His words washed through me, calming me, but I still felt scared as hell. And grateful, because I had no idea what I did to deserve someone like Reece. “You seemed shocked when I first told you. What’s going through your head? I don’t want it to seem like I’m the one leaving you, because it’s not like that. I hope you know that. I’m not leaving you because I’m scared of us or anything like that. I just feel like I need to do this. It seems unfair to you, though, leaving you behind. Because I’m not leaving you, I’m coming home to you.”
“You and I both know that life is unfair. But this? This isn’t about anything being fair, this is only a small hurdle we have to deal with. And it is an amazing hurdle to deal with. Six months apart in the scheme of things isn’t that bad. It’s a small blip in our lives and I can’t wait until you are home and you have had this amazing experience and I get you all to myself. I don’t know if I will let you go. But now, I’m saying go because as much as I’ll miss you, this is an amazing opportunity you shouldn’t pass up. This is an extended vacation, a leave of absence, classify it how you want, but the thing between us is strong enough to deal with being apart.”
“I’ll miss you.” Our hands were clasped together and our gaze didn’t wander from each other. We were Reece and June, sitting there as one. Reece was right, six months apart wouldn’t tear us down.
“June, I’ll miss you, too. There won’t be a day that goes by where I don’t think of you. Hell, there won’t be an hour the image of your beautiful smile and mouth won’t be imprinted on my mind.”
“My mouth?”
“Fuck yes, your mouth. I love your mouth. I love what you say, the honesty and the feistiness and I love taking your mouth and hearing you moan my name. Yep, I love your mouth. Speaking of.” And we were kissing again. It started out slow, cherishing the moment before it slipped away, but soon our kisses turned frantic as our hands made quick of shedding clothes. We stood and I grabbed his hand, pulling him into the bedroom. I pushed him down on the bed and straddled him as I kissed him. That didn’t last long and suddenly I was on my back.
Our lovemaking had moments of passion and tenderness. It was like we were saying good-bye here and now and I almost couldn’t take it. It felt too permanent. It felt too real.
Afterwards, as I laid there in Reece’s strong arms, the same arms that had grabbed me the first day I met him and never really let go, my mind started to wander. Trust was a funny thing. You say you want trust in a relationship, you want love and trust in the other person, but it is also terrifying. You don’t just trust the other person, you trust yourself to have faith in the love you have. When faced with uncertainties, how can faith, trust, or hope be the crutches you rely on? Trust is so easily broken or hopes are destroyed within minutes, but it can take years to build it back up. Reece and I had only known each other not even three months and I was supposed to put all the feelings I had on guard into his hands, into our hands as we dealt with being apart.
My life had been full of safe decisions. My major in college was a safe decision and Owen was a safety, and all of these safe decisions left me alone and slightly broken. But this decision was a bit spontaneous, scary as hell, and left me vulnerable. It was time to take a different direction, because if you didn’t take risk in life, you would never be rewarded with the experience life had to deliver.
I felt Reece run his hand over my stomach and kiss me lightly, giving me chills and bringing me back to the bed I was lying on.
“Lost again, June?” Reece asked me.
As his soft touch traveled my skin, and those moss-green eyes scanned over my face, I knew I was well on my way to finding myself. My doubts from before lessened, because I knew that what I was about to embark on was a life changing journey, and when I got home, I would have Reece. This man who had also changed my life.
“No. Not lost. On my way to being found.”
I could hear the ticking of the clock in the hallway and the wind outside the window as silence filled the room. Reece tightened his grip around me.
“Want to know something?” His voice was always like a song, one that you felt deep in your bones. I nodded and he spoke, “When I left Boise I felt lost. I would live somewhere until I started to feel comfortable and then I would leave because I didn’t want to be found. I didn’t think I deserved to be found. When I came back I felt this need to leave, to lose myself again because it was too much, all the feelings coming back. Then I found you. I felt like I was on this climb up a mountain and I would never get to the top. But along the climb you walked out of the forest and suddenly, I didn’t care about getting to the top, I didn’t even want to get to the top, I was enjoying walking with you too much. I love you and I will always find you, June. Just like I know you will find yourself. You’re too bright of a star to get lost. You, my June, are destined to do great things. I saw it from the beginning. Your story is what you make it, and I can’t wait to be there for it.”
By this time I had cried a small lake and I had nothing to say. Because really what can you say after that? After getting up and grabbing some tissues to wipe my eyes, taking time to compose myself, Reece already had a cup of tea waiting for me. This man. The love I had for him is insane. How could you fall for someone in such a short amount of time? Wasn’t there rules for this? Of course, if there were rules then I wouldn’t be where I was today. Life and its little games were at times tiring and exhilarating.
Six weeks. That was how much time before I left. I was going to make the best out of the next six weeks. After Thanksgiving, though, because even though Reece was coming with me, I knew it wasn’t going to be the best trip home. A week ago, when Reece asked of my plans and said if I wanted to I could go to his parents, I told him I should probably go see mine since I was leaving the country. I had also told Daniel I would meet him there so we would have allies when it came to dealing with my parents.
I invited Reece to come with me and he agreed. Of course my parents were a wary about it, but I only had limited time left with Reece and I didn’t really care. I had been dealing with my parent’s crap for a long time. It was nothing new to me. My mother had voiced her surprise about me bringing a man, saying they didn’t even meet Owen until eight months after dating and I didn’t bring him to a holiday event until the second year. Reece wasn’t Owen, a statement I had to remind myself as I planned to leave the country. No, Reece supported me in my ventures, he lifted me up and his love was becoming part of my foundation.
I finished packing and soon we were off. It was about a seven-hour drive to Portland and we were staying at my parents’ house, and knowing my parents, in separate bedrooms. I would just sneak into his room. Six weeks left in the States and I was not going to spend any of those nights without Reece.
With only about an hour left in the drive, I was restless. I didn’t mind long car rides, but I was feeling confined and I wanted out. We had stopped for gas only ten minutes ago, but I couldn’t sit still.
Ryan Adams was playing through the stereo, but even his calming tunes were not enough to make me stop moving. I couldn’t get comfortable and this car sucked. Yeah, I was that irritated.
“Open the window.” Reece turned down the music and looked over to me.
“What?” It was November and cold, why would I open the window?
“You’re acting like a dog who won’t sit. Open the window and stick your head out, maybe that will help you.”
Not funny. I shot Reece an annoyed look. “I’m fidgety.”
“I can tell. Are you too hot? I can turn the heat down.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Sure you are.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped. I was looking for a fight and Reece was the only one around.
“You’re not fine. I don’t know what is wrong, but you’re not fine.”
I couldn’t really pinpoint what was wrong, either. I wasn’t looking forward to what my parents would say about everything; Reece and going to South America.
It wasn’t anything new, their disapproval of anything that wasn’t a safe bet, but that didn’t mean it was pleasant. However, I was happy Reece was with me. Happy I would get to see my brother before I left. I was hoping the world traveler could give me some tips about going out of the country.
I was still aggravated, but I turned up the music and rolled down my window, and damn if the fresh air didn’t help a little. About ten minutes later I felt Reece slow down the car and start to get off an exit.
“What are you doing?” We pulled into the parking lot of the visitor’s center for Multnomah Falls.
He glanced over to me as he parked the car. “How much do you want to be at your parents right now?”
“On a scale of ‘I would rather be serving jury duty’ to ‘Yes, please pass the pumpkin pie you didn’t bake, Mother’?”
Reece chuckled. “Sure.”
“I pick Jury Duty.”
Reece turned off the car, taking the keys out of the ignition. “Well, we’ve made great time since we had good weather so let’s take a break. Have you been here before?”
I turned my eyes to the tall waterfalls. I had as a kid, but not as an adult. I made this drive numerous times since I had moved to Boise and it started to blur in with the rest of the drive. Owen had never stopped, pointing out we were on a schedule and nothing good came from not adhering to the schedule. Sometimes I couldn’t believe I was with Owen so long, let alone the thought we could have been married.
“It’s been a while.”
Reece got out of the car as I looked up to the falls towering over us. He opened my door and grabbed my hand, directing my attention to him. His small smile and the cool air released some of the tension I was feeling.
We walked over to the bridge where you could overlook the falls. It was cold and I had taken my windbreaker from the back of the car, happy I had brought it. Reece threw his arm around my shoulder and tucked me into his side. We stood there for a few minutes as we held each other, and watched the families take pictures and walk about.
“Better?” Reece asked as he looked down at me.
“Better.” I apparently needed a moment of calm where I could stop and take in the feel of Reece next to me. This moment I would store away and take out in the time when we were apart. This moment that would hopefully soothe me while I was in another country.
We walked up the first bridge, and I took a few pictures; it really was a beautiful area. We stood on the bridge watching the waterfall and the people milling around us, full of smiles and families making memories.
The rain that was falling started to turn into snow and the chill was sneaking past my windbreaker. Reece turned me so I was facing him, rubbing his hands up my arms to warm me up.
We stood there for another ten minutes, taking in everything around us. Reece softly kissed me on my snow-covered head. “You ready?”
Ready to see my parents or ready for what the next six months would bring? Is anyone ever really ready?
I smiled and lifted myself up on my tiptoes to kiss Reece.
“No. But you’re here and that’s all that matters.”
“You know I will always be here, right?”
That idea was starting to become a constant. I kissed him again and this time it was me grabbing his hand and walking back to the car.
Reece pulled into my parent’s driveway in front of the modest two-story house that was a greyish blue with white shutters. My parents weren’t overly wealthy, but they did well for themselves. My brother drove down from Seattle yesterday and I was genuinely excited to see him. As I got out of the car, there was no rushing of my parents out of the house to greet me, they were more subdued, good people but boring. They had liked Owen well enough; maybe because he was boring, too. I wasn’t sure what they would think about my Reece.
After grabbing my bags from the car and walking into the house, hand in hand with Reece, I saw my brother coming down the stairs.
“My future world traveler!”
Daniel and I had more in common than we had with our other sister, Michelle, who wasn’t here because she was almost due with the baby. We hugged and I introduced Daniel to Reece. Daniel and I were almost carbon copies of each other, even though we were four years apart. He was tall, like Reece, with the same golden hair as mine.
“Mom and Dad are in the kitchen.”
We walked into the kitchen to see my dad sitting on the table reading the latest James Patterson book and my mother pulling dinner out of the oven, a casserole of some sort. This described my parents perfectly. They were both career driven and had little time for non-job activities. My father and his love of spy novels was his attempt at being adventurous and my mother’s so-so attempts at cooking was her embracing her housewife role, even though they hadn’t had any of us kids living at home for over five years.
“Hello June. Glad to see you made it here,” my father said, barely glancing up from his book. So polite. I was lucky I didn’t leave this house as a robot. After the brief hugs from my parents I introduced Reece.
My mother took off her apron and shifted her eyes toward Reece; clearly she had her judging eyes on. “I’m surprised June brought you here so soon after you started dating.”
Thanks, Mom. Way to be awkward.
“With her leaving I would hate to be apart from her.” Reece grabbed my hand, not letting go, and telling my parents the same message.
My dad caught the hand holding and this time he did look away from his book. “Yes, that is right, South America? Maybe when you get home from this trip, June, you will actually be able to find a job.”
Oh, Dad, you never change.
Daniel piped in at this point and said, “What she is doing is great. She is young, there is plenty of time to find a job. Let her do this and don’t give her crap for it.” Daniel was never afraid to speak his mind. I wasn’t either, but my parents always knew what to say to make me feel like shit and I never knew what to say to make it better. I chose to ignore it instead, and bypassed my mother to grab a couple of plates. I handed one to Reece and dug into the food my mother had pulled out. If I was going to be stuck with my judgmental parents I might as well not go hungry.
Reece gave me a small look of confusion, one only I could see, slightly shrugged his shoulders, and grabbed a plate of food. Avoidance was the tactic I was aiming for in this situation. It was going to be a long holiday if it only took less than ten minutes for snippy remarks from my parents to put me on edge.
Daniel and my parents grabbed food and we ate quietly. After a dinner filled with awkward silence, I took Reece upstairs to throw my stuff in our rooms. Before I turned the corner, my mother called out, “Don’t forget, I set up the spare bedroom for Reece.”
How could I forget my mother was separating us? I chose not to answer and shook my head as I climbed the stairs. I threw my bag into my old room and Reece followed me in. When I had moved I took some stuff with me, but left most anything that had to do with my high school experience. I had a good time during high school; I wasn’t too popular or uncool. I dated a little bit, but mostly I focused on getting good grades and living up to my parent’s expectations. I had friends, but no one that was really my best friend until I met Jolene. Girls were always intimidated by me and my lack of filter.
I had a few pictures of friends and my achievements were still on the wall. It was a view into the mind of a girl who thought that by doing everything right, life would return the favor. It was pretty damn depressing to now know what a crock of shit that view was. I knew I would be the one sneaking into Reece’s room because I didn’t even want to stay in here.
It was only nine at night, but my parents were creatures of habit and were already heading to bed, saying they had to get up early to make Thanksgiving dinner. Reece and I headed back down to the living room and sat with Daniel as we opened a bottle of wine. Even though I was newly twenty-four, I still felt like I was a teenager getting into my parents’ liquor cabinet when I drank at home.
After finishing off the bottle of wine and the long drive I was exhausted. Daniel said good night, heading to his room down the hall from the living room. Reece and I made it to my room, and while I was tired I didn’t want to be away from him.
“So. Your place or mine?” he whispered into my ear. It never failed; his deep voice close to me always gave me chills.
I threw my arms around his neck and leaned in, giving him a taste of what he did to me. “Yours. Be there soon.” I kissed him good night, lingering on his lips and taking in everything he was willing to give.
I went into my room and changed into a flannel pair of pajama pants and a large shirt that belonged to Reece. I loved sleeping in his shirts; they smelled like him and they were definitely coming with me to South America so I would have a little piece of him with me. It made sense since he had a part of my heart, if not all of it. I waited about fifteen minutes before I snuck in. Luckily, my parents’ room was at the end of the hallway and since we had spent about forty minutes downstairs drinking, they had to be asleep by now. I slowly opened the door and literally tiptoed down the hallway to the guest room.
I slipped into the room and closed the door softly behind me, leaning back into it. I looked and saw Reece sitting up on the bed with a book in his lap, the sidelight on illuminating his face. He’d looked up from his book when he heard the soft click from the lock.
“Hey there, beautiful.” Reece scooted over on the small full bed and patted the seat next to him. I crawled on the bed and snuggled under his arm. I could stay here forever, under the crook of his arm.
Finding June Page 22