“Hi, Jake, it’s Mia. I just wanted to call to apologize for my rudeness Saturday. I could have handled my anger better. I’m sorry. I still feel the same way. I understand you thought you were protecting me and doing something nice, but I’m not helpless…” Her voice cut off. The machine moved to the second message, and Mia’s voice continued to fill the kitchen.
“I really do feel something for you, Jake. I don’t want to end this on a bad note. I need my independence. I can’t have someone thinking he knows what’s best for me. It was a rough visit with my parents. Though that’s no excuse, it affected my mood. I’d like the opportunity to discuss this with you in person, because I’m not a coward. You do deserve an explanation…” The machine cut off the message again.
On the third call, Mia finished up her speech. “When you get this, Jake, please give me a call so we can schedule a time for a discussion. Take care.”
The machine went dead, no more messages. He poured himself a cup of coffee: sat, sipped, and debated. Should he call her back? He burned his eggs. Disgusted, he threw them away. He picked up his cup with shaking hands. What was wrong with him? How could one woman make him react this way? Days ago, he realized he loved her. It seemed like years now. The problem was, he didn’t feel he did anything wrong. He’d have to speak with Sophia—get her opinion.
He made up his mind, dialing her number, unaware of the time. She answered on the third ring, just before he decided to hang up.
“Hello,” she said, sleepily.
“Mia, I’m sorry. I woke you?”
“What time is it? Jake?”
“Yes. It’s around six. Louie and I went to Florida yesterday to pick up a suspect. We didn’t get back until midnight. I’m sorry. I just got your message.” Why was he apologizing?
An awkward silence, neither knowing where to go from here.
“Jake, I’m sorry about Saturday night—the way I handled it. I’d like the opportunity to explain in person.”
“I’d like an explanation. I never meant to hurt you, Mia,” he said honestly.
“I know. When’s a good time for you to meet with me?”
“I can do it after work today.”
“Around seven?”
“Fine.”
“I’ll meet you at the Four Seasons for a drink.”
“No. Come to my house. I don’t want to do this in public, Mia.” He didn’t want to be embarrassed by her again.
She seemed to understand. “Okay, your house at seven.”
They both hung up, each wrapped in their own despair.
*
Mia rang the bell at exactly seven o’clock. Jake opened the door, letting her in. No kiss or hug this time, only tension. He asked if she’d be more comfortable in the kitchen or the living room. She picked the kitchen. He got her a cup of coffee, and placed pastry on the table. She smiled inwardly.
“I don’t know where to start Jake, so I’m just gonna start talking.” She looked over at him. He hadn’t moved since they sat down. He stared intently at her.
She continued. “Jake, I come from a powerful family. One that owns a lot of things, including a big publishing house. I could have published my book years ago, but I didn’t want any favors from my father. I want to know when I do have it published, it’s because the book is good, not because of my family name.
“Needless to say, when a man is as powerful as my father, he sometimes forgets his children are not subsidiaries of his business empire that he can control. I’m a vice-president of this organization. My father expects—no, demands—I take my place and forget about my book. Or just have our company publish it, and be done with it. He treats it like it’s a whim of mine. He’s browbeaten my brother into taking a place in the business, when my brother had dreams of becoming a doctor, not a businessman.
“My father even went so far as to fix me up with my former fiancé. Who, right after we started dating, proceeded to cheat on me with my former best friend. He’s a social climber, or what’s called a gold digger. On Friday, my father ran into me on purpose, invited me to dinner. His spies let him know when I’m in town. He has people all over who inform him whenever I come to town.
“When I arrived at dinner, I found that Bart, my former fiancé, had also been invited. I couldn’t believe the nerve of him, or my father, setting me up, for what purpose? I still haven’t figured it out. I told Bart off. He left pissed, finally understanding I’ve no desire, now or in the future, to see him again. I told him out-right if he ever showed his face at the dinner table again, when I’m dining, I’d have him physically removed.
“Naturally, my father and I had the same fight we’ve been having for the last ten years. I stormed out of their house and stayed at my penthouse for another night. I needed to think.
“I wanted to be alone, to re-think my choices in life. I still came up with the same answer—with one variation. I want you in my life, because I feel deeply for you. When I saw you Saturday, my whole body lit up. I’ve never felt like this toward anyone else before.
“When Sophia said you held something back from me, something I had a right to know, well, I couldn’t believe it. I felt hurt and betrayed again. You acted like my father, like you had the right to take control. I can’t—no, I won’t, give anyone control over me, Jake. I still want to see you but it won’t ever get serious. I need control over my own life. I want you to understand, though I care deeply for you, I can’t commit to anything more permanent.” Wiping the tears from her face, she waited Jake out.
*
Jake sat there, processing what Mia said, formulating his own answer, not knowing where to start.
“You want it both ways, Mia, but you can’t have it.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. You called me first when the package with the dead animal first appeared. You wanted me to take care of it. You also called me when Chloe stalked you. You’re sending mixed signals.”
“Chloe was a different situation, Jake,” Mia said, trying to defend her position.
“I don’t want control over you, Mia. Life isn’t fun, if it’s not equal. I tried to help, nothing more. I’d left you sleeping because I didn’t want to wake you. I thought when you got back on Saturday I’d give you the information and let you decide how you wanted to handle it. Yes, I was wrong. I thought you didn’t need any distractions while you were in New York, because you were so nervous Tuesday night.
“It’s in my nature to protect. It’s why I became a cop. I won’t make that mistake again. You humiliated me in front of my friends, because you were angry. You gave no thought to anyone else. You acted like a spoiled brat…no, don’t interrupt me. I didn’t interrupt you.
“I almost didn’t call you back because my pride and my ego were hurt. I probably shouldn’t tell you this—hell—I love you. I came to the realization while you were away. But I don’t see how it can work out either. I don’t know if seeing each other casually will work, because I do love you. I don’t want casual…” He said nothing else.
They sat there in silence for awhile. With nothing left to say, Mia got up, and walked around the table to Jake. Bending down, she kissed him on the cheek.
“I’m truly sorry, Jake.” She left the kitchen, heading toward the front door, tears rolling down her face.
Jake stood, and hurried after her. He took her in his arms, kissing her with all the pent up passion he had inside for her.
“I’m sorry too.” He wiped her tears with his thumb, releasing her. His eyes burned as she walked out the door—out of his life.
Deep in his heart, he knew they’d be together someday. Mia just needed to come to the same conclusion. A patient man, he’d bide his time before he went after her.
She’d better not take too long to decide, he mused.
Also Available
Burn in Hell
A Jake Carrington Mystery
A botched missing person’s case.
A nervous Mob boss.
Lt. J
ake Carrington’s gut tells him Phil Lucci is cagey—with good reason. The case has been mishandled from the beginning—sloppy police work? Or does Lucci’s fine hand reach as far as the WPD? Jake’s job is to find out.
Jake becomes attracted to Kyra Russell, who runs the local crematory. Despite this attraction, he’s becoming suspicious of her. Gambling has cost her a marriage, and custody of her son—and she just happens to be friends with Phil Lucci. Kyra claims coincidence, but Jake doesn’t believe in those. Could Kyra be burning bodies for the mob?
About the Author
Marian’s If I Fail, A Jake Carrington Mystery is her debut novel. Since she discovered books at the early age of five she’s been reading and writing non-stop. Mysteries are her favorite genre. She has just completed her second book in the series Burn in Hell, A Jake Carrington Mystery due to release in January 2013. Her passions are reading and writing. She lives in Connecticut with her husband and enjoys snowboarding and boating.
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IF I FAIL: A Jake Carrington Mystery Page 30