by Clara Wake
He finds it adorable, how much she cares for him. Something he truly admires in anyone really. To have that much kindness towards him, but with her? There is so much more than that, something he’s never experienced before.
“It's just,” she starts, pausing for a second. She bites her bottom lip, sketching her words in her mind before she continues, “You’ve been really quiet tonight, quieter than usual. Have I done something wrong?” She’s quick to assume she’s done something wrong and scared to admit it.
Nickolai jolts upwards, immediately making sure that she knows that’s not the case at all. “No!” He exclaims. “Not at all. You’re perfect, He quickly snaps, without realizing what he’s said before he smacks his lips together and flushes brightly. His ears drop from her gaze in embarrassment. He doesn’t know where that came from, but it is the truth.
To him, she is perfect and could never do him wrong. Well maybe when she’s always late.
Her lips are parted, and her eyes wide in disbelief. A gasp finally escapes her lips, with her cheeks bright red. Tears gently lining the bottom of her eyes. “Thank you,” she smiles. No one has ever been so kind, so caring, and gentle. So perfect to her. He is perfect.
“You’re perfect to me,” she softly murmurs, causing her cheeks to flush even brighter now, as her fingertips linger above his hand to carefully grasp it, wishing she could hold him forever.
Her grip on his hand tightens the more she realizes it’s time to go. Why did she have to lay there beside him in silence, contemplating, and hesitating whether to ask if he was all right all night? Why did this all have to unfold so close to leaving time? Her timing is terrible. She mentally hits herself several times before she voices her anger. “I have to go,” she puckers, dropping her shoulders and frowning at him.
“How about you come earlier tomorrow? Three am, instead of three thirty?” He gently tells her with raised eyebrows, hoping she’ll try this time. Even though, he’s certain she tries to, but it’s out of her hands.
“I’ll try my hardest. You know I will,” she replies, her smile almost masking his.
“Tomorrow?” He asks her, stroking her hand softly.
“Tomorrow,” she beams brightly, mentally fighting herself to let go of his hand.
After an intensive round of archery alone, Nickolai makes his way back to his room, throwing off his arm guard and gloves – ignoring the raging pain to his shoulder. Running his hand through his hair; He hasn’t seen Jake all morning, and he can’t help but wonder where he is.
He checks Jake’s room, but he’s not there. He moves quickly down to the cafeteria. He’s not there either.
He’s soon looking in the other places, he’d normally find him. Library, Infirmary, and bathrooms. Nothing. Feeling the fear start to carve through his chest.
He soon plans to make his way back to his room and change his shirt and make another round around the usual places.
Entering his room, Jake is sitting there on his bed looking up at him like some lost puppy.
“Fucking hell man! Where have you been?” Nickolai barks at him, clearly agitated by the spiral Jake has just sent him through.
“Busy. Here,” he snaps and throws a folder at him. Tilting his head to the side slightly, he waits for him to look at the contents he’s spent all night gathering.
Looking, Nickolai sees that Jake got his hands on the blueprints of the Asylum, noticing that a tunnel runs below linking with The Compound. His eyebrows immediately jump in surprise. “Nice,” He comments, as his eyes dart across the sheet of paper. “How the hell did you get this?” he asks, without even looking up as he examines the entire sheet, eventually looking up to meet Jakes proud gaze.
“I have my ways,” he teases with a sneaky grin.
“Super Spy huh?” Nickolai mocks with a cheeky smile of his own before he places the file down and exhales loudly.
“So, what happened last night huh?” Nickolai takes a seat beside Jake and leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs.
“I think The Governor killed everyone in that Asylum. Other than that, I really don’t know…” Jake breathes, as he explains his assumptions and shrugs his shoulders. They may have made progress, but so much of it is written in Latin. They don’t know what else she’s done or how.
“Her name is Alma. You realize we could use that?” Nickolai’s ears perch as Jake mentions it, looking to Jake in a way it could be used against her.
“Yep, we have some planning to do, Little Phoenix.”
Again, she’s late. He’s waiting and watching the clock tick. Ticking and irritating him. He could have fallen asleep by now, but he’s too wired, too eager to see her. A grunt leaves his lips, and he soon scoffs and rolls over. He’s frustrated that she’s late again.
As the clock ticks to four am, he’s beyond furious and curious as to why she hasn’t come by now. It is overdue her schedule, and he’s had enough of waiting. Time to scare the crap out of her for once.
Hopping out of his Squad, he carefully and eagerly makes his way past the gate and into the girls’ quarter wearing only his long pyjama pants and a loose shirt. He treks towards her squad, and over towards her window, only narrowly missing a nearby guard as he slips through the squads.
Making it to her already open window, Nickolai peers in – just like she did – and sees she’s sound asleep. The anger dissolves, seeing her sleeping with her back facing the window.
He slowly turns, with a smile perched on his lips before a glimmer of red sparked by the moonlight catches his eyes. Turning back, he looks closer, to see the sheets beneath Skye saturated in the familiar red liquid.
Without wasting a single heartbeat, that hammered so desperately in his chest and clutched his throat.
He climbs up and into her room without making a single sound. He drops to land beside her bed, rising upwards. He becomes face to face with her, curled up with his shirt against her chest and blood saturating her arms. Her wrists are slashed vertically.
Before he can catch his own breath, he sees the small piece of paper, folded near her cold hand, addressed to Nickolai.
His eyes are wide, and his hands are shaking before sobs soon escape his lips; he tries so hard to hold them in, but this… this is too much to handle.
Taking the note and his shirt, he leans in and rests his forehead against hers, no longer warm. She’s cold and lifeless, and his heart sinks and wishes to stop beating right then and there with her.
His hand soon curves and curls around the back of her head, stroking her hair for the last time before he grits his teeth in anger and moves away.
He can’t bend his mind around any of it. He drops to his knees and sits in silence, feeling the worst pain, he’s ever felt. He stares at her; she’s not breathing. Her smile is gone, and he wishes he could see her eyes, but he can’t.
Opening the note, he reads behind the tears that spill from his eyes with each blink.
My Nickolai,
You were everything I wanted and needed in a friend.
You were there when I needed someone. You were the reason I woke up every day and went to sleep every night.
You made me smile, and you made my heart sing. You are perfect, but this world… where we are is too much for me to bear.
They were going to take me away from you tonight without warning. They were ready to take me away, and I’d never see you again.
I’d never get to hear you laugh or see your beautiful smile. I couldn’t bear it.
There’s a strong chance I may never return, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to talk to you. Be with you.
I don’t want to live without you.
So, I took my life to save yours. I couldn’t have you risking your life to keep me here or to find me, and most of all, I did it, so I could at least say goodbye and tell you that I love you and I always will.
Forever yours, Skye
CHAPTER 17
Blinded by the loss, Nickolai stands by her window, hesitation drain
ing him. He doesn’t want to leave her, but the more he realizes this, the more he’s come to notice that the mothers and guards would have come back to get her, would have witnessed this. Yet, they just left her there. Like she’s nothing.
His heart melts and drops heavily as tears sink into his cheekbones. His breaths are weak, and his mind is racing, shattering with anger and sorrow. Sounds are dull; he can barely hear. He is shaken to his core; his eyes are wide. Every word Skye’s written in her neat handwriting flick and flash in his mind.
He’s never felt so much pain, and he’s been subject and exposed to The Chamber. This is far worse than any physical pain he’s endured. His chest aches, and he can barely blink.
Frozen, he remains still. Motionless, as the wind travels pass him. Reminding him, he’s outside and in the open, but he doesn’t care. He’s still stalling, still scared to leave her but his first instinct is to run, and that itself has him mentally stabbing himself. How can he run? How can he leave her like that? His gut turns, and every time his eyes attempt to close, he’s tormented by the blood stains on her bed and the large gash on her wrists.
His free hand moves up to grasp the braided leather necklace, she’s made him. Curling his fingers around it, he attempts to hold onto it, but the pain just soars and carves through his chest even more.
His lips are quivering, and ears are dropped. Incapable of moving, he is paralyzed by the sheer shock.
For once, he thought maybe he’d be good enough for someone. That he was there to keep her happy, on her feet, that she was loved, and all someone needed to remain in this life.
Slow and heavy blinks fall, releasing thick tears from his sore eyes. Unsure on how long he’s been standing there, he finally takes a step forward and the leaves break beneath his bare feet.
What was once a soothing sound to his ears, sends a sense of panic to rouse him, and he’s too scared to move.
He never got to tell her how he truly felt. His mind is loud with so many words left unsaid. So many things to tell her, to ask her – but he lost every bit of chance. Everything is once again stripped from him, taken from him thanks to this place. The Governor has taken everything from him.
Rage collides with the sorrow and overwhelms him. The list he’s made of everything she’s put him through only grows stronger and longer. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t bear the thought of The Governor breathing. After everything she’s done to him, why did he let her live? Why did he let her create such a monster? Why did he let her take control and make something defiling out of him? He is a monster, and he’s no longer being caged.
His eyes finally flicker, but all he sees is pure red. Anger and fury tear through him, and he starts towards the Girl’s Quad, letting the adrenaline spark through him, control him. He’s had enough.
Stepping out from the squads, he’s alerted immediately by a guard. However, with a blink, the guard doesn’t even have the time to shine his flashlight up to see who is there before he’s greeted with a very hard palm to his throat, instantly choking him and restricting air, causing the guard to drop to the ground. Sleep well.
Nickolai doesn’t waste any time. Slithering through the gate, he’s back in the Boys’ Quarter, and his eyes immediately dart towards the tower, where The Governor resides., and he moves, with thriving and tight fists.
What did it matter? He doesn’t care anymore. She needed him, but she is gone now; he wasn’t good enough. He could care less if a guard took him down if he took her down first.
Tunnel vision emerges, and all he can see is the path to the tower. His bare arms are painted in goosebumps. Still in his pyjamas, he continues, and treks pass Earth.
“Nickolai!”
Jake calls out to him, but he just moves too quickly. Yet Jake presses on and swiftly darts after him. “Hey!” He calls out again, loosely behind him, but he doesn’t stop. Jake is unaware of what’s happened, and he’s scared shitless. Nickolai never ignores him, not like this.
His body language is clear and evident to him, and he knows he has to catch up and stop him from being seen by the guards. Even if he is caught, it’s all worth it.
“Nicko!” He barks at him, and the second he does he launches forwards and finally stumbles enough to grasp his arm and pull him backwards, before swinging around and coming face to face with the elf.
His doe eyes look up to meet his red and sore eyes. Everything that he loves about Nickolai is missing the second he considers his eyes. They are almost soulless as he stares ahead, ignoring him.
“Nicko?” Jake frowns, deeply concerned. “What happened?” He adds on, as he feels how cold Nickolai’s arm is. His breathes in gasps, after almost running a marathon to catch up to him.
Finally, Nickolai’s eyes slowly trail down to meet Jake’s lost and worried face, like the puppy he knew.
The knot tightens in his throat, making it too hard to speak, to tell him. The unsettling sensation of tears vent once again, before he finally parts his lips with a sob.
With the sob, his knees collapse, buckling beneath him. Dropping roughly to the cold surface, his knees buried in leaves.
He drops his shoulders, his head, and his ears. Staring blankly at the leaves below, he caves in, and shakes from the surge of emotions and seeing Jake so concerned.
Jake is fast to fall with Nickolai on his own knees. He stays with him, a comforting hand on his shoulder – he’s riddled with confusion – looking over him carefully for any signs of injury. There’s nothing, and he’s almost too scared to ask.
“Hey, I’m right here,” Jake softly attempts to comfort him, but he’s left in the dark, and he doesn’t know what he’s meant to say. “What happened?” He continues with a staggered breath. His eyes narrowed and locked on Nickolai’s as he continues to stare at the ground.
Slowly, Nickolai lifts his chin and locks his burning eyes with Jake’s, clenching his jaw he finally speaks. “She’s gone…” Nickolai breathes, he can’t gather the right words. His mind is flooded with so many words unsaid.
Jake is instantly baffled. “What!?” he exclaims. “They took her?” He directly replies, gasping in disgust that they’d just take her with no warning.
Nickolai’s eyebrows furrow and anger spread across his face as he shakes his head, and a snarl escapes with tears. “No. She – she’s dead,” he huffs before his heart continues to break at the reality of his own words.
Once he’s said it, the rest of it comes falling; all the pain he’s held inside, comes undone.
“She killed herself, Jake,” Nickolai starts, with heavy pants as he attempts to control himself, but it’s only brewing a storm deep inside, and without another word. He inhales and shoves the letter at him before he leans forwards and drops against Jake, who swiftly wraps his arms around him, tightly trying his best not to show any emotions. Trying his best to hold it together himself.
“I couldn’t save her,” Nickolai whispers between sobs, as his forehead rests against Jake’s shoulder. His fists are white and still clenched so tightly as the anger sustained to spread so freely inside.
Swallowing back the thick tears, Jake holds back and takes a second before he immediately slams Nickolai for beating himself up. “This isn’t your fault, Nickolai,” he assures him, shaking his head. He can’t believe Nickolai would say such a thing, believe such a thing. He’s too trapped, too afraid to say anything else.
Nickolai is soon shaking his head, letting his blood boil. consuming the anger and hatred within. He lets out a heavy huff before he growls. “I’m not letting The Governor get away with this,” he barks before he pulls himself away from Jake.
Seeing the pure rage in his eyes, Jake is scared; No, he’s fucking petrified. Holding his breath for a second, Jake bounces forwards, making sure to stop him from getting up. His hands curl around Nickolai’s arms, making it clear he’s not going anywhere in such a distraught and defeated state.
“Look at me, Nicko!” Jake yells at him, forcing those beautiful odd-eyes to boun
ce at him, locking their eyes. Jake palms Nickolai’s face, making sure he didn’t turn away; he didn’t move. He needs to listen.
Tears trail his eyes, as he insists Nickolai stay “We will take her down, you hear me?” He starts, as sobs began to escape his lips. He’s so determined to keep him there, to keep him safe. “You hear me?” Jake asks, demanding the answer. Only, he’s left with a small nod and blink.
“We’re going to fuck her up,” He continues. “We’re going to throw her name everywhere, you hear me? Everyone is going to fucking know her name…” He’s so frustrated, angry and upset; and it’s clear as he’s throwing cuss words out, like no tomorrow – unlike Jake.
Nickolai just stared at him, blinking slowly. Nodding, before he finally gasps – unable to control his emotions – Nickolai continues to nod and drops forward once again, leaning against Jake.
“Everyone will know her name.”
CHAPTER 18
A couple of days slip by.
Small notes are placed and left beneath every door within the Compound. Out of the Guards line of sight and in the right hands. One word, one name written on it
ALMA.
Written in different types of handwriting and even printed from the libraries computers. During the dead of the night, the little notes are slipped beneath the doors, or through the windows of each squad. Both, boys and the girls. Some aren’t seen, but it doesn’t matter. The word spread so easily and quickly in such a short amount of time. Questions arise and theories spark.
Whispers and murmurs surface until they become loud. Heard in every room, yelled throughout the courtyard, and spread through stories. Even the wind begins to whisper.
The name that should never be heard.
Of course, The Governor isn’t aware; at least not yet – the guards are too afraid to tell her. Even the Nurse knows but she too fails to inform The Governor. It would it be better to let her think it’s all in her head. It is a spiral of confusion at this point. For the Nurse, she wants to find out how the name came to light. How was it found and most importantly, who exposed her name?