by Clara Wake
Their quarter consists of sewing rooms, kitchens, bathrooms, and laundries. A computer lab, a small clinic, and a small music room. Then, of course, they have their own squad units like the boys. However, theirs are labelled by colour and done in fours.
Only three of the six colours are full now; the others are empty. Most of the girls who are raised there end up killing themselves, leaving the rest of the girls to pick up after them and work harder each day. There is no loss, at least to The Compound because they know they can get more if needed. It is never a loss if either boy or girl met their demise. Never.
“Earth!” The Captain calls out, his voice is loud and heavy as he heaves from his chest, out in the hall where his voice spreads through the walls. It’s morning, and it’s the beginning of a new day.
Nickolai is of course already awake. He’s the first to poke his head out and see the Captain staring down the hall, “Get up you lazy fucks!” He shouts even louder this time, “I have a surprise for you all!” and with his final words, the others jump from their cosy beds and scatter out into the hallway, curiosity at its peak. He stands there for a moment and scans over the hallway.
“Come on, follow me,” He tells them, and turns around on his heels, slowly making his way outside. He doesn’t care if the boys are in their pyjamas or underwear. He is eager to show them their surprise, and they don’t care either as they march out behind him.
Nickolai waits for the rest to clear the hall before he follows. Slowly and loosely behind. Wearing black pyjama pants, he makes his way outside to see everyone – including members of the other squads - crowded around something over towards one of the back buildings.
“Let this be a fucking lesson to you morons. If you ever try to fuck with us, that'll probably happen or worse” The Captain announces, as he scans over the boys with wide eyes as they stare up.
Finally, Nickolai moves closer towards the flock of whispers, murmurs, and gasps. Edging his way in, he sees a woman is hanging by her neck with a noose tightly strapped choking her throat and tied to one of the highest branches of the tree. The soft sway of the branch, leaves an eerie creak to ripple through the air.
His eyes trail up, and his gut twists as he reads the words, ‘I’m Sorry’ in black paint, written across the chest of someone he once loved, someone so full of life and beauty. Someone he once called his mother: Dana.
Nickolai’s chest caves in, and his heart drops. His throat tightens as tears begun to shake his eyes. He quickly turns away, as he holds his breath and starts back towards the Squad. He’s quick to vanish from the others, to find himself hiding in his piano shack.
Swallowed by the small room, the first thing Nickolai finds himself doing is exposing the pure anger that churns within. Hard and restless kicks are thrown at his piano, and once the impact is made and the sounds snap from the damage, he’s kicking even harder and faster this time. Screaming and crying as he destroys the piano out of sheer sorrow.
Tainted in pure shock and anger as it tears him apart and he’s flooded with guilt. Smacking his back against the wall, he’s down to the floor in a daze, sapped and riddled with disbelief. He can barely breathe.
Anger rips and tears its way through his body, bubbling beneath the surface as tears strip from his eyes. He’s struggling to grasp what he’s just seen, and why it happened. He doesn’t speak; he can only let out groans and grunts of pure frustration. His mind hammers and bangs him with questions and doubts. Why wasn’t he there? This is all his fault; if he had just kept his mouth shut, it wouldn’t have happened. It happened because he showed up. She warned him. “It’s my fault,” he splutters, as he buries his face and rocks back and forth before he curls his fingers in his hair and pulls at it, causing himself harm because he deserves it – this was all his fault – and he deserves every bit of pain he gets.
CHAPTER 9
The Governor keeps to herself most of the time, hiding away in her master room. Alone with her thoughts, she is free to smile, collect, and ponder deeply, to listen intensely to the whispers and poisonous words that seep through her mind and leak from her ears. She doesn’t mind them at all; they’ve kept her company for the most part. They are soothing if anything, telling her what her best decisions are and whether to act before she thinks. She feels even more alone if the whispers are silent. The devil is always on her shoulder, plotting, scheming and making sure she comes out on top of everything that happens within her Compound.
She sits comfortably in her leather chair, playing with a soft, crimson piece of cloth she’d taken from her Star.
It has a sentimental thread to it – something Nickolai holds close to him, but here she is, twisting it within her palms and softly caressing it as she thinks and plots on what she is going to do with her new-found toy. There are so many options and ideas that run and rush through her mind. She’s already made her mark on him – his face is scarred because of her – and it is perfect. A devious smile soon crosses her lips, as her eyes stare at the small piece of the baby blanket with the golden stitching of his initials. He is hers now, and she is eager to test him.
She adores and possibly loves everyone involved in this dream of hers. Anyone who offers their services to her, who gives up their family to be there for her. She admires them, but she never speaks a word of the appreciation. No, that’d make them hesitant and see her in a new light, a side of her she doesn’t want anyone to ever see. She hides it deeply behind her cold eyes and her deadly stare. She would die before that small glimmer of kindness shined through. It is insignificant and unwanted. Kindness isn’t what keeps you alive in this world.
The water of the shower drenches Nickolai’s shoulders and soaks his hair, finally flattening it. His damn gravity-defying hair that is so wild and unstable, he can’t ever tame it. Then again, he is too lazy to. The mornings here aren’t exactly perfect for straightening your hair or adding makeup for the day.
Then again, he’d have it no other way since that dreadful moment it was taken from him without consent or a single sign of remorse. He can sometimes still hear the buzzing shaking his ears.
The showers are almost always empty when he arrives, and it is exactly how he likes it. He makes sure to pick the odd hours—when no one else will be visiting them, lights are out, or while training is in session. When everyone else is busy, he takes a moment for himself to reflect and count any blessings that day or week, if any.
Most of the time, Nickolai finds himself lowered to the floor of the shower, embracing his knees and drowning himself in the flood of water above. The splatter and droplets drain every speck and inch of turmoil that clutched beneath his skin.
This is the only time he lets his body relax, even as vulnerable as he is. It is his only escape, besides sleep, but even sleep attacks him with traumatizing nightmares that scar and scream so thickly inside his mind. Most of the time, it is hard to close his eyes due to the constant rain of nightmares each time, tormenting him and igniting the anger so heavily within. He can’t shake it, he needs an escape. and this time, was the only escape from the reality he lived.
Shaken from his deep train of thoughts, he soon hears voices erupting from the other side of the bathroom. His ears flicker upwards to hear who is present.
The taste of anguish starts to taint the air, as growls and shouts began to shatter the silence.
The soft splutter of the water above pats the floor as he slowly turns the shower off. Keeping quiet, his heart thudding heavily as he listens intensely.
“All alone?” The voice questions the other, and the tone and eagerness is clear to hear. Nickolai is quick to notice who holds that stern voice: Tyler.
“Uh… y-yeah,” the other replies, in a stammer of fear. Nickolai tenses his entire body. It’s Jake.
Carefully, Nickolai grabs his towel from the rack outside his stall, silent and wrapped in the steam from the shower, he remains invisible and ties it around his waist. Running his hand through his drenched hair, he’s on edge and on guard, as
he listens in. Tyler is never friendly and never there for anyone else but himself. Nickolai is already alert from the pure aggressive tone that traces his words, even just by a simple question. He knows better.
“Turn around!” Tyler demands with a shout, in a fit of fury once he notices Jake is alone. Thuds and restless movements are heard, as his hands clasp around Jake’s arm to spin him around and smack his chest against the nearest wall.
“What-what are you doing?” Jake gulps, the sound of dread and fear saturating his tone, as his voice shakes and his body writhes in terror.
“Shh, be quiet and spread your legs!” Tyler commands with an enraged bark, before smacking at Jake’s ankles with his feet, leaning in and pressing up against Jake, pinning him against the cold tiles. “Stay still,” he breathes in his ear with a devious twist.
“Please…don’t,” Jake quivers, tightly closing his eyes and tensing himself. He is pinned up against the wall, unable to help himself and unable to move.
Tyler lets a cunning grin paint his face until he hears a roar from behind and he’s greeted with a blinding blow to the back of his head. Nickolai launches at him and pounces, cracking his elbow into the back of his head.
“Arrrgh!” Tyler cries from the radiating pain, from the impact of Nickolai’s elbow. Spinning around as his knees buckle, he can barely see. The blinding pain spreads across his skull and wraps around to his eyes causing his vision to blur, but he notices the tall elf as he blinks between hisses of agony. Grabbing the back of his head, he whines loudly and snarls, bearing his teeth at the elf, “Fuck you!” He shouts, as he pants and staggers towards the door, almost crying as he escapes the scene he created.
Nickolai watches him leave, making sure he’s left and doesn’t come back. He takes a moment, his lips parted in pure disgust, before finally turning to his friend. His expression slips from the defensive stance to a broken and concerned look as he sees Jake cowering on the ground, shaking, cold and horrified of what could have happened.
Nickolai is swift in helping Jake to his feet. “Are you okay?” He asks although he’s certain he’s terrified right now because he is terrified for Jake. No one should have to endure or succumb to such an act.
Jake is struck with shock, eyes wide and body shaking and trembling. He’s aware of what’s happened, but all he can do is run his mind over what could have happened if Nickolai wasn’t there to save him, to help him against their own squad member.
Nickolai watches him carefully, before turning on the shower beside him and testing the waters. “Get in, I’ll be right here,” he instructs Jake, to step in and grasp the warmth from the shower and drown the fear away. He wasn’t going anywhere.
Jake slowly nods at him. He knows Nickolai isn’t going anywhere – he always keeps his word – and it gives him the only sense of relief after finally letting out a strained breath. Stepping beneath the warm water, he takes a moment to himself.
Nickolai jumps up on the basin and keeps watch of the doors. He is half expecting Tyler to come back with his army, but minutes pass and nothing happens. No one enters, and they are left in silence.
Nickolai turns to check on Jake, seeing the light and life finally fading back into him, He sees it clearly, and he’s pleased he’s able to find himself again and stand up.
“Hey, I got a question” Nickolai starts, turning and steering the mood, hoping to distract Jake of the shattered thoughts that most likely flooded his mind.
Jake turns to him and looks at the main entrance door. The doors are shorter in the showers to let steam escape and elope. He watches Nickolai with an inquisitive gaze.
“Have you seen my red cloth?” Nickolai asks carefully, but he’s pouting and furrowing his eyebrows in deep thought, wondering where it's been. Usually, it’s at the end of his bed or on him, wrapped around his arm or leg or tucked in between his belt and pants. It is nowhere to be seen for a day or two now, and it is frustrating him.
“No, I can’t say I have,” Jake replies, but he’s upset that he doesn’t know. He wishes he knew, and the look on Nickolai’s face tells him everything. “Maybe the guys took it?” He ponders loudly, and it is the only thing that makes sense right now; for them to take something of importance to Nickolai.
“Probably,” he grumbles, hissing as his shoulders drop in a heavy sigh.
It is late, well at least to normal people. To Nickolai, three a.m. isn’t late. Either Insomnia plagues within, or sleep is far too light there is no point. His mind still traces the events earlier with Jake. Nickolai feels like plotting against Tyler – to teach him a lesson – a slice of his own method. Either way, he can torment, torture him all he wanted, but to attack Jake is another thing entirely. Protective instinct spread, and he realizes just how much he cares about his only friend. He’d literally kill for him. Anger burns even deeper now that Tyler assaulted or at least attempted to harm Jake. Jake, didn’t deserve such a thing, while, he did.
Staring out of his window, he stands there looking up and gazing at the full moon above, illuminating the sky and casting light over The Compound. He can’t see that; he can only see the moon shining as the fence barricades everything else. At least, he has the moon or sky to look at, and sometimes that is all he needs.
A creak is suddenly heard, and Nickolai quickly turns to look over his shoulder, only to have an elbow strike him in the back and an arm tightly snaking his throat and pulling him backwards. Although, before they’re able to restrain his hands and arms, Nickolai manages to land a swift and hard clout, punching Aiden square in the mouth and knocking him out flat, leaving a smack to the ground as Aiden drops heavily.
Tyler soon emerges from the shadows and strikes his clenched fist into Nickolai’s stomach. Causing him to reel forwards and have his hair tugged and clasped by Tyler. while Syrus restrains him, locking his arms behind his back.
Pulling at his hair, Tyler guides Nickolai restlessly to his knees, so he’s able to kneel with him and come face to face with the tall beast.
He’s soon tracing the edge of Nickolai’s nose with the tip of a blade, teasing him and playing with the features of Nickolai’s face, enticing fear upon his captive.
“Angry I crashed your date?” Nickolai laughed at him before he’s greeted with a crack to his cheek, splitting the skin and surfacing a splatter of blood, to crawl down his cheekbone as a bruise blossoms the surrounding split skin. His head snaps slightly, but he’s fast to look Tyler in the eyes once more, a deadly glare casting those odd-eyes.
“You so badly want to be like us, don’t you?” Tyler asks, as his eyes flicker to meet Nickolai’s ears, and he smiles – a very threatening and ominous one at that. His lips twist before bearing his teeth at him, finally spreading a grin of pure corruption.
Receiving nothing but silence from Nickolai, Tyler scoffs loudly and growls, before he tugs and pinches Nickolai’s left ear, conceding a pained groan to huff from Nickolai’s lips.
“How about I cut them off for you? Would that make you feel better? Feel more…” he stops there and carefully delivers the next word. “Human?”
“Don’t you fucking dare!” Nickolai snaps, warning him, yet traces of fear strike his words more than he’d hoped. He isn’t going to beg, and he isn’t going to surrender either.
Without a trace, without a single blink of remorse, Tyler pulls at Nickolai’s left ear and tugs it forwards before bringing his blade up.
The sharp edges touch the smooth skin and glide across the length of his ear, softly and hurtfully cutting along the edge, beckoning a pained hiss from Nickolai’s lips before Jake storms in, out of breath, “Guys! The Captain needs us right now! All of us….” he announces loudly. His eyes dance to see Aiden still unconscious on the floor beside Tyler. He made sure he came in quick enough to stop Tyler at a halt before he applies added pressure against Nickolai’s ear.
“Fuck!” Tyler spits and clenches tightly onto his weapon before shuffling backwards and roaring loudly. He slaps Aiden across the face and kic
ks him awake.
Syrus releases Nickolai the second Tyler moves away and jumps up to push his way out of Nickolai’s room.
Tyler soon stands up and huffs loudly with a glare darting at Jake before he slips his weapon between his belt buckle. He brushes past Jake before smacking him against the shoulder with a hard thrust and slipping past him. Tyler moves out of his sight, and Jake lets out a relieved gasp, his eyes so wide, he could swear he had a heart attack with the pure adrenaline that floods his veins, He doesn’t ask if Nickolai is alright; it’s clear he’s not, but he isn’t lying. The Captain did want them, and...
“The Governor wants to see you, Nicko…” Jake breathes with a sore look as he watches his friend gather himself and stand tall before him.
Catching his own breath, Nickolai nods to Jake and takes a deep breath in before patting Jake on the shoulder, heading out of the Squad, letting the fresh air hit him hard while he collects everything that’s just happened.
He should be used to this sort of treatment, it is almost daily, but they always end up surprising him with new intentions and cruel ways to treat him. There is never a dull day you could say. It’s maddening how they come up with a measure to make his life even more of a living hell than it already is. Well, at least he knocked Aiden out; there is a silver lining after all.
The cold air is soothing, as he makes his way through the quad at the dead hour of the night. Owls watch in silence, cleansing in the moonlight.
His cheek throbs from the stinging cut, but the cold air is a remedy and he is pleased to be out there right now. His destination is another matter. He has no clue why The Queen Bitch needs him, nor does he care.