by Robin Roseau
I actually wasn't accustomed to being beaten like that, and I was quiet by the end. But it was ridiculous, and the quiet mood didn't last.
"I wish my winnings," Larien declared. "Right here, in front of witnesses."
She moved us to the love seat, and then with Valara and Muranna watching on, she kissed me again, but she spent a good five minutes getting to it, and I was completely lost long before the kiss ended.
Muranna and Valara were quiet for it, but when it was over, Valara said, "Where does someone learn to kiss like that?"
"Alteara," Larien said with some smugness.
Parting
For the three weeks following, Larien and I didn't spend absolutely every day together, but most days. She accompanied me to events in the palace or about town some nights, or we stayed in at the residence attached to the embassy for others.
Muranna joined us for much of this, sometimes bringing Valara or someone else, or sometimes just as the three of us. But Larien and I had time alone as well.
She continued to take over my mind with her kisses, and each enflamed my body as well. I ached for her, and I think she knew it, but I let her control everything, and in a way I was along for an amazing ride.
But then I received a note one morning simply asking me to join her for dinner, just the two of us, and we would stay in afterwards.
I was at wits end the entire day, as Muranna wasn't available either, and my lessons had been delayed for the duration of Larien's visit. But finally it was time to prepare.
Larien was stunning, and as soon as I stepped inside, she pulled me into yet another of her deep, lingering, magical kisses, the kind that sapped my will and made me think of nothing else.
And then, releasing me, in one way, she took me in another, gathering my hand and pulling me to the dining room.
We ate, just the two of us, and chatted. And Larien said, "Yalla, I want you."
"I want you, too."
"I am returning home tomorrow. I want you to come with me."
"I can't."
"Of course you can. I wish you to see my home, I wish you to meet my parents."
"This is too soon, Larien," I said. "And I do not believe the queen will allow me to leave."
"You will ask."
"Larien."
But she covered my lips with her fingers. And then she stood and took my hand. She took my hand and led me to her bedroom.
And there, she kissed me again, and she undressed me, and herself, and she drew me to her bed.
* * * *
I'd never experienced anything like that before. Oh, the Arrlotta are not shy about sex. We all live in one big hut, and I had seen sex before. But it was never like that. It wasn't like that at all. I never would have thought, from seeing the others around me, that it could be like that.
We lay together afterwards. Larien had seen to me, then taught me to help her, and then shown me another way she could give me pleasure. But we were spent, and we lay together.
"Yalla," she said. "You must come home with me. The queen will understand."
"I will ask," I said.
She kissed me again, and she found another way to give me deep pleasure. And then she helped me to dress and saw me to my carriage. "In the morning, we will be together again."
I stumbled to my room, and there I found a note.
Come to my quarters, whatever the time. Ralalta
I thought something must have happened to Juleena, and so I ran, and I would have pounded on Ralalta's door, but the guard caught me, and I realized it was Keelara. I was already crying, sobbing.
"Yalla! What happened. Yalla!"
"Juleena. Something happened to Juleena!" I thrust the note at her.
"Oh, Yalla," Keelara said. "No. The queen is upset about something, but it's not the princess. I swear it."
"You swear."
The door opened, and Ralalta stood there.
"Your Majesty," said the other guard. "The princess-"
"Oh, Yalla," said Ralalta. "No. Nothing like that. Juleena is fine. But come in. I wish to speak with you."
Then she took me by the hand, and once we were behind closed doors, I threw myself on her, hugging tightly.
"I'm sorry I scared you," she said. "Yalla, I'm sorry."
"I'm a silly girl," I said, but I clutched at her for a minute, and she held me, speaking soothingly, until finally I could release her.
"Take a minute, if you want," she said. And so I used her powder room, and I cleaned up and dried my tears.
When I returned, she was seated on the couch facing the fire. "Sit with me." She gestured to the other end.
"Are you angry with me, Your Majesty."
"No. Sit." And so I took the seat, and looked at her. But she was staring into the fire. Finally she said, "Tell me about tonight."
I began blushing, but she wouldn't have seen in the light. I stammered something. I don't know what exactly, and so Ralalta told me to calm down. Then she turned to me, and I to her.
"Tell me what you can. Are you in love?"
"I don't know. When she touches me, I can't think of anything else. Anyone else."
"Have you made love?"
"Are you supposed to ask questions like that?"
"I may ask any questions I like."
"Am I supposed to answer questions like that?"
"Only when I am the one asking."
I thought before I answered. I wasn't going to lie to her. "Tonight," I said.
"And?"
"I had no idea."
"Yalla, you lived in one large hut."
"I've seen. Others. My parents. It wasn't at all like that."
"With another woman, it isn't necessarily."
"Was it wrong?"
"No, and I'm not angry. But it's not something to talk about with anyone else, and I suppose it's awkward to discuss with me."
"I feel like I'm cheating on everyone else."
"You shouldn't," she said. "But I understand why you feel that way. Do you love her?"
"I don't know. I think I could."
"I think you're falling in love. I've done that a few times, and it's this magical, amazing, exciting, scary process. I envy you this time."
"Your Majesty, she asked me to come to Alteara with her. She wants me to see her home and meet her parents."
"I'm sorry, Yalla, but I will not let you go with her."
I turned away and stared into the fire.
"I have reasons, but I will not share them tonight. You may pursue this love, but it will be here, in Marport. If her parents wish to meet you, they will come here. Maybe in a few years, I would let you go, but I won't even promise that."
I stared, not responding.
"Did you make promises?"
"Only that I would ask."
"You asked. I denied. I am your queen, and you will not defy me, will you?"
"No, Your Majesty. You knew already, somehow. That's why you called me here."
"While she was entertaining you, her brother came to me."
"Oh."
"He was quite strident in his invitation, Yalla, far more than I might have expected, but I was firm with him, and I am now firm with you. I will send a note confirming you asked, and I denied your request." She paused. "Are you angry with me?"
"No," I said.
"She won't blame you. If she wants you, she'll return."
"I think I should send the note."
"You know where I keep paper. Write it now. Do you need help?"
"No."
And so I moved to her small desk. I took my time. I always took my time. I carefully prepared the ink and the quill, and then I wrote in my slow, careful hand.
Dearest Larien,
I believe I am falling in love, or perhaps am already there. I have feelings for you I have had for no others, feelings I didn't even realize existed.
When I returned home, the queen anticipated your invitation, spurred on by a matching invitation from your brother. I am told he was quite
welcoming. She was not swayed, and she was firm with me.
I may not leave Framara any time in the near future.
She is my queen, and I must obey.
I would like to meet your parents, and the queen extends an invitation, as do I. Perhaps you could stay. Perhaps you could go home and return.
You have enchanted me, and I could be yours, if you want me. But it must be in Framara, and perhaps it is too much to ask you to leave your home and live here.
I hope you will not leave me wondering.
Yours, if you wish me,
Yalla
I finished it, and then Ralalta said, "I would like to read it, if you do not mind."
And so I handed it to her, and she read it by the dim light of the fire. She said nothing about the letter but only, "I am sorry, Yalla, but it must be this way. I would welcome her as my daughter in law, but only here, and you would live in the palace."
"I understand, Your Majesty," I said. "I will not defy you."
"Thank you. Leave that with me, and I'll see to it. Mellara is up and waiting to help you."
"That isn't necessary."
"And yet you will knock at her door regardless."
And so I did.
* * * *
Sleep took a long time to claim me, but finally I slept, for a time. And when I woke, I learned Larien had departed by ship, leaving before the dawn. But there was a note in response to mine.
My lovely Yallameenara,
I must return home, and so I cannot stay. I feel the same way about you that you feel about me.
My parents are old, and I do not know if they can travel. I wish us to be together, and I wish you could have joined me on this trip, but I could never ask you to defy your queen.
For now, do not end things with your other suitors. We will write, and we will see. Perhaps your queen will bend, or perhaps my parents will travel. Or perhaps I will be willing to return even without them, but that is not my preference. If we come together again, you will first terminate other entanglements. I hope you agree.
I believe I love you, and I believe absence will cause the love to grow.
Larien
I cried when I read it.
Others
Three days after she left, I received a summons to attend the queen in court. Mellara was already waiting in my room, and she dressed me quickly and efficiently, and then Glarta collected me and hurried me after her.
It was not a normal day of court, and so the room was nearly empty. There were a few attendants, again most likely for show. The queen sat on her throne, and standing before her were Lady Reese and the woman I knew was her daughter Parmeed. And Parmeed held a rolled scroll.
"Ah. Lady Yallameenara," said the queen. "Come, come." And so I hurried forward, coming to a stop beside Lady Reese, but the queen gestured to the chair to her left, the one that had become mine from time to time. Before I could take it, she pulled me to a little kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Something you forgot to tell me."
"Oops."
She pulled away. "Sit."
I took my seat. Lady Reese was smiling, although it was guarded. Parmeed stood beside her, looking uncomfortable, and her gaze didn't meet mine.
"Well," Ralalta said. "Does everyone know everyone?"
"Hello, Lady Reese. Hello, Parmeed."
I received greetings from both.
"Excellent," said the queen. "Well, what can we do today?"
There was silence. Lady Reese nudged her daughter, but the woman could barely look up. And I thought it likely she didn't want to be here. Finally Reese took the parchment from her and said, "My daughter would like to petition for permission to court Lady Yallameenara." She extended the parchment to me, and I took it somewhat numbly.
How was I supposed to think about this when my heart was on a northbound ship to Alteara? And so I sat numbly, nearly as numb as Parmeed appeared.
"This is interesting timing, Lady Reese," said Ralalta.
"Could I ask?" said Lady Reese.
"You can ask," the queen said.
"Yallameenara, do you love the girl?"
I looked up at her. But before I could answer, the queen did for me. "That is the wrong question. The question is to wonder how they left things."
"Ah. Of course."
"Yallameenara, how would you answer?"
"I don't know if I love her. The situation is complicated, and we do not know if we will ever see each other again. There were no promises made, and she specifically told me to continue to accept other suitors."
"And do you? Accept others?"
I looked down at the parchment. I looked over at Lady Parmeed. "I would ask a question."
"Of course."
"Parmeed has said three words since arriving, and doesn't even look at me. Does she even want to be here, or did you drag her by the arm."
"My daughter does not believe you could possibly accept her suit," Reese said. "I haven't given her any particular reason to believe so, only that she should present it."
In other words, she hadn't shared the things I'd said. That surprised me.
But I took a lesson from Ralalta, and while I was somewhat clumsy at it, it didn't hurt to try. "Lady Parmeed, I understand you handle some of your mothers lands."
She looked up at that and nodded.
"Could you tell me about that? I don't know much about it."
"What did you want to know?"
"Well, to be fair, I know almost nothing about it. What can you explain in a few sentences?"
"Oh. Hmm." She looked at her mother, then back at me. "Mother has given me authority over a variety of her properties. She owns a large estate near Wallarty, several more modest estates here and there, and a factory outside Gessen."
"What do you mean by a large estate."
"A village, actually, and the immediately surrounding farms. It is about twenty square miles."
"And you manage all of that?"
"Not all of it directly. Much of the land is leased, and the individuals leasing make their own decisions. I oversee enough to ensure they are making wise choices and do not devalue the land, and then I ensure they pay proper leases."
"How would someone devalue the land?"
"They can overwork a field," she explained. "You do not plant the same crop year after year. If you do, the field will turn poor, and it can take years to recover. And you also must be careful how you work near streams, to avoid damaging them. And how you plow, to avoid excessive runoff from the rain. There are a hundred different mistakes."
"It sounds like a great deal you must know," I said.
"Mother has been teaching me my entire life," she said.
"Frankly," Reese said. "Parmeed is better at nearly all of this than I am."
"That is high praise," Ralalta said. "And from what I hear tell, honest as well. You can be proud of your daughter, Reese."
"Thank you. I am."
Parmeed looked up at that, her back straightening.
"Parmeed," I said. "I am told you are bright and with a quick wit. It has been suggested that in intimate settings, you are relaxed and good company. Do you feel this is a fair assessment?"
At this she looked me in the eye. "I wouldn't have said it."
"You didn't. I am repeating what I have been told. Is my source wrong?"
"I'd like to think she's right."
"I do not accept this petition from your mother's hand," I said. I held it out to Lady Reese. "I will only accept it from yours. If you want me to accept it, you must hand it to me yourself."
And so Reese took the parchment. Parmeed looked at it, then took it from her mother. She looked at me and held it out. "Lady Yallameenara, I wish permission to court you."
I took the parchment from her. "My heart is tender. We might need to be friends first. Do you wish me to accept this?"
"I do."
I turned to Ralalta and handed the parchment to her. "I hope you will accept Lady Parmeed's suit, Your Majesty."
; "With delight," said the queen. "And most unexpected besides."
* * * *
Juleena stayed away, and I heard nothing directly from her.
Spring arrived. Larien and I engaged in correspondence, slowed only by the vagaries of distance and weather. We didn't quite make promises, but they were hovering about, waiting for opportunity.
"But my parents insist on meeting you," she said. "Will your queen relent?"
Will the queen relent? She remained firm. No.
I accepted my other suitors, although I didn't care for several, and by the time spring firmly ruled the land, I was down to the ladies Malta, Clareeda, Parmeed, and from a distance, Larien. Clareeda was sweet, but we were not to be a match, and so we became friends of a sort, but that was all.
Malta and Parmeed were both another story.
* * * *
Parmeed and I lay together in her bed, both of us well spent. She rolled to me and collected me in her arms, and then we both panted, lost in the glow for a time.
"Yalla."
"Parmeed."
"You don't love me."
"You say this now?"
"We're good together, just the two of us."
"Yes," I agreed.
"You're destined for places I can't go."
I didn't answer for a long time, then finally I said, "Are you withdrawing your suit?"
"No. I would continue to do what we are doing. But we both know this isn't forever. You've never said. How did my mother know you would accept my petition."
"Because I told her the night she accused me of ruining your brother's reputation."
"Half-brother," she said with a laugh. "He is absolutely everything I am not. Mother didn't tell me."
"I know. Perhaps she thought I was on a lark."
"This has been more than a lark."
"Is it ending, Parmeed?"
"Not yet, but I think so."
I didn't answer that. We lay quietly until I instead asked, "What will you do?"
"You have shown me things. And given me confidence I didn't know I should have. I won't be alone. I'll find someone whose life isn't in crowded rooms full of important people."
"You're brilliant in small groups."
"Very small," she said. "But a blathering idiot when it grows above four. The thing is, I didn't realize I was okay in more intimate settings. I thought I was always an idiot."