Finding June

by Caitlin Kerry

  “The only bad thing is I have yet to fix the air conditioning, but luckily it is a pretty nice day out so it shouldn’t be too bad with the windows open.”

  I noticed we were getting on the freeway toward Mountain Home. I wasn’t able to stand it anymore and asked where we were going.

  “Riverbend Winery,” Reece answered as he drove with his right hand on the steering wheel and his left hanging out the window. He was the perfect image of a carefree man. I took a mental picture as he drove on the freeway with his aviator sunglasses and the wind rustling his warm, mahogany hair.

  “Isn’t that about an hour out?”

  “Yeah, good thing I have the whole afternoon for this date.”

  Now it made sense why we had to leave early. I was curious about his choice. Usually you would head the other way toward the mountains instead of toward the Snake River plain, but I was pleased and excited. I had never been to a winery, but I did enjoy a nice glass of wine. I wasn’t going to tell him this, but I was a fan of Riverbend wines as well. They always had the prettiest bottles. I was a sucker for packaging. I glanced back to Reece, all golden and carefree.

  Yep, totally a sucker for packaging.

  I settled into my seat and enjoyed the drive. Reece set his phone to The Helio Sequence and “Broken Afternoon” drifted through the speakers. The sun was shining and there was still a bit of warmth in the air. It was quiet as the music played. Reece and I didn’t talk, and it seemed perfect. We could easily be in each other’s company without having to make random small talk.

  For the first time in a long time I was content. There wasn’t a huge weight on my shoulders, I felt at ease. It was a day to take in the surroundings and just be. It was difficult for me to do and pushed me out of my comfort zone, but being with Reece made it easier. I was trying to take a page from his book and let the day be. Today I would be the poster child for carefree living. Or at least that was the goal.

  The flat farming landscape passed by as we sped down the freeway, and I glanced over to see Reece singing softly along with the song. The words he sung spoke of a tale of feeling broken, but that the path ahead of you was not easy. Most of the song dealt with the luck life gave you. The broken afternoon was something you couldn’t hide from, but you could move forward, to keep going regardless of the path ahead of you. It was a beautiful song, rich with meaning.

  The song ended, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Reece. Ray Lamontagne quietly snuck in as the next song played. A song of lovers asking to stay the night and I couldn’t help the blush as Reece glanced over to me. The only sounds heard were the highway passing by and the lyrics of the song. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “I actually was concentrating on not thinking. I think too much. I’m just trying to be …”

  “Sometimes it’s good to just be,” Reece said quietly with a smile.

  With comfort and ease, we drove to the soft music and the sound of the wind rushing past us. Life wasn’t perfect, but these small moments were snapshots of perfection, little tiny windows into the simple joys of life. It had been a long time since I had experienced one of these serene moments. I took it in, relishing in how light and free I was feeling at this exact moment. The music calmed my soul and the man sitting next to me was starting to make me feel alive again whether I liked it or not. Suddenly, Reece turned down the music. “Tell me about your family? Are you from Boise?” he asked.

  “No, they live in Portland. I moved to Boise for college. I had a typical upbringing, nothing spectacular. I have a brother and a sister. Daniel is the oldest and lives in Seattle. He is more of a wondering soul. My sister is the middle child and the most perfect. She is about to have her first child and is married to a banker. They live in Dallas.”

  “And that leaves you?”

  “Yep. My siblings are on opposite sides of the scale, as you can tell, and I haven’t figured out where exactly I land. My parents still have hope I will be more like Michelle.”

  “Are you close with your siblings?”

  “You would think I would be close with my sister, but I’m not. Daniel and I have a good relationship. He actually came down and helped me move this last month. He gets it, more than my parents or my sister.”

  “It’s nice to have family that gets it.” There was more behind that statement, but we were pulling off the exit for the winery and I wasn’t able to ask him about it. After he parked the car, while I undid the seatbelt Reece was already out and opening the door for me. I guess chivalry wasn’t dead. We started the tour and it was very informative. I learned a lot about wine and was overall happy with this date idea. Friend date, of course. Reece didn’t try any funny business, just stood next to me with his arms crossed over his chest as he took in the tour, making comments here or there.

  It was easy to be with him. I didn’t have to be anyone else or try to say certain things. I was just June. Oh shit, no way was I going to tell him that.

  After the tour, we bought a couple of bottles of wine and headed back to the car. My stomach was rumbling since I hadn’t eaten anything except the banana a few hours ago. I was a few steps behind Reece when he opened up the back of the car and grabbed a picnic basket.

  “Hungry?” he asked as he held up the basket.

  “Sure, I even have wine.” I raised the two bottles I had bought. And yes I had bought it. I wouldn’t let Reece buy me booze. Yet. While I knew Reece was taking down my wall brick by brick, I was still trying to rebuild. I wasn’t sure when I would get tired of this charade; for now I was being stubborn, holding out to the last moment. With Owen I had fallen fast, the idea of being in a relationship was shiny and new and I took it in, it was all consuming. We all know how that ended up. This time I was being more cautious, I didn’t know if the state of my life could deal with any more heartbreak.

  The winery had a nice picnic area we headed toward. Reece took a patchwork quilt with scrap fabrics and jean pieces out of the wagon and laid it down underneath a large tree. It was picturesque.

  “Did you make this?” I ran my hand over the quilt; you could tell it was made with love.

  “No. While I’m a man of many traits, quilting is not one of them. Though I can use a glue gun. But that’s a long story. Don’t ask.” He winked and gave me a warm crooked smile. The butterflies in my stomach flittered about, and this time I didn’t tell them to shut up. I was going to let this one slide, but only this time. I focused back on what Reece was saying. “While I was in Michigan, my boss’s wife made it for me. It can be pretty cold there, and she liked to fret over me.”

  I opened the basket, pulling out the wrapped sandwiches and container of salad. “What did your family think about you moving all over the country? I bet they missed you,” I said while I ate the sandwich. A really good one, which I thought was chicken salad. “This is good, Reece, where did you get this?” I asked around a huge bite. Not very ladylike, but oh well, it was a friend date. I wasn’t trying to impress him.

  Reece gave me a small smile as he directed his eyes back to the salad he was eating, which was also delicious. Mixed greens, walnuts, strawberries, and balsamic vinaigrette.

  “That was like three questions in less than thirty seconds. Pretty impressive coming from you, Just June,” Reece said. He could be very observant at times, and I wasn’t sure if it was me or if he was that way with everyone.

  “I actually made the food. I’m not much of a cook, but I found one of my aunt’s old cookbooks so I have been experimenting with it.” With his array of jobs it only made sense he would pick something up like cooking and be wonderful at it. I was trying to figure out what he wasn’t good at, but so far I wasn’t having much luck. I started to think he was too good for me, but then I remembered this was a day for no thinking just being. I sighed at myself. My mind was a mess. I was putting a wall up so high I couldn’t even see the sky, but I was letting Reece’s words and kind thoughts into my mind. I was trying not to think, but I couldn’t help and analyze each thing he did
and I was driving myself crazy. This was crazy. Everything with Owen was black and white. Reece was full of color, but at times it could be dizzying.

  I directed my attention back to the picnic we were sharing, trying to stay out of my mind. “What did your parents think about you traveling so much?” My parents would have flipped shit. There was no way they would have supported me not going to college and traveling instead. Somehow, my brother got away with it, but I never would.

  Reece set down the container of salad and crossed his legs in front of him. I sensed apprehension in answering the question. His gaze was focused in the distance, like he was remembering a different time. After a few moments of silence he said, “They understood why I wanted to and knew I would be fine.”

  “Wow, that’s a lot of trust. I mean, it is cool, but I know my parents would never be okay with it.” It was the truth. My parents had a tight leash on me.

  Reece’s attention went back to me. “I have a younger sister, Hannah, so my parents had another shot at a kid going to college, I guess.” I doubted his parents had given up hope on Reece’s life, like he was making it out to be, but I let it go.

  “Do they live in Boise?” I asked as I finished the last of my salad.

  “They have a house with a few acres of land outside of Nampa. It’s not really a farm, but they do have a garden and chickens.”

  While I lived in the west, I would not fall into typical farm living. My parents had a house in the suburbs of Portland; there was no farming involved.

  “I will have to bring you out there some time …” Reece said. What? He wanted me to meet his family? Wasn’t that beyond friendship?

  Before I had time to say anything, I heard a familiar voice behind me, “June?”

  I turned to find Owen standing behind me, holding the hand of a girl of Asian descent with pretty features. My eyes went wide.

  “Owen?” I asked like I didn’t know who it was. I mentally slapped myself for how awesome I was during these situations.

  “Hey, June, nice to see you,” Owen said like he didn’t break my heart only four months ago. I stared at him and the girl next to him. My eyes darted down to their joined hands. What the hell was going on?

  “Owen.” This time I wasn’t asking, but apparently I was only able to say one word at a time. I heard Reece cough behind me and it took me out of my daze.

  Owen looked a little nervous, but I was giving him an intense stare down.

  “Um, June, I want you to meet someone,” Owen muttered timidly.

  I didn’t reply, just more staring. I really needed to work on my social skills.

  “ThisismyfinaceeLily,” Owen said so fast I had to replay it in my head to correctly understand him. Fiancée?

  What. The. Fuck.

  “What the fuck, Owen?” Yep. I was beyond polite social cues at this point.

  Owen put his arm around the tiny girl who politely smiled at me. “I guess when you know, you know.”

  I felt like the floor had been pulled from my feet, like Alice falling into the hole and didn’t know when I was going to land.

  “Yeah … I guess.” What was I supposed to say?

  And then Owen had the balls to ask, “Who’s this?”

  Now I really didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what Reece was and I couldn’t live up to a fucking fiancée. I felt Reece move behind me. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and kissed the top of my head, enveloping me with his large body, warm from the afternoon sun. Uhhh, what was Reece doing? It was official, I had entered the Twilight Zone.

  “Hi. I’m Reece, and enjoying the presence of this beautiful woman. Oscar, right? Congrats on your engagement. Looks like your loss was my gain, though. Isn’t that right, Just June?” Reece put his head on my shoulder and quickly gave me a kiss on my neck. I sucked in a breath as I felt his cool lips warm up my whole body.

  I was pretty sure I was in a parallel universe right now. I had no idea what was going on. I knew I was smart to cherish the perfect moment from earlier because this moment right now, all I wanted to do was hide.

  Owen barely smiled—he was never good at confrontation—and politely ignored Reece. “It was nice to see you, June,” he said, looking directly at me, and then he quickly turned around and walked away. No snide remarks or punches thrown. No screaming from me about what an asshole he was for spending three years with me and not wanting to marry me, but making quiet Lily his fiancée after only a few months. I didn’t know what emotion I was feeling, and with only Reece left, it looked like he was going to get the brunt of it. I pushed his hands away from me and turned around with fire in my eyes.

  “What was that, Reece?” I asked in anger, throwing my hands up in the air.

  “That was Owen, right? The dick that broke up with you in Mexico?” He was way too calm right now.

  “Yeah, but what was the whole arm touchy thing? Trying to stake your claim? Because I don’t belong to you!” I practically shouted.

  Reece acted like I wasn’t screaming at him. He just sat there, eating an apple he had pulled from the basket. “I was trying to help you, June. You sure as hell weren’t saying anything.”

  “I don’t need your help,” I said eerily calm as I walked away even though I didn’t have anywhere to go and Reece was my ride.

  It was the calm before the storm. That was supposed to be me, the girl on his arm. Three fucking years I had put into the relationship and he dumped me!

  “Fuck!” I screamed. An older couple walking to their car stared at me. At this point I didn’t really give a shit. I was pissed at Reece and I was pissed at myself. I had thought I was over Owen. Owen jumping into marriage with another girl really hurt, like I wasn’t good enough. Would I ever be good enough for anyone? Or would I spend the rest of my life not living up to any expectations. He was moving on, getting freaking married to someone who didn’t disappoint him. I was supposed to be the girl on his arm, with the good job, the house, and the dog. That was the plan, my plan that was shattered. Not that bitch Lily! And the stupid thing was she didn’t even look like a bitch, but a really nice girl. Dammit!!

  I took a deep breath and glanced back to where I had stomped away from Reece. He was still sitting there finishing the apple. I kicked a rock, regretted it immediately, and walked back to the blanket he was sitting on. Ungracefully, I flopped down on the blanket.

  “You done?” Reece threw the core of the apple in the basket.

  “Why are you so fucking carefree?” Nope, apparently I was still mad.

  Reece didn’t say anything, just gave me a small smile and handed me the bottle of wine. I took two big swigs and wiped away the red wine on my upper lip with the back of my hand. Lady-like gestures were evading me at the moment.

  I continued to drink out of the bottle, sitting silently with Reece and wondering why I wasn’t good enough for Owen. “I can see your mind working and you have to stop. Owen is a douche,” Reece finally said.

  I took another drink out of the bottle. I barely whispered, “I know he is a douche, but it still hurts.” Silence sat heavy between us. “Three years and I got the boot. But this girl knows him for, what, four months and they are already engaged. What is wrong with me?”

  Reece put his hand on my knee; even that small touch made me extremely aware of his presence. He looked straight at me with kind eyes. Not eyes of pity, but kind, warm eyes I couldn’t get enough of.

  He gently put his hand under my chin, lifting my head so our eyes met. With such tenderness and another emotion I couldn’t name, he said softly, “Nothing is wrong with you. He was a fool to ever let you go.” Our eyes held each other, his hand never leaving my chin but rather cupping my cheek. His thumb slowly caressed my skin.

  I sighed and broke the tension. “I think I might be drunk.”

  Reece chuckled, removing his hand. “I think you’re right. Let’s get you home.”

  I went to Eleanor and hopped into the passenger seat while Reece grabbed the basket and threw it in the bac
k. Reece drove back onto the freeway, and five minutes later I was asleep in a nice mid-afternoon drunk nap. I was sure the emotional upheaval probably didn’t help either.

  The next thing I knew I was in someone’s arms. My eyes popped open as I felt a shift in the arms that were holding me.

  “Sorry, trying to grab your keys,” I heard a dreamlike voice in my head say.

  “What are you doing?” I sleepily asked. Was I dreaming? Because his arms were way too cozy right now. If I never left his arms I would live a happy life.

  “Taking you inside your apartment.” His soothing voice was like a blanket of security, a lullaby drifting through my thoughts. I snuggled deeper in his arms, drawing from him a soft chuckle. His warm breath caressed my cheek.

  “Why didn’t you wake me?” Why was I asking that? I didn’t care. I was in heaven right now.

  “I tried, but you were saying something about a green forest.”

  Holy embarrassment. I vaguely remember dreaming about his eyes and how they looked like a plush, green forest floor. As Reece got the door open, I became more awake and aware of the situation. I jumped out of his arms and tried to compose myself. Reece set my bag next to the door. I glanced to the clock; it was only four. Reece had kept his promise on his friendly day date. I guess that meant all was forgiven. I turned back to the door Reece was standing in.

  “Thanks for today. Sorry I ruined it with my outburst. I seem to do that around you frequently.”

  Reece grabbed my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. I was starting to get more confused. This friend thing had a lot of tiny little kisses attached to it. And each tiny kiss was making me more aware of Reece, which was something I didn’t know if I wanted. My body was taking notice, that traitor.

  His hand stayed in mine. “You didn’t ruin it, June. It was a perfect day. Even perfect days have moments. Besides, I like feisty June. I can see how much fire and life is behind those chocolate eyes of yours. It’s nice to see.”