“I’d better get back to the store.” She turned away from him, her best friend in the world, her only love.
“Elsie, wait.…”
“Good-bye, Ruben.” Her heart ached as she trudged across the parking lot, knowing that their wonderful time together was over.
It was the end of Ruben’s easy laugh and his strong, protective arms.
The end of a beautiful love.
47
Haley had been so intent on watching Elsie and Ruben through the window, she had nearly lost focus on the very important conversation going on in the therapy session. And apparently, she wasn’t alone. When Elsie and Ruben didn’t return to the session, the members were concerned.
“Give them some space,” Dylan had told the group, sweeping one hand toward the door. “We’re going to move forward with the people who are here.”
Haley had stayed in her seat, despite the desire to bolt from her chair and inch closer to hear what was going on outside in the parking lot of the ice-cream shop. Elsie and Ruben had faced each other, talking, but from their body language, Haley had known it was not happy talk. Ruben had tossed away the coffee, then Elsie had started to cry. After a few minutes, Elsie had turned and walked across the parking lot, leaving Ruben to stare after her.
When he limped away, his uneven gait more pronounced than ever, Haley was overcome by a chilling sadness.
Two people who loved each other that much ought to be together. Dylan had warned her not to be a matchmaker, especially among the Amish. “You don’t understand the restrictions and mores of the culture yet,” he had told her.
But Haley knew that something had to be done. She couldn’t stand to see her friends stuck in misery.
As soon as the session ended, she snatched up Elsie’s forgotten coat and hurried over to the Country Store, where Elsie had a full house.
“I brought your coat.” Haley lifted her arm, where the coat was draped. “I’ll just put it in the back room.”
“Denki. Caleb is back there, organizing. I have trouble getting to the higher shelves now that …” Elsie’s voice faded. “Now that Ruben’s gone.”
In the back room, Haley found Elsie’s older brother on a ladder, sliding a plastic bin onto a high shelf. “Hey, there,” she said. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” Caleb shared Elsie’s dark eyes and heart-shaped face, though he was probably twice her height.
Haley hung Elsie’s coat on a hook, beside Caleb’s wide-brimmed black hat. “I guess you’ll be spending more time here now that Ruben had to go back to his job at Zook’s barn.”
“For now. But I’ll probably begin work at a real job soon.”
“You’re not going to open that shop in the old carriage house?”
“Nay. That was my father’s dream, but I’m not so good with wheels and buggies. I might work at the Stoltzfuses’ sheep farm. Or Deacon Moses says he’ll teach me carpentry. He has an Amish crew that builds houses.”
“Sounds like some good opportunities.”
“Much better than running a store.”
“I don’t know. I guess there’s something for everyone.”
“For me, I need to be outside, in the fresh air.”
On a day like today, with gray snowmelt fringing the sidewalks and the damp clutch of winter still in the air, Haley couldn’t imagine wanting to be outside. “Like I said, something for everyone.”
She left Caleb to his task and joined her friend. Although Elsie wasn’t her usual cheerful self, she didn’t let her mood affect her service to customers. A gaggle of ladies from a church group had descended on the store in search of items that would make this Easter more “quaint.”
“Do you have any snow globes with Easter bunnies inside?” one woman asked.
“We try to stock crafts from our Amish community,” Elsie said, showing them a few hand-painted wall plaques that said things like SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER! “We also have a good variety of pie fillings, all put up when the fruit was at its peak.” She led some of the ladies over to Edna Lapp’s jars of peaches, strawberries, cherries, and strawberry-rhubarb. “And I can give you a simple pie crust recipe if you like. There’s nothing like the smell of fresh-baked pie on an Easter Sunday.”
“That’s a splendid idea,” one customer said.
Elsie gave them a few minutes to decide on pie fillings as she rang up two other customers, wrapping each purchase in a swatch of cloth with a ribbon.
“If you don’t mind, we would like your pie crust recipe,” one woman called from down the aisle.
“I’ll write it down while I talk with my friend Haley.”
“Hello, friend.” Haley moved up to the counter. “We were all worried when you and Ruben left the meeting.”
“Don’t you worry about me.” Elsie sat down on her stool behind the counter and began to write in neat, uniform letters: Pat-a-Pan Crust. She seemed relieved for the activity so that she wouldn’t have to face Haley.
“Of course I’m going to worry. I hate to see you unhappy, Els.” From close up, Haley could see that Elsie’s eyes were still red and puffy from crying.
“It’s hard to give up the one you love most, but it had to be. I don’t know how I got myself in this situation.” Speaking quietly so that no one else would hear, Elsie explained about the preacher’s visit and his warning. Elsie had been upset with Ruben for sharing something so personal with Dave. “I was angry and I let Ruben know it,” she admitted. “And now I’ve hurt Ruben, and I have only myself to blame.”
“He’ll forgive you,” Haley said, knowing it was true. “Can’t you tell him you’re sorry?”
“I can do that, but I can’t let things go back to the way they were.” She looked up from the notepad, making sure no one was listening. “I can’t lead him on anymore. I do love him, but I can never marry. It’s up to me to let Ruben go so he can find someone else.”
Haley was about to say that Ruben didn’t belong with someone else, but they were interrupted by the customers approaching the register with their purchases. As Haley waited, she ventured up one aisle, past colorful pincushions and hooked rugs to a shelf of soaps and lavender. She sniffed a pretty sachet, wishing for the calming effect lavender was supposed to have. She was feeling her friend’s tension, and though empathy was a good thing, she wanted to stay objective so that she could help Elsie.
It seemed to her that Elsie and Ruben’s problems would be solved if Elsie could see herself in a new light. Haley suspected that Elsie’s self-image was at the heart of the matter. Considering Elsie’s experiences, her feelings of inadequacy were understandable. But if she truly believed that God loved her the way she was, would she be so adamantly against having children who might be like her?
Replacing the lavender, Haley picked up a birdhouse with nine holes cut in the side, nine windows lined up like neat portholes. Elsie had told her that her favorite bird was the blue jay. Apparently, it was rather bossy toward other birds, but it was fiercely loyal to other blue jays. “Haven’t you ever noticed,” Elsie had said, “you never see just one blue jay; there are always two or three nearby. They have very close family bonds.”
Family was so dear to Elsie’s heart—her family and her faith.
Dear God—if you’re still listening—please help me find a way to help my friend. Elsie deserves to be with the man she loves. They both deserve to have a big Amish family of their own. Please, God. I know I haven’t been the most loyal follower, but I do believe in you. And I believe you can light Elsie’s path with your love.
A few minutes later, after the big push of customers left, two women ventured in—a mother and daughter. The older woman walked with the support of a cane, but her eyes were bright as she strode right up to the counter.
“Well, if it isn’t Rachel Lapp,” she said, squinting at Elsie. “Have you been drinking from the fountain of youth? You don’t look a day older than when I used to come in here some twenty years ago.”
Elsie blinked. “I�
�m not Rachel.”
“Mom, I told you times have changed,” said the younger woman. “My mother was sure everything in your store would be exactly the way it was years and years ago when she lived in the area. She lives in Michigan now. She’s just back for a short visit.”
“But it is the same,” the older woman said. “The Country Store hasn’t changed a bit.” She picked up a jar of preserves. “Didn’t I tell you? Amish strawberry jam. And Rachel’s sitting right in the same spot.”
“But my name is Elsie. Rachel was my mother. She’s been gone now for more than ten years.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but you’re the spitting image of her.”
Elsie chuckled. “Oh, but we’re so very different! She did have dark hair, I remember that. But I’m a lot shorter, and my teeth aren’t so good.”
“Just like Mamm,” Caleb said, putting a box on the counter.
“No, silly.” Elsie smiled at her brother. “Mamm didn’t have EVC.”
Caleb frowned. “But she did. Mamm was a little person, and she did look a lot like you. Don’t you remember, Elsie?”
“I was six when she died,” Elsie said. “I remember that she had brown hair, like me.…”
“You were so young,” Haley said. “And you don’t have a photo of her.”
“Don’t you remember how little she was?” Caleb asked. “She was the one who knew you had to have the surgeries and all that. She knew because she’d been through it herself.”
“Are you sure about that, Caleb?” Elsie rubbed the back of her neck, baffled. “People would have talked about it. Dat would have told me.”
“There was nothing to talk about. It was the way she was, and everyone loved her just the same. Just the way folks love you.” He moved the carton down one aisle and began restocking jars. “If you don’t believe me, ask around. Edna and Jimmy will tell you, or any of the ministers.”
“Well.” The older woman put a jar of pie filling on the counter, beaming with satisfaction. “It’s a day for discoveries, isn’t it? I’m so glad to have rediscovered your store.”
“Oh, Mom.” Her daughter appeared holding a box of fudge. “You can be so dramatic.”
“I’m glad, too.” Elsie smiled at the woman, looking beyond her to Haley. The detail about her mother seemed to lighten her heart.
It was an answered prayer.
Of course, Elsie wasn’t transformed. In their brief conversation before Haley headed off to the hospital, she could tell that her friend still stood by her plan to live a solitary life.
But Elsie was definitely warmed by the news. With a few days to sink in, that new connection to her mother could shift Elsie’s perspective. Haley was still praying for it.
That afternoon, Haley stood at the nurses’ station taking notes as heavy footsteps sounded in the corridor.
A handful of uniformed life-flight personnel and medical technicians were headed down the hall, walking with a purpose. At first she thought they were on their way to respond to an emergency. Then she noticed the coolers they carried.
The bright orange coolers were distinctly marked; they were organs on their way to various hospitals, where surgical teams waited to transplant them to recipients.
A patient had died here at the hospital.
But so many lives were about to be saved, due to a family’s generosity.
An idea sprang into her head. Maybe it was crazy, but it was worth a shot. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and searched for Graciana’s number.
48
Such a long week it’s been, Elsie thought as she headed toward the library for the regular group session. The air smelled of spring—the tang of manure in the distance, where fields were being turned. She closed her sweater tighter around her, still cold despite the sunshine.
Chilled by the loneliness inside her.
She missed Ruben. Every day, every moment.
Since their terrible parting at last week’s session, she had lain in bed every single night, trying to think of a way that she could be with him without abandoning the vow she had made. What a wonderful world it would be to wake up to his kind smile every day, instead of this heavy burden of sorrow.
To add to her misery, she knew that she had hurt him. She had hurt the kindest, most loving person she had ever known. Please, Gott, forgive me, she whispered as she walked past the ice-cream shop and turned into the parking lot.
It would be so hard to face her wonderful Ruben today. She had planned to skip the meeting until Haley had stopped in to the shop and persuaded her to come.
“You have to come! There’s a special surprise that I’ve been working on all week,” Haley had said. “Promise me you’ll be there.”
Elsie had agreed, and a promise was a promise.
Inside the conference room, Elsie tucked her sweater tighter around her and took her seat. She returned the greetings of the others and refused coffee from Haley. Graciana patted her hand encouragingly—such a motherly gesture—and Elsie had to bite her lower lip to keep from crying. And when Dylan started the meeting, she dared to look at Ruben’s empty seat.
So he wasn’t coming today. All her worry had been in vain, though that was little relief. Even if she couldn’t allow herself to love him completely, just being near him was a lift to her spirits.
Dylan started the meeting by saying that this would be an unusual session. “Last week Haley called me with a proposal, and I thought it would be a good idea if she could make it all come together.” He turned to give Haley a quiet smile. “So … I’m going to hand it all over to her now.”
“Okay.” Haley clasped her hands together, a pretty pink tint on her cheeks. “After last week I was wracking my brain, trying to think of examples of positive things that come from tragedy.” Her amber eyes were steady as she looked from one member to another. “We’ve all suffered. We’ve been through terror and sorrow, shame and guilt, fury and numbness. But I think we’re also beginning to see that when you work through those things you can emerge on the other side with a greater ability to experience joy and happiness, a new view of the wonders of life. The beauty of each precious moment.”
Across the table, Rachel smiled and George nodded.
“Yes, this accident tore our hearts open. But it opened us up to a level of compassion and understanding we didn’t have before.”
Haley turned to Elsie. “Sometimes healing is painful, but if we let ourselves dig deep, if we open up and share our fears and scars, the healing can transform our lives.”
Elsie pressed her lips together in disagreement. Haley was wrong. Amish girls like Elsie and Rachel were not to be transformed. They were to grow up and become Amish women.
“So … I’m not sure how to really introduce this, but we have some special guests waiting outside. I think it’s safe to say that they’re alive today because of Graciana’s generosity, as well as her immeasurable loss.”
Everyone looked up as Haley pushed away from the table and went to the door. “These people are organ recipients. The donor was Clara Estevez.”
In came a woman leading two toddlers. “This is Maria Giordano. You’re a kidney recipient, right?”
“That’s right.” A shiny lock of Maria’s dark hair slid over her cheek as she lowered her head. “And these are my children, Laurel and Wylie. Their dad would have liked to come along, but he had to work.” She glanced over at the table. “Is Mrs. Estevez here?”
Graciana rose and went over to the woman. “Please, call me Graciana. Your children are so … so beautiful. Thank you for the lovely letter.”
“No … thank you. You gave me my life back. I’m sorry for your loss, but when Haley contacted me I wanted to meet you so you could see how your daughter has given new life to our family.”
The little girl, Laurel, stretched away from her mother toward the coffeemaker, where a box of pastries sat.
“Doughnuts, Mommy.” Her voice was breathless with wonder.
“Would you like one?” Gra
ciana asked. “Come in and sit down. Is that okay?”
“Maybe she can split one with her brother,” Maria said as she helped the children settle into chairs.
“And that’s not all.” Haley leaned out the door, motioning to someone down the library hall. “There’s another special guest. She’s sixteen, and her name is Aubrey.”
A tall, lean young teen with flashing eyes and a sprinkle of freckles on her nose appeared in the doorway. “Am I late?” she asked.
“It’s never too late,” Graciana said, welcoming Aubrey and her mother.
Unlike their other sessions, this meeting was festive, with conversation breaking off into smaller groups and then unifying again as Maria or Aubrey shared their experiences with their illnesses and recovery after the transplant.
Elsie listened intently, not wanting to miss a single detail of their fascinating stories. Aubrey had been near death, and Maria had been so sick that she’d needed dialysis, which meant she had to spend long hours in the hospital hooked up to a machine that cleaned her blood.
The room was aglow with love and so much hope, Elsie felt as if a heavy cape had been lifted from her shoulders. She wished Ruben had been here to hear the wonderful stories and see the living, breathing examples of Gott’s miracles.
As she listened to Aubrey’s mother describe the worries she’d had for her daughter, and then Aubrey talk of how she was happy to be back at school now, hoping to run with her cross-country team next year, Haley came over and took the chair beside her.
“What do you think of our guests?” Haley asked quietly.
“I think you found two wonderful good examples of Gott’s power to heal.” Elsie nodded. Haley had brought hope to Graciana, and to every member of the group. “It’s a wonderful thing you’ve done for Graciana, bringing these women here.”
“It wasn’t Graciana I was thinking of.” Haley paused, biting her lower lip. “I did it for you.”
“For me?” Elsie blinked.
“I wanted you to see the power of God’s healing. These women had major medical issues. Their bodies weren’t perfect, but God loved them all the same. Maybe the transplants were a miracle, maybe it’s just a new twist in science. In any case, these women saw their lives transformed, their bodies healed.”
A Simple Faith Page 29