A Paper Marriage

by Jessica Steele

  Her breath caught in her throat. `Y-you married me-for m-me?' she questioned with what breath she had left.

  `I married you solely for you,' he confirmed. `I married you, my dear, dear Lydie, because I one day woke up to the fact that I had fallen quite, quite hopelessly in love with you.'

  Lydie stared at him in stunned amazement, a kind of roaring going on in her ears. `You didn't!' she denied. And, remembering how sensitive he was with her sometimes, `You're only saying that so I shan't feel I have made such a complete fool of myself.'

  But already Jonah was shaking his head. `No more lies, Lydie, from either of us.' She still didn't believe him. `Come here,' he said. `Meet me halfway. Let me hold you in my arms and convince you.' He took a step towards her; she took a panicking step back. He halted.

  `Convince me from there!' she exclaimed. If he took her in his arms again she would be lost, would be deaf to anything but that which she wanted to hear.

  Jonah smiled, as if he knew something of what she was going through. 'I'm feeling not a little emotionally shattered myself,' he admitted, every bit as if her statement that she loved him had knocked him sideways. `Shall we at least sit

  down?'

  It seemed the sensible thing to do, and just then Lydie felt very much in need of something sen sible to latch on to. She went and sat in the chair he had occupied earlier.

  She had expected he would use the sofa but he made her heart beats start to jump around again when he took hold of another chair and drew it up close, opposite hers.

  They were almost touching knee to knee when Jonah, his eyes on her face, asked, `Am I allowed to say how very beautiful you are, and how for me a day without you is a day without the sun?'

  Oh, Jonah! If she hadn't been sitting down Lydie would not have given much for her chances of not collapsing into a chair. She strove to be sensible.

  `This is you convincing me that you didn't say you I .. what you said, purely from some kind of sensitivity because of w-what I said?"

  'You said you loved me, Lydie,' he reminded her gently.

  `Don't!' she moaned.

  `Don't be embarrassed, my darling. While I'm still having the greatest trouble taking it in, in actually believing that it can possibly be true, I want you to believe that I love you so very much that at times it has been like a physical pain.'

  Lydie stared at him, her green eyes huge. She knew that feeling. 'But-you never said. Never so much as hinted...'

  `How could I? I was terrified of frightening you off.'

  `You were terrified...' She found that hard to believe, and guessed her feeling of disbelief must have shown.

  `I've sound reasons,' he cut in, `which I suppose stemmed initially from having you as an extremely shy but charming sixteen-year-old imbedded somewhere in my mind.'

  `I was still sixteen in your mind?' she queried, intrigued in spite of her shaky feelings inside.

  `Only to start with. You were beautiful then. In the seven years since you have blossomed to be even more beautiful than my imaginings.'

  'You'd thought of me-since then?"

  'Off and on. I made a return trip to your home three years ago-to give your father the money I owed him. I'd hoped to see you, but you weren't around.'

  `You wanted to see how I'd turned out?"

  'Something like that, though I never actually put it into words. Anyhow, there I am, ten weeks ago, returning to the office from doing some negotiating overseas, to have my PA tell me that a Lydie Pearson was anxious to contact me.' He paused, and then owned, `When at last I did see you, I found you quite captivating, my Lydie.'

  Captivating? His? The whole of her felt weak. `I wasn't very pleasant to you,' she commented, trying desperately hard to keep both feet on the ground.

  `You thought I'd reneged on the debt I owed your father,' he reminded her gently. `Somewhat to my own surprise, when it's usually my business head that rules me, I found I was reaching for my chequebook. As you know, I hold your father in high regard, and told myself I was writing that cheque because he had given me financial help when I asked for it. I knew full well that he was too honourable to ask for my financial help unless he could see a way of repaying it. But even while, as you rightly said, I was conning you into paying that cheque into the bank without delay, I was not thinking of being repaid-my head was full only of you.'

  Lydie blinked. `You mean, you-er-were attracted to me?"

  'Oh, Lydie, I wasn't yet ready to admit some woman had started to tie me up in knots,' he answered, his lips quirking.

  `I did that?"

  'As I said, I wasn't admitting it. Though I have to say it came as a bit of a jolt to see you at the theatre with your friend Charlie. I didn't like it.'Lydie searched the depths of his fantastic blue eyes. His gaze did not falter. Could he really love her? She was too stewed up by all that had happened and was happening to know. She decided to stick to fact, as she knew it. `You said for me to come to your office the following Monday,' she remembered, but the way Jonah was looking at her, tenderly-dared she hope lovingly?-was making such a nonsense of her she could barely remember why she had gone to see him. `I came to see you,' she struggled through, `to discuss how I should repay that money.'

  `And I found myself in a state of upheaval.'

  `Upheaval?'

  He smiled at her surprise. `I wasn't bothered about the money. You were the one making an issue of it. But perhaps I could use that to my advantage.'

  Lydie was stumped. `Advantage?' She could not help repeating him again.

  `I knew then that I wanted to see you again. Perhaps it was the last throes of my long-schooled wary bachelor faculty at work, perhaps it was because I knew that you were different-call it what you will-but, while I didn't want to deprive myself of your company, I decided that I didn't want any involvement. To see you at your brother's wedding seemed to me a good way to see you again while at the same time making our meeting less one-to-one personal.'

  She was staggered. `That's why you wanted that wedding invite!' She stared at him in amazement. `But,' she began to recall, `the very next day, after Oliver's wedding, when I came to see you at your apartment, you were suggesting that I come here to Yourk House and spend the weekend with you!'

  `Why wouldn't I? You'd just told me you'd previously stayed overnight with your friend Charlie! I didn't care at all for the thought you might be spending the next Saturday night in some man's bed. I know, I know, you were never lovers, but I didn't know that then and, while I wasn't admitting to feeling a tinge green whenever I thought of you and him, dammit, I was as jealous as hell.'

  Lydie was fairly reeling. Jonah, jealous of Charlie? `You told me to dump him.'

  But the next moment Jonah had taken her hands and was drawing her to her feet. 'Lydie, I can't take much more of this. I know I probably haven't convinced you yet, but I love you so much, and if you love me only half as much, you'll let me hold you.'

  She stood with him. `You want to hold me?"

  'I need to hold you, my darling,' he murmured. It only required one small step towards him.

  Lydie drew a shaky breath-then took that small step. And the next she knew, she was in his arms, held up against him in a gentle tender hold.

  Jonah held her like that for many long wonderful minutes as barriers they had both erected came tumbling down. But at last he pulled back, so that he could see her face, and look into her eyes.

  `Love me half as much, sweet Lydie?' he needed to know.

  She felt shy suddenly, but he loved her. She knew then that he would not lie to her about that. `M-more than that,' she whispered shakily.

  `My darling,' he breathed, and tenderly kissed her. Joyous loving seconds passed. `Say it,' he pulled back to request. `Say it again.'

  `What?' she asked huskily.

  `You said, "You know I love you?" That's seared into my brain, into my heart, and I shall never forget it I'm still getting over the almighty shock to hear you say what I have so craved to hear. May I not hear it again
?'

  Shyly, she smiled at him. `I love you so, Jonah Marriott.' She pushed through an unexpected barrier of reserve to tell him, and, when he held her up close to him once more, `I feared so that you might see-and there I went, blurting it out.'

  'I'm so glad you did,' he murmured against her ear.

  `None other. I have never, ever been so crazed with jealousy. It hit me so hard! I was jealous and, I knew then, hopelessly in love.'

  `Oh, Jonah!' she sighed softly. And, as she thought of that day, `I knew that same night, at the hospital, that I was in love with you.'

  `Sweet darling,' he breathed, and held her close, and kissed her tenderly, and held her close again.

  `That was weeks ago ! All these weeks and neither of us knew!'

  `I was afraid to tell you how it was with me,' Jonah owned, looking deep into her eyes.

  `Afraid?' she prompted gently, and Jonah settled her into his arms, her head against his shoulder.

  'I'd kissed you, the day after your great-aunt had died, and you'd pushed me away.' Lydie remembered; it had been a wonderful kiss. `And I knew then that I was going to have to take it very slowly with you.'

  `That kiss turned my legs to water,' Lydie confided, and, when Jonah pulled back his head in disbelief and looked into her face, `I wanted to kiss you back,' she further confided.

  `So you pushed me away?'

  `I had to-I was drowning-and, well-umyou weren't the only one to become acquainted with the demon jealousy.'

  `You were jealous?' He looked incredulousbut delighted.

  Lydie smiled self-consciously. `I couldn't help thinking that you'd probably have your arms around some other woman that very night.'

  Jonah smiled into her face. `What a joy you are,' he said softly, and kissed her. 'I'm going to have to stop doing that,' he said a moment later. `Your tempting lips are wrecking my sanity. Love me?"

  'So much.'

  `Oh, my love.'

  `All these weeks...'

  `We've loved, and not known,' he ended for her. `And there was I, impatient, yet fearful you might marry someone else before I could get you to agree to marry me. As I saw it then, I had to act, and act fast.'

  `You told my father that you wanted to marry me.'

  `It was the truth.'

  `Oh, Jonah!' She sighed. If she was dreaming, she never wanted to wake up. 'But-you didn't feel you could tell me-um-how you felt?'

  Lydie pulled back this time. `Would you have told me, if I hadn't slipped up?'

  Jonah placed a tender kiss on her upturned face and, looking adoringly into her shining green eyes, `I was hoping we would grow closer on our honeymoon, hoping I could earn a little of your love,' he owned.

  `You have it all,' she whispered, and was soundly kissed in exultation.

  She had no idea they had moved until she found she was seated on a sofa with Jonah, one of his arms around her, one hand holding her hand.

  `Oh, sweet, sweet Lydie, how you brighten up my day.'

  `Do I?"

  'Did I not tell you?' Lydie shook her head. `I've wanted to, so many times. Little love, since knowing you again I've come to know that I only come alive inside when you are there.'

  What a wonderful thing to say. `I love you so,' she said softly, spontaneously.

  Jonah beamed her the most sensational smile. `That's all I've longed to hear.'

  `Truly?' she asked breathlessly.

  `Truly,' he answered. `I've ached so.'

  `Me too,' she confessed. `When did you know?'

  `That I was in love with you?' The answer was in her eyes, and he smiled gently, and quietly began, `It was that Friday that your dear great-aunt died. You were supposed to be coming here for the weekend. I'd had business not far away from Beamhurst Court and, while I wasn't fully ready to acknowledge it, I couldn't wait to see you. All I had to do was make a small detour and I could enjoy seeing you sooner. Respecting your wish that I kept away from your home, I waited, about to ring on my car phone to find out if you were still home. But suddenly what do I see but you flying along-in totally the wrong direction.'

  `You were furious,' she recalled.

  `I was outraged,' he agreed. `I have never in my life felt so churned up.'

  `Because I was going in the wrong direction?' she teased gently, loving that she was able to do so.

  `Because when I caught up with you, you said you weren't coming to Yourk House, and I saw your overnight bag in the back of your car. You were obviously spending the weekend with someone-someone who wasn't me.'

  `You thought...'

  `I thought you were going to spend our weekend with some other man.'

  `Charlie?' she asked faintly.

  `How could I, my darling? You hadn't shown the smallest sign of caring for me. Hell, I'd kissed you-you'd pushed me away. Then there was Charlie ever-present.'

  `Charlie?'

  Jonah smiled. `Nerves were getting to me-any man who looked at you was a threat. I wanted you. To my mind there wasn't time for me to come courting. You were proud; that fifty-five thousand stood between us. What was the point of my trying to date you? That fifty-five thousand would always be there.' Lydie stared at him in amazement. All this had gone through his head! `To tell it how it was, Lydie,' he continued, `I was running scared that someone else would get

  you.,

  'Oh Jonah,' she whispered.

  Gently he placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth, pausing to gaze at her beautiful face before going on, `I wasn't sure you would swallow that line about your father preferring to owe money to someone inside the family...'

  `But you tried anyway-and it worked.'

  He grinned. `It worked. But I knew, when you tried to find an "out" to say no, that it was too soon to tell you of the depth of my feelings for you. You said it would be cheating to marry me if you could find the money to pay me back, but I couldn't tell you that I was cheating you by not telling you of the proposition I had just put to your father. And if I needed more evidence that you weren't thrilled about marrying me, then I didn't need to look further than when, while accept me you did, you made no bones about telling me you didn't want my kisses.'

  `Oh, Jonah, did I hurt you?'

  He smiled. `It started to get better.' And, when she looked at him questioningly, `About a fortnight ago?' he hinted.

  She stared at him a second or two longer, then went a delicate shade of pink. `When we came here so I could get away from our two mothers sending me potty.'

  `It was a wonderful weekend. While I'd been working all hours, afraid to find time to see you more than briefly in case I blurted out how much I cared for you, I at the same time became desperate to see you, to spend some time with you.'

  `It was the same for me,' Lydie confessed. `I couldn't wait for that Friday.'

  `Little love!' He kissed her because he just had to. `It was a perfect weekend. Up until then you had shown all too plainly that you didn't even want me to kiss you.'

  `We did kiss, didn't we?' she softly reminisced.

  `Oh, we did,' he agreed, his eyes on her lovely mouth. `It was wonderful. Though I'd still no intention-with our wedding so close-of blowing

  lit all by telling you of my feelings.' He paused, then added, `And when I rang you from Sweden on Wednesday, and you coolly suggested that ours wasn't the normal head-over-heels thing, I was glad I hadn't-even if I did feel a bit defeated.'

  `Defeated?'

  `Defeated, and not knowing where in blazes I was. For me, my darling, it was, and is, a headover-heels thing. But there you are, dropping me down one moment and the next raising my hopes again. Making my heart lift by telling me "I wish you were here", only to crush my hopes by as good as telling me the only reason you wanted me there was because of the amount of luggage you had to transport.'

  Lydie looked at him, stars shining in her eyes. It seemed incredible to her that anything she said should have such an effect on him. `I meant it about wishing you were there, with me,' she confessed. `The words just slipped out, an
d I had to hurriedly use the amount of my luggage as a cover in case you thought I was coming over all-um-personal.'

  His smile broke through, and, as though that word `personal' was some kind of a signal, Jonah stood up, taking Lydie with him. And, looking adoringly down at her, he then gently kissed her. `It's been a long day, dear wife,' he said softly, and, picking her up in his arms, `Unless you've any strong objection, I suggest it's time for bed.'

  A delicate pink began to flush her skin, but she smiled as she shyly answered, `I've no objection at all, dear husband.'