by Rayns, Lisa
We rode one the rollercoasters where a heavy metal bar fastened each of us in. I had a blast until we reached the highest point and the car flipped upside down. The bar holding me released, and my hands slipped off it before I started to fall.
My whole life flashed before my eyes––mostly images of Draven––before Joe caught my arm in a strong grip. The horrified look on his face matched my own but he held on until the car tipped again and I was able to climb inside.
For the last minute of the ride, I hugged Joe in a death grip and thanked him repeatedly. My heart didn’t stop pounding until the car finally came to a stop. Even then, I felt badly shaken. The whole event happened so fast it seemed surreal in my mind.
Joe ranted about my bar to the people running the ride. It worked fine when they checked it. They shut down the ride and promised to investigate it further. I couldn’t help but feel like what happened was more than faulty machinery. Maybe death really did want me.
Anxious to be alone to think, I said goodbye to Joe at the gates. He refused to leave me there so I lied and swore to him I had a ride home. When he finally drove away, I walked out of the park and just kept walking.
For the first time, I seriously considered Draven’s premonition that I would die young. My mind wandered through past events, the kids in the underpass, the fall off the ladder. Why hadn’t I taken him seriously then? Had I taken him for granted? Had I just assumed he’d be there to protect me? Unsure of my true fate, I decided to create and fulfill a bucket list while I still could. I would travel the world and have some fun before I died, and I would write my novel.
When a trucker stopped beside me, I jumped into the cab. “Where you headed?”
The older man had a white beard and mustache, reminding me of my grandfather. “The east coast.”
“I’ve never been to the Atlantic Ocean.”
“Well, then,” he said. “It looks like this is your lucky week. Name’s Gene.”
I shook his hand when he reached over to me. “Hi, I’m Elizabeth.”
“So what are you running away from, Elizabeth? Boyfriend? Parents?”
“Oh, I’m not running,” I assured him. “I’m living.”
He let out a chuckle. “That’s one I haven’t heard before.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
Gene treated me like I was his own granddaughter, and he seemed to appreciate the company. He told me so many interesting stories about his life as a trucker that my head spun. I took notes furiously, trying to capture the genuine feelings he used with his words that made them so powerful.
When we stopped at a truck stop the following morning, he offered me the bunk in the back of the cab but I declined the offer. Instead, I decided to go into the diner to start my bucket list.
“Your blood sugar’s getting low, you need to eat.” I smiled, pretending Draven was talking to me. The tiny flutter in my heart didn’t accompany his words so I knew he wasn’t really talking to me.
A loud horn pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see a semi sliding toward me with alarming speed. I stood in the middle of its path, I realized before I took my last breath.
A hand quickly pulled me to the front of the building, and the truck skidded past, the accident avoided. Bending over, I panted and tried to clear my head. I’d almost died again. Son of a bitch! What in the hell was wrong with me?
“Are you all right?” A pretty woman gazed down at me with the same warm, sympathetic smile I’d seen on Joe. She wore jeans and a Harley T-shirt and she spoke with a strong southern accent. “You look a little lost.”
I nodded uneasily and thanked her before I went inside, kicking myself for not being more careful. I made myself eat a real breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast while I watched the woman out the window. She strode directly to Gene’s truck where the two had a conversation. They grinned at each other like two old friends.
A few minutes later, the woman stood by my table. “Do you need a ride, honey?”
“No thank you, ma’am. I’m riding with Gene to the coast.”
“I know,” she said, tossing back a strand of her long, golden red hair. “Gene thought maybe you’d come to your senses and go back home if I offered.”
I shook my head. “I’m not ready.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, sliding into the booth across from me.
“I’m Elizabeth.”
“Heather.”
After a quick handshake, I looked directly into her makeup laden eyes. “Heather, if you could do anything, what would you do? What would really make you feel like you were living?”
A wistful expression danced across her face. “If I could do anything, I’d go and see the Statue of Liberty. I’d travel, meet people, see what the world is really about, I guess.” She paused to shrug. “I guess that’s living to me. That’s why I became a truck driver. I still haven’t made it to see Miss Liberty though.”
“Do you want me to send you pictures?”
Her eyes widened in delight. “I’m half-tempted to go with you now, but yeah,” she said, smiling thoughtfully. “I’d really like that. You’re all right, Elizabeth.”
After getting her address, I slept in the reclined seat of the semi and awoke on the road with Gene. Bright-eyed and smiling, he seemed less apprehensive about me being with him. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good actually. I think I was so tired I could have slept through anything.”
“You did too,” he said with a laugh. “You missed a whole state.”
“Sorry.” I took a swig out of my water bottle and then poured some onto a napkin to dab my face.
“You looked like you needed the sleep. Listen, I have to make a stop at a department store…I wouldn’t mind buying you an extra change of clothes. I think you’ll feel a whole lot better after you’ve cleaned up.”
I looked down at my three-day-old dress that I’d thought would make Draven jealous. The memory made me sad, but I tried to hide it. “I have clothes and money.” Lots of money. “I guess I just didn’t think about changing. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I just thought you looked a little down, that’s all.”
“I’m fine. You don’t really need to stop, do you?”
“Oh yes I do,” he argued. “I ran out of deodorant, and I can’t be riding around with someone as pretty as you and smellin’ like the road.”
I smiled, appreciating his kindness.
I bought a digital camera at the department store and stopped at the bank to withdraw some cash. At the following truck stop, I showered and changed into jeans and a T-shirt. I would have felt great too, had it not been for the gaping empty hole that remained in my chest. I couldn’t stop thinking about Draven or how much I missed him. I couldn’t go back though. Not after what he’d asked.
I hid a check for a thousand dollars under Gene’s pillow in the back of the cab before he dropped me off on the Virginia coast. Again, I had to insist that I had a way home, making up some story that my friend lived there. I didn’t like lying but I figured that was a part of living in the real world. I sat on the beach until the sunbathers all went home and eventually it turned dark.
The huge moon hovered above the water like a balloon, and the waves rushed onto the shore filling the salty air with a peaceful sound. Briefly, I thought about making a wish so Draven could share the beautiful scene with me.
I quickly shook away the thought. I needed to accept the fact that love just wasn’t in the cards for us.
I woke up on the beach at dawn, grabbing my arms for warmth. The temperature had dropped considerably, and I felt frozen so I made my way to the shops on the other side of the beach. Huddled in a ball, I waited for them to open and bought a black hoody and some shades. Once warm, I picked a table at a sidewalk café and pulled out my notebook and pen to work on my novel.
I had trouble focusing on the paper because my mind decided on its own to mourn my loss. Even though I found Draven mysteri
ous, magical, and immortal, I’d always hoped for love. Now that I saw that as impossible, I felt miserable as I settled on a tragedy for my life.
The heat returned by noon, and I pulled up my hood to keep the sun off. A teenager with a large sketchpad sat down next to me. The blond didn’t say anything at first. He just kept peeking over at me, his blue eyes full of life. His bright yellow T-shirt read: Just do it!
I offered him a smile. “Hi. I’m Elizabeth.”
“Hi,” he shot, seeming both surprised and nervous. “Can…can I draw you? I mean, you’ve been sitting here for a long time but if you have to go now, that’s okay.”
“Sure,” I said, pulling my hood down. “What do you want me to do?”
“No, you can put your hood back up.” He opened his pad and pulled a pencil out of his pocket. “I really wanted to draw you just the way you were before I sat down.”
I pulled the hood back up, trying to remember what I was doing before he sat down. “How’s this?”
“That’s good. I’m Alex, by the way.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Alex.”
After fifteen minutes of him drawing intently in silence, I said, “I’ve never been drawn before. That’s really cool. Thanks.”
He laughed. “It’s kind of a creepy request, isn’t it? I work in this little shop,” he said, pointing to an ice cream place. “When I saw you sitting here for so long, I took the rest of the day off. I’m an art student, and I don’t get a lot of volunteers.” He shrugged. “And besides, you looked lonely.”
I sighed inwardly at the reminder.
“That’s the look,” he said excitedly. “That’s the one I wanted to draw.”
It wasn’t hard at all to hold the expression. All I had to do was think of my life without Draven.
Alex continued to draw, glancing at my bag occasionally. “So where are you headed?”
“New York.”
“When are you leaving?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How are you getting there?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a good plan,” he teased.
I didn’t want to mention that I’d wasted too much time with plans so I smiled. “What do you suggest?”
“Bus. I can take you to the station when I finish.”
“All right. Thank you, Alex.”
When he finished, he smiled proudly and handed me the pad. “You’re really beautiful,” he said, blushing.
I laughed instead of crying like I wanted to do when I looked at the drawing. He’d captured my feelings perfectly, and I found the image disturbing. I returned it to him and thanked him by taking a picture of the artist with his art, and then he drove me to the bus station and wished me luck.
After buying my ticket, I started writing my novel while I waited the three hours for the bus to arrive. When it did, I got a window seat beside a young girl in a bright teal jumper.
“Ali,” she said boldly, holding out a hand.
“Hi, Ali. I’m Elizabeth.” I shook her hand.
“I’m going to see my dad.”
“I’m going to see the Lady of the Harbor.”
“At midnight?”
I shrugged. “It was the first bus out.”
“My dad’s taking me there tomorrow so maybe I’ll see you. Oh!” The girl’s long, blonde braids swung as she shuffled through her bag and pulled out a card. “Here, take this.”
“What is it?”
“It’s my ticket to go up to the crown. You have to buy them months in advance. My dad bought it for me.”
I pushed her hand away. “I can’t take that.”
“You’d be doing me a favor. You see, my father has no idea what acrophobia is or how severe mine is. I was going to tell him I lost it anyway.”
“Thank you then.” I put the ticket in my bag and slipped a hundred dollar bill into her hand.
“Thanks!” She nodded approvingly before she shoved it into her own bag.
I leaned against the window and looked out into the dark night, wondering what I should do after I saw the Statue of Liberty. I’d done more new things in the last week than I’d done in the last twenty years but it still wasn’t enough. I’d lost so much time.
“Hey Ali, if you could do anything you wanted in your lifetime, what do you think you would you do?”
She giggled shyly, covering her mouth with her hand to whisper. “Besides marry Ryan Reynolds, you mean?”
“Yeah, besides that,” I said, giggling with her.
She looked upward for a minute to contemplate and then shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m twelve.”
“I don’t know either and I’m twenty.” After an awkward silence, I leaned against the window to rest my eyes.
“Please come home,” Draven begged. He rubbed his thumb over my cheek while we lay together in a tight embrace. “You’re not safe. Something else could happen. You could die.”
I snuggled into his arms, thankful to be there. “You’ve already made it clear that my outlook is bleak. Does it really matter when I die?”
“Yes. That’s what matters the most!”
Willingly, I started unbuttoning his shirt. “I don’t understand.”
His typical frustration puckered his face before he said, “I love you, Elizabeth. You know I do.”
Two more buttons. “Then why did you ask what you did?”
“Because I love you!” he demanded almost angrily.
The final button dropped out of its hole. I didn’t feel his anger. I felt perfectly peaceful. “Why do you want to hurt me if you love me?”
“It’s the only way,” he said solemnly.
“I want to understand.” I slipped my hand inside his shirt and ran my fingers over his hard, strong chest. My own body responded with butterflies and a racing heart.
He sat up and took my face in his hands. “I know you love me, Elizabeth. I know you can feel it. Tell me you can feel it and all this can end.”
Ali tugged on my arm and jerked me awake. “We’re here! Come on. I want you to meet my dad.”
She pulled me into the bus station and didn’t let go until right before she hugged her dad. He was a nice looking man, clean-shaven, wearing a dark blue suit. I couldn’t get past how much his hair looked like Draven’s. The man straightened when he noticed me staring awkwardly. “Who’s your friend, Ali?”
“Daddy, this is Elizabeth, and she’s going to the statue tomorrow too. I thought maybe we could meet her there.”
“Sure we could. I’m Arthur. It’s very nice to meet you, Elizabeth.”
I smiled and shook his hand when he offered it but my mind struggled to remember my dream. I knew I had been in a good place, and Draven had been there. I desperately wanted to remember what he’d said.
“So we’ll meet you at the ferry? We have to board by 10:30 sharp.”
After I agreed, I spent the night in a close hotel and met them the next morning as planned. I took a lot of pictures and bought postcards in the gift shop while we rode the ferry and visited the lady. When it was time to go up to the top, Arthur asked Ali to dig out her ticket.
“I lost it,” she lied with a glance at me.
“I’ll go up with you,” I offered, winking at Ali. When he agreed, we took the elevator to the top. “You do know she’s afraid of heights, right?”
“No, she’s not,” he grumbled, “and I’m really sorry about this. She tries to set me up with every woman she meets. I’ve been divorced for three years, and she thinks I’m lonely.”
“Are you?”
“Hell yeah, but it’s over for me.”
When the elevator stopped, we moved into the crown. I snapped pictures of the bay, without really looking. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when you find the one, that’s it. You don’t want anyone else. I still truly believe my wife…ex-wife and I are supposed to be together. You might be kind of young to understand this but we had this magical connection that I’ve never had with anyone e
lse.”
“No. I understand,” I said. Inside, another hole broke open in my heart, and I felt a sort of lonely kinship with the man in front of me.
Once back at the base, I snapped a picture of Ali and Arthur hugging before we said our goodbyes. I returned to the mainland alone and took a cab to the nearest one-hour photo developer. While I waited, I found a deli and filled out the postcards I had bought on the day’s trip. I explained that I was traveling and hadn’t called because I’d forgotten my phone. After the hour, I flipped through the newly printed pictures and removed the non-statue ones. I sealed the envelope, put Heather’s address on it, and then mailed them at a post office across the street.
With all my current obligations fulfilled, I took a cab to the airport where I stood in a long line for an hour. When I finally reached the help desk, I said, “I want a ticket to the City of Love.” I figured it would be the best place in the world to nestle down and write my romance novel.
“Passport.” The blonde reminded me of Brenda, only older and her face was harder, meaner, a hint that she hated her job.
I looked at her blankly. “Oh, I don’t have a passport.”
“You’ll need a passport to leave the country.” She looked irritated when she handed me a pamphlet. “The soonest you’ll be able to get one is two weeks, and it could take up to eight.” She gazed behind me at the next customer.
“Oh, wait, I do have one. I’ll go find it.”
“I wish I had a passport,” I thought while I searched for a place to sit down and eat. I didn’t care if I was being unfair by making an impossible wish because I guessed he could conjure one out of thin air if he wanted to.
Confident as I was, my heart nearly stopped when Draven walked up to my table and sat down across from me. I had just taken a bite of my turkey club and almost choked on it, my throat closing up before I could swallow. After an embarrassing coughing fit and several drinks of water, I tried to hide the way my chest rose and fell at the sight of him. He wore black, fitting for what he’d asked of me, but I couldn’t see past the sexy way his body moved.