I’ll go out.”
“Not without me.” He was shivering with cold but she knew he wouldn’t stay inside.
“Do you have more of that rope, Granny?” Sally asked
“Ja. In the cellar.”
“Ben, we can tie ourselves together and then tie one end of the line so it will slide along the main rope. That way we can search farther from the path without becoming lost ourselves.”
“Good thinking. I’ll get it. Put on more clothes. The wind cuts right through you.” Ben raced toward the basement doorway.
Granny said, “My grandson has long underwear, pants and extra socks that will fit you. His room is at the top of the stairs on the right.”
Sally charged up the steps two at a time. She pulled the extra clothing over her jeans as fast as she could. She knew every moment was critical. Downstairs, she met Ben at the door. He tied the rope around her waist and made a second loop around himself. “Hang on to me until I get this rope secured.”
Sally checked the distance between them. It was only about three feet. “This isn’t much line.”
“We will make a first pass all the way to the barn if we don’t find him. When we get there, we’ll lengthen the rope and come back.”
“How many times?”
“Until we run out of rope. After that...”
He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t have to. Sally understood. If Ryder had walked farther away than their rope could reach, he wouldn’t be found in time.
Granny handed them each a flashlight.
“Are you ready?” Ben asked.
Sally nodded and followed him out the door. The wind almost pushed her off the steps. She had to grab hold of Ben to keep upright. When he had the rope looped over the guideline and secured, she leaned close to him so that he could hear her over the howling wind. “Ryder couldn’t walk into this. He would turn his back to it.”
“You’re right. We’ll search along the downwind side of the rope.”
At the bottom of the steps, Sally let go of Ben’s hand and stepped as far away from him as the line would allow. She could barely make out his figure. Together they began struggling toward the barn, shuffling through the snow, searching with their feet. Sally was shivering within minutes. She had no idea how Ben could tolerate being out in this again so soon. Only the thought of what Ryder must be enduring kept her stumbling forward.
They reached the barn without finding the boy. Ben pulled her toward him and pushed her into the barn. To be out of the wind was a blessing. At least she could see and hear Ben now. He loosened the rope from around her waist and lengthened the distance. When he had it secured again, he brushed the snow off her face. “Are you ready? Do you need another minute?”
“Not with that precious child lost out there. I’m ready.”
“You are a brave woman.”
“Nee, I’m not. I’m frightened to death.”
“Only a fool wouldn’t be frightened. God gives us the strength to endure what we must. Let’s go.” He opened the barn door and they went back into the maelstrom.
Sally began shivering immediately. The brief time in the barn hadn’t been enough to rewarm her. Again, they shuffled along the length of the rope, searching as they went. Sally called to Ryder, praying he could hear her, even though she knew it was hopeless. She searched with her hands and her feet, knowing she could miss him by inches. Her light was all but useless. When she came up against the porch railing, she almost broke down.
They had to find him. They had to.
Ben pulled her toward him. He pressed his mouth to her ear. “Go inside. I’ll go back.”
She shook her he
ad. “I’m coming with you. We have a better chance of finding him together.”
He nodded and retied the rope. “This is all the length we have.”
“It will be enough.” She had to believe that. She had faith. She would not meekly accept Ryder’s loss. God made her stubborn for a reason.
Still shivering, they ventured away from the limited shelter of the porch and began their sweep. What if she was wrong? What if Ryder had walked into the wind? Were they searching in the wrong direction? Could he survive this long? Her feet and cheeks were growing numb already. The scarf around her face was frozen solid.
Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of something dark in the snow. She jerked on the rope to signal Ben. He stopped. She stretched out her arm, but couldn’t reach whatever it was. Another few inches was all she needed. She slipped out of the rope and dropped to her knees knowing she had to keep her sense of direction. She crawled forward and touched something hard. It was Ryder’s boot. She latched on to his leg. Ben came to the end of the rope. She held her hand toward him. He grabbed her and pulled. It took all her strength to bring Ryder with her. She couldn’t tell if he was alive. He wasn’t moving. Ben pulled them to his side and lifted the boy in his arms. Together, they struggled back to the house. On the porch, Sally threw open the door and stood back to let Ben inside.
He staggered in with Ryder in his arms, stumbled and fell to his knees. Shivers racked his body. Sally was chilled to the bone and Ben had been out twice as long as she had. Ryder had been out much longer.
Kimi stood plastered against the wall, her face white with shock. “Is he dead?”
“He’s breathing,” Ben managed to say through his chattering teeth.
Granny rushed in as Ben laid the boy on the floor. “Get his clothes off. I have blankets warming in the oven. I’ll get them.”
Sally pulled off her hat and scarf and tossed them to the floor, along with her coat. She used her teeth to pull off her frozen mittens. Her fingers were almost useless as she tried to unzip Ryder’s coat. “Kimi, help me.”
Kimi pushed away from the wall and dropped to her knees beside her brother. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She managed to pull his coat off. “What do we do now?”
Sally looked at Ben. He said, “I’m not sure. Warm him as fast as we can.”
Sally grabbed Kimi’s arm. “Get your phone. We can call 911. They’ll tell us what to do.”
Kimi shook her head. “It’s dead. I know you told me not to use it, but I wanted to talk to my friends today. The battery died while I was trying to call Mom. She didn’t answer. I was leaving a message for her and Dad to tell them what happened to Ryder when my phone cut off. I’m sorry.”
Sally wanted to shake the child, but it wouldn’t do any good. She could see that Kimi was upset enough. “It’s okay, Kimi. Be strong for your brother.”
Granny came back with the blankets. She gave one to Ben and one to Sally. “Wrap yourselves up. Dr. White said, ‘Warm them little by little and start in the middle. Warm them too fast and the good won’t last.’ My grandson Marvin fell through the ice at a skating party. By God’s grace, he was rescued and Dr. White was fetched to take care of him. God bless that good man. Get all Ryder’s wet clothes off. Leave his underclothes on if they’re dry. Wrap this blanket around his body, but don’t cover his hands and feet with it just yet. Keep an eye on his breathing.”
Kimi quickly did as she was instructed. Granny spread a quilt over Ryder. His face was deathly pale and his lips were an awful shade of blue. Sally helped Ben out of his coat. He was shivering violently. She wrapped one of the blankets around his shoulders. He closed his eyes in bliss. She squeezed his arm, offering him comfort and something more. His hand came out from beneath the blankets and captured hers, holding it tight. He opened his eyes and gazed up at her. “Danki.”
It was more than thanks for the warm blanket. It was his thanks for her help, but it was something else, too. There was intense emotion in his eyes. Afraid of reading too much into what she saw, she pulled her hand away. She wrapped herself in the blanket Granny had given her. To be warm was the most wonderful sensation she had ever known. Her hands started stinging as the circulation returned to her icy fingers.
Although he was still shivering, Ben managed to stand. “We should get him into bed.”
Granny said, “It is warmer in the kitchen. I have a cot that I use when I have more company than beds. I’ll get it and put it near the stove. Rest a few minutes longer, Ben.”
He nodded and huddled deeper in the blanket as she left the room. Kimi had Ryder’s head in her lap as she knelt beside him. She looked up at Ben. “I didn’t want this to happen. You believe me, don’t you? I love him. I know I say mean things to him, but I’m never gonna say anything mean to him again. He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?”
“We are doing everything we can. It is up to God,” Ben said.
“If I pray, God will listen, isn’t that right? Sally, you said God always listens to our prayers.”
Sally knelt beside Kimi and put her arm around her shoulders. “He does. God always hears our prayers. He gave Ryder back to us tonight. We must have faith in His goodness. He will not abandon us.”
A tear slipped down Kimi’s cheek as she gazed at her brother and brushed his hair back with her hand. “It’s almost Christmas. God has to be listening.”
* * *
Ben moved Ryder to the cot as soon as Granny had it set up in the kitchen near the stove. Following her instructions, Sally placed a warm blanket under him and wrapped warm towels around his body. Ryder’s color began to improve and he started shivering. Color flowed back into his cheeks and his lips. What worried Sally was that the boy didn’t rouse. Kimi couldn’t be persuaded to leave him. She pulled a chair up beside his cot and sat talking to him and stroking his hair.
After the adults conferred in the living room, Granny decided to take the first shift with the boy, leaving the others to rest briefly. Ben agreed and went upstairs to lie down in one of the bedrooms. Sally was as reluctant to leave Ryder’s bedside as Kimi was. Granny said, “You need to go get some rest.”
“I don’t think I can close my eyes.”
Granny squeezed Sally’s hand. “He is doing as well as can be expected. You get some sleep, and I’ll wake you in two hours.”
“I would give anything if this hadn’t happened.”
“Bad things will always happen, my child. We endure them and wonder why, but Gott has a plan, even if we can’t understand it. Sometimes we think we know the reason, but more often than not, we must rely on faith and simply trust our Lord. One day, when we stand before Him, we will see all that He has wrought. Until then, we are but the threads of the quilt He stitches and binds. We can see no further than the threads around us. Who could know that what I learned when my grandson fell through the ice ten years ago would be needed now? Gott knew and He gave me the knowledge.”
“Having faith is not easy for me,” Sally admitted.
“Holding true faith in your heart is harder than being Amish and that’s difficult enough. Anyone who tells you differently is either lying to themselves or to you.”
“Surely, it’s not difficult for you, Granny?”
“Of course it is. I pray all the time that I may be worthy in the sight of God. I’m not as charitable as I should be. I resent that my Englisch granddaughter doesn’t come to see me and keeps her children away. And I can’t abide my neighbor, Ezekiel Knepp. His old cow is forever getting into my garden because he won’t keep his fences in repair.
“Only God is perfect, Sally. The rest of us must struggle with our faults. We strive to overcome our shortcomings. Sometimes we fail. That is when we must accept that Gott loves us for who we are, faults and all. Our sins are forgiven. That knowledge inspires us to try harder to live a life pleasing to our Lord. Do
you understand what I’m saying?”
“What if I don’t think I can overcome my faults?”
Granny smiled. “With God’s help, all things are possible. It may take a lifetime, but someday I’m going to like Ezekiel Knepp. Of course, I’ll have to outlive that old cow of his. Go get some rest. Ryder will want to see your bright and smiling face when he opens his eyes.”
Kimi ran into the room and grabbed Sally’s hand. “He’s awake. I think he wants you.”
* * *
Ben threw back the quilt and shot out of bed when he realized that no one had come to wake him. He padded downstairs in his stocking feet and stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. The cot beside the stove was empty.
“We’re in here, Ben,” Sally called from the living room.
She was sitting in a recliner with Ryder wrapped in a quilt in her lap. She looked tired but happy. Ryder’s color was pink and his lips were cherry red. His eyes were closed. Kimi was asleep on the sofa. Ben relaxed. Sleep was the best thing for both of them. He walked over to Sally and squatted beside her. “How is he?”
“He won’t talk, but otherwise he seems okay. He whimpers if I’m out of his sight.”
“That’s not too surprising. It must’ve been a terrible fright for him.”
Sally stroked the boy’s hair. “For all of us. Four days ago, I was standing at the window looking out at the city and I said that this was going to be the worst Christmas ever. I was lonely and missing home. But I have to tell you, seeing Ryder’s boot sticking out of the snow last night was the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received.”
“I know what you mean. I’ll put some coffee on and take care of the animals, then I’ll hold him for a while so you can get some sleep.”
“The storm has not let up. It’s still howling out there. There’s no way Mrs. McIntyre can send somebody to get us. You won’t get home today.”
“I can get to the barn and back. Some smart woman told me to put up a rope.”
“Make sure you use it.”