by Rhonda James
“Hey, would you sing something to me?” she asked timidly.
“What? Like right now?”
“Well, yeah, I mean your voice is typically what I listen to when I’m sad. I think this qualifies as a sad moment.” She smiled sweetly, as if I needed further convincing. Honestly, she didn’t need to beg, I would have done just about anything she asked.
“What do you want to hear?”
“My favorite is “Heart is on Fire”, I love the chorus, you can just sing that if you want.”
She snuggled close to me; her arm splayed loosely across my stomach, her head resting on my chest. My heart clenched at her proximity, it felt so right. I started with the chorus. I love this song too. I wrote it not long after the band got together; it became our first single, and it hit number one immediately, helping our album go platinum in record time.
Taking a chance as we walk on a wire
Never let go until your heart is on fire.
Erasing the emptiness, like a hit man for hire
Never let go until your heart is on fire.
Take me now, take me as I am
Made a vow, sticking to our plan.
Consumed by the rage, we give in to desire
Never let go until your heart is on fire.
Flames touch our toes as we try to get higher
Never let go until your heart is on fire.
When I finished, I looked down, and she was staring dreamily at me, for some reason it made me shy. I have performed for thousands of fans and never once have I felt this way afterward. Something about the way she looked at me made my skin tingle all over.
“That was nice, I love your voice.” She lifted her chin, looking me square in the eye. “Sebastian, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that. It makes me feel better knowing that you’re not alone, you have your family and the band. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”
“I’m sorry that you had to go through your loss alone; that breaks my heart.” Our hands clasped together, as if an outward showing of our deep connection. “I’m always here for you if you ever need to talk about it.”
“Thank you, that means a lot. I have my friend Jade that I can always talk to; she was there for me through it all. But unless that person has gone through a similar experience they can’t grasp the devastation that you feel.” Her thumb fidgeted nervously over my hand, spinning in small circles absentmindedly. “You know what hurts the most, after all this time?”
I shook my head, silently mouthing the word no.
“Sometimes I find myself remembering our relationship, what it was like between us, and I ask myself if I ever truly loved him the way that I thought I did. You know, now that I am older and standing on the other side. Is that wrong?”
“No. I don’t think it’s wrong. Maybe that is just your way of coping. You were young Brooke; I’m sure you loved him very much.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I lay down on the sofa, pulling her next to me, so that her back was to my front.
“What are we doing?”
“I just want to lay here with you like this. Let’s just be still in the moment, is that okay?” I prayed like hell that it would be because, right now, I wanted nothing more than to let my desires take over and make love to her, but based on what we had both just shared, I knew that it wasn’t the time. She wasn’t ready for that kind of connection. So instead, this is what I had to offer. I needed to hold her close and bury my face in her almond scented hair. Before long, both of us drifted off while the rain continued to beat out a soft rhythm on the window. A song that seemed to play only for us, filling the space with a melody, when there were no words to offer.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Sebastian~
My phone woke me up way too early on Thursday morning; it was Dek, and a call at this hour could only mean one thing.
“Hey sleepyhead, are you through playing house yet? We’ve got some music to make.” He sounded way too wired for this time of morning.
“Dek, do you have any idea what time it is man? Why are you calling me so early?” I yawned, hoping he would take the hint and say goodbye.
“Dude, we haven’t spent nearly enough time in the studio and we’ve got that tour coming up in two months. Come on, we need to meet up this morning. I’m ready to roll now, just say the word, and I am there.”
“Man are you wired up on something? You have way too much energy.” Normally I would welcome an early call to meet up at the studio, but Brooke was leaving in a couple of days, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. Maybe I could convince her to come with me and hang out while I played, she would have fun with Natalie. Those two had gotten along well, having spent a few hours together shopping for some clothes for Brooke; she only had a few items with her when she made it to L.A.
“Nah, man I’ve had like six cups of coffee already, I feel like I’m bouncing off the walls though. It’s freaking awesome!” Dek exclaimed loudly in my ear, thus effectively waking me up. Oh well, I probably had little chance of falling back asleep regardless.
“Okay, give me an hour and I’ll be there. Did you already call Chris and Travis?”
“I’m about to now, see you in an hour. Don’t fall back asleep, or I’ll come there and drag your sorry, lovesick ass out of there myself.” He threatened before hanging up. Smartass. I threw my phone before heading off to the shower.
When I came out Brooke was in the living room, standing by the bank of floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the ocean below, her damp hair spiraled down her back and soft music played from her iPad. The Vamps were serenading her, and her small hips swayed back and forth, in a carefree fashion, the way one dances when no one is watching. My hand rose to my chest, palm pressing firmly against the sudden pain that bore into me. This girl did that to me, made my brain hurt and my heart clench achingly. I could grow accustomed to seeing her standing in my living room, hell any room in the house, as long as she was here with me. I hated that she was leaving soon, away from my home, out of my life. Forever. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I had to find a way to have her in my life, no matter how hard it may be. I realized that I had only known her for a week, but I knew without a doubt that I had to have her in my life. Whatever it took, I was willing to do it. Now the question was, would she be open to the same? We hadn’t even discussed the possibility of being in a relationship. I knew I was probably jumping to conclusions, but I had seen the way she looked at me, the way it felt when she held my hand. The little sparks of electricity that flew between us whenever our skin touched, kind of like when you drag your feet across the carpet then touch something metal, only this spark didn’t hurt, it revitalized. I welcomed it.
“Good morning,” she turned smiling, sensing my presence. “I can’t believe you get to stare out at this amazing view every day. If I lived here I would never want to leave this spot,” she stated dreamily. Stay with me and you can look at it for the rest of your life. My heart clenched again. I blew out a low breath and made my way across the room until I reached her, shoulders barely grazing, and I followed her gaze across the water to a sailboat anchored off in the distance. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” she whispered, full smile spreading across her delicate face.
“You like boats?” I asked, tilting my head in her direction, unable to hide the smile spreading across my face as I saw the light in her eyes.
“I love sailing. I used to go every summer on Lake Michigan when I was in college. Jade’s family has a house along the coast, and we would spend weeks there.” Her eyes sparkled as she recalled the happy memories, and I found myself wanting to re-create that memory with her, here on my ocean before she left. I wanted her to recall her time here with me and have that same sparkle in her eyes. I wanted that more than anything right now.
“Listen, I have to go meet the guys at the studio. Why don’t you join me? Natalie will be there too. You two could hang around and maybe sneak out for lu
nch while we work on a few new songs for the tour. Does that sound like something you would like? Then later maybe we could go somewhere, anywhere you like, or just hang out and watch a movie.” I watched her carefully, praying that she would say yes and join me in the studio. I wanted to share this part of my life with her. I wanted to spend every possible moment that I could with her before she hopped on that plane and flew back home to Michigan, away from this place, away from me.
Brooke~
My breath hitched and butterflies took up residence in my stomach, practicing the same playful dance that they had been performing since I first laid eyes on him, even after a week in his presence I couldn’t keep them at bay. He had that effect on me. Being near him did something to me that was hard to define, yet I desperately wanted to try. The best way to describe it was that he made me feel completely alive, yet calm. His voice stirred something within me that hadn’t been awakened since the night of the accident. Something I had been prepared to never feel again. When he held my hand it felt dangerous, yet safe, all at once, it was exhilarating and every time he reached out to grasp my hand I fought the urge to cling too tightly, not wanting to seem overanxious. All my life I had felt empty, alone, and abandoned. I did the best I could to make myself happy, striving for something that made my life complete and found it in my work as a chef and the relationship I had with Devon. After he had died, I felt lost and scared, abandoned again, but this time it wasn’t because I hadn’t been loved, but because of the cruel hand of fate. I was angry, bitter, and confused. I was able to function, throwing myself deeper into my work and advancing even further in the eyes of my employer, but what appeared whole and together on the outside was not a true reflection of what I had been feeling. Deep inside, in the furthest depths of my being, my soul was restless, unsettled. I managed to get through each day, staying as positive as I possibly could because if I gave into the emptiness then the grief would win. I was tired of being a victim. I no longer wanted to merely survive. I wanted to thrive. Being in Sebastian’s home, sharing this past week with him, I somehow felt like I could achieve that with him. When I was with him, everything within me fired on all cylinders, sparking sensations that resonated throughout my body, yet somehow, amidst all that electricity, my soul felt calm.
I welcomed all of these feelings, even though they terrified me. I was scared of leaving him, yet afraid to stay, but mostly I was afraid that when I got on that plane he would forget all about me and I would never again feel the same sense of peace that I had so quickly grown accustomed to.
“Listen,” he began tentatively, “I have to go meet the guys at the studio. Why don’t you join me? Natalie will be there too. You two could hang around and maybe sneak out for lunch while we work on a few new songs for the tour. Does that sound like something you would like? Then later maybe we could go somewhere, anywhere you like, or just hang out and watch a movie.” He wanted me with him, to spend the day with him in his world, I was suddenly overjoyed at the thought of it. Right here, in this very moment, I would have followed him anywhere he wanted to take me.
“I would like that very much,” I flushed, then started to turn away so he wouldn’t see, but he caught me before I could pull away, grasping my chin gently between his thumb and index finger.
“Don’t do that Brooke. Don’t hide your happiness from me. I’m happy too, very happy, the happiest I have been in a very long time. I can’t explain it, but it’s almost as if you’ve captured my broken heart and have slowly begun putting it back together, healing it.” He licked his piercing absentmindedly, a habit of his that I often found myself waiting with baited breath to witness. “I know we’ve only known each other for a week but I feel almost as if we’re already connected as if I’ve been waiting for you my entire life. I’m not trying to frighten you or place too much on you too soon, but I can’t sit by any longer and not tell you how I feel.” His face inched closer to mine; his head tilted slightly to the right, eyes bright and fiercely intense. “I believe I’m falling in love with you, and, whatever happens between now and when you leave, I just wanted you to know that. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
His lips came down on mine softly, a whisper of sensation, then a pause, waiting for me to respond. My lips pressed out eagerly, wanting desperately to make the connection, to feel the push and pull of his mouth against mine. His hands slipped beneath my hair, thumbs caressing small circles on my cheek, melting me further into him, and in that simple kiss I felt myself falling deeper than I had ever known existed. Just that easily my heart opened up, giving itself freely over to him, and without thought of how we could make it work, I knew that somewhere along the way I had fallen in love with him too. My hands found their way to his back, restlessly smoothing up and down the muscles beneath his shirt, before settling firmly in the back pocket of his jeans. I felt the pull of a smile on his lips as they continued to consume me in their gentle prodding. When he pulled back his lips were full and ripe, reddened by the intensity of our kisses, reminding me of a luscious strawberry, and I couldn’t resist taking another nibble.
“I’m falling for you too,” I whispered breathlessly into his chest as his arms tightened their hold around me, making me feel safer than I had felt in a long time, safer than I had ever felt before.
Later, we were in the recording studio, and after much effort, Sebastian and I finally parted. He gave a small finger wave as he sauntered down the hall behind Dek, who mumbled something about Sebastian already being whipped. Whipped? The thought sent a warm rush of blood straight to my face just as Natalie sat down beside me.
“So Brooke, how are you enjoying our fair state so far? Aside from your rude introduction it seems to be treating you well now,” Natalie smiled slyly as she had just witnessed the handholding and parting kisses that Sebastian and I had exchanged.
“Oh,” I blushed uncontrollably, “I can honestly say that I am loving it here.” My gaze drifted over to the right, just beyond the glass partition that separated us from where the band was getting ready to record. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, they way he carried himself in that room, the way the guitar hung over him, one hand cradled around the neck of the guitar as the other grasped the microphone. His eyes were closed, and he wore a pair of large headphones over his ears, his lips were moving but due to the wonders of a soundproof room I wasn’t able to hear him. I watched his lips, memorizing their movements, and came to the conclusion that he was singing “Going Under”, a song released on their last album.
“Hello,” I saw a blur in front of me as Natalie motioned her hand in front of my face, trying to wake me from my trance.
“I’m sorry,” I gushed, “I got caught up trying to guess which song they were performing.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s all it was,” she snorted lightly. “It’s okay you know, to have a crush on him. All the girls do. It doesn’t matter where we tour, within the states or overseas, it’s always the same. Girls swarm to him. It’s unnatural really. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is adorable, but he’s my kid brother, I ‘ve known him since he was in middle school and had acne.”
“I can’t imagine him being anything other than perfect,” I mumbled quietly.
“Perfect? No, you’re way off the mark on that one sweetie. I love him, but his track record with women has not been the best. Not since Charlotte.” Her voice drifted off slightly, almost as if she wished she hadn’t mentioned Charlotte’s name. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be telling this; it’s Sebastian’s story to tell.”
“No, it’s okay. He told me about her, about what happened.”
“Really? That’s odd, he never talks to anyone about her. None of us really knew her, I mean Dek spent time with them but he never brought her around the band. He kept her separated from that part of his world. After the accident, it was difficult to watch. He seemed okay at first but then after the tour…Well, he became a different person. It was too painful for Travis and I to watch, we couldn’t bring ourselves to be a
round him outside of performing. On stage he was a different person, he was alive, but when he left the stage he turned into someone that we didn’t even recognize.” She looked over at them as they moved about behind the partition, Sebastian looked our way and smiled sweetly before a flash of concern spread over his face. I returned his smile, hoping to reassure him that everything was okay out here. “Going into rehab saved him, woke him up from whatever it was that had swallowed him whole. He came back to us and fell right back into the Sebastian that we all knew and loved. I don’t ever want to see him fall apart and become addicted again, to anything.”
“I can understand why he did it,” I whispered softly. Natalie looked at me; confusion filled her dark brown eyes. “I lost someone I loved to a horrific accident as well; we share that same connection. He tried to drown himself in drugs and alcohol, I allowed my work to consume me. When you hurt like that you don’t think about the ones you are hurting, you just care about erasing your own pain. No one else matters after that.”
“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize that you two shared that deep of a connection. It must have been surreal to come across someone that can relate to you on that level,” she stated. I watched her for a moment, trying to read her, finding that she seemed to accept me even more. We had hit it off at first, but now, now it appeared almost as if I had been fully welcomed. It was obvious that she looked to Sebastian as a little brother, even though he towered over her in height, she protected him, as she did all of the guys in the band. Winning her trust felt like a huge victory on my part. After what Sebastian confessed to me this morning, it felt nice to know that the rest of the family accepted me into the fold.