by Robin Roseau
Balla looked at me, not answering. I put on a smile. "I know Hermit's Hop."
Ralalta laughed.
"Oh, for that, I want to play the piano," Juleena said.
"I was kidding." Hermit's Hop was about the first real piece I had learned, and it was very simple.
"I'm not," Juleena said with her own laugh. "Mother, you should play your flute."
"You're right. What will you play, Balla?"
"I think I'll stick with fiddle," she said. I'd never heard her call it a fiddle before, and it made me smile to see the stern instructor let her hair down, so to speak.
So we all moved to cluster around the piano. None of us needed music. Even I didn't need music. It was my warm up piece, after all.
But they had a surprise for me.
"Yallameenara," said Balla, "this piece is actually used as a competition between musicians and sometimes dancers."
"What do you mean?"
"You will start and play it through once. Then repeat, but play it just a little faster. And then again, a little faster yet. Eventually it will be too fast for you to keep up." She looked back and forth between Juleena and Ralalta. "Your Highness, I presume you won't stoop to playing in a simple fashion simply in order to stay in the song."
"I would never," Juleena said, but the way she said it, I was sure that was exactly her plan. Ralalta laughed again, and even Balla smiled. It may have been the first smile I'd ever seen from her.
Juleena turned to me. "Do you care to make a wager, Yallameenara? Which of these two do you think will last the longest?"
"I would never wager against the queen," I said, "nor expect her daughter to do so."
"Carefully said," Ralalta decreed. "Whenever you're ready, Yallameenara."
I nodded, set a simple tempo, slower than I might normally play, and began.
When I began the second time, they joined me. I wasn't quite sure how, but the queen managed to set the tempo, stealing the song from me a little, but she played it at the speed I normally played it. And I did well. I kept up during the third playing, and even the fourth, but as we began the fifth, I fell out during the second measure, and I pulled my bow from my strings and watched the rest.
Juleena dropped out late in the same playing.
Ralalta and Balla lasted until the ninth time around, and in the end, it was a breathless Ralalta to lower her flute. Balla played through to the finish, putting on a victory flourish at the end. Ralalta offered her a small bow and congratulations, but we were all smiling.
"Well played, everyone," Ralalta said. "Yalla, do you recognize this song?" She lifted her flute and played two measures. I joined her, and then Juleena and Balla as well.
At the end of that song, Juleena stood from the piano. "Mother, do you believe you and Balla could play a jig for Yalla and me?"
"We'd be delighted," Ralalta said. She turned to Balla. "Pick something, but go easy on me." Balla lifted her bow, and two measures into the song, Ralalta laughed. "You call that going easy?" But she lifted her flute and began to play.
Juleena turned to me then took my violin and bow from me, setting them on the piano bench. Then she took me in her arms, waited for the right moment in the music, and began dancing me around the room.
Soon we were both laughing in joy.
The jig came to an end far too soon, and Juleena pulled me into a hug, both of us still laughing. There was the briefest of pauses, but then Ralalta's flute began a new song, Balla joining her after a moment, and then Juleena and I were dancing again.
At the end, Juleena threw her arm around my shoulder and led me back to the queen and my music teacher. The four of us looked at each other for a minute, and then Ralalta asked, "Did you hear what we told you?"
"I believe, Your Majesty, I may have."
"Good," she said. "And eldest daughter, did you hear me as well?"
Beside me, Juleena laughed. "I wish I'd heard you ten years ago."
"Yes, well, ten years ago I hadn't yet learned how to manipulate a rebellious teenager."
I snickered at that.
"I miss this," added the queen. "I believe we need to put music back in our lives, Juleena. What say you?"
"I agree wholeheartedly, Mother," she replied.
"Good, because I had your piano moved back into your room." Then she began to disassemble her flute. Juleena slipped away from me and saw to her cello. "We'll see you at dinner, Yalla." And then they were both gone.
Balla and I looked after them. I was still smiling, but now I was left alone with my music instructor, and with the queen out of the room, I thought I was about to receive a lecture on my poor performance. And so her words surprised me.
"I owe you an apology, Yallameenara."
"I don't understand." I turned to her, and she was watching me.
"Instinctively, I know why we learn to play music. But I have never known how to teach that. I can teach how to hold your violin, and how to play the notes. But I have never been good at teaching why we learn."
I cocked my head.
"The queen understands, and the princess has begun to as well. We play for the joy, Yallameenara. To play like the queen plays takes devotion and work, and that is what I remember. That is what I teach."
"I'll never play like that," I said, lowering my eyes.
"Probably not," she agreed. "But you played quite well today, and the four of us found joy in playing together. If you hadn't been here today, and it had just been the three of us, we might have played different songs, songs you can't play. But did the queen look happy to play with you?"
I thought about it and nodded. "And you smiled." She turned away, and I realized I had embarrassed her. "I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean-"
"Of course you did," she said, turning back. She held up a finger, forestalling any further response. "I have seen you on your horse, taking money from boys foolish enough to wager against you."
"You have?"
"The queen practically ordered me," she said. "It was soon after you arrived, and I wondered why she was forcing you to accept lessons." She shook her head. "There was a lesson for me that day, the first time. But I've seen you since. I've seen you watching the other riders, and the other horses. I've watched you."
"I don't understand."
"When you see those other riders on their horses, what are you thinking?"
"I'm judging their ability," I said. "And their..." I had to think about the word, a concept I had never voice before. "Are they one? Like Queen Ralalta's flute after she has assembled it? Or are they two, the piano and the piano bench, related, maybe, but still distinct?"
She nodded. "The queen stood beside me and explained to me that's what you were doing, that you had an instinctive eye."
"I should," I said. "I am of the Horse People."
"Of course. Well, I am of the Music People. What you do with man and horse, I do with player and instrument. And it is nearly impossible for me to stop doing it. I bet there's always a part of you judging the riding of the people around you and perhaps comparing it to your own."
I didn't say anything. She was probably right, but I hadn't thought about it before.
"Can you teach someone to become one with his horse?" Balla asked.
"No," I said. "I wouldn't know how."
"And I don't know how to teach you to become one with your instrument," she said. "It must come from inside you."
"Oh," I said in a small voice.
"But there's something I've seen," she said. "And it's also something I don't know how to teach."
"What is that?"
"The only time I have ever seen it happen, when a player becomes one with her instrument, is when she finds joy in the playing. Of course, she must also practice, practice, practice, but that is not enough. It requires joy. Yallameenara, I am so sorry, but I do not know how to teach this. And it appears it requires the queen to remind us of the joy to be found as well."
I lowered my eyes. "I'll never be good," I sai
d.
"That's not fair," she replied. "It is unlikely you will be as good as the queen or good enough to be a successful professional musician. But today you found joy, didn't you?"
I looked up again. "Yes."
"I can help you to become better than you are. But you are responsible for the joy."
"I'll try," I said.
"Good. All right. Let us hear An Ode to Lolla Green again. You were a little flat during the middle passage, and your vibrato lacks..." She paused for a moment, then offered another smile. "Lacks joy."
"I'll try to find the joy in my vibrato," I vowed.
* * * *
I want to say just a little more about that. I found my joy, driven largely by Juleena and Ralalta. We only found time perhaps every week or two, but the three of us, sometimes with Muranna on her own violin, sometimes with Balla or another guest for dinner, played for a few hours in the evening. We would play some songs together and others as solos. For the queen's next birthday, Juleena and I learned a piece we played together to her, and I learned later it was something the queen's mother used to play when Ralalta was a little girl.
She cried, and then she pulled both of us to the sofa and cuddled, the three of us together.
And so, I have not become a great musician, and I never will. And even if the events in my life have somewhat taken over, I have kept the joy in playing when I can.
I never again complained about my lessons or Balla's lack of a smile. I never again asked why I was learning to become a poor musician. For I knew.
It was for the joy.
Antidiplomat
"Oh, this is going to feel good," I said to Juleena as we headed into the baths. "But I miss Chilla."
"I know what you mean," Juleena replied. "But Happence is very sweet, and Chilla seems quite taken with motherhood." And then, together, we stepped into the bathing chamber.
Gina was still there, although I wasn't sure how much longer. Chilla had been gone for a while, replaced by a young and somewhat shy Happence. We were expected, and other than the two attendants, the chamber was all ours. And so we stepped in, held our arms out, and let the girls do their thing.
Gina attended to me, and she was somewhat more versed than Happence, and so I found myself in the bathing pool first, turning back to watch Juleena as Happence led her into the pool.
Ah, Juleena. She was tall and powerful, and carried herself with grace, but at the same time she was lithe and... beautiful. I enjoyed watching her. And so, I did.
It started with her legs. They, like the rest of her, were powerful, the skin smooth and taut, and I stared for them as she climbed to the edge of the pool. Then, as she sank into the water, my gaze moved up, settling eventually on her chest for the moments before that, too, disappeared under the water. My eyes moved up to hers, and I realized Juleena was watching me as I watched her.
She came to a stop, looking right at me. I thought about being embarrassed that I'd been caught appreciating her, but I decided I hadn't done anything wrong. I smiled. Juleena returned the smile, although it perhaps wasn't as full as mine. Then she finished settling into the water and turned away as the Gina and Happence began to bathe us.
"Oh, that feels nice, Gina," I told her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Yallameenara." She paused before she said, "There's a new ambassador from Drindari."
"I know," I said. "She arrived nearly two weeks ago, I believe."
"That's correct," confirmed Juleena. "We held the reception."
"She has no children," Gina added. "But there is a boy in her retinue who considers himself quite the horseman."
"I didn't know the island people of Drindari rode horses," I replied.
"They don't," Juleena said. "But they are amongst the best sailors on the seas."
"I would imagine," I said. "How old is this boy?"
"Oh, perhaps the age of the princess," Gina said. But there was something in her voice, and I turned my head to look at her. "He has been working his way through the serving girls at the local establishments."
"Working his way?" I asked.
Her tone hardened. "Including my cousin."
In the water beside me, Juleena stirred. "I wasn't aware of this, Gina."
"He is all smiles and flattery and dimples at first, but he is unkind when he leaves them."
"He's going to build a reputation," Juleena said, her words tight. "Have you met this man, Gina?"
"I've seen him. I haven't met him. I've met his kind before, but my cousin was fooled by his sweet words."
"Juleena," I started to say.
"Not now," she replied. "Gina, would your cousin be willing to speak with the queen?"
Gina was quiet for a minute then replied, "I don't know. When openings at the palace open, I've tried to get her to present herself, but she's intimidated."
"Will you try?"
"I'll try."
"Once we're done here, I want you to clean up and go find her. Try to get her to come this evening, if she can. If she refuses, learn what else you can from her and come find me."
"Yes, Your Highness."
"Yalla, you and Muranna stay away from him at least for now. Gina, I know you were hoping for a different response."
"Are you going to make him stop, Your Highness?" Gina asked.
"I'm certainly going to look into it," she said. "Nothing you've described is illegal, but it's not diplomatic, either, and I expect more of diplomats to Framara."
"Your Highness, Carina might not be willing to come to the palace, and she might be too intimidated to talk to you, but she might be willing to talk to Lady Yallameenara."
"All right. If you can bring her here, that's best," Juleena said. "And any other women who have been affected. But if you can't, then find out when Yallameenara can meet with Carina."
"Yes, Your Highness."
* * * *
I was quiet for the rest of the bath, but once we moved into the soaking tub, Juleena said, "Gina, Happence, give us privacy."
"Yes, Your Highness."
Juleena and I were seated next to each other, an arm's length apart. I'd expected to lean back and let the hot water finish easing my body, but when Juleena sent the attendants away, I had watched them go.
And then Juleena rotated to face me and touched my arm for a moment. I turned to her. "You turn ten and eight soon."
"Yes," I said.
"Once you do, you are eligible to receive courters."
"Courters?"
"People who may wish to marry you."
"Oh." I said nothing to that. "I thought I was to marry your cousin."
"You didn't appear pleased with what you saw in him."
I paused, dreading the words I was about to say. "I will do my duty, Your Highness."
"Please, Yalla, aren't we friends?"
"I do not believe this conversation is between Yalla and Juleena," I said. "I believe it is between the peace treaty promise and the Princess of Framara."
"Yalla, in spite of evidence ten minutes ago, Princess Juleena rarely conducts official conversations in the bathing chambers. However, Juleena does, from time to time, find it a relaxing location for an intimate conversation with her friend."
I smiled and inclined my head once.
"I want to know what you want, Yalla. Forget the peace treaty. Forget duty. If you were free to make any choice possible, what would you do?"
I tried to look away, but she reached out and pulled my chin back. "I need the truth, Yalla, even if you don't believe I want to hear it."
I sighed. "I haven't met any boys that interest me. Many things changed me when you took me from The Hippa, but one thing didn't change. I have no voice in whom I shall marry." I shrugged. "It is the way of things."
"No, Yalla, it is not the way of things." She paused and then said, "You answered my question in a very curious fashion. You said you haven't met any boys that interest you. Perhaps you've met some girls that interest you."
This time when I loo
ked away, she let me. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Why not?" she asked softly.
"I don't want to talk about what can't be."
"What is it you believe can't be?"
I didn't answer instead I waited a moment then asked, trying to sound casual. "Why aren't you married by now, Juleena? You were ten and nine when you came to The Hippa for me."
"Ah," she said. "That is an interesting story. Turn your back to me and I'll massage while I tell it."
I rotated further on the bench, and she moved closer behind me, her hands finding the muscles of my lower back. Her hands were like heaven, and I leaned against the edge of the tub while she massaged.
"About seven months before we met, Lady Morris arrived at court dragging her eldest son with her. He was older than I was by a several years, but quite eligible. He was handsome and suave, with pretty words, and even you would have been impressed by the way he sat a horse."
"I see," I said.
"In open court, Lady Morris petitioned Mother."
"Oh?"
"She wished to offer her eldest son as my husband."
"I thought you said I would face suitors."
"Yes. Lady Morris wished to bypass that step and go straight to marriage."
"Oh. I see it didn't take."
"No, it didn't take. Mother told Lady Morris such a thing was my decision. How could I be trusted as the future queen if I couldn't be trusted with such an important decision such as whom I might marry."
"Queen Ralalta is very wise," I said, meaning it.
"Yes," Juleena agreed. "She is. So Mother turned to me and asked what I thought."
"And?"
"And... On a previous visit, I watched him berate a groom for the care of his horse. He raised his hand to the girl."
I said nothing. If I'd ever abused a horse in my care, I'd have gotten a lot worse from my grandfather or father. But Juleena read my mind.
"I know. You grew up knowing what would happen if you treated a horse poorly. But that is not how we treat our grooms. It is especially not true when it was not the girl's fault to begin with. He'd just come in from a hard ride, and the poor mount needed a day or two recovery."
"Ah, your oversized horses are not bred properly."
She chuckled. "Your Arrlottan horses would not choose to carry this man," she said. "And I wouldn't want to be one of his horses, either."