“Or if Fitz might come back with me?” Susanna said. She drew in a deep, steadying breath. “I have told you before that it is none of your business, Devlin.”
Dev’s gaze did not falter from her face. Susanna could feel the violence in him, barely held in check. A muscle moved in his cheek. “Did you make love with him?” He sounded as though the words were bitten out against his will. Then, before she could reply, he rolled off the bed and caught her by the forearms, his hold as gentle as his tone was vicious.
“Goddamn it,” he said, “it makes no odds to me. I still want you, whatever you have done with him.” His furious blue gaze raked her from the top of her head to her toes. “I cannot believe it, but it is true—” He cupped her face, brought his mouth down on hers. Again, the tenderness of his lips against hers was a terrifying counterpoint to the anger Susanna could feel seething in him. “I’d take you now even though your body still bears the marks of his.”
He kissed her again, harder this time, his tongue plunging deep, demanding a response.
“Did you?” he said when he released her. “Did you have him?”
“The announcement of our betrothal will be in the papers tomorrow,” Susanna whispered.
She saw Dev’s face change; heard him release his breath on a long sigh. He drew her closer still, so she could feel the thunder of his heart against hers. “Susanna …” He sounded shaken. “Why are you doing this?”
The anger jetted up in Susanna, too. She pulled back. “I am securing my future, Devlin,” she said. “Just as you are, through a rich marriage. That is why I am doing this.” Suddenly she wanted to tell him everything. It felt so strange because he was the very last person she should confide in, but it was lonely living a false life and Dev was the only one who knew who she really was. “We both do what we have to do,” she said. “Do we not, Devlin, you with Emma and me with Fitz?”
“This is nothing to do with Fitz or Emma,” Dev said roughly.
He pulled her to him and kissed her ravenously as though his very life depended on it. Her tongue tangled with his and her head spun at his taste and she breathed in the scent of him.
“We agreed—” she started to say when he lifted his mouth from hers. “We should not—”
“You knew it would happen again,” Dev said harshly. “How could it not?”
How could it not, Susanna thought hazily, when for all their fortune hunting it felt as though they were two halves of a whole, two people who needed each other, who should, against all the odds, be together? The thought terrified her. It was so much easier to pretend that it was simple lust that united them. Except that that would not be true. She felt more than that for Devlin. She always had, even if he did not feel the same.
Dev caught her face in his hands and kissed her again. There was still anger in him and a strange sort of anguish and reckless need. He ripped the gown from her. She heard the sound of seams splitting and protested.
“Get your friends the Duke and Duchess of Alton to buy you some more clothes since they seem so anxious for you to seduce their heir,” Dev ground out. He turned her toward the candlelight so that the golden glow bathed her whole body. “Goddamn it—” Again his gaze searched her ruthlessly from head to foot and every inch of her skin heated beneath his gaze. “I cannot bear to think of it.”
“We didn’t—” Susanna began, but Dev shook his head.
“Spare me.”
He pulled her down onto the bed, bracketing her wrists above her head, holding her still with one hand. Susanna struggled to free herself but he simply exerted more pressure, holding her down with ease. Her stomach tumbled over and over as she realized that there would be no waiting this time. A fierce gladness took her. She wanted this. Already she felt desperate, carnal.
His mouth closed warmly over one nipple and she felt a flare of pleasure race through her blood. He sucked. She writhed against the grip of his hands. He bit down. She gave a gasp that ended in a moan. So she had been wrong. He was going to make her wait after all.
“It seems,” he said, his lips brushing the underside of her breast, “that your evening so far has not been as fulfilling as you might have hoped.” His tongue flicked her nipple. “Has it, Susanna?”
“Devlin—” Susanna’s mind spun with hot, dark images. “Please …”
“Tomorrow,” Dev said, “you announce your betrothal to another man.” He paused and she felt his breath feather across her skin sending tiny shivers skittering along her nerves. Again he sucked down on her nipple. Another flare of sensation blazed through her, setting her trembling, making her furious that he had such mastery of her body.
“What are you trying to prove?” she said, through her teeth.
She saw the flash of his teeth as he smiled. “Only that you respond to me in a way that you will never feel for Fitz.”
“Male pride, then.” She felt angry and contemptuous even as she felt hopelessly aroused. “In that case I admit it freely, Devlin. I will never respond to Fitz the way that I do to you. So you have nothing to prove and you can go.”
Dev ran a hand down her body. “I don’t think so.”
Susanna was still angry even though the caress made her quiver with need. “You are a hypocrite demanding such things from me,” she said bitterly. “It is not as though you are mine, are you, Devlin? You belong to someone else entirely.”
“Ah …” With the astonishing tenderness that he could show he kissed her, gently this time, as though drawing the soul from her body. When he let her go they were both trembling. He brushed the hair back from her brow and his fingers were cool against her cheek. “Once we belonged to each other, Susanna,” he said. “And for this one night we can do so again.”
It was that thought that finally gave Susanna the strength to stop him. One night. Oh, yes, she could give herself to Devlin for one more night. It would be easy to plunge into that maelstrom of passion and forget everything in the bliss of Devlin’s possession. But in a few short hours he would be gone—she would have lost him again—and she would hate herself for weakening. The pleasure would be gone but the heartbreak would remain. She had told herself that never again would she risk loving and losing. She could not falter now or she would indeed have lost.
“No!” She tore herself away from him, grabbing the sheet to cover her nakedness, wrapping it about herself with shaking hands. “No,” she said again. She backed away from the bed, feeling her legs tremble, fearing she might fall. “This is not right, Devlin. We have to stop.”
Dev rolled over and sat up. For a moment he looked completely dazed, as lost in sensation as she herself had been but a second before. Then he shook his head as though to clear it. His gaze came up and focused on her and Susanna was astounded to see that there was amusement in it.
“You do have the most frustrating sense of timing,” he murmured.
“I’m sorry,” Susanna said. She caught the arm of a chair and sank down into it gratefully. “I did not mean deliberately to tease you—”
“I know.” Dev bit out the words, his physical frustration all too visible. He caught her gaze, looked down ruefully and shook his head again. “You would be faithful to Fitz,” he said, “when you want him only for his title and even now he is probably screwing some Covent Garden whore?”
The brutality of his words made Susanna wince. Dev thought that her engagement to Fitz was genuine, of course, when she knew it was a sham. But that did not change the principle that was at stake.
“I believe in fidelity,” she said steadily.
She saw the incredulity in Dev’s eyes. He pushed the hair back from his forehead in an impatient gesture. “Am I supposed to believe that?” he said.
It hurt that he did not but Susanna had expected no less. “What about you?” she challenged. “Could you say you have always been faithful to the woman you are with?”
Dev’s expression went blank. “Until that night with you …” He stopped, spoke slowly. “I had never once been unfaithful
to Emma in two years.”
Now it was Susanna’s turn to feel shock. Yet she did not. The James Devlin she had known, for all his rakish ways, had had an honor and an integrity that had always guided his actions. It was one of the reasons why she had loved him.
“Then you must see,” she said quietly, “why this has to end, Devlin.”
Dev did not answer immediately. Instead he came across to the chair and drew her gently to her feet. For a second his cheek rested against hers, his stubble rough against the smoothness of her skin.
“Goddamn it, Susanna …” he said. He sounded shaken, regretful.
Susanna placed a hand on his chest. “You know it, Devlin. You are a better man than this. Prove it by finishing this now.”
As soon as she touched him she felt Dev go still, all but the pounding of his heart beneath her hand. There was puzzlement and a dawning awareness in eyes. All provocation and pretense between them dropped away and nothing but the truth remained. The moment spun out between them as delicate as gossamer, then Dev put his hand over hers where it rested against his heart.
“Thank you,” he said. He shook his head slightly. There was puzzlement and some other emotion in his eyes now. “You are a surprising woman, Susanna,” he said slowly.
“You have no idea,” Susanna said with feeling.
Dev gave her a smile that was for once devoid of all mockery, then he stepped back and Susanna felt as cold and alone as she had ever done before in her life.
Dev picked up his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. He walked toward the door.
“The balcony!” Susanna said. “You leave as you arrived.”
Dev pulled a face. “I might damage myself.”
Susanna blocked his path to the door. “You will have to take that risk,” she said. “I’d rather you damaged your health than my reputation.”
Dev gave her one final dazzling smile that set her pulse awry again. “Good night then, Lady Carew,” he said. “Good luck.”
Another second and he had vaulted over the balcony and was gone. Susanna caught her breath on a gasp of shock and horror. When she had suggested he leave the way he had arrived she had assumed he would climb down to the ground rather than leap recklessly from a first-floor window. She ran across to the balcony, peering over the balustrade. The first light of dawn was breaking across the sky in streaks of pink and gold, and by its light she could see Dev standing in the garden below, completely unhurt, dusting down his jacket. He glanced up and caught her watching. She saw his teeth gleam as he smiled.
“I knew you would have to make sure I was safe,” he said.
“Damn you,” Susanna said, furious at having proved him right.
He laughed. “Sweet dreams.”
Susanna closed the doors quietly and drew the drapes, then went to sit down on the edge of her bed. She was still trembling a little. She knew she had done the right thing in sending Dev away. She knew he knew it, too. Yet now she felt more empty and alone than she had ever done in her life before.
She wrapped her arms about herself for comfort, even though the night was warm. Devlin. Her husband. There was so much more that he did not know, so much that he could never know. She shivered. If she could keep her secrets, keep the moneylenders away and keep everything safe then soon she could buy the annulment and run away, away to a new life. She only had to hold on a little longer. Then she would never see James Devlin again and that was the right thing, the only thing to do, because she had lost so much and she knew that to lose love again would utterly destroy her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“YOU’RE EARLY,” ALEX Grant said, putting aside his newspaper as the butler ushered Dev into the breakfast room at Bedford Street. He eyed his cousin’s evening dress. “Or is it that you have not yet been to bed?”
“The latter,” Dev agreed. He accepted gratefully the cup of coffee Alex poured and pushed in his direction. “No need for that look,” he added dryly. “It was not that sort of a night.”
Alex raised a brow. “I make no judgments,” he said mildly.
Dev shrugged moodily. He could feel his cousin watching him and knew that in a moment Alex would put his finger on the precise problem that troubled him because his cousin had always been able to read him like a book. It had been damnably awkward when he had been young and Alex had been his guardian, as well. He had never been able to get away with anything. The nine years seniority Alex possessed had always given him the edge. Added to that, Alex had been a famous explorer, a hero, and Dev had wanted nothing more than to follow in his footsteps and please him. That sensation still lingered, even in adulthood.
“You look,” Alex said after a moment, his dark eyes grave, “like a man who wishes he had spent the night in uninhibited dissipation, knows it would have been the wrong thing to do but still regrets that it did not happen.”
Dev gave a reluctant crack of laughter. “I have to hand it to you, Alex, you know me far too well.” He looked around to check that the door was tightly shut. “I take it that the ladies will not be joining us?”
Alex glanced at the clock on the mantel. “At seven-thirty? Do you know nothing of women after all?” A smile twisted his lips. “You are quite safe, Devlin. Though if you are about to talk scandal I imagine Joanna will be disappointed to have missed it.”
Dev took a mouthful of the strong coffee and slid down more comfortably in his chair.
“There is a woman,” he admitted. He did not know why he was telling Alex this. He had had no intention of talking about Susanna when he had come here.
Alex nodded. “I knew there would be, sooner or later.” He raised a hand to stop Dev’s instinctive protest. “I apologize. I did not mean to imply that I thought you would be unfaithful to your fiancée. Merely—” he stopped, toyed with his cup “—that when one chooses to marry without love there is a danger that one will then fall in love with someone else.”
“I’m not in love,” Dev said automatically. He did not love Susanna. He could not. He had been burned too harshly on that bright particular star before to fall again. But he could not deny the need he had for her nor the compelling tie that bound them so tightly. He felt his body stir, shifted uncomfortably and wondered if he would ever be free of the fierce desire she could arouse in him.
Alex smiled. “Then forgive me again,” he said, “but whoever this woman is, you have feelings for her that are far stronger than any emotion you have ever felt for Lady Emma.”
That, Dev thought ruefully, was true. He had admired Emma for her beauty and wanted her for her money and felt nothing more for her than that. It was an empty bargain he had offered her and it was unworthy of both of them.
He sat forward. “I didn’t come here to discuss my romantic difficulties,” he said. “I wanted to ask for your help.” He paused. “I had a rather large favor to ask, actually.”
“Ask then,” Alex said mildly.
“I am going to petition the Admiralty to restore my Navy commission,” Dev said. He looked up. “I was hoping that you would support my case, Alex.”
Alex almost choked on his coffee. “Devlin,” he said, “you sold your commission to finance a treasure-hunting trip to Mexico. I doubt that the Lords of the Admiralty will look kindly on you after that.” He placed his cup gently back in its saucer. “Then there was the chandelier on the mainmast, the pearl earring, the deflowering of the Admiral’s daughter, and the incident where we boarded Hallows frigate in the Arctic …” He stopped and shook his head. “Are you mad to even consider it?”
“I was not the first with the Admiral’s daughter,” Dev said.
“That,” Alex said dryly, “is precisely what the Admiral did not want to accept.”
“They took you back after the incident with Hallows’ frigate,” Dev said. “And then they refused to court martial you after you helped Ethan Ryder escape capture.”
“That was an accident,” Alex said smoothly. “The Admiralty accepted that I had tripped and accidentally hindered the g
uard who was trying to shoot him.”
Dev snorted. “Balderdash. And the incident with Hallows?”
“I argued that I was under the influence of extreme passion. I was trying to reclaim my wife.”
“They bought that?” Dev asked derisively.
“It was true,” Alex said. His voice changed. “I would have done anything to get Joanna back.” He sighed sharply. “Why do you want to go back to sea, Devlin?”
Dev thought of what Susanna had said to him a few brief hours before. Her words had only confirmed the thoughts that had plagued him for weeks; that he was bored, that he was wasting his life; that he was a better man than this idle fortune hunter he had become. He knew Susanna had been talking about fidelity and honor but what she had said applied equally to his whole life. He could no longer sit around waiting upon Emma’s whim simply because he wanted wealth and status. When he had first gone to sea he had earned his money and his fame. The sea had been a demanding mistress and he had answered her call. Now he knew he had to go back.
He had Susanna to thank for that revelation. It was Susanna who had challenged him to be a better man and made him face the truth. She had given him back his self-respect. She had shown him the way. For a moment he felt a profound gratitude and an equally powerful sense of loss. He would never have imagined that Susanna could give him something so precious. She had shown strength of character he would never have believed in, principle that seemed in stark contrast to her behavior. He tasted bitterness. He should try to stop thinking about Susanna. She would be Marchioness of Alton soon and the further away from her he was the better. A ship on the other side of the world would be as good a place as any.
He realized that Alex was still waiting.
“There are lots of reasons,” he said. “I grow tired of playing the lapdog to Emma’s demands. I am wasting my life.”
A faint smile touched Alex’s lips. “I thought that you wanted money and a place in society,” he murmured.
“I do,” Dev said, “but the price is too high.”
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