Finding Justus

by Bretz, Amanda

  Tammy turned on her heel and left, sashaying her hips as she walked away. Miguel started shaking his head and began laughing.

  “What?” Justus asked him.

  “Women like Tammy, I think they’re funny. They are so obvious. In fact, the only thing funnier are the men who actually fall for their tricks. I have never found women like that, who seem to be advertising themselves, to be attractive. Confidence is sexy of course, but I think women like Tammy go a little too far with the confidence. I like someone who isn’t afraid of who she is, and I also like women who wear their hair in ponytails,” he said as he tugged hers playfully.

  She smiled at him and felt flattered. After their day in San Juan, Justus had gone to dinner in a sundress, sandals and a ponytail. She looked into his eyes and they shared another intensely sensual stare. Justus knew yet again Miguel was going to kiss her and she still wanted him to.

  She actually wanted it even more now, since she knew Tammy wasn’t his type. Miguel leaned toward her and began angling his head at the same time that Justus angled hers. When their mouths met she felt a tingle in her tummy in anticipation of his kiss. Miguel had the softest, sweetest lips Justus had ever tasted. His warm body pressed closer to hers and Justus could feel the heat radiating from his skin. Their kiss deepened and Miguel moved his hands to her face, and tilted her head ever so slightly. He relaxed the hold his mouth had on her, eased away a little and kissed her lips a few times softly.

  After pulling his face all the way back from hers, Miguel said, “Are you coming to dance class tomorrow? I’d love to see you there, and dance with you again.”

  “Hmm…” Justus pretended to think about it. “I guess, but only if you promise to dance with me, and right in front of Tammy, too,” she said with a laugh.

  “Okay, no problema.”

  “Oh, I really should be going now,” Justus suddenly remembered she had told Krystal she wouldn’t be gone long. “I told Krystal I’d only be here for half an hour, so I’d better go now.”

  “Would you like me to walk you to your cabin?”

  “That would be great, thanks for offering.”

  On the walk back to her cabin, Miguel asked her how long she and Krystal had been friends. Justus told him a shortened version of how the two had met, almost ten years ago, in beauty school. Krystal had taken to the beauty industry right away whereas Justus quickly realized it wasn’t something she wanted to do. After taking a semester off, she had decided she was better suited to interior design than hair.

  “Krystal ended up staying in beauty school, and became a great cosmetologist. She works in her aunt’s shop, and I happen to think of her as my aunt, too. Actually, we had both planned on working for her and saving up enough money to buy a large house, live there together and have our own salon in a small part of the house. After I dropped out, I felt like I was letting Krys down tremendously. But, she understood and told me to go for my dreams and do what made me happy.”

  “Sounds like good advice to me. I guess you’ve been close ever since, huh?”

  “Yeah, something like that. Oh, I’m here,” she said pointing at her cabin door. “Thanks again for walking me back, that was really sweet.”

  “You’re welcome, and I meant what I said about wanting to see you in dance class tomorrow. I really hope you and Krystal will come.”

  “I think we just might,” she said in a flirtatious tone that surprised her.

  Miguel leaned forward, kissed her and said, “Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Goodnight, Miguel.”

  ***

  “Who were you talking to? I know I specifically heard a male voice, a deep one, with a sexy Spanish accent. Could it have been Miguel?” Krystal teased.

  “Maybe,” Justus said in a singsong voice.

  “What happened with you two? Did you run into each other, or was this planned?” she asked with a mischievous smirk.

  “Hold on, before you get any ideas, no it wasn’t planned. I did just happen to run into him, or him into me actually. Open those doors,” she said as she gestured toward their patio with her head. “Let’s go out on the balcony, and you can see for yourself. It’s breathtaking.”

  They walked out onto their balcony together and at first Krystal was enthralled with the spectacular view, but she quickly returned to her inquisition.

  “So, anyway about Miguel, what happened? Did the two of you talk about the stars and nothing else?”

  “No Krys, we also talked about possible cures for AIDS and world peace,” she said sarcastically and laughed at her persistence. “We just talked about things, nothing in particular. We made conversation. He asked me how long you and I had known each other, and if we’d be in class tomorrow. You know, general things,” Justus told her with a trace of boredom in her voice. “He did however,” she paused to clear her throat, “kiss me.”

  Krystal squealed and said, “You did want him to, right, and you did enjoy it, right?”

  “Yes, on both accounts, even though that really surprised me.”

  “I’m so glad. I really want to see you have fun and just relax and enjoy this, whatever this may be. You know, I would call it a fling, but…”

  “I don’t know what it is either, but I’m enjoying it, no matter what it is.”

  “Good, that’s all that matters.”

  “I know and I’m okay with all of it. I mean knowing this is just a fling or whatever and doing what’s right for me for a change. This is the first time in a long time I’ve felt like I’m in control of things. But, at the same time I don’t feel like I have any control of my feelings or this situation, and that scares me. Does that make any sense?”

  “Yes. You know you don’t really need my advice, you always know what you should or shouldn’t do. It’s just nice for someone to reiterate it to you, huh?”

  “Yeah. Krys it’s so beautiful out here, I wish we could sleep outside. Maybe we could sleep with the doors open tonight, since it’s so nice.”

  “Sounds good to me, I hate to even think about leaving. I wish I could live on a cruise ship for the rest of my life. That would certainly be the life, wouldn’t it, Jus?” Krystal paused and looked at Justus, who looked distracted. “Well, have you had enough stars and fresh air? I’m ready to watch some more TV and head to bed.”

  “You can go ahead Krys. I’ll be in there in a little while.”

  “All right.”

  Justus waited until Krystal had gotten settled onto the bed and was engrossed in the TV before she started thinking heavily. She knew how she got when she started thinking about Alex or other parts of her past. She tuned everyone and everything else out.

  As Justus stared out at the black sea, she started thinking about a trip she and Alex had taken the previous fall. Justus had gone to Chicago to meet his mom for Thanksgiving, and she and Alex had a wonderful time during their short stay. Now as Justus reminisced to herself, she realized that she had romanticized their visit to the Windy City from the very start.

  Alex proposed right after they returned to St. Louis. The whole time Justus had been in Chicago, she had felt like part of a family again. That sense of belonging was something she hadn’t felt in a long time, and during one point in her life, it was something she worried she may never have again. She now realized she must have clung to those feelings of fitting in once the two of them returned home from their trip.

  Justus started thinking about the way Alex proposed. It had been too perfect. “The Arch,” Justus scoffed under her breath, as though the entire city of St. Louis were to blame for her unhappiness.

  Alex had taken Justus up inside the Arch one evening, just as the sun was setting. Once they were at the top, overlooking the city, he had proposed. From that point on, their relationship had seemed perfect, like a fairy tale. Everyone who knew them had bought into it. Justus stared off into space, as her mind was transported back to the cold December night when Alex had proposed.

  “Honey, I’m freezing. Where are we g
oing, again?”

  “You’ll see soon enough,” Alex replied mysteriously.

  Justus knew something was going on inside of his head. It wasn’t like him to be so secretive. She shivered as she tried to hurry along beside Alex. She cursed her choice of footwear that evening, high-heeled leather boots. The sun hadn’t even gone down yet and the brisk wind was stinging her cheeks as they raced through the streets of downtown St. Louis. She shivered a little and hugged the soft brown leather coat closer around her body.

  As Alex pulled her hand and forced her to pick up her pace she realized they were heading for the Arch. At the break-neck pace they were heading toward the landmark, Justus thought she would be lucky not to break an ankle. She kept herself going with the knowledge that she would be out of the frigid weather soon.

  As the two stepped inside the Arch, Alex led her to the tram that took visitors to the top of the structure. As the small vehicle fought its way upward, Alex looked over at her and stroked the top of her fingers with his own. He smiled at her.

  “I love you,” he said as he kissed her hand.

  Justus fought back tears. Alex was usually reserved with his emotions, and she had never seen him so tender and romantic. “I love you, too,” she said in a hoarse whisper.

  The tram stopped at the top of the Arch and the two of them made their way to the observation deck. Justus had been inside the structure many times, but she never failed to marvel at the amazing view of the city. The sun was just beginning to set and as she looked down at the glittering metropolis she noticed Alex moving to the floor out of the corner of her left eye. She turned to look at him and her hand flew over her mouth when she noticed him down on one knee.

  No longer able to hold back the emotions, she felt hot tears slide down her cheeks.

  “Justus, will you marry me?” Alex asked as he pulled a black velvet box from his coat pocket. He flipped the lid open and in the fading light, a beautiful emerald-cut diamond seemed to wink at her from inside the case.

  “Yes!” Justus said as she threw her arms around his neck. She covered Alex’s face with kisses and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over again.

  Now as Justus stared out at the Caribbean night sky, she was amazed her eyes were dry. She felt a little sorrow for what could have been with Alex, but deep in her heart she knew what had happened between them was for the best. Even though the knowledge that Alex had been cheating on her was a blow to her ego, she wouldn’t change her situation even if she could. Alex hadn’t been the right man for her, she knew that now. Her only real regret was that she wished she would’ve realized it sooner and ended the relationship before she’d found Alex with another woman.

  Knowing she was over Alex once and for all made it easier for her to pursue this thing with Miguel. He did seem genuinely interested in her, and there was no denying her attraction to him. She needn’t fight it any longer. With a contented sigh, and feeling better about her situation, she went inside the cabin to watch TV with Krystal.

  “Did the night air help clear up your head?”

  Justus was amazed at how well her best friend knew her.

  “How did you know it needed clearing?”

  “Because you had that troubled look on your face you get when you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

  Justus chuckled and said, “You know me so well. But, yes my head is cleared.”

  “Good.”

  “I’ve decided I’m going to pursue this thing with Miguel, this fling or whatever. I’m enjoying myself. Do you think it’s too soon?”

  “No, I’m the one who’s been encouraging this, remember?”

  “Yeah, I know. But saying something and actually doing it are two different things.”

  Krystal laughed and said, “Yeah, I never thought about it that way. I’m happy for you, Jus. Oh, hey I forgot to tell you when you came in earlier, but guess what?”

  “I have no idea. What?”

  “I ran into Michelle, this woman I keep seeing at the gym and around the pool. Anyway, she wanted to know if we wanted to go snorkeling tomorrow after lunch sometime. I told her I did, but I didn’t know about you.

  “Oh, and have I mentioned that she’s here for a family reunion, and her gorgeous brother is going with us, too. He’s a lawyer. I can’t wait until tomorrow.”

  “Sounds fun and maybe a little dangerous too, I hope I don’t get eaten by a shark or something. Oh, but what about dance class tomorrow? I would really like to go,” Krystal gave her a knowing look and Justus pretended not to notice.

  “We could still snorkel if we went to the early dance class.”

  “Okay, I’m up for more lessons in salsa and meringue.”

  “Yeah, I bet that’s not the only kind of lessons you’re interested in,” Krystal said.

  Justus hurled a pillow at her. “Ugh! You’ve got such a one-track mind. Go to sleep. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  Krystal tossed the pillow back at Justus, and turned off the lamp. “Okay, I’ll go to sleep. But you know you want more than dancing from Miguel.”

  Justus said nothing and sighed in response.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “I’m stuffed and ready to work off all of this food, Jus.” They had just eaten a large breakfast of waffles, sausages, bacon, eggs and biscuits and were preparing themselves for their dance lesson.

  “We’ve still got forty-five minutes to kill; maybe we shouldn’t have gotten dressed in our dance clothes, because now we have nothing to do,” Justus said.

  “Not true! We could go out on one of the decks and work on our tans.”

  “Okay, that’s something we haven’t really gotten to do a lot of yet. I plan on going home with a good tan, too.”

  “Well, come on, because you know I need all the help I can get, all I usually do is freckle.”

  The two of them headed toward the pool.

  “Okay,” Justus said looking at her watch, “We have about twenty minutes for each side.” Justus grabbed her rubber band out of her shorts pocket and pulled her hair up quickly.

  “I’m working on my back first, Krys.”

  “It doesn’t matter what side I start out with, I always get the same result. Freckles. Don’t let me fall asleep again, talk to me about something.”

  Justus got the feeling she was hinting around that she wanted her to talk about Miguel. She really wanted to steer clear of the subject, since she knew once they saw him at dance class he would be Krystal’s sole topic for the rest of the day.

  “Okay, let’s talk about you and Michelle’s brother. Did she happen to mention if he’s single?”

  “No, she’s never mentioned that. I can hope, I guess.”

  “Well, how do you know he’s a lawyer, have you even talked to him?”

  “Yeah, he’s been in the gym a couple of times with Michelle. And let me tell you, he’s got arms to die for.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Anthony.”

  “And how old is he?”

  “I’m not sure.

  I don’t think he’s much older than us. You sure are inquisitive. And you say I ask a lot of questions,” she muttered.

  “Now you know how I feel when you get on a Miguel kick. See? Annoying isn’t it?”

  Krystal only gave her a look of contempt in response.

  “We’ve got about five minutes left,” Justus said as she sat down her watch.

  “Hey, look!”

  Justus raised her head in the direction that Krystal was pointing, and saw what she was making a fuss about. The ship was nearing an island, and the view was awe-inspiring. The water that led up to the island was a mix of blues and greens. It appeared to be emerald in one spot, turquoise in another location, and a deep navy blue in some places. She was mesmerized by the way the sun danced upon the water.

  Justus snapped out of her reverie when the booming captain’s voice came over the speakers on the lido deck, and announced how long it would be before they were on the island. She l
ooked at her watch once again. There was still time for their dance lesson.

  ”Are you ready to dance, or should I say salsa?” Justus started putting on her clothes. Krystal got up as well, and started doing the same. The deck was beginning to get crowded, as people rushed to see the island and beautiful water. Justus hoped there wouldn’t be as many people in this morning’s dance class as there had been at their previous class.

  When they walked through the doors of the lounge where their class was being held, Justus frowned at the appearance of Tammy. Justus gave her the once-over, and tried to be objective, rather than catty. Dressed in all white, Tammy looked anything but innocent.

  She had another one of her tiny top and micro short combinations on, and her long blonde hair was pulled into two braided pig-tails. Justus thought if Tammy was trying to look like a teenage girl, she was failing miserably. Also, Justus noticed there were no men in the class today. She figured when the men had seen the instructor was a good-looking man, they had decided this class wasn’t for them.

  Good-looking was an enormous understatement. Justus caught her breath when she caught sight of him as he walked toward the center of the room. Miguel had on the same style of black pants he had worn to class before. Except today he had paired them with an emerald green shirt she was sure would only enhance the beauty of his green eyes.

  Upon closer inspection, she noticed the shirt did wonders for his dark complexion as well. There was no denying, this man was gorgeous. An Adonis. He appeared to be completely perfect, in the physical sense anyway.

  Justus wasn’t afraid to admit this to herself anymore. She had learned a long time ago she could get nowhere in life if she was afraid, especially if she were afraid of herself and her feelings. Fear was something Justus despised in herself, but it was something she had started giving in to while she had been with Alex.

  “It doesn’t look like we’re going to have a full class this morning, so maybe I will be able to give each of you some one-on-one time,” Miguel said.

  Krystal bobbed her eyebrows up and down at Justus and gave her a knowing smile. Justus felt a thrill of excitement followed by something that resembled jealousy. The thought of Tammy and her silicone mountains in Miguel’s face was enough to make Justus feel insecure and angry all at once.