by Tubb, E. C.
But how?
The memory of Gath had been a dream but it had provided an anchor of sorts. He knew he had to find another on which to base a degree of self-determination. To fight against the swirling mists with their hypnotic influences, their insidious mind-altering patterns. He needed the stability of familiar scenes, objects, events. To rise above the deceptions, distractions and delusions that clouded his mind. Pain would help and he dug his teeth into the flesh of his inner cheek concentrating on the hurt, adding to it as he dug his nails into his palms, focusing his mind, dredging his memories with a grim determination.
The world of enchantment thinned, vanished as around him mists and planes changed to become walls, drapes, a ceiling, a floor. He concentrated harder, the walls closing in, drapes flattening, changing, turning into stained plaster and faded paint. The floor became bleached timbers, boards bearing dents, scars and discolorations. The ceiling was low. The light illuminating the chamber streaming through a narrow window. A bed, a door, a table at his side, a chair holding his garments, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, crude facilities for washing.
A rough room in a cheap hotel. One of a type that he knew too well.
He leaned back on the pillow, letting events run their course, closing his eyes as a soft creak came from the door. One repeated from a stubborn hinge as the panel opened, whispering again as it closed. He heard the soft pad of naked feet and moved a little, breathing deeply, his right hand lifting to the edge of the pillow before he slumped into apparent unconsciousness. He heard the soft rustle of discarded fabric. Weight rested on the mattress beside him and he felt the close proximity of rounded flesh. The scent of perfume pervaded his nostrils and the touch of hair was a gentle caress on his shoulder.
A part of revived memory and a natural element of the scene he had created. An attendant harlot, common among such hostelries, coming to offer her services or to steal if the opportunity arose. He moved beneath the caress of her hand, turning his face towards her, obviously aware and on the brink of waking. As she pressed harder against him, the mounds of her breasts flattening against his torso with a soft invitation, his left hand rose to glide over her naked back, to linger as he caressed the warm, softly rounded flesh. Then to rise higher, to reach the nape of her neck, to lock his fingers in the mane of her hair. To pull back her head so as to expose the column of her throat.
At the same time his right hand moved from beneath the pillow, the knife it held flashing forward to halt with its point pressing against the flesh beneath her jaw, the arteries beneath the skin.
“Earl! No!”
He twisted her face away from him, maintaining his grip, blood oozing from beneath the tip of his blade.
“Don’t move, Nada!” Her perfume had betrayed her. “I don’t know how you managed to disappear when I held you before but I can guess how it could be done. Don’t breath on me! Don’t touch me!”
“I didn’t use gas or drugs. That is the truth. I give you my word!”
“Whatever you used be warned. If I feel myself going, or strange, or you seem to vanish I’ll do my best to drive this blade into your throat. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you here?” As she hesitated he pressed a little harder on the knife. “A word of advice, girl. If someone threatening you asks a question give them an answer. It needn’t be the truth—just give them an answer. Let us try again. Why are you here?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I was lonely, bored and I needed comfort.” She fell silent then added, with sudden anger, “Damn you, Earl! Must you humiliate me?”
“I didn’t ask you to come here.”
“Am I so repulsive?”
“You are beautiful and you know it.” He was curt. “I’m not in the mood for games. Did Shandaha send you?”
“No.”
“Would you have obeyed him if he had?”
“Yes.”
“Why? Because you would have no choice?”
“No, Earl. Because it would have been a pleasure.” She tried to turn her face towards him, then relaxed as he maintained his grip on her hair. “You are hurting me. Do you like to hurt people?”
He looked at the knife, at the blood masking its point, the sheen of her flesh in the light streaming through the window. Beautiful flesh superbly fashioned glowing in the light of dawn, of an early day, a new beginning. He had no choice but to kill or trust her and to kill would gain him nothing.
She sighed as he lifted the blade from her throat and eased his fingers from the mane of her hair. A sigh of relief, of satisfaction or of success—it was impossible to tell. She rose with a smooth grace to glide to the washbasin. Water gushed from the faucet and she laved the blood from her neck then moistened her face and lips. Droplets ornamented her skin with nacreous pearls.
“Do you really think I am beautiful?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“Tell me!”
He ignored the demand. “Why did you come here? I’d like the truth this time.”
“I don’t know. I was drawn in some way. I sensed your discomfort. You were ill at ease, tense, strange, somehow lost. I wanted to help.” She moved to sit on the mattress at his side, to lean towards him, her breasts moving with fluid attraction. Her hair framed her face with a skein of beauty.
“I still want to help. To give you comfort.”
“Tell me about yourself.”
“Of course, Earl. But later.”
“Why not now?”
“Are words all you want between us? Is there nothing else? And what is there for me to tell? You have lived such an interesting life, Earl, that you would only be bored. I am just an ordinary woman. One whom, apparently, you do not find attractive. I wish it was otherwise. But I will remove my presence if you wish.”
She rose and stood, lifting her arms, inflating her lungs and turning on her toes in a manner women had used since the beginning of time. One that enhanced her feminine attributes and clothed her with an exotic allure. “Do you want me to leave?”
“Where would you go? To report to Shandaha?”
“Why would I do that?”
“You are his creature. He gives you his orders and you obey. You claim to be an ordinary woman but, as you stand there, I see something far different than that.”
Dumarest threw his legs over the edge of the bed and stood before her. Looking down into her upturned face he was acutely aware of her femininity, his response to it, his need and desire. Aware, too, of the dilemma he faced.
He could be the subject of a test. Ifhe ignored the allure of the woman would it prove the strength of his detachment? To accept what she offered his lack of resolve? Or the very reverse? What did Shandaha hope to learn? What would be the wisest thing for him to do?
The room itself hinted at the answer. In any such place how would he have treated a woman who had come to him as Nada had done? If not to accept her then to make the rejection one which would cause no anger. To act with gentle courtesy. Above all to salvage her pride.
To gain time he turned and retrieved the robe Nada had discarded from where it lay in a sprawl of vibrant color. Rising he saw her face, her eyes, the subtle hardening of her lips and recognized the added dimension to his predicament. A woman fully aware of her attributes. A creature of passion and pride who had come to him and offered herself as a willing diversion. An invitation it would be dangerous to reject. He was in no position to invite the fury of a woman scorned.
“Your robe.” He handed it to her. As she took it he added, “Beauty to add to beauty. That is what I see when I look at you. A beauty that is beyond description. One no painter could possibly chain to a canvas. Loveliness that is all too rare.”
Softly she said, “Do you mean that?”
“Any man would tell you the same. Any mirror will give you the truth of what you are.”
“I’m not interested in any man, Earl. Nor any mirror.”
She came closer, the scent of her perfume strong in h
is nostrils, the radiated heat of her flesh signaling her passion. “Prove you mean what you say. Show me how you really feel. How genuine you are. Do you honestly care for me? Want me? Need me?”
“Yes, Nada, I do.” His hands rose to caress her hair.
“I need you more than I can say.”
“Earl!”
The robe fell as she reached towards him, her arms closing about him, her lips seeking his own, finding them, pressing with an avid hunger as the heat of her naked flesh burned against his own.
“Earl! I want you! I need you! Take me! Earl! Earl!”
The room was the same but a subtle magic had touched the moldering plaster and stained woodwork so they seemed gifted with a new brightness; a shimmering patina as of things remade and reborn. As the bed was softer than he remembered, seeming larger, as the light was even more enticing as it streamed through the window. At his side Nada moved a little, her hand caressing his torso, the fingers tracing the scars of old wounds.
“I love you, my darling,” she whispered. “I shall always love you.”
Her voice was a sleepy murmur, her face lax with satiated passion, her hair a sprawl on the pillow, her skin a softly yielding velvet delight. On her throat the wound he had made rested like the badge of another kind of passion. One that had given him the cicatrices he bore. The fruit of emotions she should never have known.
On impulse he stooped and kissed it.
“Darling.” Her eyes opened and she smiled. “Kiss me again. Heal me. Please, Earl.”
He obeyed and looked down at the unbroken skin of her throat. The wound he had made had vanished without trace.
“You have the power, darling.” Her hands moved, questing, her smile widening as she felt his response. “You will always have power over me. I am yours when you need me. Just need me. Never stop needing me. Earl! Please! Earl!”
Again they lost themselves in an ancient rite, Nada clinging to him with a desperate intensity as if afraid of losing a newly found pleasure. Only when they lay exhausted did she run her hands over his torso again her fingers following the pattern of his scars.
Fingers with the delicate impact of insect wings, touching, tracing, covering more than flesh. Creating a pattern that transcended space and time to waken ancient memories of things learned and events almost forgotten on the backward world of Deratai.
“Relax, my darling,” she murmured. “You are safe in my arms. Relax.”
Dumarest sighed and obeyed and inhaled the vapor of her perfume which changed in a subtle manner so that he smelt again the oddly pungent odor of a shabby chamber, saw again the tall, shrouded figure of the man to whom it belonged. The bland face with the shrewd almond eyes, the lipless mouth, the high-arched brows. Hsi Wei—master of the subtle art of survival.
His voice was the thin keening of wind through reeds as he addressed his attentive pupils. A small circle patiently listening to hours of instruction and advice. All young, each hoping they would learn how to enhance their status and prosper and escape the poverty that held them in its grasp.
“You have been taught the five basic laws of survival. The first is self preservation. The second is to be aware at all times. The third is always to expect the unexpected. The fourth is never to underestimate anyone. The fifth is to respect all that exists in life.” Hsi Wei showed no signs of fatigue. “To simplify; always avoid trouble, always be alert, take nothing for granted, never trust another, always anticipate the worst.”
Words to add to those already spoken their cadences inducing a somnolence which Dumarest remembered too well. An aggravation to add to the rest. To nod would be to signal a lack of interest, to be inattentive the same.
“Every world, every city, every village is a jungle thick with predators who have no mercy for the weak. In order to survive you must learn many skills. Adopt many habits. Watch where you walk. Note those who stand near or follow too close. Never arouse antagonism. Above all always mistrust beauty. A pleasing exterior can shield a venomous nature. Think of a snake, a lethal fungi, the shimmering loveliness of exotic creatures whose sting can fill your blood with a host of eggs to travel through your system each to grow and eat and bring an agonizing death. And, as with those creatures, so it is with those of your own kind. Treat all with caution. Never trust a beautiful visage or an appealing figure. Remember that you are the victim of your own heritage. Your own needs make you vulnerable.”
The sharp slap of his palms ended the session.
“Dwell on what I have told you until we meet again.”
Then, to Dumarest, “Please wait. I have a matter to discuss which you may find of interest.”
Dumarest obeyed, remaining silent as a flask was produced and glasses set on a small table together with a tray of small cakes. Incense smoldered to fill the air with a sweet and pleasing odor. The wine held a trace of astringency. Dumarest sipped then gulped the contents of the goblet. Reaching for a cake he devoured it with avid hunger.
The thin lips of Hsi Wei pursed with annoyance.
“You disappoint me. Have I taught you so little?”
“Master?”
“You drank without hesitation and ate without thought. The wine and cakes could have been drugged. Now you could be unconscious or dead. To say you trust me is no excuse for your carelessness. To survive you must trust nothing and no one. Appearances can be deceptive. Tell me what you should have done?” Hsi Wei listened as Dumarest obeyed. “To sip, better still just to lift the wine to your lips and pretend to swallow. Not to drink until your companion has done so before you. Even that entails a risk—the drug could have been placed in your goblet so change it for another if you can. Do not eat until your host has eaten. Caution that can be manipulated to appear as deference. Understand?”
The sharp voice softening a little as Dumarest nodded.
“Good. Now give me your hand.” Hsi Wei brooded over the proffered palm. “Much travelled,” he murmured. “The product of hardship. No stranger to blood.” His thin fingers tightened.
“No stranger at all.” Then, without change of tone, “You know why the others come to be taught by me. What they hope to gain. What the majority of them never will. You are not as they, which is why you have aroused my interest. But is your motivation the same? Are you willing to place yourself in my hands and allow me to guide your fate? How much are you prepared to sacrifice in order to survive? How much? How much? How much…”
The old face swirled, the almond eyes turning into fading stars, the thin figure vanishing as did the chamber. But memories remained; the tuition paid for by arduous labor, the lessons, the anguish, the advice.
Then the time of parting. The moving on. The beginning of a life based on violence, blood, pain and death.
“Earl!” Beside him Nada stirred, the touch of her fingers warm against his flesh. The scent of her perfume banishing the memory of fuming incense, of oil and sweat, blood and fear. “Come back to me, darling.”
“Sorry.” He turned to face her. “I was drifting, remembering a time long ago when I had to learn a new trade.”
“I thought so.” She traced the scars. “Earl! How—”
“The past wasn’t gentle.”
“But these scars are from wounds. Why don’t you heal yourself?”
“Kiss them and make them go away?” He gently shook his head. “I can’t do that.”
“Do you think I am foolish?”
“For suggesting I cure myself? No. Why should I? It worked on you. I don’t know why but it did.” Dumarest moved from her embrace and raised himself in order to look down at her. Some memories still lingered. Some advice remained strong. Never to trust. Never to be weakened by the temptation of beauty. Had the time of memory been a subconscious warning?
His hand lifted to caress her hair.
“Do you remember when I told you that, when I looked at you, I saw something other than an ordinary woman.”
“You said I was a beautiful one.”
“You are, but you a
re not an ordinary woman. You are a mystery. I tried an experiment. I was lost in a realm of mists and shadows where nothing made sense. I remembered a room I had known. This room.” He gestured at the chamber. “You entered it as if you belonged, yet it must be strange to you. Any ordinary woman would have been curious. Asked questions. Demanded an explanation. You merely accepted things as you found them. Why?”
“I came for you, darling.”
“And found me. But there has to be more. Who and what are you? Where do you live? Where is your family? How did I manage to create this chamber?” Frustration hardened his tone.
“Damn it, girl, help me! I need answers!”
“Shandaha—”
“Forget Shandaha! I’m asking you! Where did you come from before you opened that door? How did you know what I had done? Did I really hurt you with the knife or did you just pretend?”
“Earl! Never that!”
“Then be honest with me! We have made love. We are lovers. We should be close. If we are to stay together we need to trust each other. As things are I can’t trust anything. Not this chamber, the window, Shandaha, you!”
“Why are you hurting me?” She reached towards him.
“Things were so wonderful until you spoiled them. Hold me. Touch me. Kiss me. Earl!”
Her voice rose in empty command as Dumarest slipped from the bed and stepped towards the washbasin. He needed a shower or bath but the faucet would have to do. He operated it, filling the basin and laving his face and torso, careless of the droplets he cast on the wall and floor. More followed as he washed away the residue of passion. Ignoring her as again Nada called his name.
“Earl!”
The choice would be hers. She would either help him or ignore his request but she would have made the decision and have no cause for grievance. He heard the soft pad of her feet, the slight rustle as she donned her robe and waited, expecting to feel her touch, the impact of her body.