I grin. “Her?”
“Well, it’s not a boy.”
“No, definitely not a boy.” Mia continues rubbing her pussy while I just stare at her hands as I slowly sink beneath the surface of my desire for her. It feels like drowning, like not being able to get enough air, but I don’t fight it. I feel perfectly at peace with my impending doom. Maybe because I know I’m inches away from a lifeguard. She’ll pull me to shore as soon as I touch her.
“Stop it, Mia.”
“Or?” She grins, and I swear I just saw a glimmer in her eye. “What are you gonna do about it?”
“Do you want to find out?”
“I asked, didn’t I?”
I consider how far I’d like to go with her. As usual, as far as possible, but I still feel unsure of what lines I shouldn’t cross.
“What’s wrong?”
“You like to taunt me.”
She nods, still rubbing that deliciousness between her legs. “I do.”
“Why?”
“You know the answer.”
I run my fingers through my hair. “Say it.”
A slow smile spreads across her lips. “I want your dominance, Gabriel. Boss me around. Make me do stuff. Inspire me to my knees.”
I exhale sharply. She knows just how to push my triggers. “You are unbelievable.”
“Why?”
“I never thought we could have it like this.”
“You didn’t give us enough credit.” She tilts her head. “Neither did I, but I know now that you and me, Gabriel, we’re magic.”
I reach out and take her wrist, pulling her into my arms. As I hold her, I squeeze my eyes shut letting it sink in how much her presence in my life has done for me. After a moment, I lean back and cup her face.
“Mia…”
She searches my eyes with such a sweet smile on her lips it causes me to pause. “Yes?”
“You’re right. We are magic together. You transformed me into a man that I can be proud of. In just a few weeks, I’ve learned so much about myself. It’s just the beginning. I know I have more personal work to do, but it’s work I want to do.”
“I’ll be by your side for all of it.”
“I know.”
“Are you fighting the urge to do something to me right now?”
“I was.”
“What?”
“It’s passed now.”
“Tell me what it was.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Gabriel,” she says with a stern tone. “Tell me. Let’s work through it.”
I nod, glancing at my hands for a moment before shifting back to her. “When you say you want my dominance, it’s like a switch gets flipped and my mind starts racing with possibilities.”
“And?”
“And it scares me. I don’t want to go too far again.”
She takes my hands in hers. “Gabriel, baby, you can’t go too far anymore. I have a safe word, and I’m asking for it. So just take me there. Take me to the edge, let’s dangle over it together, then we’ll pull ourselves back up.”
“What if we can’t?”
She smiles, brushing her fingers across my cheek. “We already have.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Look at the conversation we’re having right now. Would this have been possible a few weeks ago? I would be mad, you would be dominating and overbearing, we’d shut down, and I’d walk away.” She smiles. “But look at us. We’re talking, we’re defining, we’re working through it. I’m not mad, and you’re not overbearing. You’re learning where my boundaries are, and so am I, but Gabriel, this is us. This is our relationship, and in it, we can do what we want. I trust you.” She searches my eyes as she speaks. “I trust you, Gabriel. So do what you want to do. Let me experience that. If it’s too much, I’ll bring us back.”
I study her beautiful face for a moment, take in her words, and try to assimilate them. She’s giving me consent, but neither of us even know for what yet.
“What’s your favorite thing to do to a sub?” she asks, surprising me. “Tell me.”
“I don’t have a favorite thing.”
“Of course you do. Everyone does. Do you like it when she crawls? Do you want her to, I don’t know, kiss your feet or wear something special? Tell me what it is.”
Immediately an image flashes across my mind causing my body to warm up. I shake my head to make it go away. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
She takes my hand and places it over her heart. “I love you, Gabriel. I want you to tell me. If it’s dark and ugly, we’ll deal with that, but it’s probably not as bad as you think.”
“It’s… something you won’t like.”
“Do you want to hit me?”
My eyes open wide. “No. God, no. Never.”
“Okay, well, that’s the worst thing I could think of, so if it’s not that, I can probably handle it.”
“Let it go, please.”
“No.” Her voices changes becoming very firm. “Dammit, Gabriel, tell me. I don’t want to keep secrets. You can’t protect me from this forever. Tell me and let me process it.”
I climb off the bed and start to walk away. “I can’t.”
Just as I start to leave the bedroom, her voice stops me. “What if the key to my ultimate happiness was dangling on a chain right in front of you, but you couldn’t reach it? Or worse, Gabriel, what if I wouldn’t even tell you where to find the key? How would you feel?”
Her words stab my heart. She knows exactly how I would feel. “Like shit. Frustrated.” I turn to face her. “Desperate for it.”
“Yeah.” She nods. “I feel like you’ve got it clamped in your hand, but won’t give it to me. I want you to be you, and feel free, and be happy, but you won’t let me do that for you.”
I run my fingers through my hair while deciding if I can really do it. Really say it. I know Mia won’t let it go though, so I might as well say it and deal with her reaction.
“Fine, Mia, you know what I want?”
She crawls out of bed and walks toward me, her chest heavy with breath. “Tell me.”
Taking a deep breath, I look down at her. “I want to own you.”
Her brow furrows as she looks up at me confused. “That’s it? You’ve said that to me before and you already do.”
“No, Mia, it’s not that simple. It’s not just words.”
“Well, what is it then?”
“It’s something permanent I would do to you or have done to you. Some people call it… um… they call it branding.”
“Branding?” Her eyebrows raise. “Like cattle branding?”
“In concept, yes, but I don’t know of anyone who’s ever done it that way.”
“What do they do?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yeah, it does. I want to know. Then I want to know what you want. Then I want to think about it.”
“Jesus, Mia, you’re not gonna do it.”
“How do you fucking know?” She puts her hands on her hips and glares at me. “How could you possibly be able to know what I will and won’t do when I don’t even know that yet? Stop trying to protect me. I’m here, and I’m not leaving. So talk to me.”
I finally offer a slight smile. “Okay, but can you put something on? It’s difficult to talk to you about this while you look like that.”
She smiles and grabbing my sweatshirt from the armchair, throws it over her naked body. “I have to pee. Meet you in the living room for coffee?”
“Yeah.”
As I walk out, I consider what I’m about to tell her. I have no idea how she’ll react, but hopefully she’s as tough and open as she says she is.
AFTER BRUSHING MY TEETH and running my fingers through my unruly hair, I take a deep breath and walk out to the living room to join Gabriel who’s sitting on the couch. I can tell from here he’s agitated by his tense body language and try to mentally prepare myself for whatever he’s about to tell me. I just hope I can handle
it.
He gazes up at me and smiles and hands me a mug of steaming coffee. I take a sip and smile. “Oh, that feels better.”
“You and Sara did some serious damage last night.”
“It was fun.”
“It made me really happy to have just a normal night. No kinky orgies or weird situations.”
“Thank God, she’s your sister.”
“Yeah.” He laughs. “A good deterrent to say the least.”
I sip my coffee. “So back to the topic. Describe your vision of owning me.”
He nods, and takes a sip of his coffee before continuing. “When a woman is asked to become a master’s devoted, she allows him to brand her in a way that they both recognize. Depending on her level of devotion, she allows a public display of ownership.”
“Like what?”
“A collar is common. I, of course, like to be more creative than that.”
“What have you done before?”
“Nothing. I’ve never had a devoted until you, but I’ve imagined it many times.”
“What do you want to do to me?”
“I want it to be…” he swallows hard, “permanent and public.”
“Like a tattoo?”
“Or a piercing. Maybe both.”
I chew my lip in thought. “What kind of tattoo?”
“I don’t know.”
I chuckle. “Yes, you do.”
He nods. “His devoted.” He barely gets the words out.
“What? His devoted?”
“Yeah.”
“Where? Somewhere it can be seen?”
“Yes, and…”
As he struggles to get the words out, it hits me how turned on he is just talking about it. This is a big deal for him. A very big deal.
“Tell me.”
“I want you to let me…” He closes his eyes shut.
“Let you what, Gabriel?”
“Fuck you… um… fuck you publicly. I want to handcuff you to me and…” He pauses again, fixing his intense gaze on me. “I want everyone to know you’re mine. I know it’s too much.”
“Where could we do that? Publicly? Where?”
He shakes his head, rubbing his forehead. “We can’t.”
“Who do you want to know that I belong to you? Who? People in this community?” I lean down trying to see his face as he hides it beneath his hands. “Who, baby?”
“We can’t. It’s too fucked up.”
“It’s not.” I consider my next words very carefully, knowing I’m about to unlock the beast’s cage. “I want to experience the things you did in Paris. Is that what you want too?”
He lifts his head slowly. “Like what?”
I set my cup down. “I want you to take me to a club. A dom club or whatever it’s called.”
His jaw drops. “What?”
“You heard me. I want to see what it’s like. With my own eyes. You could fuck me there, right? You could show them all that I’m your devoted. Would you like that?”
“Yes,” he whispers.
“Then let’s go.” My voice shakes as I speak, from excitement or nerves, I can’t tell. “Let’s find one and go.”
“No fucking way.”
“Why? Are you afraid of how it’ll make you feel?”
“No.” I can see his jaw twitching, but I can’t tell if he’s turned on or agitated.
“Gabriel?” He shakes his head. “You can handle it. You won’t regress. I won’t let you, but…” I lean forward, kissing his neck softly. “Don’t you want to show me off? Don’t you want other people to see your devoted?” I caress his cheek, searching his eyes as he finally meets my gaze. “Don’t you want to experience that with me? Then it will just be a memory you and I share. All those other women disappear and only I remain. Forever, Gabriel. Only me.”
“I don’t want to chance it.”
“Chance what?”
“I don’t know the scene here, Mia. I don’t know if I’ll be challenged.”
“Challenged?” I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know the hierarchy. Someone could make a claim of ownership for you, and I’d be obligated to allow it, or I’d be kicked out. Or worse, I’d beat someone’s ass for touching you.”
“Oh.” I nod. “Like you were in charge in Paris?”
He nods, averting his eyes. “It was my right to take anyone I wanted. I asked first, but the man had to defer to me or lose his membership. I didn’t do it often, but I did do it. It was my way of making sure everyone knew it was an option. I don’t know if it’s like that here or not.”
“I see.”
“I’d love to, Mia, honestly, for all the reasons you already stated. I’d get such a thrill out of showing you off, fucking you while everyone watched with jealousy, knowing every man in the room wished he was me, but I can’t risk it. I love you now. It’s not just sex anymore.”
“I get that.” I pick up my coffee cup and take another sip, my thoughts lost for a few minutes. “Okay, but… I’ll get a tattoo for you.”
His eyes open wide for a moment. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. It sounds sexy to me.”
“But you might regret it if we don’t work out.”
I smile cupping his cheek. “So we should make sure that we do work out.”
As I gaze at him, Gabriel’s eyes fill with so much emotion for me, I’m tempted to look away, but I literally can’t make myself do it. “I want that so much, but could you see yourself with me for the long term? You don’t even believe in monogamy. If you wanted to leave again, I don’t think I could survive it.”
His words are tinged with so much sadness, it brings tears to my eyes. “Gabriel…” I whisper. “This is new for both of us, right?” He nods. “We’ve never been in a situation where we were thinking of the future, but now we are. It’s only been, God, not even a month, but since the moment I met you, I can’t imagine a future without you. What that future looks like, I don’t know, but it will be uniquely ours. I belong to you, but you baby, you belong to me too.”
He nods. “Thank you,” he whispers, barely audible. “Thank you, Mia, for saving me from myself. I, um, I learned recently that how I viewed myself was pretty fucked up, and I couldn’t understand why someone like you would stay with me, but each moment we spend together I start to feel like maybe I’m not bad. Maybe my kind of love is good, and a woman like you, a woman so phenomenal, could want it, could want me, and all my dark twisted shit isn’t that dark and twisted after all.”
I wipe away a tear threatening to escape. “Gabriel, who defines dark and twisted? If you want to know what I think, I think that shit with Claudette fucked with you more than you know. I think it scared you that you could go that far, and I think it changed you and how you think about yourself. You should talk to Dr. Nashito about it more. You can talk to me too, because I’m just gonna love you until you love yourself. I’m gonna help you see that you do have boundaries, and you do respect women, and you are good. Gabriel, your kind of love is exactly what I need.”
He gazes at me for a moment before saying, “I want to make love to you. Right now, and I don’t want to do anything, but hold you close and feel you.”
I smile. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
After setting our coffee cups down, Gabriel kisses me until we both fall back on the couch. As his weight presses into me, I run my hands up his back, gently gripping his muscles, and sigh when his lips move to my neck. His hands roam my body, down my neck, across my breasts, but his touch is gentle, soft, loving. I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh, and I reach down to pull it free from his sweatpants. I’m waiting for the moment when his softness switches to aggression, but as each tender moment passes, it doesn’t come. When he enters me, his eyes meet mine, and we stay that way, our eyes locked together, moving in perfect time with each other. With each thrust, Gabriel’s expression softens, until he literally looks close to tears. He exhales sharply, jerks against me, and then collapses into my arms
, holding me so close, it’s challenging to breathe.
“Baby?” I whisper. “Are you okay?”
He nods, still holding me, but remains silent, so I just allow this silence between us. I guess he needs it. A few minutes pass until he pulls out of me causing me to flinch a little. I’m still sore, but I wasn’t going to turn him down.
He smiles and sits up, pulling me up with him. “I don’t remember the last time I had sex like that. Just enjoying the physical connection without all the shit I always have to do.”
“How did it feel?”
“It was breathtaking, Mia.”
“You weren’t tempted to go hard on me?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
I grin and play punch him in the chest. “Maybe you’re not so dark and twisted after all.”
“I’m starting to figure that out.” He leans close and kisses my nose. “Ready to go eat, grab some clothes for you, and spend the rest of the day in bed?”
I wiggle my eyebrows. “That sounds like my kind of day.” He starts to get up, but I pull him back and kiss his mouth. “I love you.”
Gabriel smiles. “Yeah, that’s pretty bad ass.”
I laugh, stand up, and look at the mess on the couch. “Is it weird that I look at that and think it’s hot?”
“If you’re weird then so am I.”
I shrug. “Works for me.”
He smacks my butt as we walk to the bedroom. “Works for me too, ma petite.”
ON MONDAY, AFTER AN amazing weekend with Mia, I glance up when Dr. Nashito comes out to meet me. Standing, I shake his hand. “Hi, Doctor.”
“Gabriel. Come on in.”
“Thanks.”
“Alone today?”
“I am.” We both take our spots. “I just dropped Mia off at work.”
“So, things went well after I saw you on Thursday?”
“Really well. We spent the whole weekend together talking through a lot of stuff, and um, we had some pretty intense sex.”
He nods. “Let’s talk about that. What do you mean by intense?”
“Like she said, she wanted my dominance, and she encouraged it. Asked for it. I took her so far and she stayed with me.”
“Did she safe word?”
“No. I was so overwhelmed by it I actually cried.”
Reckless Devotion: Book 2 Page 15