by Ronna Gage
Carter uncoiled the blue cord for the computer and plugged it into the terminal.
“I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I’m separated at the moment, and I don’t plan to get involved.” Paul faced Carter. “I don’t think she’s looking for a serious thing either, but I’ll take your advice into consideration.”
Carter knew Paul antagonized him with jabbing remarks to make a scene. Don’t fall for this asshole’s bull. Leave now before furniture breaks or a night in jail enters in your near future.
“Tell Kelli,”
“Tell me what?” Kelli asked, joining them at that moment.
Carter pulled on his jacket and walked to the door, Kelli close behind. “I’ll be around if you need me.” Before he left, he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. The urge to kiss her was so strong that he had to bite his tongue to keep from it. He buried his fingers deep in her hair. “Kelli, if you ever…” He bent and kissed her forehead. “I’m a phone call away.” He opened the door, and then walked out into the cool night air, leaving her in the company of an asshole.
* * * *
Carter, don’t leave. She watched him walk out the door. Her heart screamed for him to come back. Somehow, she held firm. He had to work for not only the privilege of an invite but for her trust. She thought about his stupid distrust of women, and it made her angry again. They had to get past this blemish in their relationship.
The power of his confessed feelings knocked the wind out of her. She felt something flicker while she stood in her bedroom and listened to his and Paul’s conversation.
Is he giving up on pursuing me? Did he only want to be friends?
She walked back into the living room thinking about those questions. How would she feel if he did give up on her? She didn’t want to think about it. She wanted them to find a bond to make their previous relationship better. Nothing can be the same. It had to be better or nothing. Her heart grew heavy.
She entered the room to find Paul busy working with the cords. He didn’t see her watching him. Paul reminded her of her brother, Josh, only with a smaller build. His blond hair was well kept, those playful blue eyes gave her a warm sensation, and he had a tall body.
At her approach, he turned his head and smiled.
“I guess you know how he feels,” Paul stated matter-of-factly.
“Yeah.” The ringing doorbell caused her stomach to flutter wildly. She looked back at Paul. “Do you think it’s him?”
He shook his head and gave her a small, almost sympathetic, smile. “Too soon.”
“I hope you’re wrong.” Kelli went to the door. When she pulled the door open, it wasn’t Carter.
“Is my husband here?” Jennifer Hoffman asked in her playful singsong voice.
“Yes, he is. Come on in.”
Jennifer stepped inside. Her stomach protruded enough to make hiding her delicate condition difficult. Her blonde hair and brown, doe eyes made her glowing pregnancy much more motherly.
Kelli envied her. She wanted motherhood and love for herself. No one but the jackass who left her doorstep not more than five minutes ago would do.
“I’m in here,” Paul hollered.
Jennifer and Kelli went into the living room. Paul plugged in the last cord and turned on the computer. “Eureka!”
“It works,” Kelli cheered.
“As if you had any doubt,” Paul admonished playfully.
Jennifer clapped. “Good, let’s eat.”
He smiled and wrapped his arms around his wife. “Ah, are you guys hungry?” he cooed as he softly rubbed her tummy.
“Yep, all three of us,” Jennifer stated.
In classic reaction, Paul gaped at Jennifer. “Did I hear you right?” He looked down at her protruding belly. “Twins! We’re having twins?”
Jennifer handed him the sonogram picture. “Baby A is a boy and baby B is a girl.”
“And you told Carter you were separated? Shame on you.” Kelli grinned and stepped closer to see the sonogram pictures.
“Who’s Carter?” Jennifer asked.
“The man Kelli’s in love with,” Paul answered. “But she’s playing hard to get.”
Jennifer thought for a second. “Then why did you tell him we were separated?”
“To bother him, get under his skin. Besides, we were separated,” Paul defended as he snuggled Jennifer closer. “You were in Tennessee until this morning. I missed the hell out of you.” He turned to his beautiful, glowing wife and kissed her. “I want to make love to you.”
“Now?” Jennifer gave him a doe-eyed look. He smiled. “Can’t we eat first?”
The three laughed. Kelli looked at the couple. “I hope Carter and I have this close of a relationship. One that will last forever.”
Paul looked down at her. “You will. But only when you find the peace you need to go on.”
“I know.”
“What do you want to find out?” Jennifer asked.
“Carter has to trust me to love him for him, not his money. I have to stop paying for everyone else’s mistakes. Just as he has to stop paying for others in my past.”
“Good luck with that one. Everyone pays for something somehow,” Jennifer acknowledged. “It is the couple who survives this life lesson that goes on to be stronger. And at one time or another, we have all had to come to terms with a past relationship.
The doorbell rang, and everyone stopped and looked toward the door.
“Pizza’s here!” Kelli announced.
“About time. I’m starved,” Jennifer stated, waddling behind Kelli to answer the door.
Chapter Twenty-One
“It’s Friday night, and I’m alone.” Carter looked around the spacious house thinking about Kelli and how she would fit into his world right now. Most of the day he’d spent watching her house, waiting for her to come home, but she hadn’t arrived yet. Suddenly, the claustrophobic effects of the walls closing in got to him. Bored and restless, he came to the conclusion that the best remedy for the ailing heart and sick soul was socialization. But where can I go? “What would Kelli and I be doing tonight if we were still together?” he asked the silence. If Kelli and I were still together, we’d be at Riker’s Pub sharing a pitcher of beer. Maybe if I call her she’d meet me there…just as friends.
He pulled out his cell phone, scrolled down the address list until he got to her number, and then highlighted it. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he pushed the send button and waited for her to answer. With each ring that passed, his disappointment escalated. After four rings, the voicemail feature activated, and Carter’s heart dropped. He snapped the flip phone closed. Is she out with Paul? The one thought which hounded his mind on many days caused a new wave of sadness to dig in deeper and bring out the anger brewing below. “Maybe I should stay in and forget the whole thing.” But then, the more he reconsidered that option, the more agitated he grew.
“As difficult as it may sound, you’ll have to go on without her.” The little self-pep talk worked to some degree. “At least I know she won’t be there.” No sooner had he said the words, he wondered. What would happen if I saw her and Paul out somewhere? Would I go crazy and kick Paul’s ass? What would I do to Kelli? Shrugging into his jacket, Carter took the first steps of regaining his life back as a single man. He would go to Riker’s Pub and get drunk…alone.
* * * *
Inside Riker’s Pub, the jukebox blared with Faith Hill singing about the magic of a kiss. The upbeat tempo put his mood into better spirits. The usual Friday night crowd hadn’t arrived yet, most likely watching the high school football game down the street. Carter favored the small neighborhood pub. People came in for a quick drink after work, talked about high school sports, religion, and politics. A friendly place really to be yourself. Carter liked it.
Carter stepped up to the bar and noticed his favorite bartender, Jenna, working this shift. She didn’t notice his entrance. He smiled while he watched her work her customer.
“It won’t be
a close game, Earl. This year’s team is awesome,” she commented, serving draft beer. She picked up the money from the man’s designated pile and turned. The second her eyes connected with Carter, they grew big with surprise.
“Well, I wondered if you were going to show tonight.”
“Yeah, I needed a break.”
Jenna walked around the bar and raised her arms in signal for a hug. “Good to see you,” she said, giving him a hug.
The way she hugged him made him uncomfortable. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly bothered him. Maybe it was the soft, lingering touch of her hands on his waist. Or it could have been the way her eyes softened when she looked at him up close. Maybe it was nothing. You’re reading way too much into a simple hug is all. Still, he put some distance between them to ease the underlying tension of discomfort. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be behind the bar?”
Jenna winked. She leaned forward as if sharing a huge secret. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
Carter laughed. “What are you going to do for me if I keep your secret?”
The wicked grin she returned hinted at a time with no disappointment. “Whatever you want.”
Time to back off this thing off real quick. “How about a beer?”
She rested her hands at her sides. “Okay.” She walked back around the bar. “Longneck or can?”
“Now, how long have you known me?”
“Not long enough or as much as I would like but well enough to know longneck.” Jenna opened his beer and set it down in front of him.
“I’d also like a shot of tequila.”
She tilted her head, curiosity etched on her face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m a big boy and know what I can handle.”
“All right, big boy! Let’s see you handle some José.”
After Jenna poured him a shot, she sat it down in front of him and then placed two limes with it. “Drink up!”
Carter picked up the shot of José Cuervo, bit into one of the limes, gulped down the amber liquid, and then chased it with the beer. The burning hot liquid hit his stomach, and he almost choked. In a matter of seconds, the beer cooled the burning tequila.
Jenna clapped her hands. “All right! What a man,” she teased.
“Now, that hit the spot,” Carter replied once the ability to breathe returned. Instantly, the shot relaxed his body. He reached down for the empty shot glass at the same time Jenna reached for it. Their hands touched and he felt the slight tingle on his skin. I’m horny as hell.
She took a step back and raised her hands in the air. “It’s all yours.”
They looked at one another and laughed. Carter passed the glass to her. “Give me another one.”
Jenna nodded. “Okay!” She took the glass, leaned over, grabbed the tequila bottle, and then poured him another one. “Don’t get too messed up. I don’t want to have to call a cab.”
“Yes, mother!” His sarcastic reply got him a snicker.
A new song blared from the jukebox. Something about a man taking all he was going to take. Carter raised his beer bottle to the jukebox. “I hear ya.” He wasn’t going to mope around anymore today. Tonight, he planned to drink her memory off his mind and enjoy it for once. I’ll mope about her tomorrow. He took a drink from the beer bottle and sighed with the effects of the mixed alcohol. From the back of the pub, he heard a familiar sound. I know that laugh. It was deep in his mind. His memory ingrained it there.
Kelli.
His body came alive at the mere thought of her name. His heart raced, he could hear his pulse beating in his head, and his palms became sweaty. The laughter settled to a hushed whisper, and he turned to it. Across the darkened bar, he spotted her, and next to her sat Paul. They were sharing a pitcher of draft beer at the back table. Immediately, a bitter taste stung his throat. The intimate setting was the perfect place for Kelli and her fuck buddy to gain a moment of privacy away from prying eyes. Carter wouldn’t have known she was in the bar if he hadn’t recognized her laugh.
Grabbing the beer in front of him, he took a long drink, hoping the cool liquid would neutralize the acid in his throat. It didn’t help. He picked up the shot of tequila and tossed it back. Immediately, the tequila numbed his esophagus, but he needed something more for the pain in his chest. He wondered about seeing her but hadn’t expected to see Kelli tonight. Especially with the new man in her life at the bar they found together. There is nowhere I can go to escape the two of them. He wanted to turn away from them, but he couldn’t—the sight of her mesmerized him. Watching them, his heart broke more. I don’t want to see how she responds to him. Does she respond to him the way she did with me? He closed his eyelids to block out the painful scene. He’d spent many nights fighting the painful memories toiling in his head and resigned to the fact they were only that memories.
A glutton for punishment, he dared to gaze at Kelli. She said something to Paul that made him smile. God, she looks beautiful. Her eyes lit up. There was a time when she’d given him the same beam of light in his world. Kelli leaned over and whispered something into his ear. The flush on her cheeks enraptured Carter. She sparkled, glowed, and looked good. That’s how she would look after we made love. He continued to watch them from afar. What is it that Paul does for her that I couldn’t? Kelli, why can’t you still want to be with me?
Carter took a deep breath to ward off the hurt. It rankled him that he wasn’t next to her, receiving her attention. She sipped her beer. Her lips parted just enough to take in the swallow when her mouth touched the glass. It was too sensual, too sexy, the reflexes of her throat to get the drink down. She pulled the glass away, leaving a single drop of liquid on her lips. He longed to use his tongue to lick the small drop off her lips. Like I did the first day we met.
What does Paul think of when he sees her? That the single drop of beer on her lips is the most enticing thing he’s ever seen? Does he want to reach over and kiss that drink off her lips? God, what will I do if he does? Luckily for him, there was a merciful God.
Kelli licked the wet spot off her lips.
Carter’s fingers tightened on the bottle. How is it possible that another man benefits from what should be mine? He didn’t want to witness the development of her love for Paul. He turned away from the couple. Yet, when he glanced away, he caught sight of them in the mirror over the bar. Mirrors on all the walls, everywhere he looked she and Paul’s image met his gaze. I can’t win! You’ll have to leave the bar to ignore them. It wasn’t a good idea to come here tonight after all.
Almost out of pure desperation, Carter closed his eyes again, brushed his hair away from his face, and took a long, deep breath. Kelli was everything he wanted in a woman, and everything in his world was slipping away. They had something worthwhile once. He thought they had something special and belonged together. It seems I was wrong. Unlike me, she’s found a way to move on. She really did just want to be friends.
It wasn’t so easy for him to go on and leave her behind. Without her in his life, he found it difficult to function. Deep in his heart, he knew Kelli was the woman for him. Convincing her of the fact was moot. It was ironic in a way how he thought their relationship would grow beyond the friendship she insisted they maintain. However, when he pushed for more, she kept him at a distance. Does she keep Paul at a distance?
She tossed her head back, and her long auburn hair flipped suggestively down her back. When his cock grew harder, he glanced away again.
Why did you let her go, you stupid son of a bitch? Carter berated himself.
She wasn’t like the other women. She was the real deal. His heart broke and shattered to hundreds of pieces.
“Enough!” he hissed. He wished his heart and mind would find another time to start this emotional tug of war. The headache grew with a vengeance.
“Hey, Carter!”
He heard a soft female voice call his name. With a gleeful, hopeful heart, he looked up.
“Need another one?” Jenna asked.
His
sudden anticipation disappeared. He felt the anger surfacing. “You knew!”
Jenna stepped back, her eyes widened with shock. “Excuse me?”
“That Kelli and Paul were here.”
“I—”
“They hadn’t come in while I stood at the bar. When they came in, you’d be the first one to see them. Therefore, it stands to reason they were here before me.” Why didn’t she say something to warn me? Then he thought about the way she acted when he came in a little while ago. That explains the flirtatious behavior. She knew Kelli was with another man. Is Jenna working her way to be Kelli’s replacement?
Jenna looked at him and said nothing but picked up the tequila bottle and shook it.
“Yeah, get me another one and a beer,” he said.
She set another shot in front of him.
In two gulps, Carter set the empty beer down on the counter. She placed the new bottle of beer down. “Good timing.” He winked and then took a long drink of the beer.
“I try to please. I’ll do anything to keep you satisfied,” she teased and then walked to the other customers at the other end of the bar.
Carter watched Jenna work. He took notice of her in a different way this time. He didn’t find her terribly attractive, but she wasn’t the least bit ugly. White blonde hair hung back in a neat ponytail. When she looked at him, big blue eyes danced with delight. And her chest, he compared it to be as big as her heart. Judging by the recent addition to her blouse, she’s high maintenance.
Every once in a while she looked at Carter and smiled.
He noted the meaning of her expression immediately. He had seen that same fuck me look on a hundred women willing to fuck him and have no ties. If this were another time, he would have her in his bed so fast she wouldn’t know what hit her until she felt his cock inside her. But that was a long time ago. Where have those carefree days gone? Carter knew where they went. They ended when he met Kelli. Now, the idea of fucking someone for the night holds no enticement for me anymore. He was empty inside. There is no more room for another woman. He wasn’t looking for the right one anymore. From now on, he was just killing time.