by Clara Wake
He’s told Pia how sorry he is a million times, but it never fixed it. He wants to let it go but he can’t. He is hoping now they have their little family together, he can finally heal.
“It’s not your fault. It was never your fault,” Nickolai insists, seeing the guilt draining him as he pleads for Nickolai to help him. He tries as much as he can, but he’s so inexperienced with this sort of deep conversation.
He knows he’ll find himself repeating the same thing.
It is shocking to say such a thing for Nickolai. After almost eighteen years of hating and loathing his own parents, believing that they abandoned him and now, he’s greeted with the truth. It is all too surreal sometimes. It leaves him speechless and confused on how exactly he should handle things.
Nothing else is more amazing than having him home. Hours are wasted - well, not wasted according to Pia – watching him sleep. He makes the small subtle faces that he made as a newborn, and it makes her heart sing. She is so proud of him and the challenges that he’s overcome. He is truly remarkable, strong, and loyal. She can see it all already, and there is so much more learning to do and truths to be told. She tries her best to bite and push away the rumbling truth of his origin to the back of her mind, but she has to tell him. Yet, she is too scared, afraid of what he’ll think. She can already sense and see the pure disgust he holds towards himself, just by that look as he slips past the mirror. Pia is devastated to pull him down even further.
They’ve missed too much to even start counting, hell they missed his entire life – literally – and they want to make up for it, but it wasn’t their fault. Yet, they hold the responsibility even if they never admit or say it aloud. It is so clear in their eyes.
Nickolai is seeing just who he is being around them. His impatient nature, certainly from his mother, and his temper, clearly from his father – of course. Zeke is nowhere near as volatile as Nickolai. There are all these little things he can see himself in when he watches them, and it is a highlight of his life, to see them smiling and happy— still so close and together.
His abduction clearly stitching them even closer together. They have a bond he’s never seen before, and it is beautiful.
Still, it is almost alien to him, being so loved and cherished. They don’t even have to say or do anything to let him know, their eyes tell him everything, and it baffles him to see so much undying love when they don’t really know him. Could he truly tell them about the monster that’s asleep? Would they accept it? These are the thoughts that scare him the most. If they could live through eighteen years without him, certainly they’d be fine if he vanished once again.
Slowly, day by day and month by month, they grow stronger and closer. Learning about one another, and finally seeing the true meaning behind a family – love.
This day is no different – Nickolai still creeps up on his mother and scares the daylights out of her. However, this time, she isn’t afraid to retaliate, and she comes at him with whatever she has. In this case, it is the vacuum cleaner, and she doesn’t care. The little fireball starts chasing him with the vacuum.
Tiny little Pia laughs and darts after their tall little shit. She’s never been happier, despite the mini heart-attacks he gives her.
Every now and then, Pia informs Nickolai that she needs to talk to him, but each time they sit down to talk, Zeke would interfere and take him away. He too is too scared of the past coming up and ruining their family.
It leaves Pia frustrated. She feels that Nickolai deserve to know everything, after everything he’s been through. Yet, there she is rubbing her hands together and trying to think and pin a better time to talk to him.
Laughter is finally a current and ongoing sound in the house—spreading joy and warmth while Zeke cooks dinner, and Nickolai begins to read one of his mother’s favourites from their bookshelf.
Comfortable as he’s stretched out on the sofa, Pia carefully and cheekily takes photos of Nickolai. But each time the camera’s shutter releases, his ear twitches and she knows he’s aware.
This only widens the smirk on her face, as she’s just as cheeky as her son, and hides every time he looks over his shoulder or looks up over his book.
Those soft giggles from behind the wall as she flicks through the photos she’s taken, she loves capturing the moment and taking photos. Of course, it is a bonus to sneak some in when Nickolai least expects it.
Dinner is served, and while Nickolai has already made a plate and is devouring the roast chicken, his eyes flash up to meet his parents gazing at him in shock. “Do you breathe while eating?” Zeke questions with a chuckle, shaking his head and beaming brightly.
“Yes, through my nose?” Nickolai replies, with a small tilt of his head before dashing his eyes to meet his mother’s sly gaze. “What?” he asks, huffing loudly before placing his fork down and finishing the leftover meat in between his teeth.
Drinking the remains of his glass of water, Nickolai takes a second and runs his mind over certain words that his mother has said a few days prior. Hesitation clouding his thoughts, he starts to bite at his cheeks and finds it overwhelmingly daunting. He’s scared to ask.
“What’s wrong?” Pia chimes in, watching him with a soft gaze. She can see something is troubling him; he isn’t going to his second plate, after all.
“I was wondering why you had trouble having a baby,” Nickolai asks hesitantly, as the back of his neck burns, and he’s riddled with uncertainty; he begins to fidget and play with what’s left on his plate.
She returns his question with a smile – He’s asked the question she’s been dreading this entire time – breaking the ice for her.
She continues to smile before pushing her plate away and taking a moment as Zeke turns to her and gives her a very sincere expression before turning to Nickolai.
The silence is burning his eardrums as he waits for a reply.
“Apparently, my body was inhospitable for a child,” she starts, with a little grunt, before continuing. “The thing is… I was crea—
Bang! Bang!
Nickolai’s eardrums burst, and his eyes are suddenly splattered with water, as he flinches from the abrupt and loud crashes.
His eyes seal shut, before releasing them to stare at the wall, painted in blood. His eyes slowly draw down to see his father’s lifeless body, flopped and bent over onto his mother, who is also still and saturated in blood.
Frozen, shaking and spiralling in despair, Nickolai can’t blink, think, or move. Riddled in complete disbelief and shock, he sits there, eyes wide and almost emotionless as he stares down at his parents, dead from two immediate bullets. Headshots—executing them both, right before him within a blink of an eye.
Finally, he lets out a deep shaking gasp before slowly looks and turns to the direction the bullet was fired from. He sees the person responsible for his parent’s death perched on the next building, watching and aiming through the kitchen window.
“I win,” The sniper playfully remarks, as he cocks the sniper rifle and adjusts it accordingly to aim at Nickolai, who is still sapped from everything that’s just happened in the space of a minute.
Unable to move and adrenaline failing him, he’s incapable and has no desire to move at all. Breathing through his nose, his lips become sealed.
Until his arm is yanked firmly and roughly from behind, pulling him from his chair, and clashing him on the ground as a shot is fired; blindsiding him with the burst of sound to his ears.
Dazed, his ears ring, and his arm is still being tugged at. Subconsciously, Nickolai attempts to bat away the unseen force, pulling at him.
Turning slowly, he growls before he sees nothing but pure thin air and he’s once again frozen. Whatever it is, or who it is at the harrowing moment of an incoming bullet. Nothing is seen until his arm is tugged again and Nickolai is left to stare at thin air once again, looking like a dumbfounded duck.
“Run, Little Phoenix!
Jake screams, as he finally comes down after a second of d
eafness strikes his ears, carrying a bag and Nickolai’s bow. Jake helps Nickolai – who is still fighting with whatever is there – rushing, Jake pulls Nickolai up with the hand of the unidentified and invisible force on the other side of him, forcing him out and rushing him towards the front door. They narrowly escape the incoming swarm of bullets.
He is on the run once again, but this time he’s not alone.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to express my gratitude to the many people who saw me through this book. To all those who provided support, talked things over, read, wrote, offered comments, allowed me to quote their remarks and assisted in the editing, proofreading, and design.
I would like to thank my critique partner, Rebecca “Kei” Armstrong, for being there from the beginning and helping me from start to finish with so much thoughtful feedback, guidance, and reassurance. From editing to throwing ideas and listening to my cries at any time of the day or night. I honestly, don’t know what I would have done without you. You picked me up when I was struggling, made me laugh, and always reminded me of just how capable and strong I can be. You’re my rock.
I would like to thank my soundboard and partner, Sam. You don’t even read, and you followed me from the initial idea and helped me shape the story into what it is. I can’t imagine how annoying I must have been asking you “would this work?” or “does that sound right?” almost every day for five months while I worked on my first draft! Yet, you listened, and you made sure I continued to chase my dreams. I love you.
Thanks to Mum - Without you, this book may not have been finished. If I didn’t have your constant support and enthusiasm along the way. I completed it as fast I could because you were so eager to read it. You helped me during the worst part – editing – and made it easier. You knew I could do it, and with Dad always telling me to do it my way, I have the best parents I could ever ask for. I did it!
Kim Chance and Kristen Martin – the two most encouraging, uplifting, inspirational and motivational AuthorTubers (YouTube author vloggers) out there. Without you guys, my journey would feel so much lonelier and bitter, but with your videos sharing advice and spreading your success and happiness weekly through your vlogs, I instantly get the perfect kick to get me started every time I watch your videos. Thank you both, so much and keep up your awesome work!
Gail, of course, you’re in here. You’re my light, and you are the most encouraging and beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re the reason I continued to write. After meeting you on Tumblr, you only continue to spark my creativity, and it’s never gone dim because of you.
Remedy Entertainment’s Alan Wake – Without this game entering my life back in 2013, I wouldn’t have ever written a single letter in the fiction world. I wouldn’t have found the light at the end of the tunnel while drowning in nothing but a crippling creativity block. The game pulled me out of such a long block and gave me the spark I thought I’d never had. Giving me the inspiration and incentive to pursue my dream and dream bigger. Not only did the game wake me up, the creators behind it noticed me and my potential. Sure, it was my art, but it was still a part of me, and I’ll forever be grateful to Lauri and the rest of Remedy crew, who showed me just how creative and inspiring I can be.
Last, but certainly not least, are those who continued to support me when I doubted myself. Each one of you believed in me when I didn’t and continued to support me through it all.
Samuel Crespo, Katrina Douglas, Thomas Teshima, Shannon Rohrer, Holly Hassett, Helen McCormack, Kristen Eshleman, Rachel Perkins, Anne-Marie Phoenix, Samantha Gudgion, Tiara Torres, Derek Blakely, Nigel Budden, Gabby Vaughan and Jarna Edwards.
Oh, and of course, I can’t leave this without thanking my power sources: Cadbury’s Curly Wurlies and coffee.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Clara Wake is a stay-at-home, hard of hearing and half-blind mother of one daughter, Rayne. She resides in Australia and is constantly buzzing with her over-active creative mind.
Battling depression and anxiety, she found comfort in art and writing where she created Nickolai back in 2008. His story has been evolving since, and now she has finally found the courage and spirit to share this story and her own with you.
Connect with Clara:
TWITTER | FACEBOOK
E-Mail: [email protected]
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR