by Rosie Scott
I laughed and started finger-combing my hair back for a high ponytail since I was sweltering in the forge's heat. “You and I are alike in that respect, Maggie. Two unique half-breeds. Freaks of nature if you will.”
“Aye.” Maggie watched the methodical movements of my hands brushing through my hair. “At least yer beautiful, though. We may both be freaks of nature, but I look like it.”
“You don't give yourself enough credit.” I pulled both sides of the ponytail to tighten the tie. “You are visually intimidating but personally sweet. Many women look for that in a partner. As for men, some really like the idea that they could lose in a fistfight with a woman.”
Maggie laughed softly and put her hammer down on the table. She spun, hopping twice on one leg and grabbing the back of a stone cabinet just feet away from me. She sat down on it like it was a chair and heaved an exhale. “Ya know the right things to say to people, Kai. Ya don't lie to temporarily fix 'em. Ya just give the truth with a dash of hope and confidence and call it a day.”
“You say that like it's a good thing, but you sound sad.”
“I'm just worn down from yesterday,” she admitted. “I'm happier than I've ever been followin' ya and goofin' off with all our friends, but I thought all that was gonna be cut short yesterday. We thought you and Azazel were dead. They outnumbered Nyx and Holter was away aidin' the others, so I tried my best to help Cerin. Just one spell disabled me, Kai. I was tryin' to keep safe everythin' I had left, but all I did was weaken Terran's shield. If ya hadn't shown up, Cerin would'a been killed and I couldn't do nothin' about it.”
“I'm just glad the prosthetic leg was the only part of you that was hurt,” I told her. “Cerin's fine, and it was Terran's focus on him that kept the rest of you as safe as you were. It was courageous to interrupt to help him.”
“Acts of courage sure don't feel courageous when you're doin' 'em,” Maggie mused.
“Why's that?”
“'Cause it just feels right and natural to do,” she replied, peeling off her gloves to let her hands cool.
It was simple logic, but I agreed nonetheless. Before I could reply, the squealing of wheels that needed oiling sounded outside before the light shining through the door of the workshop caved to shadow again. Then, the corner of a wood and steel dolly transporting a keg of ale crashed into the open door frame.
“Son of a bitch,” Nyx cursed outside the door, before the dolly was reversed and turned. The dolly wheeled in a moment later at Nyx's mercy. When she brought it to a halt, she grinned as she noticed me and said, “I'm helping, Kai.”
“I see that,” I said.
Nyx spread her arms wide to encompass the forge and said, “There's a fiery hot forge, lots of heavy equipment, a cripple, and two crazy people in here. What are we missing, Maggie?”
“Ale!” Maggie exclaimed happily, and I laughed at her glee.
Nyx bowed dramatically. “I am at your service.”
As Nyx went about setting up the keg and opening it with a mallet, I asked, “Was this planned?”
“Let me tell you a story,” Nyx replied, grabbing a satchel hanging off the back of the dolly and pulling out mugs. “I woke up this morning feeling jittery with pent-up anger. I either needed lots of sex or lots of ale, and most of our men are wounded. So Holter and I were skipping through town after checking up on you and Cerin, and I saw Maggie getting carried to her forge. I said, 'hey, she might work better with a buzz!' And Holter replied, 'that's probably not a good idea.' Next thing I know, Holter's reminding me that I'm not supposed to be drinking the ale, I'm supposed to be delivering it. He finds me this thingamajig—” she kicked the dolly “—and sets me on my way with the ale while he goes to work. On the way, I see this smokin' Alderi man and we get to talking. He asks me where I'm going, and I said, 'you tell me' and suggested his place. He then pointed at the bloody bandage on his arm and said he was going to the hospital. I kept wheeling this thing around until Marcus calls over, 'hey, little lady! Are you taking that to Maggie's?' And then it dawned on me. Yes, I was taking it to Maggie's! So here I am.”
I dramatically slow-clapped. Maggie chuckled and mused, “I'm so glad I'm memorable.”
Nyx snorted a laugh and held up her hands in defense. “I'm not all there today.”
“Today?” I asked pointedly.
Nyx shrugged with a smile and said to Maggie, “You know I love you, bud.” She filled one mug and handed it to the engineer. “Emotion is just distracting me.”
“Anythin' in particular?” Maggie asked. She lifted the glass to her lips and downed the entire drink as Nyx filled another.
“Uh, yeah,” Nyx said dryly, turning to hand the second ale to me. “Your fucking brother, Kai.”
I said nothing because Nyx's frustrations already mirrored my own.
“We were just talkin' about that,” Maggie mused, handing her emptied mug to Nyx and waiting as she refilled it.
Nyx handed Maggie her glass and prepared another for herself. Grabbing a chair from the far wall, she scooted it noisily to sit between us. “You said in Narangar you want Terran's death to be painless, Kai, but I'm having fantasies about spilling his blood and then playing in it.”
Maggie raised an eyebrow. “We were just talkin' about oddly erotic things, too.”
Nyx broke into a string of giggles at the unexpected jest. “I'm serious, though.” She turned to me and sobered. “I want to kill him, Kai. He and his stupid sidekicks disabled us one at a time to get to Cerin. Overpowered us. And I hate feeling powerless.”
“Are you asking me for permission to kill him?” I asked.
Nyx sighed. “I don't know. I know you want to, ideally, but I wanted to know if I could if I get the chance.”
I took a swig of ale and wiped off my lips before replying, “Absolutely, Nyx. Either of you can. I want Terran dead. He keeps slipping out of my grasp, and he's a threat to all of you. A lesser one now that the gods are dead, but a threat nonetheless. I chose various spells trying to kill him yesterday that would've caused pain. I just wanted to avoid it.”
Maggie picked up on my strained tone and leaned forward on her cabinet seat. “Do ya still love 'im?”
“I love who he was,” I replied. “Terran said something similar yesterday just before compromising the castle. He called me wretched and said it wasn't always this way. That he still loves who I was. This must've been important to him because he said it just before he tried to kill me. Then, when we fought each other on the battlefield, I went invisible to avoid him so I could heal. Terran's screams as he tried to find me will stick with me forever. They were desperate. Tortured. In his mind, I abandoned what he considers moral, and now I threaten everything else he holds dear. Killing me will release him of this constant plaguing worry much like the opposite will do the same for me.” I hesitated. “Yet, just this morning I awoke bombarded with memories of us in better times. Times when we disagreed and argued but could still love and overcome. Terran was treated better by Sirius, but his life wasn't perfect. For siblings in vastly different positions, we somehow looked past all that and tried to help each other when we could. Now, here we are, fighting to the death because neither one of us will relent.”
“Regardless, Terran's an asshole and I want to kill him,” Nyx muttered.
Maggie turned to Nyx and asked, “Was he always nasty to ya, even before the war? Ya knew each other in Sera, right?”
“Knew of each other, more like,” Nyx conceded. “I kept my distance from the university. I would see Terran at night sometimes when he'd inevitably go out to drink and fuck his problems away—”
“Well, that's awkward,” Maggie blurted, flicking her eyes between us.
“No,” Nyx protested with a laugh. “Not like that. I was never with Terran; we just frequented some of the same taverns. He didn't trust me because of the assassination attempt and although he was handsome, I didn't pursue him. His 'yes, sir, no, sir' mentality pissed me off. Terran never questioned things. He just did as h
e was told and bent over to Sirius's demands. Kai actually thought for herself. So no, Terran wasn't a terrible person. We just didn't mesh well.” Nyx leaned back in her chair and set her mug on the floor. “Now, though? I want him dead. I don't care what kind of person you are, if you try to kill my friends, you're going down.”
Maggie lifted her mug to toast in agreement. Afterward, Nyx took the two cups to refill them.
“Drink, Kai,” Nyx told me, glancing at my half-full mug.
“It's barely midday, and I have work to do,” I retorted lightly.
“A lot of work you're doing, too,” Nyx teased.
“Aw, stop it, love,” Maggie warned. “It's rare enough that Kai gets time to relax. Don't be guilt-trippin'.”
Nyx sobered as she brought back the mugs. “I don't mean to. I hope you know that I admire all the work you do, Kai.”
My heart warmed with her sudden candor. “Thank you, but don't underestimate your—”
“No,” Nyx said, putting out a hand to stop me. “Don't turn this around and make it about me, okay? There was a good ten minutes yesterday when I thought you were dead, and I spent every one of them seething in anger. Anger at Terran for killing you, and anger at myself for never taking the time to say anything worth saying. I realized that you were gone and there were so many things I wanted you to know, and it killed me inside just like how it felt when Jakan and Anto died.”
My jaw tensed with emotion, but I waited for her to take a drink of ale and continue.
“You know, you have always been courageous and confident and so...” Nyx trailed off as she tried to find the words. “Driven. Focused. Things I wish I could be, but I don't have the attention span for it. I felt drawn to you that night I came to assassinate you. When you woke up and talked to me like we were already friends, I understood why. You have a different mindset than most people, Kai. You're drawn to taboo notions and rebellious actions, but the difference with you is that you have the balls to do something about it. You enter most situations thinking you can win them, and then you do, like fate itself is so amazed at your courage and skill it bends a knee. I remember being so excited to leave Sera with you fifteen years ago because I knew that no matter where we went, you'd forge ahead like you always do. You had grandiose ideas of building armies and traveling the world and convincing kings and queens to abide by your will, but you had nothing. To be honest, at the time I didn't even care if we succeeded because I was just along for the ride. Looking back, though, I'm fucking amazed, bud.”
I reached out and patted her knee. “That we're here?”
Nyx took another swig of ale. “Well, that, and we've gone and done everything you've ever wanted to do. Had adventures, built armies, made friends, fought for vengeance, traveled the world. You set your mind to something and then you did it. You never whined or made excuses or quit. You are a relentless and evolving force of nature who gets up so many times after getting knocked down it's almost comical. You just don't stop. I was so used to being the energetic one in Sera, and then I found it hard to keep up with you everywhere else. Once you had a purpose, you took off. At some point, I realized I paled in comparison. I'm not as smart or driven as you are. That awful battle in Eteri broke me, but you just became stronger. That's why your actions are legendary and everyone will forget mine. You've changed the world, and they'll know me as the reject you spared who later abandoned you.”
“You're impossible to forget. The scribes will hear about all your actions if you can sit still long enough to tell the stories,” I promised her, somewhat in jest although my tone was tight with emotion.
“Honestly, I'm not worried about that,” Nyx replied, putting her empty mug on the floor and making no move to refill it. “We've talked about that decision of mine, and you know I feel remorse for it. But I don't think I ever actually said I'm sorry. And I am. I'm sorrier for that than I've ever been sorry for anything. I missed out on years of something great. I know I irrevocably hurt you and your trust because I see how it still affects you even though you never complain or hold it above my head. Now that we're here in Chairel, I keep thinking about how you'll be queen and have all these people at your beck and call. And hell, I admire you so much for getting this far. Despite my mistakes I hope you're happy I'm here, and I hope that once things settle down after Sera we can get into trouble together.”
“Are you kidding?” I scooted my chair over and pulled Nyx into a tight hug. I took solace in the ferris scent that exuded from her hair. “I'm so happy to have you with me. I appreciate your apology. I was hurt, but I understood why you made the decisions you did. You said I was stronger, but going through that made me stronger.”
“Because I hurt you,” Nyx pointed out.
“Yes, well, I've hurt you and you've forgiven me.” I pulled back from our hug and reached up to her chin, brushing a finger over the faded scar on her jawbone.
“I barely remember that's there,” Nyx retorted lightly, though her voice was soft with introspection.
“How do ya both sit here and talk like that without gettin' teary?” Maggie asked thickly.
“I hate crying,” Nyx replied.
I huffed with amusement. “Me, too.”
Nyx wrinkled up her nose. “I hate emotional shit like this, but sometimes things need to be said. I hate apologizing, too, but I feel lighter now.”
“I apologized to Cerin this morning for being brash yesterday,” I blurted.
Nyx snorted in joyous laughter and slapped me on the arm. “Seriously? I bet he shat his pants in surprise.”
“If he did, I didn't smell it,” I commented, and the other women laughed.
“In either case, now I'm not alone in being ashamed,” Nyx sighed with relief.
I took a drink of ale. “It will be hard finding trouble to get into when I'm queen.”
Nyx scoffed. “Nah, you'll still be royalty. Just do what you always used to do. Puff out your chest and say, 'I'm Kai Sera! I can do whatever I want!'”
Maggie laughed and asked, “Did that work?”
“I have no recollection of ever doing that,” I replied dryly despite being humored.
Nyx shrugged and hid a mischievous smile by standing and turning to get more ale. “Maybe I made it up. Consider it a free idea for future naughty endeavors.”
*
“What do you think?” Chance spread his arms wide in a grand gesture, walking backwards through the open top floor of a tailor shop. It was more of an attic with a peaked ceiling, and shadows cluttered every crevasse and corner. Two tiny round windows high on gabled walls allowed smidgens of light to pass, and specks of fabric dust floated through the intrusive rays. On the other side of each window nothing but open sky awaited, ensuring a low likelihood of wandering eyes. The rest of the floor was a maze of desks, chairs, tables, and spools of colorful fabrics.
“What does it matter what I think?” I questioned in turn, putting my thumbs in my pockets as I looked around. “You'll be the one staying here. How do you like it?”
“I like it,” Chance replied, rocking back and forth on his heels. “It's private, quiet, and inconspicuous. I think it'll work until we eventually rebuild the castle.” He glanced at me thoughtfully. “I miss my old office, though.”
I smiled. “I'm sure you do. I'll give you an office in each settlement and then you'll always have one to miss.”
Chance chuckled. With some hesitation, he began, “So...are you thinking long-term, then?”
“What, with you staying with us?”
“Yeah.” Chance backed up a few steps from me, proving he wasn't affecting my decision with his aura. “Oh! That reminds me.” He turned, walking over to a desk in the far corner and opening a drawer. Bringing out a small coin purse, he brought it to me and said, “For Narangar.”
I made no motion to take it. “Keep it.”
“We had a bet,” Chance insisted, waving the purse at me.
“Yes, and if you had won, that would mean I failed. Since said failure w
ould mean my death and inability to pay you, our bet was never truly fair at all. For being the god of fortune, you certainly don't know how to gamble.”
Chance grinned and pulled the coin purse back. “I feel like that's a challenge.”
“Perhaps it is.” I motioned to two nearby chairs. “Sit.”
“Yes, ma'am,” Chance replied jovially. After he sat down, I scooted one chair over so I could face him.
“How did you find this place to rent?” I asked him curiously.
“The owner is a Naharan immigrant,” Chance replied. “This business went through hard times since he couldn't get any imported dyes from Nahara. I helped him set up a new deal, prioritize inventory...” he trailed off, understanding that a full rundown was unnecessary. “He likes me, essentially.”
“Aura or no?”
“Both,” Chance said. “I used it at first, but I stopped. Does that bother you?”
“No,” I replied honestly. “If it bothered me, I wouldn't have accepted your offer. You make good decisions on when to use the aura.”
“Centuries ago I didn't,” the god admitted. “When I was young, I let my aura go willy-nilly because I wanted people to like me. As I grew older, I no longer cared about what other people thought unless I liked them.”
I smiled at his reasoning. “Great minds think alike. Do you care what I think?”
“I do.”
“Good. That means we like each other.” I leaned back in my chair. “I'm impressed with your work, and even though you've only been with us for a year, I find you indispensable. I have about a million things I'd like you to do, and I'm relatively certain Azazel already started a list. Regardless, consider this your formal invitation to my court.”
Chance's face brightened with a mixture of absolute relief, gratitude, and excitement. “I accept. Thank you.”