She saw the muscles in his arms tense as his hands fell to his sides. Tessa was trapped by his golden gaze, but she wasn’t finished. “I’m still trying to get over you. It doesn’t work like this, Cooper. You can’t just decide you want to be with me when it’s convenient for you!” she screamed.
“It’s not fucking convenient for me, Tessa!” Cooper yelled, his voice echoing out over the water and bouncing off of the trees. “I don’t fucking deserve you, don’t you get that? You’re better off without me. I’m a selfish bastard, and that’s not gonna change. I go after what I want, and I get it no matter the cost.”
“You didn’t go after me,” she said sadly.
“But I did, Tessa. I did go after you. Until I hurt you. Until I couldn’t see past my own self-righteous attitude, and then I let you walk away. You deserve so much better.”
This time Tessa was the one to touch him, grabbing his face between her hands and forcing him to look at her. “I do deserve more than you showed me the last time we talked. I’ll give you that.”
“See. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I was so blinded by my anger, furious that you were hurt, but I turned it around and blamed you.”
“That was one time, Cooper. That means you’re passionate about your feelings, it doesn’t make you selfish. You’re not a selfish man. If you were, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. Look what you’ve accom –”
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
She so did not want to admit that out loud, but now the words were out there, and the look on Cooper’s face said he heard them loud and clear.
“Say it again,” he pleaded, his work roughened hands coming up to cup her jaw. “Tell me, Tessa. Say it again.”
Even through the haze of her own tears, Tessa could see the moisture building in his eyes, and the fact that he was breaking down just as easily as she was, took the last of her control. “I love you, Cooper.” Clearing her throat, Tessa continued, “I’ve prayed that it would be easy to stop loving you. I don’t want to love you.” The tears were coming faster, Cooper’s thumbs brushing over her cheeks as he tried to stop them, to no avail.
“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” he choked out. “I never thought you’d understand how hard or how fast I fell for you. I was just grateful to have you in my life, but then you were gone.”
Tessa wanted to hear him say the words back. To admit in three little words, everything he was telling her. When he didn’t say anything more, she pushed his hands away. “I’m not gone yet. But I will be.”
“No.” Cooper’s voice thundered in the thick, humid air. “I don’t want to lose you again. Tessa, I don’t even know how to say the words. I spend my days playing songs about love, but I can’t figure out how to express what I feel for you. It’s so much more than love.”
“But you didn’t realize it until I was leaving. What does that say about us, Cooper?”
“It says that I’m an idiot. I should’ve never let you go. But I needed to give you space. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you. I needed you to love me, Tessa.”
“I do love you, Cooper. But I don’t think it’s enough.”
“It’s more than enough. It has to be enough because I love you. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you in the bar. From the first time you fell into my arms. And from the first time I closed my eyes and dreamed about you. I don’t want to lose you. I promise, I’ll be better.”
“Better than what?” Tessa didn’t want him thinking he had to change for her. She didn’t want that. “I don’t want someone else. I want you. Just like you are. I think we’re looking for the same thing here,” she said, the beginnings of a smile tipping her lips for the first time since she woke up that morning.
He said he loved her. Her heart had doubled in size as soon as he had said the words and then it cracked wide open. “I think we just have to figure out how to stop running. How to stop hiding. If we can do that, I think we’ll have it made.”
Cooper’s lips were on hers in an instant, and Tessa couldn’t resist him. Her entire body was trembling from the mountain of emotions crumbling inward, threatening to bury her alive.
And for the first time in a week, she wasn’t willing to let it all come tumbling down on her. She wanted to dig herself out.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Cooper had no idea where everything went wrong, but with Tessa in his arms, he felt like he could right everything again. He’d spent the last week wishing that he could hold her, wanting nothing more than to feel her in his arms and to inhale her sweet, fresh scent. And now she was here.
He couldn’t help but wonder how long that would last though. She sounded just as optimistic as he felt, but they both needed the reassurance that they would stick it out.
As hard as it was to tell her his feelings, he needed to know that she wasn’t going to run. How he managed to stay away from her for this long was beyond him. It could’ve been his desperate attempt to give her some semblance of peace after he came in like a whirlwind and toppled everything in her path, leaving her to clean up the mess.
Only her peace didn’t come, and he hadn’t been the white knight to come in and save her. At least she wouldn’t think he had. Because he had a secret that he’d yet to share with her.
Releasing her mouth, Cooper stood in front of her, his hands still cupping her jaw as he watched the passion and lust recede from her gaze.
“What do we do now?” she asked, her voice muffled.
“In the past week, have you heard from Marcus?” he asked because he needed to know.
She seemed stunned by his abrupt change of subject, which made sense. He’d easily gone off on another path, only this one actually led right back to where they were.
“Not…” Tessa closed her mouth, opened it again, but she didn’t say anything more.
“Tell me.”
“Not since the first day after we broke up.”
Cooper hated the fact that they broke up, but he loved the sound of it when Tessa said it. Only because for them to break up, they would’ve had to be a couple in the first place. As much as he wanted to believe they were, he still wondered how far away she was keeping herself. Now he knew.
She’d been right there with him, but probably too scared to admit it. After everything she had lost, he couldn’t necessarily blame her.
“Why?”
“Did he come see you?” he asked, taking a step back and pulling his Stetson off of his head so he could run his hands through his hair. He was sweaty, and he needed a damn shower, but this was more important.
“Yes,” she said slowly. “He came to see me that next Monday at the bar. The night you didn’t come in to work,” she explained. “He didn’t stay for long, but he told me he was there to meet with Chad.”
Her frown made his hands ball into fists. The memory of what she’d looked like that night after that bastard hit her… He could hardly stand to think about it for fear he’d lose his temper.
“He came to see me that night too,” Cooper admitted, pacing slowly in front of her. “He said he spoke to you, but he didn’t tell me what y’all talked about. He did tell me that he had met with Chad earlier that day, and he had something that might be of interest to me.”
“What could he possibly have?” she asked, just as bewildered as Cooper had been that night. He hadn’t understood what Marcus’ angle was, but he knew it wasn’t good.
Cooper swallowed hard and turned to face her. “Pictures.”
All of the color drained out of Tessa’s face right there in front of his eyes. Figuring he had better give her the whole scoop, he continued, “He told me that I had two choices. He was going to leak the photos to the press, or I was going to hire him back and head back to Nashville immediately.”
“Oh, God.” Tessa’s words were but a whisper. “Oh, God. Oh, God. You’re still here. That means…”
“No, that’s not what it means, Tessa. There aren’t any picture
s.”
“But,” she argued.
“I had to placate Marcus for a while. I told him I didn’t give a shit about the pictures and gave him the story of how we broke up. I knew it was a risk, but I’ve known him for a long time. Most of what he says is bullshit, and I was banking on this being bullshit too.
“As soon as the opportunity arose, I went to talk to Chad. We had a nice long chat and yes, Dalton was there to supervise so I didn’t kill him. He confirmed that there weren’t any pictures. Marcus had told Chad he’d be working on a record deal for him if he could produce something. Luckily, I was able to intervene when I did. Or rather my father was.
“I had to stay away from you. I needed Marcus to believe that there was no chance of us getting back together. I was banking on the press keeping the story hot, although I had no idea they were hounding you. So, for the first couple of days, I kept an eye on Chad and my father kept an eye on Marcus. Once we had enough on Marcus, my father had planned to confront him. My father coming here means it has all been taken care of.
“Marcus won’t be working in Nashville any longer, and you don’t have to worry about Chad. Now that he’s out of the way, the press will likely leave on their own or at least drop the story.”
“So there weren’t any pictures?”
“No, darlin’. No pictures.” Cooper tilted his head, studying her for a minute. He had no idea about the relationship she’d had with Chad, but he didn’t like her reaction. “Should there be pictures, Tessa?”
She glared up at him, but just as quickly as the defenses went up, they came down. “Not that I know of. None that I would’ve allowed willingly,” she admitted. “I swear, Cooper. I’m not like that.”
“Tessa, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know how you are. I know who you are. I know you’re a very passionate woman, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s his loss that he was too stupid to know what to do with that.”
Tessa looked down at the ground for a long time. Cooper wanted to give her some time to process what he was telling her. He hadn’t stayed away because he wanted to. And he was just waiting for his father to give him the go ahead. The fact that his dad was back in Devil’s Bend told him everything he needed to know. Everything was taken care of. And not a minute too soon.
“So you didn’t stay away from me to hurt me?” Tessa continued to look down at the ground, and it broke his heart to know how much he’d hurt her.
Marcus was the only reason he had stayed away, even though Cooper had tried to convince himself that she deserved better than him. He still felt she did, but… Well, even if Tessa said otherwise, Cooper was selfish and he didn’t want to give her up.
“I hated that I couldn’t tell you, but Tessa, I had to protect you. I didn’t want to stay away, but until I was sure I could get Marcus under control, I wasn’t willing to risk you.” Cooper kept his eyes on her as he paused.
The sad truth filled his chest as he watched the most amazing woman he’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. She was so strong, so resilient, and so deserving of every happiness in the world. “I still think you deserve better than me.”
When a genuine smile formed on Tessa’s mouth, Cooper’s insides churned. He still hadn’t learned to be patient, so waiting for her to say something was killing him.
“I don’t want better,” she said, and he caught the humor in her tone.
Moving in closer, pushing his body between her thighs, Cooper cupped her face and locked his gaze with hers. “That’s good because from here on out, you’re stuck with me, Tessa.”
“I think that might just be a punishment I can handle,” she whispered back as Cooper leaned forward.
He didn’t care how she looked at it, as long as he had Tessa, he intended to spend the rest of his days doing his damnedest to make her happy.
“I love you, Tessa.”
“I love you too, cowboy.”
Chapter Thirty Five
“Don’t you think we should probably get out of the house at some point today?” Tessa asked Cooper the following afternoon when they were still cuddled together in her bed.
Cooper’s sexy growl sounded from behind her and she smiled. Ever since they’d said the “L” word to one another the day before, Tessa had been as high as a kite, better than any drug in the world. And the hours they spent making love the night before, proving just how deep their feelings were for one another, had left her even more invigorated, despite the lack of sleep.
Because of all of the hoopla that was going on with the press, she and Cooper had gone to work at The Rusty Nail on Saturday night. Although they had expected the worst, the night hadn’t been as bad as she had expected. Luckily, Dalton had come in to yank everyone’s attention right off of them and over to him. The man was good at that.
Well, him and David, Cooper’s father. To her surprise David and Becca showed up at the bar and when all was said and done, the reporters had been settled somewhat.
Tessa wasn’t sure the press would ever get tired of following Cooper around, but then again, why would they? She knew just how amazing he was, so it only made sense that everyone else knew it too. That didn’t mean she wasn’t happy when she and Cooper were able to sneak into her house and lock the rest of the world outside for a few hours.
But now those hours were up, and she really needed to get out of bed. Just when she was going to roll over so she could get the day started, Cooper pinned her back beneath him, a huge smile on his face as he loomed over her.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“Hmmm, I was thinking breakfast might be in order.”
“Breakfast?” Cooper asked as he glanced over at the alarm clock on her bedside table. “It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?”
Tessa tilted her head to read the numbers on the clock. Ok, so he was probably right. Three o’clock in the afternoon meant breakfast was more like supper.
“I need a shower,” she teased as she pretended to try and push him off of her. She knew as well as he did that if he wasn’t willing to move, he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Is that an invite?”
The devilish gleam in Cooper’s eyes said he was ready for another round, but the aches in her body said she needed just a little time to recuperate. “Sorry, cowboy, you wore me out last night.”
“Darlin’, that was nothin’ compared to what I plan to do to you later.”
“Later?” she asked, groaning as though the thought was distressing. In fact, Tessa looked forward to later. As long as she could lay next to Cooper every night for the rest of her life, she was more than willing to endure whatever he could dish out.
“Yes, later. Like tonight.”
“To–” Before she could get the question out, Cooper’s finger was pressed against her lips, effectively shutting her up.
“Tonight. Tomorrow night. The night after that…” Cooper leaned in, replacing his finger with his lips as he pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to her mouth.
“Hmmm, I like the sound of that,” she whispered.
“In fact, I intend to wear you out for the rest of our natural lives.”
Tessa’s body stilled, the urge to panic rose in her chest, but before she could say or do anything, Cooper grinned down at her.
“You’re learnin’.” Cooper laughed, kissing her again.
“Learnin’ what?” she asked, confused.
“Not to freak out on me.”
Oh, she wasn’t so sure about that. Keeping herself closed off to everyone was a conditioned response, one that would take time to get past. Granted, when it came to Cooper, her heart had been freed from the chains she’d had it locked in for all these years, but that didn’t mean her first instinct wouldn’t be to hide within herself.
Cooper’s eyes darkened, his brow furrowed as he studied her for a minute. When she thought he would push her to talk, he surprised the hell out of her by rolling off of her and climbing out of bed.
“Where�
�re you going?” she asked, suddenly nervous that she’d upset him.
“Shower. Isn’t that what you said?”
Tessa watched as he padded across her bedroom and then out into the hall. She heard the sound of the shower come on and she sighed.
What the hell just happened?
Knowing that talking to the ceiling wasn’t going to get her any answers, Tessa forced herself out of bed. Grabbing Cooper’s t-shirt, she pulled it on over her head and then made a beeline for the kitchen. While he was in the shower, at least she could make coffee.
Tessa met Havoc and Harmony in the hallway, their tails wagging, their big, furry heads looking up at her with such love, she felt her heart swell even more.
“I bet y’all are starving,” she told them as she made her way past.
“I fed them this morning,” Cooper called from the bathroom.
He fed them? When did he get out of bed? Rather than going to the food bowls, she opened the back door and let them out to do their thing. A few minutes later, she had the coffee on and was heading back toward her bedroom.
She passed Cooper in the hall, the comfortable feeling of him moving around her house so easily was both unsettling and… welcome. There was no other way to put it. After the last week, being without him had been the most difficult things she’d had to endure since…
“Shower. You. Now,” he ordered with a swat on her butt that made her jump.
“Gettin’ kinda bossy are ya, cowboy?” she teased, relieved that he had redirected her thoughts.
“We’ve got somewhere to go, so make it quick. I’ll have your coffee ready for you.”
Before she could ask him what they had to do, he was around the corner and into the kitchen, leaving her standing in the hallway to stare at the empty space he had just vacated.
Where could he possibly be taking her?
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Cooper waited patiently – yes, he was actively working on the patience piece – for Tessa to get ready. While he sat on the back porch watching the dogs in the yard, he shot off several texts and waited for the responses. It was later than he had wanted, but thankfully everything was still moving forward as planned.
Chasing Dreams (Devil's Bend) Page 31