That didn't seem right... I had been driving for about an hour and a half and only managed to go what? Five miles? Ten?
I told him thanks and began to leave.
“Oh and sir,” he called out.
I stopped and faced him again.
“It's Monday,” he continued, “the significance of it being Monday is that...”
Monday? I thought today was Friday... I could be wrong.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
I shook my head no and left.
Book 1: Surface
Chapter 1
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I bolted awake, hit the “Off” button and collapsed back into bed. I needed to be back asleep. I was so close this time. The dream, the dream, always the same goddamn dream. And I was so close this time. As I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I glanced around. Everything seemed to be in place. I made a mental note of all the details:
Two shirts, one black, the other navy blue, both crumpled in a heap on the floor to my right.
Three pairs of pants, one to my right next to the shirts, the other two pairs on the left. Two pairs were dark denim, one pair was black.
Alarm clock on night stand. Other than the clock, the night stand was bare.
Chestnut colored dresser to my left, top drawer sticking out just a little bit, nothing on top of it.
Directly in front of me, at the other end of the room, was a 37” flat screen LCD television setting atop a little black mini-entertainment center with nothing else on top of it.
Work boots at the foot of my bed on the floor.
My walls were navy blue, the door was white.
Closet on my right, doors shut, also white.
A little dirty-clothes hamper that was overflowing in the corner by the closet door.
Everything was in order.
While this little ritual of mine might seem a little bizarre, there was good reason for it.
For months now, I haven't been able to keep track of whether or not I'm awake or asleep. Hard to say how long this has been going on.
Six months? A year?
I don't know. But I do know that when you see yourself in the mirror and your face isn't your face anymore, it's a terrifying experience if you don't know if you're awake.
Ever since I had that dream I've been afraid to look in a mirror if I was unsure if I was awake or not. If I was afraid, then I was awake. And just for good measure, I stopped sleeping pretty much all together. I limited myself to a couple hours a night at most. You can't dream if you're not asleep. Granted, this did come with its own set of problems. My head is filled with fuzz and gaps in my memory, unsure of what I did the day before or even what day it was. I can't remember the people I talk to, I mix up what I say to people and I continue conversations with the wrong people.
I generally have a hard time functioning at all. It's not that I don't want to sleep. I truly want nothing more, but I just can’t.
The sun hadn't quite risen yet and the light was just beginning to leak through my curtains. I didn't have to be anywhere today, not until later at least, so I took my time waking up.
Today was Friday. I had been suspended from my job a week prior, and yet I still woke up at the same time I normally would for work, 5 A.M. I pulled on the pair of black pants next to the shirt pile. They were cold. I generally kept my house cold but it was a little more chilly than usual this morning. I made my way into the hallway and into the kitchen, I was starving. I've always had a fast metabolism and it felt like I hadn't eaten in days.
Nothing in the fridge. Nothing in the freezer. Still nothing in the fridge. I don't know why I do that. Fridge, freezer, fridge. Habit I guess.
The coffee finished brewing so I poured myself a mug. It helped settle my stomach. As I leaned against the counter, the dream from last night seeped into my head again.
I was so close...
I couldn't help but put too much thought into my dreams. It could all be meaningless like some sleep experts say, but I didn't think so. I hunted for the symbolism and the connections and the parallels. And I've been plagued by this dream for far too long for me to be able to just brush it all aside.
The clock read 7 A.M. I wasn't supposed to meet with her until 2 P.M. Well, at least there was some laundry to do. That would kill some time. I went back to my room and picked the hamper up, carrying it out of the room in both hands. Various articles of clothing spilled out from the top, a couple socks, a shirt... I went down the hall opposite the direction of the living room, turning right. I had to set the hamper down to open the door, then keep it propped open with my foot so I could pick up the hamper and go into my garage.
The washer and dryer were up against the wall to my left. The garage was remarkably clean unlike my room. There were some boxes in the corner filled with old pictures and some other junk I hadn't sifted through yet. A dart board hung on the garage door. Asides from that, there wasn’t much else in here. I parked my car outside, it’s just easier to go places that way.
I started the washer, and poured some soap in. I sorted my clothes as I got to them. Luckily my clothes were mostly blacks, blues, browns and grays. It could all pretty much go in the same load. After I had filled the washer to its max, there were still some clothes left. I would get them later. I went back through the door to my hall and saw the door to my office directly across from me. The door was shut. Good. I kept all the doors shut.
I went to the living room and parked myself on the sofa. The cushion was well worn in the section I always sat in. I kicked my feet up on the table and tilted my head back just to relax and get comfortable.
I opened my eyes to the sun shining, blue skies overhead while a cool breeze rustled my hair. I tried to sit up but there was a weight on my chest. I peered down past my nose to see her head resting on me. Her wavy black hair tickled my nose and faint scents of vanilla drifted into my nostrils. It made me feel warm. The grass was making my arms and head itch so I shifted a little. She stirred in her sleep and slowly lifted her head up. Her deep brown eyes blinked from the sun and finally focused their gaze straight into my own eyes. She smiled and I smiled back.
I jolted awake, shivering. Although the sun shone in through the windows, it felt like I was in a snow storm. I sat up and walked down the hallway to get to the thermostat and saw that it read 75 degrees.
I pushed the “Up” button rapidly, but it wouldn’t go past 75 degrees. The heater wouldn’t kick on even though I cranked it up. I pressed harder on the “Up” button but it stayed at 75. Frustrated, I started tapping the thermostat.
Tap tap.
Pause.
There it was. A couple of taps will get anything to work. It was only 9:17 A.M. I still had another five hours to go. I was still hungry so I figured I would go and get some breakfast and maybe do some grocery shopping at the Wonder Mart. That ought to kill some time. I went back to my room to find my keys. I had started keeping lanyards on them so I could find them easier. I have a bad habit of just dropping them in various places around the house. Coupled with my forgetfulness as of late, made for a very irksome experience when I was in a hurry.
I stepped past the doorway and my head started spinning. I had to catch my balance on the wall. The room swirled, sending the forest green blankets on my bed into a vortex of navy blue from my walls. The red “Standby” light from the television added a nice contrast of cool and warm colors. I had the house painted with cooler colors, apparently it's good for anxiety and relaxation which I desperately needed. I shut my eyes tight and waited. It would pass. There was still a chill in the room even though the heater was on.
Timidly, I unclenched my eyes. Everything was still. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened. It was becoming more and more frequent lately. I figured it must be because of the lack of sleep. I've noticed a steady decline in my weight and I'm not a heavy set person by any means. I stand about five-foot ten, maybe five eleven if I'm not slouching, and the most I've ever weighed my
whole life was maybe one fifty. I think I'm down to one twenty-five now.
Miracle diet. Just don't sleep for months and shed all that unwanted fat. I bet I could publish a no-sleep diet and make a nice chunk of money. I walked slowly to the bathroom sink. The chilly water was invigorating as I splashed it on my face. I looked into the mirror, barely recognizing myself. Dark bags framed my once bright icy-blue eyes. They were much duller now. My reflection sapped my own energy from me as I looked into the Mirror Me's eyes. Stubble covered my sunken in cheeks, cheek bones that were already very pronounced, now seemed to jut out like ledges under my eyes. What a mess.
I opened my eyes, the room was dark and I could barely see anything. I put my legs over the edge of the bed, planted my feet on the ground and stood. With my arms outstretched in front of me, I felt my way to the bathroom door and missed. The door was open and I never left my door open. I barely caught myself on the counter and avoided a face plant. The light switch, where was it? My arm searched along the wall until I felt the smooth plastic from the wall plate and I flicked the switch on.
Click.
The light was blinding. I squinted to shut it out and when my eyes finally adjusted, my retinas were stained. Colored spots danced all over the walls. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed something was... Off. I brushed the hair away from my eyes and peered into the mirror, not quite sure about what wasn't right.
My right eye. My right eye was brown. A deep brown. Not my normal blue.
“What the hell…”
I stepped closer to the mirror to get a better look. I rubbed my eyes, maybe I still had sleep gunk in them and it was blurring my vision. Or maybe my retinas were still stained?
Nope. The spots had disappeared and I could see just fine. I inched even closer to the mirror and held my eye open, staring slack jawed with disbelief.
Clink.
What was that? The noise made me jump. Drops of blood began falling into the sink and I tasted copper. I grabbed my mouth and saw my front incisor tooth caught between the opening of the drain. Without thinking, my shaking hand reached for the tooth and pinched it between my thumb and index finger. I didn’t want to see it, but my elbow bent, pulling the tooth to my face, daring me to examine it. My tooth. Root and all, with chunks of meat still clinging on, traces of plaque flecked over the enamel. I looked back to the mirror, opening my mouth to look at the vacant space my tooth once occupied. Blood oozed lazily from the socket, mixing with saliva, spreading the metallic taste over more tastebuds. Disgusted, I spat the blood into the sink. As the blood was leaving my mouth, I could feel a solid, smooth, stone-like object pass through my lips.
Another tooth, a molar this time.
Panicked, I let out a scream and looked around for something, anything to help me. Unfortunately, I caught a glimpse of my reflection and noticed that my left eye had changed colors to match the right eye's chocolate brown.
Pressure was building in my sinuses and I watched my long, thin nose transform, curving and hooking down and bulging outwards. I grabbed desperately trying and stop the mutation, smearing blood from my mouth all over my face in the process.
My head felt like it would burst through the front of my face. Bones cracked and popped, stretching and snapping grotesquely into new, distorted positions. My cheekbones grew outwards, my forehead broadened, my skull split and I could see the individual outlines of skull plates, pushing the limits of my skin’s elasticity. I grabbed my head, trying futilely to push my features back into place. Another tooth clinked onto the tile floor, I wasn't sure which one. I went to grab my mouth and instead filled it with hair. My hand held clumps of hair from my head, plastered to the blood in my palm. I reeled away from the mirror, knocking my head on the wall.
It took me a second before I realized my reflection hadn't moved with me. It stood exactly as I was a moment before. Pressing its bloody face towards the mirror, hands raised upwards, chunks of hair spilling out from in between the fingers.
For a moment I forgot my deforming face and instead focused on this hellish new discovery. I waved my hand slowly in front of my face to see if my reflection would mimic me like it should, but it did nothing. It just stood there, face frozen in horror and disbelief at the hair gripped in its hands.
This couldn't be real…
Dumbfounded, I managed to uproot my feet from the tile and inch towards the mirror. My reflection stood frozen, allowing me full view of its features—well, my features—horribly disfigured, corrupted beyond any semblance of recognition. Not one feature was in the right place, I had become a mockery of a Cubism painting.
I moved closer and closer until I was finally face to face with myself. My reflection, finally quitting its statuesque charade, smiled a hideous toothless smile and winked.
Chapter 2
The next thing I remembered was thrashing awake in my bed, the sheets stuck to my body with cold sweat. I immediately grabbed my face and felt it, checking for any deformities or irregularities but all was normal. I darted out of my bed and into the bathroom, flicked on the switch, splashed water from the faucet on my face and slapped my cheeks. It hurt. I prayed that meant I was awake. I opened my mouth and gingerly prodded each tooth, expecting my finger to sink into empty sockets from where teeth once grew. But no, my finger hit a tooth each time. I was about to lift my head from the sink but I had to divert my eyes away from the mirror. I was too afraid to look at myself lest my reflection not shadow me. Blocking my peripherals with my hand, I flicked the switch off and fell back into bed. And laid wide awake the entire night.
Chapter 3
An involuntary shiver coursed through my body as I left the bathroom. I was reminded of the experience anytime I saw my reflection. I didn't look in a mirror, at least not directly, for weeks after that night.
But now I couldn't remember why I was in my room in the first place. I swear, lack of sleep is like having amnesia. What time is it? I glanced at the clock, 9:26 A.M. It’s early still... I wasn't wearing a shirt... Only pants, so... Why was I in here? I remembered the room spinning and catching myself on the wall. Then to the bathroom and splashing water on my face... It was like watching myself from a third person point of view. But every time I played the memory back in my head, I always started at the door clutching my head. I went to leave my room and tripped over my shoes. That’s right, I needed to put them on. I pulled out a pair of socks from the middle drawer of the dresser and a navy blue shirt from the second drawer from the top. I sat down on my bed and slipped them on, pulled the shoes on and tied the laces. Double knot. My stomach growled at me something fierce. I doubled over from the pain.
Keys! I needed keys dammit! That’s why I’m in here!
I jumped back up and looked around for my car keys, discovering them on my nightstand right in front of my face.
I was hungry, that's why I was in here. To get my keys and go eat something. I really need to stop forgetting to eat, it was probably why I was losing weight. It's not that I avoid eating, I just forget. It usually takes a crippling hunger pain to remind me that I need some sort of sustenance. I don't know why I forget, I mean it's a pretty basic element of survival. Maybe that's the reason.
It was a short drive from my house off of Memoir Drive to the doughnut shop, only about two blocks from my street. I spent a lot of my mornings there. Cheap, filling and tasty. Not much more I could ask for. I'm not picky when it comes to food. You have your “live to eat” people and your “eat to live” people. I easily fit into the second category. I found it to be a waste of my time, especially since I got hungry so often. It takes roughly fifteen to twenty minutes to drive somewhere and back, order and get your food before you can start eating. Then another ten to twenty minutes to eat depending on the meal. So somewhere between twenty-five minutes to forty minutes for one meal. But let's say you want to eat at home. So, depending on what there is to make it could take anywhere from five minutes to heat something up to forty-five minutes for prep work and actually
cooking the meal. Then another ten to twenty minutes to eat. And then there's the dishes to wash and clean up afterward. It takes way too much time. That's why I preferred doughnuts. You point at the one you want and start eating. Same reason I like Chinese take out; they’ve practically got the food in your hands before you're done ordering.
I parked in the front of the shop and walked in. Today I was having a strawberry jelly-filled doughnut. Look at me, the poster child of healthy habits. I sat in my usual spot in the back corner, absently chewing on the pastry. Jelly gushed out from the opposite end that I had just bit into and plopped onto my pants. Great.
I jolted awake, a glob of jelly plopped on my pants from the doughnut on my desk. Great. I hadn't slept very much the day before. I worked the graveyard shift for Copymate Copy Machines as a security guard. It's a job anyone can do because I mean really, how many people steal a copy machine? Who even buys a copy machine anymore? But I wasn't complaining. It was easy money and I could take naps here and there. I had a small office, well kind of an office. More like a closet in the back of the store, separated by a thin door from the rest of the store.
The clock read 12:00 A.M. I had been out for a good two hours and still had five left to go on my shift. On my paper-cluttered desk were two computer monitors with security feeds coming from eight cameras, each camera had its own window, four windows to a monitor. I lazily glanced at the monitors, not seeing anything noteworthy, and searched for a napkin to clean myself. I found one and wiped as much of the jelly off as I could, smearing the rest, and looked back at the screens.
The first window showed the parking lot from atop a light post facing the street away from the building. Nothing unusual going on. The second was a different view of the parking lot, from a camera on a light post in the opposite corner of the parking lot. Still nothing.
Depths Page 2