Fools' Apocalypse

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Fools' Apocalypse Page 24

by Anderson Atlas


  Chapter 1.27

  Ben:

  Killing for Parmesan

  The clock ticks in Ben’s head. He wishes he had a real clock to look at. The one in his head is so wrong. He can’t be sure what time it is or how long Ian and the others have been gone. Ian, Tanis, and Hana went to go find the kid’s house, a fool’s errand. Isabella, Josh, and Markus went for supplies. Ben hopes they bring back some good shit. And he really hopes they bring tequila because he’s stuck on this boat with crybabies Rice and Andy. She paces the deck like a caged walrus, but thankfully, Andy is passed out in one of the rooms.

  Ben looks for a shady place to sit. It’s getting shit hot under the sun. He climbs down into the belly of the boat, but it’s like stepping into a sauna. His pits instantly become sweat sprinklers. Windows, gotta open some windows.

  The first area is the kitchen, a big kitchen. Four stainless steel sinks line the wall to the left. Two double-door refrigerators gleam at the rear of the kitchen. There’s a bench all the way to the right and two food prep tables in the middle. It’s an impressive galley. Galley, I think that’s what fish-head sailors call it. Polished redwood covers the walls and the floors.

  There are two side portals and four ceiling hatches. Ben opens them all to get a breeze going. The kitchen is pretty awesome. There are lots of drawers filled with every kinda cooking tool. He opens the refrigerator. Empty. Next to the fridge is a small book hanging on a hook. It’s a cookbook. He thumbs through the pages and reads aloud, “Crostini-filled mushroom caps, bacon-wrapped shrimp. Holy shit, that sounds good.” On the next page, “Cornish game hens with a blackberry sauce, veal served over wild mushroom cream, and a salmon and wine dish.” His stomach growls and rolls.

  Rice comes down the steps, “What’s going on?” She’s clearly bored out of her mind. Ben can suggest something to take her mind off things. Something hard. He laughs to himself. “Party boat for rich dudes and their dudettes,” He says, staring at Rice. She has a pretty face, for sure. Puffy from all the crying. He’d definitely play with her ta-tas. Rice turns away. He hands her the menu, “Check out what’s for dinner.”

  She takes the book. “Are you going to cook this tonight?” she asks nervously but playfully.

  Ben shrugs, “I’d love to. Let me pull a game hen out of my ass.”

  “Oh, I’ll have the veal. Got one of those in your you-know-what?” She chuckles and loosens up.

  “Nice choice.” Ben takes the book back and hangs it on the hook. “I just hope they stop at a Romeo’s Delectable Market for some fresh pasta.”

  “I shop there too sometimes,” Rice says. “They have chicken parmesan I’d kill for.”

  “I love their Nine Cheese Rosatti.” Ben salivates as he leaves the kitchen and heads deeper into the boat. “Nothin’ like it in the world,” he says over his shoulder.

  “Nine cheese?” she comments easily. “That’s a lot.”

  “So good.” Ben enters the dining area where two eight-person tables sit on either side of the walkway. Bookshelves here and there are filled and a flat-screen TV is mounted in the center. Along all the edges of the room are cushy benches.

  “I can get used to this.” Rice agrees. She continues down the hall to the bedrooms. Ben peeks in the first room. It’s got double bunks for stick people. “Jeeze,” He mumbles.

  “I don’t think I’d fit in these beds.” Rice laughs. She knows what he means. She’s a big fish like he is. “Good thing we have a kid and a skinny nerd with us.” Andy sleeps soundly on the bottom bed so Rice carefully, quietly opens the portal above him.

  The breeze gets stronger. Fresh air hits Ben’s face. The beads of sweat that have formed on his temple cools his skin. God, it feels good. He closes his eyes and breathes. His head gets quiet. He loves it when his thoughts stop.

  “You okay?” Rice asks.

  She totally rips him from his Zen. He grunts and moves from the room. He usually hates talking to people. On occasion, he’d to count how many people he had to talk to in a day. It was a good day if he didn’t have to say a word to anyone. He would feel like an invisible man, like he was watching his life on television for the fun of it. He loved every minute of his solitude.

  But now he feels the walls closing in on him. There’s one wall in particular, one behind him that doesn’t stop coming closer and closer. Nervousness whips through his heart, and he shudders. This fucking sucks. One minute he feels relaxed, and the next he’s freaking out and trying not to show it.

  Rice just smiles, which exaggerates her dimples. She has a good smile. Ben likes that she’s here distracting him from being smashed by the darkness around him.

  The next two rooms have twin beds. “One of these is mine,” Ben proclaims. “I’m gonna block out that sun and sleep for a week.”

  “Big rooms.” Rice peeks in. “Very nice. I’ve never been on a boat this big.”

  “Me neither. I’ve just been on speedboats, racing boats that burn through the water and make your nipples stand up.” That was a lie. Ben has never been on anything other than a rowboat. He looks at her to see if she sees through the lie. She doesn’t. At any rate, he’s probably kicked someone’s ass that’s been on a boat this big.

  There’s a full bathroom with a tub behind the next door. “Rich people got it good, even at sea,” he exclaims. “This is an f-ing million-dollar yacht!”

  Rice moves in and tests the water. It works. “Oh shit, I can take a bath! There is a God after all. Oh, I have to tell Andy. He loves baths.”

  “No hot water, though,” he reminds her.

  “I don’t care. I just need to get wet.”

  “Oh, yeah?” He says and gives her his orgasm face. She shoots him a frown. Ben pretends to smack himself across the face. “Sorry, that didn’t come out right.” She shrugs. She’s definitely a prude.

  Ben moves to the room at the end of the hallway. It’s the master bedroom. He runs to the huge bed and cannonballs onto it. The mattress is so soft. “I change my mind. This is my room.”

  Rice follows and pokes her nose in the bathroom and in all the drawers. “Eight people, seven beds. This will be fun.”

  “You wanna rock this king-size luxury bed?” Ben pats the cushion.

  “Keep dreaming,” Rice replies but flashes that cute smile again. If he can chill out the creep inside, he might be able to get into her pants.

  “Joke, just a joke,” He pleads forgiveness with a puppy dog face and opens the hatches at the head of the bed. After a sweet moment of silence, they leave the stateroom.

  Andy is awake. He runs to Rice’s side and grabs her arm like a lifeline. They head to the upper deck and sit together on the settee between the two masts. The sun has gone behind a thick, dark cloud of smoke so they get a little relief from the heat.

  The ropes and metal pulleys tap against the mast in the wind. Tink, tink. . . tink, tink. The rhythm echoes like a clock. Ben wishes he had a joint.

  A few walkers stumble to the end of the small dock where the rowboat is tied up.

  “What are they doing?” Rice asks. Ben shrugs.

  One of the walkers looks over the edge of the dock at the rowboat. It loses its balance and falls in the water. “Whoa! Look at that sack of skin!” He laughs at its clumsiness.

  “What are they doing? No one’s even in the boat.” Rice rushes to the cabin and vanishes for a minute. She returns with a pair of binoculars. They take turns looking through them.

  A different puppet walks down the beach and steps into the water cautiously. It moves into the water until it’s fully submerged. It sloshes to the rowboat and grabs on to it. Another walker fiddles with the line until the boat gets untied. “Oh shit!” The boat slowly floats away from the dock but stops a few feet away. Six more walkers stumble into the water. The damn things are keeping the boat right where it is.

  “How can they breathe underwater?” Ben mumbles.

  “They’re dead, remember. They don’t need to breathe.”

  Andy runs to the ra
iling. “What’s going on?”

  Rice puts her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t want you to worry. Okay? Ian and the others will be just fine. Maybe you should go below. Explore the boat, find something to play with.”

  Andy nods and runs to the ladder. He pauses a moment before going below.

  “Those puppets are just gonna stay there, holding the boat still until Ian and the others get back?” Ben can’t believe this crap.

  “They’re setting a trap.” Rice starts to cry.

  “No shit,” he replies.

  Shortly afterward, Isabella comes down the path pushing a cart full of stuff. Markus and Josh are behind her and so are Ian, Hana, and Tanis on mountain bikes. And they got a dog.

  Rice and Ben jump up and down. “It’s a trap! Walkers under the boat!” They watch Ian dive to the rowboat. Ben yells again, but the group can’t hear. Ben can’t do shit to help. He’s stuck on this boat without so much as a BB gun.

  Rice wails. Ben screams so loud he gags himself. All they can do is watch.

  Ian manages to get the rowboat back to the dock. They load the boat with the shit as Isabella bitch slaps the walkers into piles of twitching lumps. When everyone gets in the boat they start rowing toward the Pioneer.

  Hana and Ian pulls at those oars. They don’t move much. He watches through the binoculars and yells, “They’re under you!”

  At the same time the walkers pull the boat on one side, and flips it over. Everyone is tossed into the water along with all the supplies. Ian and the others thrash as the boat drifts away. Splashing. Splashing.

  “What do we do?” Rice cries out, grabbing at Ben.

  “I can’t swim that far. My fat ass would drown,” he says. “We’re stuck here.” Rice wouldn’t be able to swim it either. So they watch. All they can do is watch.

  Chapter 1.28

  Ian:

  Hopeful Calculations

  The rowboat flips over, spilling food, water, fuel, and the passengers into Jamaica Bay. Water fills Ian’s lungs as he splashes and reaches for the surface. Someone grabs him as he opens his eyes. Even though it is dark and swirling and chaotic, he can see an emaciated, vein-covered hand pulling him under. Multiple hands reach through the turbulent, bubbling waves and claw at his skin. The surface is only a few feet away, but he can’t reach it!

  Ian twists like a corkscrew and the water helps him slide right out of their grip. His head bursts into the air, and he gasps. Isabella is also free and swimming for shore. He locates Markus, Tanis, Hana, and Josh. They’ve all slipped the trap. When his feet touch the muddy shore, he catches his breath.

  Ian turns to Hana. “Are you okay?”

  She nods. “I hate those things.”

  The walkers rise from the water. Drenched and washed of the dirt and blood, they look like starving, pissed off old folks. The worms protruding from their eyes twitch and flap in agitation. There are six of them.

  Ian grabs a large rock from the muddy shore and bashes one across the head. He hits repeatedly.

  “The knees, Ian!” Isabella says.

  Ian kicks the knee, and it breaks backward. The thing falls on its stomach, face down in the shallow water. Ian grabs its left wrist and twists until the arm pops from the socket. The other arm dislocates just as easily. The walker can only flop around. It’s sickening to see the human form so disfigured but still fighting.

  Ian helps Tanis beat his walker to a pulp. Everyone stands over their kills, triumphant. Their little ambush failed, but backup comes.

  “Get our stuff back on the rowboat! Me and Isabella will distract them until you’ve got it all.”

  Walkers approach from the city. Isabella and Ian lure the group away from the salvage area. The puppets follow them into the shallows, which slows them further. Pertinacious fuckers they are. Ian jumps over the small waves and runs away. Isabella blasts one in the face with her shotgun and snaps a few of their knees with well-placed kicks.

  When Markus calls out, they dive into the water and swim to the rowboat.

  The group helps the two into the boat nearly tipping it over again. Ian feels the tension in his chest ebb. “Did you get all the gear?” He asks while watching the horde splash into the water, still coming.

  Markus shakes his head. “We can’t lift the gas cans. They’re on the bottom.” Markus apologizes.

  Ian sighs and shakes his head. He’s tired, but this isn’t over yet. He dives overboard. The gas cans are like lead anchors on the sea floor. When he surfaces, he can barely stay afloat. Isabella and Hana grab the prize.

  “Lean on the other side!” Hana barks at Markus, Josh, and Tanis so the counterbalance will keep the boat from tipping over as they hoist the container inside.

  Three more gas cans. Ian dives over and over and retrieves them all. They are more important than the food. Isabella and Markus hauls Ian back into the rowboat where he falls across Hana’s lap. His muscles burn, and his body is weak. Hana puts her arm around him. Her warmth relaxes his body and so does her steady breath.

  They row to the Pioneer, and unload.

  The rationing is calculated. If everyone gets a quart of water a day and a two-thousand-calorie diet, they have enough food for two weeks provided none is wasted. Regardless, it isn’t enough.

  Ian starts the engine and heads for the open sea hoping that farther down the coast they’ll find either the quarantine line or small towns with sources of food and water to salvage. Ian feels hopeful. They’re safe out here. The sea is their salvation.

  Chapter 1.29

  Tanis:

  Maat, the God of Truth

  Kat is an Australian Shepherd mix and weighs about forty pounds and is mostly hair. His coat is white, marbled gray, and brown and has a long white nose and small floppy ears. He’s a great dog. Tanis tucks Kat under his arm and climbs the ladder to the deck of the Pioneer. Kat doesn’t seem to mind all this. Even when Tanis threw him into the rowboat and he had landed on a bunch of canned food, he didn’t yelp or anything. He is just happy to be with his master.

  When they were at his house searching, Tanis felt so alone. His parents were gone. Everything seemed hopeless. He’d grabbed his bike and helped Hana pump the tires up. It wasn’t until they were riding down the driveway and by a crowd of dead people that Kat had found them. He jumped over the neighbor’s shrubs and caught up. Tanis risked stopping to say hi. After that, Kat kept up with them the entire ride, running like Superdog.

  His paws hit the deck of the Pioneer and he runs off, checking the place out. Such a good dog.

  “Whoa!” Ben says. “That dog’s gonna shit all over the place.”

  “I’m gonna shit on you!” Tanis snaps. “On your face,” He follows up under his breath.

  “Don’t be a jerk,” Hana says to Ben, sticking up for Tanis. “It’s the kid’s dog.”

  Josh pets Kat. “I should’ve grabbed some dog food at the store. There was tons of it.” Andy runs over, so happy about having a furry friend on board.

  “Dog’s gonna starve. We don’t have food for it,” Isabella says. “It will be your share that he eats,” she snarls.

  “I’m fine with that,” Tanis says. “He can have all my food if he needs it.”

  Ben rolls his eyes, “You say that now.”

  “Yes, and you will be responsible for him,” Ian reminds Tanis. He’s starting to act like he’s everyone’s dad.

  Kat explores the boat’s deck. “He loves it!” Tanis yells, but no one hears him. They’re all unloading the rowboat. Tanis helps Kat down the ladder and lets him run around inside. Dogs are so connected to happy things. It’s no wonder humans gravitate to them as companions.

  Tanis had claimed one of the bunks earlier so he sets his bag on it and takes out the photo of his parents, wedging it in a crack on the side of the bunk.

  The kitchen gets loud as everyone brings in the food and water. Tanis joins them to see what they got. Ben takes control of the kitchen. No surprise there—big guy, big appetite.

  “Yea
h!” he exclaims as he takes out a bag of cashews. “Buttery goodness,” he smells the bag.

  “There’s about five pounds of chicken in there. It was in the freezer and didn’t feel completely thawed yet. It should be good.” Markus says. “The rest of the meat is in cans.”

  Ben tosses a can of spam in the air, “I love this stuff with eggs.”

  Rice and Josh look eagerly at the food and Tanis is so hungry he could eat his own fist. “Can we chow now?”

  “I got this,” Ben says. “I watch the cooking channel all the time.” He looks over the food. “How about lunch stuff? Some chips and tuna sandwiches?” He holds up a box of individual mayonnaise packets. “Perfect, this stuff will last for years.”

  “I’ll help,” Markus offers.

  Ian tells Isabella to pull the anchor up and Hana to fire up the motor. The Pioneer turns around and heads out of Jamaica Bay going south. Ben hands Tanis a sandwich, and he gives half to Kat. They both want more, much, much more. Oh well. He might have to get used to being hungry.

  Later, Josh and Tanis finally get the water heater going. They work together to bypass the fried circuit board and rig the heater to run directly off the batteries. It’s a simple heating unit so it didn’t get fried. The water heater will run as long as the batteries hold. It’ll drain the juice faster, but Hana says the motor has its own start-up battery so she isn’t worried about using all the hot water. Markus also finds a storage box with eight brand-new replacements batteries. They’re set.

  Rice is the first in the shower. She sings the entire time like she’s in some soap commercial. It’s annoying but makes Tanis smile. Ben bumps his shoulder, “She fingerin’ her lady harp in there or what?”

  Tanis has to laugh.

  They all take turns in the shower. Quick turns. The meter that says how much water is in the tanks is fried, so they don’t know how much is in there.

 

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