And all this time, he was in love with her!
This would never do. Polly took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen. What if Mitch was there? What was she supposed to say? Mitch, I got your note, and, against my better judgment, I am finding myself very attracted to you, but I cannot imagine how a romance between us would work?
Preposterous. That’s what it was. How could she even consider falling in love with a man who would keep her tied down to a family that...
“Good morning, Polly!” Five cheerful voices greeted her as she entered the kitchen. They were all seated at the kitchen table, working on their...lessons?
Isabella held up a slate. “I wite name!”
Someone had clearly written Isabella on her slate, and underneath, Isabella had scribbled.
“I’ve already done my spelling,” Louisa said. “And the other children are still working on theirs, but we should be ready for the rest of our lessons soon.”
Then she held up a book. “Pastor, er, Uncle Frank said it was all right to borrow something from his study. I thought this looked interesting.”
Robinson Crusoe. Not something Polly would have picked for the girl, but if she wanted to read it...
“That sounds just fine.”
Polly looked around the spotless kitchen. “Where’s Maddie?”
Maddie came in the back door, drying her hands on her apron. “Just out finishing up a few things. I don’t know what you did to these children, but they’ve been well behaved all morning. Said they wanted you to get your rest and helped me with the washing up, then got right to their lessons.”
Polly stared at them. “Really?”
“Oh, yes,” Clara said, her smile filling her face. “We like you best of all of our nannies, and since the other ones left because we were so bad, we decided that we would be extra good so that you would never leave us.”
Of course. That’s what this was all about. She’d heard some whispering between Mitch and Clara the previous night about Clara not wanting Polly to leave. The poor children had never had a positive female influence in their lives before, so of course they were eager to keep her.
“Oh, dear one.” Polly walked over and put her arms around the other girl. “I loved you even when you didn’t behave. I won’t love you any more or any less based on your behavior. Love is something you can’t earn.”
“But will you stay?” Big brown eyes looked up at her.
“Who said I was leaving?”
“Papa,” four voices chorused. And then, not to be left out, Isabella chimed in with a “Papa” of her own.
As if he knew they were talking about him, Mitch walked in, Uncle Frank by his side.
“What’s this about me?” Mitch wore a smile, and Polly couldn’t help but notice that he looked particularly handsome that morning. Freshly shaven, his cheeks were clear of stubble and rosy from whatever they’d been doing outside.
Polly squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to see him as an attractive man, but as her employer. Then she opened them and smiled. “Apparently, the children think I’m leaving.”
“Well.” He took off his hat and held it in his hands. “They seem to want you to stay forever, and as I told them, you have your own life to live. There’s going to be a time when you’ll be moving on. I just want them to understand that forever isn’t possible.”
She watched as he fiddled with his hat, not making eye contact with her or the children.
Was he afraid that she was going to reject him after his note? Well, she was, of course, but it wasn’t because she didn’t care for him. After all, he was an incredible father who sacrificed so much for his children. But he was also a secretive man who seemed to dole out the truth at his leisure. Mitch claimed that he’d shared all his secrets, but what if there were more? What else was he hiding? And what would he hide from her if they did end up married?
Polly shook her head. It didn’t matter. They weren’t going down a romantic road. Attraction faded, and then what?
But perhaps... The children all looked at her wistfully. Was that what Mitch’s note was really about? Not leaving the children?
With a smile, she turned to the children. “I’ve already told you. I’ll stay as long as I’m needed. I have no definite plans for the future. You don’t have to go to extraordinary lengths to keep me.”
She gave Mitch a long, hard look. Did he understand that? He needn’t feel obligated to romance her simply to keep her from leaving. Then she turned her attention back to the children.
“But I do appreciate how hard you’ve worked on your lessons today. If you keep applying yourselves with such diligence, I think we can organize another outing like we had yesterday very soon.”
“Wahoo!” Rory’s grin nearly split his face in two. The rest of the children also looked pleased, but it was the freckle-faced boy’s joy that warmed Polly’s heart the most.
Mitch’s sister-in-law, Iris, had warned Polly that Rory was the most difficult to handle. But the more time she spent with the boy, the more Polly realized that he simply had a great deal of exuberance to work out of his system, and an innate curiosity about nature’s creatures. Iris had not been delighted with all of the insects, small creatures and the occasional snake Rory found, but once Polly had directed all that energy toward exploration and science, Rory seemed to blossom. He liked being outdoors, and Polly did what she could to encourage that love of nature.
“Can we go fishing again?” Rory’s eyes sparkled. Usually, those sparks meant mischief, but Polly could see the genuine interest in them.
“If you can behave yourself and get all your schoolwork done this week.” Polly smiled at him, then bent to look at his slate.
The handwriting was sloppy, but much more readable than what it had been when she’d first met him a few weeks ago. “Nice work,” she said, handing it back to him, then giving a quick glance to the other children’s work.
She looked up at Mitch, who stood in the doorway with Uncle Frank. “You should be very proud of them. Iris had told me the children were behind on their studies, but they are catching up quickly and I imagine that before long, you should have no trouble registering them to go to school.”
“School?” Four voices sounded their horror in unison.
“Oh, no, we can’t go to school,” Clara said. “They don’t like us at school.”
“Isabella is too young for school,” Louisa stated calmly, “and I’m too old.”
“They don’t let me bring these to school.” Rory pulled a toad out of his pocket and held it up.
Polly grinned. “Of course Isabella won’t go to school.” She pointed at the slate, where Isabella had scribbled her name.
She looked over at the scowling Louisa. “And I know that you think you’re too old for school, but Ma made us do our lessons until we were sixteen years old. It’s a rough world we live in, and a woman needs to know how to read, write and do her arithmetic so she’s not cheated dealing with the merchants out there. Not everyone is as honest as your father.”
Her conscience nagged her as she said those last words. Though she spoke with confidence that Mitch was honest in his dealings, a part of her did doubt. Not that he’d lied to her, but once again, his reticence, though he’d tried to justify it, bothered her.
And that was why she wanted Louisa not to have to focus on raising her siblings but on being a child and getting an education. She needed to learn to think for herself, to do all the things a productive citizen did, so that when everything in her life fell apart, she had her own skills to fall back on.
Polly sighed. Her mother had worked too hard, for too long, but she’d always admired how Ma had the skills needed to support her family when her father couldn’t. She didn’t know what the future held for Louisa, but at least Polly would see her prepared.
“I’m not ready to send them to school yet,” Mitch said slowly. “I wouldn’t want them to receive any undue attention. If you can keep up with their studies, then I’m satisfied with the current arrangement.”
“Of course I can.” Polly relaxed slightly, not realizing how tense her shoulders had become. Of course Louisa would have an education. Mitch would see to that. She supposed her tension and stress had more to do with her own situation than worries about Louisa. A woman’s lot in this world was hard, and respectability seemed to come at the price of one’s freedom. But at least a woman could be equipped with a strong mind to carry her through.
“And she is quite capable,” Uncle Frank chimed in. “I know they just opened a fine school here in Leadville, but I’m of the opinion that Polly will do just as good of a job, if not better, than those teachers.”
Polly looked over to the doorway, where Uncle Frank still stood. She’d forgotten he’d come in with Mitch, and he stood expectantly, like his conversation with Mitch wasn’t finished. Hopefully, it was good news about Mitch’s case.
“She seems to be doing admirably with my children,” Mitch said. “You’ll be an asset to whichever school you end up at.”
What was he talking about? How did a man leave a woman a love note one day, and the next, seem to be almost desperate to get rid of her?
“As I mentioned, I have no definite plans,” Polly said smoothly. “However, even when all the children are old enough for school, if you decide to send them to school, I’m still here if you need me.”
Then she looked at the children, her gaze resting on each of their faces for a moment, before moving on to the next. “I will always be there for you, no matter what. Even if we’re in different places, you can write me letters, and visit, and anything you need, I am willing to do for you.”
Her heart gave a funny dip as she turned back to face Mitch. “I mean that. I love the children dearly, and I wouldn’t dream of abandoning them. No matter where life takes any of us, we’re still family.”
Then she looked over at Uncle Frank. “You taught me that. And I hope I’ve adequately passed that love on to the Taylor family as well.”
“Indeed you have.” Uncle Frank smiled broadly. “It’s just as I was telling Mitch as we walked. Under God, we are all part of the same family, and we are obligated to love one another because we are all beloved children of God.”
“God doesn’t love us,” Rory said, the defiant look returning to his face. “Nanny Peters said we were abominations, and she should know, because she grew up in a convent.”
Polly wanted to call Nanny Peters an abomination, but she knew that Uncle Frank wouldn’t like it. He’d have some comment about the nasty woman needing God’s love just like the rest of us, but what Polly really wanted to do was slap her silly for making children believe such horrible things about themselves.
“Nanny Peters was wrong,” Polly said quietly. “You are not abominations but children of God, and He loves you.”
“Why would she say it if it wasn’t true?” Rory stood, crossing his arms in front of him.
Mitch came around Polly and put his arm around her. “Because sometimes, we think we know things about God, and we think they’re true, but they’re not.”
Keeping one arm around the back of Polly, Mitch pointed at Rory’s slate. “See there? You’ve spelled friend f-r-e-i-n-d. You have the e and the i switched. You haven’t properly learned how to spell it, so if your sister asked you, you’d tell her the incorrect spelling. But now that you know the correct spelling, you can give her the correct information. It’s the same with God.”
Uncle Frank laughed. “So true. And even I sometimes misspell the things of God. I don’t think any man can learn all of God’s truth in his lifetime. But I suppose that’s why we have eternity to spend it with Him.”
Then Uncle Frank walked over to Rory and put his arm around him. “I’m so sorry that your former nanny told you something so hurtful about God. Sometimes the things we get wrong end up hurting others, and that makes God sad. But now that you know the truth, God is happy indeed.”
Rory’s brow furrowed. “But why would God love me? I’m bad. Everyone says so. Naughty Rory, the worst of the Taylor Terrors. That’s what they all call me.”
Polly’s heart twisted as it squeezed her insides so tight she could barely breathe. Oh, she’d heard all the horrible things the children had been called, and how they saw themselves, but she thought they were making progress. She’d had no idea that all those names had formed their very identities.
“And even though they say he’s the evil twin, they say I’m not much better,” Clara said softly.
Louisa nodded. “We’re all terrible. We did go to school for a while, but the mothers wouldn’t let their children talk to us because they didn’t want them to be influenced by our badness.”
How could Polly’s heart take any more? “You’re not terrible. They just didn’t understand.”
Uncle Frank nodded and hugged Rory tighter to him. “God loves you, no matter how naughty you are. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t really know God.”
Bending down so he was eye to eye with Rory, he said, “You’re staying in my house, and I’ve watched you. And I’m telling you, anyone who says that you are terrible does not know who you are. You are not Naughty Rory, or the Taylor Terrors, but Rory of the Terrific Taylors and God loves you.”
Beside her, Mitch sniffled, and Polly looked over to see he was weeping. She caught Uncle Frank’s eye, and he nodded. Gently, Polly took Mitch by the hand and led him into Uncle Frank’s study.
“I thought you might...need to talk.” Polly looked at him, her heart aching at the tears running down his cheeks.
“How could I not know the kind of pain my children were in?”
“The same reason you didn’t know what was going on with their mother. They thought they were protecting you.”
He looked so lost, so despondent, that Polly couldn’t help but put her arms around him. She held him as he sobbed, and she realized that the man before her, the man she was trying so desperately not to love, was absolutely broken. And the only way to make him, to make his family, whole again, was to give them all the love she had in her heart.
But how was she supposed to love him without falling in love with him?
Chapter Twelve
What was he thinking, coming unglued like that in Polly’s arms? How had he turned into a weeping babe so easily?
God.
Mitch thought about how he’d spent the morning talking with Frank. There were so many things he hadn’t understood about God’s love, and yet, it didn’t seem to matter. Not when he saw the impact it was having on his children. They hadn’t needed to understand it to experience it, and, were Mitch to be so bold, be transformed by it.
He pulled away and looked at Polly, who wore such an expression of gentleness, he thought he might weep all over again.
“You’ve done the best you could,” she said softly. “And now that you know what they’ve been through, you can do even better. The children love you, and you love them and that’s all that matters.”
“Thank you,” he said, looking in her eyes and realizing that here, with her, was one of the safest places he’d ever known.
How could he be letting his guard down for someone bound to leave? It didn’t matter that she said she’d stay as long as she was needed. Ten months, ten years, it didn’t matter. The point was, she was leaving. And even if she wasn’t, Polly had made it perfectly clear that she had no intention of ever marrying or having children.
Perhaps the safest-feeling place was the most terrifying of all.
“You’re welcome.” She smiled at him, her expression lighting her face, making her more beautiful than Hattie at her finest.
The purity and innocence he saw in Poll
y was unlike anything he’d ever known. She was jaded, yes, but underneath, there was something else and it made her seem all the more beautiful.
Mitch shook his head. He couldn’t keep thinking of her like this. Above all, he had to maintain his professional distance. Thoughts of the note he’d found on his bed last night drifted back to him. There’d been another one in his coat pocket this morning.
I love you was all it said.
Theoretically, it could have come from one of the children.
He took a deep breath. He should say something. But Polly seemed so happy, so...
It seemed like so much was going well with his family, and everyone was finally healing. Talking to Polly about the notes seemed premature at this stage, especially since he wasn’t fully certain that she’d been the one sending them. Why stir things up when it wasn’t necessary?
Sounds of a scuffle came from the kitchen. Polly let out a long sigh. “I should be getting back to the children. Will you be all right?”
“Yes. Your job is to take care of them, not me.”
He used a more forceful tone than he’d intended, as the expression on Polly’s face looked like he’d just thrown a glass of cold water at her.
“I was just trying to be a friend,” she said stiffly, then turned to leave.
Mitch was about to stop her when he realized that if he did so, she might have reason to think that he had feelings for her beyond friendship. He shook his head. But he couldn’t have her feeling hurt either.
“Of course you were,” he said as she retreated. “But the children are more important.”
She gave a quick nod, the only acknowledgment of his words as her pale blue skirt swished behind her as she left.
“You’re doing just fine, son.” Frank’s voice came from the hallway, then he entered the room.
Doing just fine? Did Frank have any idea how much he struggled with his feelings for Polly? In doing the right thing, when he couldn’t even be certain what the right thing was?
The Nanny's Little Matchmakers (Love Inspired Historical) Page 14