by Aleron Kong
To Richter’s surprise, a quest prompt appeared.
You have received a Quest: For Love of Blotto!
The elders of the kindir settlement have decided to test you. In true kindir fashion, their reasoning does not appear to align with logic, but they must believe that getting you blackout-drunk before fighting a dungeon full of undead is a good idea. They will not be parting with the secret to their immunity to the mists for free, and engaging them in their drinking game might improve your negotiating power.
Success Conditions: Outdrink at least one of the kindir elders
Reward: Each round of drinking that you engage in will improve your final Relationship boost.
Penalty for Failure or Refusal: Decreased relationship and negotiating power with the kindir elders.
Do you accept? Yes or No?
“You know, I already accepted a quest from Shinecatcher,” Richter told them, with barely any slurring to his words. “He said if we killed the undead, then you would give us the secret to your immunity.”
“Did he?” Jewel asked with a crafty look in her eyes.
Richter was about to say “Yes,” but then he stopped. Accessing his quest log, he read through the Helping Hand I quest. As he read the last line, he gritted his teeth and thought, Motherfucker!
Reward: Introduction to the kindir elders to learn the secret of their immunity to the mists.
It didn’t actually say that these bastards had to give him anything. Just that he’d be given an introduction. Seeing as how he’d already gotten the reward and accepted, he might actually be penalized if he didn’t destroy the nest... even without getting the secret to their immunity. The penalty for failure wasn’t even listed. It just said “Unknown.” They’d played him!
He’d have to read any quest prompt in detail before accepting from now on. Richter was beginning to understand why some cultures shot kindir on sight. They didn’t just steal your coin purse. They’d stolen his faith in his fellow man!
“Fine!” Richter snarled, accepting the quest. “But we’re not drinking this Capri-Sun/Zima bullshit. If we’re going to drink, then we’re going to drink!” So saying, he pulled one of the last bottles of moonshine from his Bag of Holding and set it down solidly on the table.
Richter pulled the top out and poured a shot into each of the kindirs’ mugs, and one for himself.
“Are you kidding, boy?” Flit scoffed looking at the small amount of liquid in his glass. “I said we were going to drink, not swish and spit.”
“Though that can be arranged as well,” Jewel said suggestively, laying a hand on Richter’s thigh.
Richter slowly and deliberately removed her hand from his thigh, his upper thigh, and set it on the table. “I accepted the quest. Now, Flit, are you going to talk or are you going to drink?”
“Hmpf,” the elder responded, but he lifted his mug.
This time Richter spun the dagger. It ended pointing at Jewel again, who downed the drink without hesitation. As she lowered the mug, she let out a strained wheeze, “Gah! That hit my stomach like a hill giant’s cock!”
CHAPTER 61 – Day 144 – Kuborn 34, 0 AoC
You have received a Debuff: Completely Pissed! -48% Concentration. -52% Judgement. -61% Perception. Offers and people are now much more attractive than they would be otherwise. You are Nauseous. You are quick to anger. +3 to Strength. +131% to Perceived Strength. -15 to Dexterity. You are more likely to break into song. +58% chance to inappropriately touch someone else’s face. +312% chance to urinate on yourself.
Glintgrabber had thrown up first. Despite the foul odor pervading the room, the remaining three competitors glared at each other with iron determination. Flit reached for the half-empty bottle of moonshine as his friend yakked on the floor, held it for a moment, then fell out of his chair. The kindir got back in his seat, fumbled for the neck of the bottle a time or two until he got a handle on it, then very carefully poured another round of shots. He and Jewel moved their chairs so the three of them were equally spaced around the table. The elder spun the dagger once again.
Three rounds later, Jewel went down. The gap-toothed crone had drunk a shot, smiled at them, then her head had just crashed to the table. After a half-belch, half-vomit, she started drooling.
“Wil shee be tokay?” Richter slurred.
“She fine, she fine,” Flit responded with a drunken wave of his hand. He cocked his head and fixed Richter with one eye. “Yuv wanna giv up?”
“Pafaa,” Richter responded with an immediately-regretted scoff. “Thzz iz nothing.” He slammed a fist on his chest. “I’m frum za South. ATL! We drink you shoopid fasdniommbt.” Even he didn’t know what that last word was supposed to have been, but he laughed hysterically at whatever joke he had just made. Richter was ecstatic that Jewel had passed out. Since he’d hit the cockeyed level in his alcoholic debuff, old “gaps-in-her-teeth” had started looking like a valid life choice, at least for an hour or two.
They went five more rounds, glaring death at each other one moment and laughing hysterically the next. That was when Richter gained the completely pissed rank of the debuff. He didn’t know what rank Flit was at, but it was clear the kindir was hurting. The man was bleary-eyed and was listing back and forth even though he was sitting down. He gave Richter a rueful smile, “You no wha? I lik yu. No! I respek u. Lez stop. We boof win.” He smiled wider and extended a hand, “Friends!”
Richter looked at the kindir and at the nearly empty bottle of moonshine. He burped, and just a little bit of vomit came up. He chewed it back down though… like a gentleman. Then he looked at Flit again and his face took on a first-day-back-in-prison-after-you-had-already-done-your-nickel-but-your-stupid-cousin-chris-started-a-fight-and-you-got-thrown-back-inside-so-you-for-damn-sure-weren’t-about-to-punk-out-for-nothing expression. He ignored the proffered hand, glared at the kindir and reached for the mouth of his bag. He fumbled a bit, but then his fingers found the opening. Summoning the item he wanted, Richter slammed another full bottle of moonshine onto the table and shouted, “Spin da fukin dagger! ‘Merica, biches!”
Flit’s face blanched, but he glared back and spun the dagger. It landed on him and he took another shot. He smiled evilly at Richter, but then looked completely confused. A second later, he threw up on himself. It wasn’t much, kind of like a cup of split pea soup that just slowly spilled onto his shirt, but it was enough. The kindir managed a faint, and weirdly innocent-sounding, “Oh no,” before he lost consciousness, sitting up and stewing in his own vomit… and pee.
A shitty grin made its way onto Richter’s face. He stood up abruptly and threw both arms above his head. “Ya taa-gluh!” His war cry was interrupted by his own vomit spilling all over the table. After he was finished throwing up, he spat onto the floor. Once he felt a little better, he focused on Flit’s unconscious form. Richter leaned over and whispered conspiratorially, “Ya-ta.” Then, just out of spite, he pushed the elder onto the floor.
CHAPTER 62 – Day 144 – Kuborn 34, 0 AoC
Richter woke up to a bucket of freezing cold water being dumped on his face. He sat up with a cry of outrage that was echoed by three other old and cantankerous voices. One protest in particular stood out, “When did I fall on the damn floor?”
Congratulations! You have completed the Quest: For Love of Blotto!
You have drunk all three elders of the kindir village under the table (literally, in two cases). Why this was important to the settlement leaders is completely unknown, and it still seems ill-advised in light of the upcoming foray into a den of undead monsters, but you won! It was only required that you outlast one of them, but you went above and beyond. All rewards increased by 3x for defeating all three elders.
Reward: 375 (base 200 x 1.25 x 0.5 x 3) experience
Reward: +15,000 (base 5,000 x 3) Relationship Points with kindir elders. Total Relationship Points: +14,659
Reward: +15,000 (base 5,000 x 3) settlement Relationship Points of the Kindir Hamlet towards the Mist Village.
Total Relationship Points: +22,813
XP deficit remaining: -97,751
Congratulations! Your Relationship with Flitwalker, Glintgrabber and Jewel has improved from Irritable (Level -1: -250 RP) to Admiring (Level +6: +10,000 RP). “I respect you. I am proud to have you in my life.”
Congratulations! The Relationship of the Kindir Hamlet and the Mist Village has improved from Interested (Level +3: +5000 RP) to Steadfast (Level 7: +20,000 RP). “You can call upon us in need.”
Congratulations! You have reached skill level 17 in Trade. +8.5% to buying and selling.
Congratulations! You have reached skill levels 4, 5 and 6 in Diplomacy! +6% to negotiating power. +6% more likely that representatives from other settlements will take both threats and offers more seriously.
You have completed the quest of another settlement. As leader of your own settlement, you have earned Diplomacy Points. The Mist Village has received 10 Diplomacy Points in regards to the kindir hamlet Verget Kunig.
Lack of a Townhall causes complete loss of any gained Diplomacy Points. Current Diplomacy Points (Mist Village → Verget Kunig): 0
Richter was really getting tired of leaving money on the table. He had to get a Townhall! The flare of bright lights from the prompt windows also did nothing to stop the porcupine that was grinding on his brain… metaphorically speaking.
“Uggghhh,” Richter moaned.
*Gyoti,* came Alma’s draconian and oh-so-feminine judgmental psychic message. Richter ignored her, as was his male prerogative.
Caulder helped him up to his feet, “Did you really get into a drinking match with three kindir?”
“Yeah,” Richter responded, overly loudly. “They’re so small. I can’t believe they drank so much!”
“Don’t you know anything about them, my lord?” the sergeant asked incredulously. “People have been trying to kill them for so long that they have developed natural immunities to most poisons. That spills over into their ability to process alcohol.”
“That is racist propaganda,” Shinecatcher protested.
“But you short bastards do have a racial ability to process poisons and alcohol, right?” Caulder snapped.
“Well… yeah,” Shinecatcher responded lamely.
“Then shut the fuck up!” Caulder told him definitively. Meanwhile, he got Richter onto his feet.
To the chaos seed, it felt like gravity had become untethered. He leaned drunkenly one way then another before the sergeant got him into a seat. Shinecatcher and several other young kindir were doing the same for their elders. A few more kindir were cleaning up the mess and had opened the windows. The smell was already much improved. Not that any of that mattered to Richter, who was in his own personal hell. His debuff had improved after his short nap and impromptu shower, but it was still at the smashed rank.
Shinecatcher went behind the bar and brought out a clear bottle containing something that looked like strawberry syrup. He also brought out four small, almost dainty-looking glasses. Each was the size of a shot and had a small stem, like what you would drink port out of after a good meal. He poured an equal measure into each. The bile started bubbling up in Richter’s throat again at the thought of more booze, but the elders had already picked up their glasses and were blearily looking at him to follow suit. After a small, but nasty, burp, he picked up his glass as well. He could outlast these fuckers. If they wanted round two, then they’d get a round two!
Richter downed the red liquid and pure, blessed relief spread through his body!
You have drunk: Doc Brown’s Wake-up Juice. This potion removes all ill effects of heavy alcohol consumption and provides +0.5 to all Primary Attributes for each rank of intoxication. You now enjoy the following buff: +4 to all Primary Attributes for one hour.
Richter’s head was completely clear. He looked at all the elders with an astonished smile on his face. The buff was awesome, but what he was really excited about was not feeling like two feet of a dysenteric colon anymore. The elders smiled back at him.
“You just thought we were a bunch of crazy old coots that got heroes drunk before they went into battle, correct?” Jewel asked him with a cackle.
Richter gave a short laugh and admitted that she was right.
All the elders laughed with him, until Glintgrabber’s chortle cut short and he thunked his crossbow back down onto the table. “Good! Because I am fucking crazy,” he said and looked at Richter wild-eyed.
It got creepily silent in the room for a moment, until Flit started laughing again. Everyone in the room chuckled along with him, including Glintgrabber. Richter started laughing as well, but definitely less so than before seeing as how Glint still had that crazy gleam in his eyes and the crossbow was still kinda pointing at him.
“Enough fun,” Flit pronounced. “You have come to our village, you have shown the proper respect, and you can drink! That buff won’t last forever, and I’m sure you’d like to have it when you fight the undead. Let’s bargain!”
Richter’s whole party was allowed into the building now, but Caulder made it clear they were not to drink any alcohol. The chaos seed spared them no attention, his entire focus on the elders and the negotiations that were about to happen. He was pleasantly surprised by the marked change in the three kindir though. Whereas before they had acted like cantankerous old coots, now it was almost like he was the nice neighborhood kid that had always helped them around the house.
Flit wanted to dive right into the negotiations, but before leaving the village, Richter had remembered something about his last trade session with Hafiz’s sons, so he had made preparations for this very moment. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out the gifts he had chosen for the elders prior to leaving his village. Using Shinecatcher as a guide, he’d picked a gift that he thought they would enjoy. He had brought five copies, not knowing how many people he’d be meeting with, so only needing to hand out three was a good result.
Richter laid a dagger and a small pouch in front of each elder. As they unsheathed the blades and opened the small bags, the same two prompts appeared in front of each of them.
You have found:
Moonstone Dagger of Sonic Piercing
Attack: 15-19
Durability: 136/136
Item Class: Unusual
Quality: Exquisite
Weight: 1.3 kg
Traits:
+10% Damage vs Spell Barriers
+7-8 Earth damage*
12-13% chance to Disarm
5-6% chance to Shatter
Ignore 9% of target’s armor
Charges: 476/476
* +200% vs Air, +300% vs Crystalline
You have found:
Sonic Moonstone Bullets x 20
Attack: +8
Durability: 76/76
Item Class: Uncommon
Quality: Exquisite
Weight: 0.03 kg
Traits:
+10% Damage vs Spell Barriers
+7-8 Earth Damage*
12-13% chance to Disarm
5-6% chance to Shatter
Charges: 381/381
* +200% vs Air, +300% vs Crystalline
Richter had seen the kindir irate and he’d seen them being kind in the last few minutes, but now he saw that they could be serious. All three elders stood. The men bowed and Jewel curtsied. The normal irreverence they exhibited was gone as they each thanked him individually. Then Flitwalker spoke up for the group.
“We are honored by your precious gift, and will honor you in turn with truth. Stories have been passed down about the cruelty of the Masters of the Mists. Throughout the generations, we were told to be wary of such capricious men of power. When the mists rose again, we sent out our strongest sons and daughters to observe you. The wonders you have enacted in your village over so short a time made it clear that you were a power to be respected. Your initial encounter with Shinecatcher, though not authorized,” the elder shot a sharp look at the younger kindir who just smiled impudently in return, “showed us that you co
uld be reasoned with. I apologize for our initial mistrust. Your wondrous gifts have shown us the great generosity of your spirit. More importantly, now that we have met you, it is clear you are a man worthy of being followed. If you destroy this threat to our settlement, and bring back the body of the undead lord as proof, you will not only gain the secret of our immunity to the mists. You will also gain our trust…” Flitwalker looked at the other kindir who nodded to him before continuing, “...and perhaps much more.”
Notifications flooded Richter’s vision once again.
Congratulations! Your thoughtful and magnanimous gift has greatly impressed the kindir elders. You have gained +7,500 Relationship Points with the kindir elders.
Total Relationship Points: +22,159
Congratulations! Your relationship with Flitwalker, Glintgrabber and Jewel has improved from Admiring (+10,000) to Steadfast (+20,000). “You are someone I can rely upon.”
Quest Update: Helping Hand I
You are now promised the secret of the kindirs’ immunity to the mists. There is also a hint of a much greater prize. It is clear to you that this has been made possible due to both your actions and the Reputation that your Fame has earned you. Only by fulfilling this task will you know what the reward will be. Bring back the body of the undead boss to fulfill the dictates of this quest.
Richter blinked. It was the first time in a great while that his Reputation had directly influenced events. Reaching rank five in Fame most likely had countless tiny effects, but living so far removed from other settlements, he didn’t get many chances to see it on a broad scale. The last time it had really come into play was when the second wave of colonists had come to the village.
Fame worked in a number of ways. It had a global effect, which was what had brought the colonists to the village so many months ago. “Global” was misleading because there still needed to be some connection between two areas. Someone on the other side of The Land wouldn’t have any idea who the chaos seed was. For those that met him, or heard about him though, the effect could be profound.