by Angel Rose
“A glass of water, please,” I shouted to the bartender. Someone grabbed me by my waist. I turned, and I was shocked to see Paul the cheap ass grinding against me to the thumping of the bass. I felt disgusted that he even put his hands on me, and to my surprise, I reacted violently. I pushed him
against his chest with my hands as hard I could. He took two steps back, because I could hardly budge his strong physique, and I yelled, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
He came straight at me as if he were attacking another guy. His blue eyes become dark and cold. His lips were tightly pressed together as he shook his head in disbelief as if I did something wrong.
“What did you say? Fuck you, bitch!” he yelled in my face as he lifted his middle finger up at me and smashed it against my nose. My drunken eyes crossed staring at his finger, and at the same
time, my heart dropped to my stomach with fear. He stood at close proximity to my face and now I could feel his hot, befuddled breath against my cheek. I was so scared I almost peed on myself.
His look pushed me over the edge. It was that expression my father used to give me when he was drunk, disoriented, and didn’t give a fuck if he hurt me or not. He stared at me as if to say, “Yeah,
say something now, bitch” then, exhaled and grunted like an animal. His friends ran over and grabbed him from behind to stop him from pounding me. He was so angry, he was puffing his
chest, and his hands were in a tight fist against his sides, and at one point, I could see that look in his eyes…he was about to lose control. I turned around quickly and walked away as fast as I could.
I heard him cursing at me. My heart was thrashing against my chest, and my hands shook as I turned around and watched his friends drag him away. Then, the bouncer took over and threw him
out of the bar. My eyes welled with tears as it became difficult for me to swallow without choking. I glanced over at Stella as I stood, shocked and afraid, holding my hand over my mouth, trying not
to fall apart. I didn’t expect such a ferocious reaction from him, but what was really unexpected, was my violent response towards him.
“Jenesis, what happened?” Stella shouted over the music.
“Nothing…I think it’s time for me to go!” I shouted back. I never felt so embarrassed in my life, and he put his hands on me. I wanted to die. I walked out of the bar as all eyes were pinned on me again, now for all of the wrong reasons. Maybe I embarrassed him? Maybe I deserved it?
As we left the bar, the music ended abruptly. The night ended with a bang. Literally, the speakers blew out. I didn’t care, and I just wanted to leave. I walked out of the bar hesitantly, still feeling threatened and looking around, but he was nowhere to be found. I guess his friends drove him
home or put him in a cab. I was shit-faced, embarrassed, and horrified at what just happened and I could barely keep my composure. I kept holding in the lump in my throat, and I could feel at any moment I was going to burst into tears. Stella hailed a cab for me,
“Jenesis, come on, get in. Look, don’t worry about that dimpled cheap-ass, he’s a dick!” She opened the door for me, and I slid in. My head was spinning, and my stomach was wincing. “Look, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to hang for a little while longer. I sort of met a guy; he’s
really cute, you know. Is that okay…I mean I can ask him to take us home?” She shoved a twenty-dollar bill in my hand. The last thing I wanted to do was go in a car with a stranger. I shook my
head as the lump in my throat intensified. “Happy Birthday, Jen,” she whispered as she shut the cab door and walked away.
I shook my head in disbelief. How could they leave me alone like this? I could barely walk. I gave the cabby my address as the cab driver stared at me through the rear view mirror. I tried to avoid eye contact but I could feel his piercing stare. At one point, I gave him such a dirty look that he
turned on the radio and began to hum to any tune he heard. As he looked through the rear view mirror once more, he started to pick up speed. He noticed the frantic look on my face and started
driving faster, like a freaking maniac. I sat back against the seat, put my seat belt on, and didn’t once glance at the rear view mirror. We finally drove up to the dorm building. It wasn’t that late,
but no one seemed to be outside on the campus grounds. I was hoping to God I wouldn’t run into that asshole from the bar. I was in no shape to deal with him, and to be quite honest…I was afraid
of him. The cab driver stepped on the brakes abruptly, “Ten dollars.” He turned his head glaring at me. I handed him the twenty-dollar bill and he snatched it out of my hand.
“I don’t have change,” he grumbled with a smirk.
“Keep it,” I said slurring my words and rolling my eyes into my head.
I tried unlocking the door, but I kept pressing the window button, my eyes were seeing double and my liquor-fogged brain couldn’t get the message I wanted to get across. The cabby pressed the unlock button,
“Slow up on the drinking, kid.” he said softly. I ignored him and I got out of the cab and slammed the door extra hard. His tires screeched as he took off leaving a massive dust cloud behind. I flipped him off, and then stumbled inside the building. I was dizzy, really dizzy.
I had an earthquake rattling in my head as I walked up the stairs and down the hallway. I searched for my dorm room and recognized my name written on construction paper with gold and silver glitter on the door. Vivian’s name was also there in red glitter…why do college kids do that? It’s
so elementary school. Nevertheless, I guess it served the purpose for someone who was drunk off of his or her ass like me, and couldn’t find the room.
I scrambled for the keys in my purse. First, my purse fell on the floor then my keys. I hate these tiny pocket books, nothing fits. Who invented this shit? I motioned to turn the doorknob, feeling dizzy and exhausted. The door was already open. I pushed it open a little more with my hand, and
then with my Air Maxes, I jumped back as I entered, placing my arm across my chest and dropping my tiny purse on the floor, again.
“Jesus!” I shouted.
“Happy Birthday, Jen!” Vivian yelled as she extended her arms to give me a tight bear hug. I reached out to her after I caught my breath from having a miniature heart attack.
“I knew you would come!” I shouted. “Are these for me?” I pointed to the white orchids on the bed. Vivian nodded her head.
“You should’ve come downtown tonight with me and the girls. I met this guy, he had dimples but he…” I went to grab the white orchids that lay on the bed, and I fell face first right next to them.
“Aren’t these your favorite?” Vivian’s nose turned up as her forehead crinkled. She seemed confused.
“Yeah, I like them. I mean…I love them. Thank you.”
“Jesus, Jenesis, you’re fucked up…what did you drink?” Vivian laughed then turned her back on me to close the door. “So, tell me about this guy?”
“Pickle back shots…fireballs…Nothing to tell…How’s Danny? And
I drank some cosmos.” I said giggling as I sat up sliding my arms resting on my elbows trying to balance myself on the bed.
“Danny, Oh, we broke up, you know the…on again…off again relationship we have, now back to you…fireballs? Are you fucking crazy? Pickle backs? Did you want to die tonight? Who’s this
guy? Jenesis, you haven’t dated anyone since you’ve been at Penn State?” she rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You know, you need to get laid,
Jenesis, stop pushing every guy you meet away,” she said jokingly as she shook her head and laughed at me.
“I have too dated…I dated Steven for a week and Glenn for a month, then Josh for three months, Roberto for two weeks…remember him? I guess I haven’t found Mr. Right.” My speech was
slurred, and I busted out laughing, rolling over in bed landing on my back with my legs spread open in the air.
“There’s
no such thing as Mr. Right, Jen. Get it through your thick head. YOU NEED TO GET LAID! And take a cold shower; you’re fucking bonkers right now! I have to go, happy birthday, baby. The clock will strike twelve in a few, and then it’ll all be over. I’ll see you tomorrow for
your post birthday breakfast?” she said as she gave me a kiss on my cheek and started to walk towards the door.
“Yeah, yeah, remember, I’m a hopeless romantic…I believe in love, see you tomorrow!” I shouted still lying on my back and splitting my legs open in the air as she headed for the door.
“I believe in a good lay! Try it, you might like it!” she yelled as she walked out the door.
I looked over at the flowers as I sat up plastered on the edge of the bed feeling giddy but ashamed. I leaned back on my elbows and slowly lifted the flowers to my nose. I couldn’t smell anything.
Cheap flowers, I thought to myself. I dropped the flowers to the side of the bed, when suddenly my head started to spin. I had a permanent drunken smirk on my face. I could smell the six cosmos
I swallowed at the bar on my parched lips. Suddenly, I had an uneasy feeling and felt a chill radiate up my spine. My hands grew clammy, a strange, unnerving feeling of disaster penetrating deeply
in my soul. I could feel my insides tightening in the pit of my stomach. My legs trembled and something felt wrong, very wrong.
I looked over at the alarm clock. It was eleven forty-five. I slowly lifted myself up from the bed and stumbled towards the door. I opened it slowly and walked down the hallway, swaying back
and forth, trying to slide cautiously against the hallway walls over to the bathroom. My head was spinning in a three hundred and sixty degree tornado. I pushed open the bathroom stall with my
foot and leaned over the porcelain throne and, in a second, the rumble in my stomach took over and reached my throat as the hot liquid of cosmos scattered all over the floor, missing the bowl
completely, disseminating into a pond on the floor. Ohhh! My head was pounding like a hammer. The pressure built up in my stomach, up to my chest then, up to my throat and made me topple
over as I gagged. I held on to the bowl this time, placing my face directly in the hole. I gagged and gagged until every bit of liquid evil and peanuts emptied out of me. I sat deflated against the stall
holding my head in my hand. “Jesus, Jenesis! This is the drunkest you’ve ever been! Do you like it? Do you like feeling this way?” I mumbled to myself.
“Hey, you okay in there?” I heard a voice say from outside the stall. I guess she heard me mumbling and the projectile vomiting.
“I’m okay…thanks,” I answered trying to catch my breath wiping my mouth with my hand.
I could hear the water running in the sink. It clinked and clanked as the water popped out in spurts from the faucet. The hand dryer blew a hard and deafening sound to my ears. Why does that have to be so loud! It was only on for a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity as it pierced through
my ears. I could feel a cool breeze entering from the hallway as the voice exited the front door of the bathroom.
I felt relieved. I didn’t feel the rumble in my stomach or the urge to puke anymore. I slid up the wall of the stall and slowly opened the door, hoping to God no one was around to see me. I glanced around the bathroom, and no one was around. I walked over to the sink and looked in the mirror.
I was a hot mess. A damn hot mess. My mascara had run down my face leaving a black streak on my cheek, mimicking a football player’s black eye. My eyes were a glossy dark green surrounded
by tiny dark red lines. The grief behind my eyes burned more than the red, and I recognized this look. I choked back the tears as I stood in front of the mirror thinking about how I let myself down; how I let my mother down. I turned on the cold water rinsing my mouth with my hand. The sink jangled this time as the water tried to push itself out. I welcomed the cold water in my mouth as I gargled with the fragments of peanuts I was chewing on from the bar. I wiped my mouth with a paper towel, threw it in the garbage, and headed back to my room.
I left the light on that night. No phantom, no monsters in the closet, and no monsters under my bed…not tonight…I looked over at the alarm clock. 1:15 AM. Happy birthday, Jenesis. I didn’t want to call. I didn’t want to get him mad. I wanted to think about the happy times going home for the holidays…sitting on the front porch with my mother and sipping on hot apple cider and savoring the fresh taste of warm pumpkin pie, but something in my gut just didn’t sit right with me, something seemed wrong, and I just didn’t know what.
CHAPTER 2
I awoke with one eye squinting towards the window. The morning sun tried its best to push through the clouds. My body shivered as a cool breeze slid through the open window, blowing the venetian
blinds, making them push forward, clanking against the windowsill. I gently pulled the blanket over my legs as a cold chill crept up my spine, leaving tiny bumps against my skin. I didn’t want
to open my eyes. I couldn’t. I was exhausted and hung over with a pounding headache to match; and, to top it all off, I didn’t sleep a wink. The monster was in my room all night. I dreamt of flying
birthday cake splattering against the living room walls in my room, candles on fire, and clowns chasing me with wicked smiles.
I slowly pushed myself to roll out of bed, rubbing my eyes and barely able to stand. As I glanced over near the door I noticed it was slightly open, and on the floor in between the door was a batch
of White Orchids. They were tightly wound with a baby blue ribbon and were nestled in between the door.
“I knew it!” I mumbled under my breath. She didn’t call, but she sent me flowers. I desperately reached down to grab the flowers and set them on my bed. I couldn’t contain myself, and I tore
the card open attached to the flowers. It read, “Happy Birthday sweetheart! We love you and can’t wait to see you next week!” I was so excited to read that card, and the lump in my throat crawled
up slowly. I shed some tears of joy. White orchids were my favorite. When I was a little girl, my mother used to tell me how she ate small orchid tubers and mixed them in her salad with lots of
ranch dressing. She said white orchids represented love, luxury, beauty, and strength, and if she ate orchid tubers she would give birth to a baby girl. She told me that story every night for as long
as I could remember, and she would always say she wouldn’t eat the big tubers, because she didn’t want to have a boy. She’d whisper in my ear, “You’re the perfect little girl, and my wish for you
is to find love because you’re already beautiful and strong, like your mommy.” I sat on top of my desk looking out of the window remembering her stories as we sat together wrapped in the throw
blanket I loved so much. I reached for that same throw blanket that lay on my chair near my desk and wrapped it around me tightly. My mother and I had the best relationship in the world. We were so close. We were inseparable. I could tell her anything and everything. We called each other every
day, twice a day, even. I couldn’t let a day pass without hearing her voice. It was so hard to leave her there with him. She was my everything, and I was hers.
The wind was blowing, and the leaves were plucked off the trees one by one. The colors of autumn presented themselves across the campus. My mother and I shared the same love for the harvest season. Pennsylvania was known for its incredible foliage. The trees boasted my favorite boxed
crayon colors, chestnut red, burnt orange, sepia brown, and sunglow yellow. We had always decorated the front of our house with pumpkins, small stacks of hay, and dried cornhusks.
Everything was set meticulously on the front porch and steps. We were the envy of the neighborhood. No other families had their house decorated like we did.
I continued to stare aimlessly out of the window when Vivian opened the door frantically as I sat on my desk.
“Jen?” she said out of breath, her chest heaving i
n and out with a look of panic on her face.
“Vivian, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” My eyes were still squinting from my pounding headache as I held the orchids in my hands.
“Your cousins have been trying to call you.” Her eyes were somber, and her face was stressed.
“Really? It’s about time.” I giggled as I walked over to look at my cell phone.
“Jen…sit, sit down…please.” She slowly grabbed the white orchids from my hand and sat me on the edge of my bed. “Is your phone on?”
“No, I just turned it on. It was charging. What the hell is going on?” My pounding headache intensified as I started to get irritated.
“Wait here,” she said as she walked out of the room.
“Vivian, where are you going?” I asked, confused, as my stomach began to cringe. As she walked out two state troopers walked in.
“Miss, Miss Jenesis Heart?”
Immediately my heart plunged into my belly, and my body tensed. I turned away from them and held on tightly to the back of my desk chair. A visit from state troopers meant something was
wrong. At least in my experiences. They were always at our door when my father was arrested for disorderly conduct.
The state trooper’s eyes were filled with sorrow. I felt the pain in my heart immediately.
“No! No! Don’t tell me, please…don’t tell me!” I shouted as tears flooded my eyes.
“Miss, please…sit,” the officer said politely as he held me by my elbow and hand and sat me in the chair.
“Is it my father?” My voice quivered as the tears streamed down my face.
“Yes.”
“Where’s my mother? Is she okay?” I muttered as my hands covered my mouth. I shut my eyes tightly, while twisting the bottom of my sweatshirt.
“Miss, I’m sorry. Your father and mother were in a car accident. Apparently, he was drunk. I’m sorry. But, they are both...” he said empathetically.
“Don’t say it! Are you crazy? My mother’s not dead! He’s dead, right?
Viv, right, he’s dead! Not her! No! Not her!” I screamed as I pushed him out of the way with all of my might. All of my insides stiffened; my heart was crumbling, and I felt a sense of recklessness coming on as the room began to spin. The state troopers grabbed a hold of me before I fell face