“I am sorry, but I cannot do this. As much as I want to, I just cannot.” She shook her head.
“Do what? Kiss me?” He searched her eyes as if they held the answer, but all he saw was fear and pain. He reached for her hand, noticing the lacey gloves she always had on. The question of why she always wore them drifted over him. Another time he would ask. Right now he wanted, no needed, the connection to her again. He reached for her hands, but she tucked them under the blanket. Disappointment drifted over him like the smoke from the fire.
“There is something you need to know. And once you hear it, you will be sorry you ever kissed me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Her heart had never hurt this badly before. Rainee stared into Haydon’s bewildered face. He deserved to know the truth. And once he heard it, she feared he would no longer want anything to do with her.
“Haydon, I—I…” She drew in a long breath for courage and shifted her body toward his. “Remember when I first came here, and I told you to trust me that I had no choice but to place an advertisement? You need to know the real reason why I left and the truth about my family.”
“I know what you’re going to tell me, Rainee.”
“You—you do?” She swallowed hard and stared at him. How could he possibly know?
“Yes. You placed the advertisement looking for a husband so you wouldn’t have to marry that old man your brother sold you to like some worthless animal.” His words spewed bitterness.
Rainee sucked in a sharp breath and slammed her hand against her chest. Dear God, no. Ferrin must be at Haydon’s ranch. She swallowed the lock of air lodged in her throat. “Where—where is Ferrin now?” Her heart slowed to a crawl while she waited for his answer.
“He’s in jail. Right where he should be.”
Ferrin? In jail? She gulped. All sorts of scenarios dashed through her mind about what Ferrin must have done to land in jail. Each idea increased the dread inside her. “What happened?”
Haydon relayed what had transpired and how Ferrin had pulled a gun on them. Knowing what evil her brother was capable of, relief rained over her that no one had been seriously hurt. Or worse, killed.
“I am so sorry, Haydon.” Her eyes met his. “I never meant for your family to get involved in my family’s problems. I thought I had done a secure job of covering all my tracks so that he would never find me. I should have known better. When Ferrin sets his mind to something, he will do whatever it takes to achieve it. And right now, he is determined I shall marry Mr. Alexander.” She shuddered at the very idea.
Haydon took her hands in his.
She stared down at their hands, relishing the strength and feel of his even through her lacey gloves. Her heart ached for what could never be.
“Rainee, you don’t have to marry him. He can’t make you.”
“Yes, he can, Mr. Bowen. For he is cruel to his very soul, and he will stop at nothing to get his way. And there is nothing you, nor I nor anyone else can do about it.” Her body had the scars to prove it.
So it was back to being called Mr. Bowen again. That didn’t bode well.
She removed her hand from his.
He wanted to snatch it back, but he controlled the urge.
What did she mean there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it? The Civil War had ended the sale of one human being to another. “Of course you have a choice.” His gaze sought hers. “You can stay and marry me.”
Her eyes widened. “Marry you? But I thought you did not want to marry again.”
“I didn’t. Then I met you.”
She faced the fire. The light from the flames danced across her lovely face, accentuating the glistening trail of tears trickling down her cheeks. Haydon slid his arm around her shoulders. He tucked her under his arm and pressed her head against his chest.
Smokey tossed a few more logs onto the fire. A look of compassion passed between the two men. Smokey jerked his head toward the bushes, a signal that he would give them some privacy. Haydon mouthed his thank you and Smokey slipped into the thick brush.
He positioned Rainee so he could see her face. Her eyes were downcast.
Haydon thumbed the tears from each cheek, then lifted her chin toward him.
With her eyes still closed, Haydon lowered his head, inching his lips toward hers. When their mouths touched, Rainee clutched a fistful of his shirt with one hand. They clung to each other. Their hearts beat as one as their kiss deepened. Salty tears trickled over his lips. Whether they were hers or his, he didn’t know.
He wanted to pull her close, but the way they were seated made that impossible. Instead, he allowed his lips alone to get closer to her.
When his need to show her how much he loved her increased, he released her mouth and once again snuggled the side of her face against his chest. “Rainee. What would I do without you?” He struggled to calm his erratic breathing and noticed she was doing the same. They held each other tight for a long time.
Smokey slipped from the shadows, carrying a bed-roll.
He tossed several more logs onto the fire. Haydon shifted Rainee until he could see her face. A yellow-and-orange glow danced across her lovely features. Her eyes searched his with a yearning he could not describe. He wanted to kiss her again. To hold her forever. To shield her from the beast that waited to take her from him.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, lingering for several moments before he reluctantly withdrew his arms from around her. It was time to get some rest. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”
After helping her get situated by the fire, he lay opposite to her and watched her until she fell asleep.
As he drifted off to sleep, he determined that no matter how long it took, he would find a way to stop her brother from marrying her off to that old man. He had to. His heart depended on it.
Hours later, daylight filtered through Haydon’s eyelids. He slowly opened his eyes to greet another sunny day. He scratched his neck and yawned, then looked toward Rainee.
The blanket she had used lay neatly folded on the ground.
Haydon sat up and scanned the area.
Smokey stepped into the clearing and headed toward him. “Miss Devonwood is gone again, boss.”
He closed his eyes, then slipped his boots on and stood. “Where’d she go?”
“Her tracks lead that way.” Smokey pointed down the river. “I’m sorry I didn’t hear her leave. I must have been more tired than I thought.”
“Well, I did. I heard her moving about earlier, but I thought she was just going to relieve herself.” Haydon snatched his hat up and plopped it on his head. “Listen, I don’t want Mother worrying about us, so will you head back to the ranch and tell her what’s happened? I’ll go look for Rainee.”
“Yes, sir, boss.” Smokey bent down and hoisted his saddle over his shoulder.
“Smokey.”
The older man faced him. “Yes, boss.”
“Please stop calling me boss and sir. You’re family, remember?”
Smokey just smiled and then proceeded to saddle his horse.
After Haydon snuffed out the fire, he hauled his saddle over his shoulder and saddled his horse. “God, please help me find Rainee, and keep her safe until I do.” A sigh squeezed out of his heart and past his lips.
“Amen,” Smokey added.
Rainee glanced over her shoulder before she stopped and leaned her back against a tree to catch her breath. Having traveled so far and so fast yesterday, every muscle in her body ached, and the blisters on her feet screamed with pain. She had no idea where she was or how far she had gone.
Last night, her fears of what Ferrin might do to the Bowens if she did not leave them had kept her from a good night’s sleep. After all, he had already shot one of them. Worse was the understanding her brother had found her even though she and Jenetta had been so careful. On her journey here, she had even disguised herself as an old woman and had worn several other disguises to keep Ferrin off of her trail. Only at the last st
age stop had she changed into her own clothing because she did not want to meet Haydon looking like a haggard old woman.
She still could not believe he had actually mentioned marrying her. It was the one thing she had wanted to hear since her arrival. But she knew that marrying him would put his life into jeopardy, and she could not stand to be the one putting a target on his back. He didn’t understand what Ferrin was capable of. She pressed her lips together and sniffed. Choppy, short breaths were all she could manage as she silently cried, stumbling through the underbrush.
She had to keep going. The idea of being at her brother and Mr. Alexander’s mercy was all the incentive she needed to force her body into submission.
Broken tree limbs crunched under her feet and the sound of water rolling over the river rocks echoed in her ears.
Coming around a bend in the river, Rainee stopped. In the distance, Indian men, women and children milled about. Knots of terror twisted in Rainee’s stomach. She had heard stories about the savage Indians out West and how they brutally murdered and scalped white people. She touched her blond hair and fingered a loose strand. The spotted mule deer jerky she had eaten before her escape churned in her stomach. She pressed her hand against her mouth, gulping down her fear.
On unstable legs, Rainee backed up, then whirled, smacking hard into a wall of flesh. The pulse in her neck matched the rapid drumbeat coming from the Indians’ campsite. She opened her mouth to scream but stopped when her trail of vision landed on Haydon.
“Rainee, why did you leave?”
She pressed her hand against her heart, willing it to calm down. Ignoring his question, she asked, “What—what are you doing here?”
“I came to take you home.”
Rainee swung her head back and forth. “No! It is too great of a risk.” She pointed toward the Indians. “I would rather be taken captive by those—those savages than go back and be forced into marrying that ogre.”
Haydon threw his head back and laughed.
Rainee frowned. When he continued laughing, she slammed her hands on her waist and glared up at him. “And, pray tell, just what is so funny about that?”
“Those savages, as you call them, Rainee, are Nez Perce Indians. They’re friendly.”
“Well then, all the better for me. I shall go live with them.”
“And just how will you communicate with them? Do you speak their language?” Humor waltzed through his eyes.
Glad he was finding this whole situation so funny, she planted her hands on her hips. The idea of going back and being forced to marry a man she did not love…a man old enough to be her grandfather…a man who was every bit as cruel as her brother was, there was nothing funny in that.
She whirled, placing her back to him. She did not know any Indian language. That fact caused her spirit to deflate. Now what would she do? Every time she ran, Haydon followed her, determined to take her back. She could not let that happen. Not with the threat of Ferrin nearby. No jail cell would hold him. That she was certain of.
“Rainee.” Haydon’s hands rested on her shoulders. He circled her until she faced him. He clasped her hands in his. “Trust me. I meant what I said last night about you marrying me. And I promise I won’t let him harm you or force you into marrying that man. Let’s go back to the ranch and—”
“No!” Rainee ripped her hands from his, and one of her lacey gloves came off in the process. Her eyes widened in horror. She slammed her gloved hand on top of her naked one to cover the hideous scars.
Horrified by what he had seen in that one, short flash, Haydon gawked at the raised scars trailing up and down Rainee’s hand and wrist, which he could still see although she tried mightily to cover them. Concern and compassion drove through him as he gently raised her hand off the one she covered. His stomach churned at the sight of the raised scars marring her small hand.
She yanked her hand back, and with shaky fingers she snatched the glove from him and rammed her hand into it.
“Rainee.” He wanted to see her, but she turned from him. Red flooded her cheeks, and she slid her hands behind her back. “How did you get those scars?”
Rainee chewed on her lip.
Haydon waited for her to answer, but anger at the one who had done that to her boiled within him.
Finally, she whispered something, but he didn’t hear what she’d said. “What did you say?”
“Ferrin.” This time she spoke a little louder.
His fist clenched at his side and his blood ran hot. That man was even worse than Haydon had imagined. If Ferrin thought Haydon would let him anywhere near Rainee, the thug was sorely mistaken.
In that second, he made up his mind to marry her as soon as possible. She may have come here to marry him out of convenience, but someday he hoped that convenience would turn to love. One thing was for sure, he vowed he would not fail her like he had Melanie. Haydon extended his hand toward her. “Come on.” Contempt for her brother spewed through his voice.
Rainee jerked her head up and looked at him. “I am so sorry, Haydon. I know my hands are hideous,” she blurted. “I never meant for you or anyone else to see them. But you jerked my hand so quickly the glove came off, and I could not get them hidden fast enough. I know they are grotesque. The ones on my back are even worse.”
She was talking so fast Haydon had a hard time keeping up with her.
“My Aunt Lena was right. She said no one would ever want me because of them, but I—” Tears glistened in her eyes, and her shoulders rose and fell as the words died away.
Haydon stood there speechless. She actually thought he was offended by the scars and that no one would want her? And what did she mean by the ones on her back? Just how many beatings had she endured? He reached for her, but she stepped backward and bumped into a tree.
“I am so sorry. I should have never come here.” Faster than a bolt of lightning, she shifted past him and took off running.
“Rainee, wait!” He bolted after her, barely dodging the branches. When he caught up to her, he captured her by the elbow and turned her toward him.
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Let me go,” she said through gasps of air. She tried to jerk free, but Haydon clutched her forearms. “You are better off if I leave.”
At that moment he could only be ashamed of his previous behavior toward her. All he had thought about was himself and what he wanted. He never once cared about why she had written the advertisement. Or why Jesse had responded to it.
Wanting to shield her from everything she had ever been through, he wrapped her in his arms, pressed her head against his chest and her body against his and cradled her.
Moisture from her eyes seeped through his shirt.
“Rainee, I’m so sorry.”
Her body trembled and sobs racked her small frame.
“I’m not offended by your scars. I’m angry at Ferrin for doing this to you.” Enraged was more like it. Any man who would hurt a woman like that, let alone his own sister, deserved to hang from the nearest tree.
“Then—then they do not bother you?” She pulled back enough to look into his face. The pain he saw there, mixed with a smudge of relief tore at his soul.
“No, sweetheart, they don’t.” He reached for her hands and tugged on her gloves, pulling them off.
Rainee blinked several times as she watched him remove her gloves. With the lightest touch, he ran his thumbs over the raised scars that covered her hands and wrists. His heart was weeping hard for her and what she had endured.
Rainee’s eyelids dropped. She stood there like a frightened fawn ready to bolt but knowing there was no place to run.
Haydon struggled to keep back the tears burning the back of his eyes. He raised her hands and gently pressed his lips on them, kissing them. His tears dropped onto her marred flesh. “I’m so sorry, Rainee.” His voice quavered. He kissed her hands again and again. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to endure.” With each touch of his lips against her hands another tear fell. He pressed
her tear-covered hands against his wet cheeks and cradled them there.
He heard her short intakes of breath and her silent cries. He tilted her chin upward and gazed down at her. His heart ached with the desire to comfort her, to hold her, to kiss away the uncertainty in her eyes. Haydon cupped her face with his hands and allowed the love and compassion he had for her to rain through his eyes without shame or restraint. He leaned his head down, and tenderly touched his lips to hers.
He raised his head and locked gazes with her. “I promise you, Rainee, that man will never hurt you again. You and I are getting married. Today.”
Chapter Twenty
Still dazed at Haydon’s second mention of them getting married, Rainee brightened but dimmed just as quickly. Her gaze fell along with her heart. She had never met a more tender, loving man in her life. “We need to talk.” The huskiness in her voice matched Haydon’s. She led him over to a large tree stump. She sat down, and Haydon lowered his bulky frame beside her and faced her.
Wishing she could blot away the confusion from his face, Rainee drew in a long breath to settle the words inside her. What she had to say was breaking her heart, but she wanted to do right by Haydon, so she reached down and pulled out the words buried inside her. “When I first came here, I was in desperate need to get away from Ferrin. No, let me back up a bit. I had already written to you—to Jesse—because of the severe beatings, but then I overheard Ferrin telling Mr. Alexander he had just bought himself a wife and how he would have his hands full with me. I quickly found Jenetta and told her. She and I packed a few things in the dead of the night, and I left. I stayed with a friend in Chicago until plans were made for my trip out here.
“But when I got here and discovered it was not you who had sent for me and that you did not wish to marry me, I panicked. I was so afraid Ferrin would somehow find me before we married that all I thought about was trying to figure out a way to get you to marry me.” Her eyes snagged on his. “But since then, I have gotten to know you, and you are a very kind, caring person, Haydon Bowen.”
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