by R E Gauthier
“Nanna you know I don’t believe like you do that I have a soul mate out there waiting for me.” Kelsey frowned when her grandmother’s eyes lit up with something, then it was gone. She knew all too well her grandmother believed in reincarnation and that the soul only was reborn into a new body. That the soul made a person who they were and that soul mates were in fact souls that found each other over and over again throughout time and space. Her grandmother was a pagan by birth and although she tried not to indoctrinate others in her religion she had hoped her only granddaughter would embrace the pagan beliefs as well.
“Mo Chridhe, you truly are my heart and I love you dearly. There is someone out there I can see it, your soul has found this soul many times and it will again. When you find your Anam-Charaid you will feel it, you will know it and you will finally be home.” Nanna took Kelsey into her arms and hugged her close and planted a kiss on her temple.
“Don’t try and hide anything from me my sweet child because I always know.”
“Nanna…”she complained.
Mo-Chridhe, what is it?”
Knowing she couldn’t keep something from her long she relented.
“I have had dreams about a woman and she keeps telling me she needs me to help her.”
“You know what this means don’t you?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to tell me if I don’t.”
“It means your gift has finally found you and you can’t run away from it any longer.”
She told her that she was so proud of her, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek.
“Now let’s get you inside and into a bed we have much to talk about tomorrow and everyone is so excited you are here.”
Chapter Eleven
Saturday September 3, 2011
“Your Anam Charaid isn’t just anyone, it’s that person who shakes up your life, makes you feel more than you are prepared to and changes you forever.”
Kelsey slept like a baby and woke up feeling quite refreshed. She did so miss her Nanna’s house and how safe she felt there. She quickly threw on some sweats and then headed downstairs to the smell of fresh-brewed coffee.
Nanna and she ate breakfast in silence but she knew her grandmother was only politely letting her collect her thoughts. Sooner rather than later; Kelsey would be spilling her heart and soul out to this astute woman. She always knew when her granddaughter needed to talk about something. The moment grew nearer once they finished their meal and her Nanna leaned down over her on her way back to the table from clearing away their dishes.
“Now tell me what you have been up to lately.” She whispered into Kelsey’s ear.
She spent the next couple ofhours telling her grandmother how she spent her days and about her recent promotion to Senior Special Agent and how she was assigned to the taskforce. Not going into her suspicion that her father had something to do with it. She also told her of her hopes that it would finally bring her closer to being able to pursue the person or persons responsible for killing Aisling, her mother and father that fateful night twenty-one years ago.
“Today is not about bad memories, Aisling, Catriona and Ethan wouldn’t want us to be vengeful but to celebrate today as another day to be alive and be one with the goddesses. I am glad you want to get justice for their deaths but you must also live your life and find the happiness waiting for you.”
“Nanna I want those things too but I just don’t have the time and it takes time to meet people and form relationships.” She complained.
“How is your friend Nikki? She seems nice; do you get to spend time with her?” Nanna smiled.
“Yes she is working on the current case with me. She is a very good friend and it’s nice to have a confidant with me.”
“Has she found a special someone yet? I remember the last time we talked she was looking earnestly.”
Kelsey chuckled and said, “Nanna, Nikki was looking for someone but certainly not her soul mate, she was looking for sex; she is always looking for sex.”
“Sex is enjoyable and a healthy part of one’s life. I am glad to see that women today are free to express themselves with their bodies and enjoy the form of bonding the goddesses gave us. Have you found someone you can have sex with my dear?”
Kelsey wasn’t like her grandmother and didn’t like to talk freely about sex especially with her ninety year old Nanna. She wasn’t sure how their conversation had taken such an abrupt departure from talking about Nikki but then she remembered that she had brought up the topic of sex and swore under her breath. Even when Nikki wasn’t here she was capable of making her conversations uncomfortable.
“Nanna you don’t want to talk about my sex life or the lack of it do you?”
“It is the lack of it that worries me. You need to have more human connection in your life, you were always so independent but I did see you becoming such a caring, loving girl. You cannot let what happened make you a lonely, bitter old woman. I do feel sadness and loss but I still enjoy male companionship,” she said quite plainly not once blushing.
Gasping Kelsey found her face becoming hot and she looked away from Nanna.
“Yes I still have sexual urges at my age, it is perfectly healthy and normal to want to express yourself at any stage of your life and I do believe it is what makes me stay young.”
Kelsey covered her face and shook her head, not believing what she had heard. Her nonagenarian grandmother was telling her she still had sex and that one thought she had never let cross her mind. She almost wanted to cover her ears and shout ‘La, la, la...I can’t hear you.’ Much like she had when she was eleven and she tried to drone out the discussion about the birds and the bees.
“Nanna I told you that you would be the first to know when I have had sex for the first time. That has not changed. I know you don’t think it is normal or healthy to keep myself away from experiencing what you think is a very acceptable way to express one’s self but I haven’t found someone I can feel truly safe and connected with yet.”
Her grandmother smiled and her eyes conveyed such love and some sadness but more than anything acceptance
“There is nothing wrong with waiting for your Anam-Charaid, to share yourself with. I am just hoping you are not denying yourself because you feel that your family won’t approve of you. I have many friends whose granddaughters are lesbians and although I cannot speak for your father or brothers, I can speak for myself and as long as you are happy then I’ll be happy for you.”
Shocked to hear her Nanna say those words, she stared at her smiling grandmother. Has she read my thought? No she told me she would never do that, if not then how did she know I’ve been battling with these thoughts and feelings this week? She couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that her Nanna knew something she wasn’t telling her.
Being back in this house reminded her of another time she had been feeling lonely and remembering the night Aisling died. That day she talked with Race a girl she met at the Three Rivers Youth Center in nearby McMurray. Everyone knew that Race like girls she had been spending most of her time with the shy Kelsey MacGregor. Race was a Native American girl who had been in and out of trouble with the law and many people had labeled her the bad girl and one to stay away from. She only saw the quiet and brooding girl who needed a friend like she did and they bonded over their loneliness. That day under the bleachers, young Kelsey had done what her emotions had told her to do. I kissed Race that day.
Nanna cleared her throat and she felt her cheeks heat up as if she had been caught doing something she was embarrassed to be doing. Then it hit her I have had signs before. Why hadn’t she thought more on it back then? Her encounter with Race all those years ago should have been her first clue but she had been too messed up to realize it at the time. She shook her head and tried to clear away these thoughts. One thing at a time; concentrate on one thing at a time. Hoping Nanna would let this idea that she was a lesbian go, she smiled brightly.
Nanna looked at her peculiarly but said nothing for a
few moments before she told Kelsey to march upstairs and get a shower and get dressed they had much to do that day.
Blowing out a held breath, thank god, she’s let it go for now. But for how long she hadn’t a clue.
***
Upstairs she had just stepped out of the shower when she heard her phone’s distinctive ring. “Oh Damn.” She muttered under her breath. She had left her cell phone downstairs. “Nanna just let it go to voicemail” She hollered down the stairwell.
As she finished getting dressed in her room she could hear her grandmother’s muffled voice talking to someone. Had someone come to the door or was Nanna talking to someone on the phone? She hadn’t pondered the possibilities any further until she descended the stairs and heard her grandmother’s voice clearly say, “Well I can assure you that if my granddaughter had been aware of what would happen she would not have done it like that.” After a pause she heard; “You can be sure I will tell her. She will take care of this immediately and not to worry we will take excellent care of her, Jess. Yes you too, goodbye.” Nanna said as she wrote something on a pad of paper on the desk and ended the call.
Noticing that Nanna held her phone she gestured for her to give it to her.
“Nanna, that’s MY phone. Why did you answer it? I asked you to let it go to voicemail. Did I hear you say Jess?
“Well first of all your manners are atrocious and secondly; the phone rang and it startled me, I must have pressed a button and heard the voicemail as it was being recorded and the voice sounded adamant and very upset so I interrupted the voicemail.”
Kelsey then realized she had the phone on speaker earlier and had left it on standby. Just Great!
“Now to answer your question; it was Jess Harrington and she said that she is very upset that you didn’t tell Miranda that her ex-lover was killed in Baltimore. Now the poor woman is in a Montreal hotel room having a panic attack. Jess said that she can’t get Miranda to call her back. I told her you would take care of it.” Nanna said with a stern look.
That look sent a chill up her spine because she knew whatever her Nanna wanted she would do. Well I know the answer now. Miranda Gauthier is the woman I needed to find. Her grandmother spoke of the author and her literary agent like she knew them and that she wasn’t about to let Kelsey treat them so badly.
“Well you had better get on the phone and check on a flight out of Pittsburgh to Montreal as soon as possible. Then call Miranda and tell her she is coming here to stay until you both can drive back to Baltimore. But make no mistake you will apologize and make this right, do you understand?” She placed the piece of paper with a phone number on it into her hand.
Her life spiraled out of control and all she could do was nod. She knew she should tell Nanna that this woman was wanted for questioning and that she was a person of interest. She knew she should tell her it wasn’t proper FBI protocol but she grabbed the phone and started calling the airport to book a charter flight to Montreal because she already knew arguing with her Nanna would be a total waste of time.
“I’ll go make up another guest room.” Her grandmother said as she rose from her chair and ascended the stairs.
The certitude in those words sent Kelsey reeling with the implications. She wouldn’t be just meeting Miranda Gauthier the author of the words she read but also spend the rest of the weekend with her at her grandmother’s house. Both prospects excited and terrified her.
Chapter Twelve
Saturday September 3
“How will you react when life comes for you?”
“Please Miranda, answer your phone, Jess and my grandmother are hounding me and if you don’t want to hear a grown woman cry and beg; you’ll take pity on me and answer your phone. I am really sorry how I handled this. Please answer your phone...please.” Kelsey never begged but desperate times called for desperate measures. If she didn’t contact Miranda and get this all straightened out she couldn’t return to Nanna’s house; for that she was certain. This was one of a half a dozen or so messages she had left for the author and the phone kept going to voicemail so Kelsey tried a different tactic. Hanging up she called the number she had programmed in her phone for Jess Harrington as the flight attendant was directing her to her seat.
“You had better be calling me to say you contacted Miranda and all is well. Because if you are not I will personally be calling your grandmother again.” The worried tone of voice of the literary agent came through the phone and Kelsey cringed when she had to reply that she hadn’t reached Miranda yet.
“Well I need your help in trying to reach Miranda. Can you call the hotel so that you can have someone go to her room and check on her? I’m on route to Montreal as we speak and I won’t be able to make another call for about an hour and a half. Tell the front staff you’re a relative and Miranda has a health condition and you’re worried she won’t answer her phone. They’ll not want an incident in their hotel and send someone to her room to check on her.”
“Your grandmother must be one formidable woman to convince you to go to and check on a total stranger. Does this mean a big bad FBI agent who can think up a lie like that is afraid of an old woman?”
“You have no idea who my grandmother is. Please call and make sure Miranda is okay and then tell her to call and leave me a message on my phone because I’ll have it on airplane mode. Tell her to be ready to take a taxi to the airport and I will not take no for an answer.”
She heard a chuckle and something that sounded like; “It is your funeral” before she had to end her call because the flight attendant signaled her to turn her phone off.
Jess had managed to reach the hotel Les Suites Labelle that Miranda had given as the place where she would be until she left for the her Greyhound bus trip Sunday evening. She told the person at the front desk that her sister had a health condition and that when she wouldn’t answer her cell phone she became alarmed and wanted the hotel staff to go to her room and make sure she was okay and ask her to call her back immediately. The hotel staff seemed quite obliged and more than happy to accommodate her.
After what seemed like an eternity, Jess’s phone rang and Miranda’s number and photo displayed on her screen.
“Thank god. What the hell were you thinking hanging up on me like that? I was going out of my mind but it took a call to the infuriating FBI agent to make me realize I had options in reaching you. I had all sorts of thoughts of what you were going through. Are you alright?”
“Wait what do you mean you called ...? Yes I’m okay and I am sorry to worry you but it was such a shock to learn...I can’t even say it right now...gawd I am still reeling from it.” Miranda babbled and still sounded out of sorts.
“Well before you get upset and hang up again, I have to tell you that SSA MacGregor is in big trouble with her grandmother because of me and she’s on her way to get you...”
“What the hell?” Miranda interjected cutting her off.
“Please call her phone and leave her a message; she is in mid-flight right now and will have her phone on airplane mode. Let her know you’re okay and in her words she said ‘make sure you are ready to take a taxi to the airport’. Oh and don’t kill the messenger.” Jess finished in a rush inwardly hoping her friend wasn’t going to lose it on her again.
“Why must I be ready to take a taxi to the airport? Why is the agent coming here? And why is the agent’s grandmother upset with her and what’s it got to do with you or me?” Miranda asked sounding confused.
Jess had hoped she wouldn’t have to get into it all of that right now but Miranda’s voice sounded desperate and she thought that telling her would help calm her. She took a deep breath and explained it to her.
“I called Agent MacGregor when I couldn’t reach you in hopes I could get her to help me get in touch with you or maybe her pull some legal strings so that someone could check on you. I may have been too abrupt and forceful leaving the voicemail and when her grandmother answered the phone; a sweet lady by the name of Isla MacKenzie, I may hav
e told her how upset you were and I was that I couldn’t reach you. She sounded quite annoyed and told me not to worry that she assured me Kelsey would take good care of you. Kelsey, I mean agent MacGregor called to say she’s on her way to Montreal and wanted you to call her and let her know you were okay and to be ready to go to the airport and she wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Why I am going to the airport? Why the heck I am going to the airport and why is Agent MacGregor coming to Montreal? I still don’t know what it going on.” Miranda repeated not sounding any calmer.
“Sorry I don’t know more but it seems like Isla is making Kelsey come and get you because you are upset and need to be with someone that can take care of you. I would be there if I could.”
“But the agent doesn’t even know me and neither does her grandmother, so why would they be so worried about my wellbeing or that I am upset? Miranda asked.
“I don’t know but I’m glad I called and that Isla answered the phone, now I can stop worrying about you. You will go with her to stay with her grandmother won’t you? I will be beside myself with worry if you don’t.”
Miranda didn’t like worrying her best friend and literary agent. She wished she had not Googled FBI agent MacGregor and saw the headlines about the case she was working on and discovered that her Ex was not only dead but also a victim of a serial killer. She grown to hate Kate but she had never wanted her harmed in such a way. The news article said she had been killed the night she had left the condo they shared. Shared? Yeah no one shared anything with Kate. Then her head began to throb violently and she tasted the bile in her mouth. Miranda was about to be sick. If I had been there I would likely be dead also. The thought shook her out of her head and back to the conversation with Jess.