by Bry Foster
“For someone so confident in herself, you sure are putting in a lot of effort to keep me off of your territory.” My voice isn’t as strong as I had hope and her lip kicks up in a smile.
“I just know how dense you are, and I wanted to break everything down as simple as possible for you.” She steps away from me and her friends follow as they walk to the door. Marley unlocks it and pulls it open and then turns to me one last time. “You’d be smart to remember that my family owns this school, and this state. If you want things to go well for you, you should stay out of my way.”
They leave and I suck in a breath as I lean back into the sink counter and grip it tightly with both hands. I wish the cool air would put out the fire in my lungs but it doesn’t help. Tears gather in my eyes and I’m not sure why I am so affected by this encounter. But, Marley is right, I’m not worthy of Cash. I should not be pining over him and filling my head with false hopes. This whole thing is a joke; he is probably kicking himself for choosing someone like me to marry. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s taking Liz and me to lunch so that he can tell me he’s going to marry Marley instead.
Get it together Khloe, get it together. You are not this sad, down on her luck girl. You are strong, you are independent and you are beautiful. I suck in more breaths trying to calm my enraged, agonized heart. Now I’m crying for a different reason. I’m angry. I’m so upset that I let Marley get to me like this. I’m stronger than this. I turn and flatten my palms against the cool marble on the sides of the sink. Pulling some paper towels out of the dispenser I turn on the cold water, dampening the towel.
I just know how dense you are. Marley’s words repeat in my head. “Dense? My grades are better than yours, bitch.” I say out loud as I wipe my face.
Lunch is dicey to say the least. Marley and I keep staring each other down across the lunch room. The hall is a buzz as everyone stares at how the dynamic has shifted. Cash, who once frequented Marley’s table, sits with his arm slung over my shoulder as he, Liz, and Tyler talk about whatever the hell is going on in their day right now. I am starting to think no one is aware of my foul mood or the increased tension between Marley and I when Cash squeezes my shoulder.
“Alright, out with it?”
“What?” I distractedly respond, pulling my eyes towards him. I hadn’t really realized how close we were until that moment. Our noses are almost touching. I pull back some but Cash keeps his arm firmly around my shoulders, preventing me from moving much further away.
Calm down, this has to look real.
“What is it? I know it must be serious if you aren’t eating.” I look down at my untouched lunch plate.
“A part of me wants to make some retort about you inadvertently calling me fat, but I don’t have it in me right now.”
“Won’t eat and you aren’t mouthing off? Something is definitely up.” Tyler jokes until I glare at him. Liz elbows him in the side before they start whispering amongst each other.
“I seriously love every inch of your body. I would never make fun of it.”
“Didn’t you just tell me my butt was big yesterday?”
“That is clearly a compliment.” I call him a pig and he laughs. The sound catching the attention of every female onlooker in the cafeteria, including Marley. “Stop it.” Cash says as he unclenches my fist. Every time he kisses you, he kissed me first.
“How could you have been with someone like her?” I sneer. He sighs heavily.
“What are you on about? I told you, Marley and I screwed about a little. That’s all.”
“Yeah, well, she obviously thought it was more.”
“Who cares what she thinks? Why do you even let her bother you?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t know what else I could say to you or show you that would prove that I don’t care about her. Yes we slept together. But, I don’t look at that as a relationship. Where I’m from, first dates are often considered your place or mine. Casual sex is not equal to a relationship there as it is here. Americans are much more…stilted in their sexual exploits. It is not that way where I come from.”
I try not to read too far into what he’s saying. “Well…what are you expecting from me then?”
“I…thought you didn’t want to be in a real relationship.”
“I don’t” Do I? “Plus, that’s not what I asked.” I deadpan before turning in my seat. “Never mind Cashel.” My heart sinks and the devil on my shoulder asks me bitterly: well, what did you think he was going to say?
“No, I just, don’t know what to say. Obviously I want you. I wouldn’t have asked you to be in this situation if I didn’t. I just thought that… I know you’re a lot less experienced-“
I glare at him and he throws his hand up in surrender. “In relationships. You’re a lot less experienced with relationships. I just wanted to give you some time to warm up to the idea of being with me…” The way he trails off leads me to believe there is more that he wants to say but he stops himself.
I finally let go of the anger that I feel towards him and we call a truce. I feel like we are in our own little bubble. Just before the lunch hour is over he pulls a box out of his backpack and hands it to me.
“What’s this?”
“A cell phone. My family publicist needs to keep up with you on things and we realized you don’t have one. This will definitely come in handy soon.”
“Oh no, I don’t think so. I can’t afford this every month!”
“Calm down, you’re on my plan and this really isn’t optional. You need to be available to everyone and the only way that can be possible is if you have your own line. Look, I will argue with you about this later. For now I have to meet up with Coach Ramsey before next period.” He stands up and kisses me briefly on the lips causing me to flush, before running off to meet up with the soccer coach. My heart won’t stop thumping and I feel like everyone’s eyes are burning into me. All I can think is: am I actually this attracted to Cash?
CHAPTER SIX
“It was weird, Liz.”
“How?” Liz and I are walking around the school instead of going to the cafeteria for lunch. Neither of us have much of an appetite. Liz is too in her head about her classes at the moment. Our appreciation for our grades is one of the reasons that we are best friends. She is the only person I know that studies in her own head as she does other things. We each snack on a bag of chips with a bottle of juice shoved under one arm. Whereas she’s caught in her head about exams, I am too caught up in my emotions.
Last weekend, Cash had me over for a family dinner where I sat down with his uncle, Delano, and his newly pregnant wife, Angel. I have been recapping with Liz. This was the first weekend in a while that I didn’t stay with her and so I had to spoon feed her information through text messages for the remainder of the weekend as she was caught up in group projects.
“I don’t know. There was just so much touching. Not to mention all of the off things he said the entire night…” I trail off as I think back to how Cash made me feel. Things really got weird at the end of the night when he took me home.
We ended up discussing why I hadn’t been on a date with any other guys. “Nope. Never really been asked to go out anywhere. Well at public school a guy asked me to be his girlfriend but, it never went anywhere. We didn’t even really break up we just kind of stopped talking to each other. I don’t know, like I said, Liz said it didn’t count.” I mutter the last part and Cash walks closer to me with a strange expression on his face. He looks torn, though what he could possibly be torn about, stumps me. His intense eyes confound me and I try to make light of the situation. Things are getting a little too real on this end. “Must make you feel like you picked a real winner huh? Dating all of this.” I say gesturing to myself and then the backdrop of my apartment. Cash grimaces and then clenches his jaw. The action makes it look even more angular and masculine… instead of shutting me out, the action draws me in.
Cash steps closer to m
e. Close enough to make me inhale sharply in surprise. “Why do you always do that?” He grits.
“Do what?” Unsure about where this conversation is going.
“Put yourself down? Make light of everything? Take almost nothing besides your grades seriously? Pick one.” I am a little startled so I am slow to reply. His accent is a bit thicker when he’s worked up so I’m trailing in this conversation. “You are a beautiful girl, Khloe. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Now I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, well, that’s kind of hard to believe when no boy has ever shown any real interest in me before.”
“Do you think maybe they are intimidated by you?” He starts moving towards the stairs and I start to follow him, intrigued.
“Intimidated by me? Why would anyone be intimidated by me?”
He shrugs as we begin to climb the stairs. “You’re really smart, you don’t take crap from anyone, and you’re never afraid to speak your mind. Some guys may think it…difficult to approach you.” I grimace as we continue climbing the stairs. Could guys really be intimidated by me? We reach my door. I look at it and then him. I should say something about him tricking me into walking to my apartment with him but I want to hear more about his theory.
“You really think that’s what it is? Not that I’m not…I don’t know, pretty?” I ask him. My voice far more vulnerable than I would want it to be.
I don’t know if Cash even realized it, but he leaned in to me. My heart kicks up and I have a hard time keeping my chest from heaving harshly with each breath that I take in.
“You have far surpassed pretty Khloe. Guys are definitely intimidated. But trust me,” He says as he comes even closer to me, almost bearing down on me, which I am not used to happening because I am a tall girl. My heart stops as I look up at him. His green eyes almost seem to glow against the night sky. Nothing more than a dim parking lot post sheds light on to our frames. Dim stars dot the night above us. He’s so close to me that we are breathing the same air. Well, we would be if I was breathing at all. “Any guy without the backbone to ask you out, you wouldn’t want anyway.” I swallow and tell myself to say something, anything. Right now I can do little more than stare up in to his eyes. It takes my brain longer than it should to receive the information being carried through my ears and process it.
“Does that mean you have backbone?” I whisper. But, we are so close he hears me perfectly. I expect him to grin and say something immature that will irritate me and break the intense spell we both seem to be under that is drawing us to one another. Instead, Cash says, “Had I known you had never been on a date before, I would have put more effort into this one. I am no expert, but I know that a girl like you should only be dealt the best experiences.” My heart is thumping so hard he may see it.
Cash leans into me before brushing his lips against the apples of both cheeks. I don’t move a muscle. Feeling as though moving at all will startle him like a dear in the wild and he will sooner flee than try to expound on this contact. His soft, chaste kisses leave my cheeks tingling as though I have been holding a smile too long. My body craves more of this intimate Cash, a side of himself that he rarely shows me. That I didn’t even really know existed.
His voice is husky when he speaks to me in French. Freakin’ French. Right outside of my barren apartment. Before I find the words to ask him to translate he says, “See you soon, Khloe.” Then he’s gone.
I wonder if Cash thinks about kissing me. Not the chaste kisses he deals me at school for the audience. I mean heavy make out session kissing. Nowadays, I think about him on a constant loop that is starting to drive me looney.
“Suspension…” I hear Liz trail off. It brings me back to now and I turn to look at her. At some point during our walk she ditched her chip bag and is now chewing on the end of a pen as she mumbles to herself.
“Are you even listening to me?” I ask. Her eyes are disoriented when they find mine before they clear.
“I think this is less about what Cash said and more about your growing affection for him.” I hope my face is telling her that she is crazy so that I don’t have to. “I’m serious. You have liked Cash since the day you met him. You constantly talk about how arrogant he is or how much of a womanizer he is or how Marley and him are perfect for each other.”
“I don’t understand how that sounds like affection to you.” I counter. Liz stops walking, causing me to stop too. She looks into my eyes as if to make sure that I am paying attention to what she is saying.
I’m not the one ignoring their best friend’s troubles here.
“Even if only to talk about how much he drives you nuts, you are constantly talking about him. Every little thing that he does gets under your skin. My dilemma is that I don’t understand how you don’t see it. Or you don’t want to see it. One of those has to be a fact because it is so completely obvious that you two are right for each other. But, neither of you wants to be the one to stick your neck out and risk being hurt.” Liz pauses and twists her lips. “Actually, that’s not true. Cash has been trying for a while now. You just keep taking a bat to his efforts.”
Liz continues to walk and I am stuck in place for a few seconds as I consider what she just said. I guess my reactions to Cash have always been a bit on the extreme side. Things that he says or does always seems to stick with me a bit more than anyone else. Why is that? Liz can’t be right about this. I’m pretty sure I would know if I had serious feelings for anyone before she did. Right?
CHAPTER SEVEN
“We planned to introduce the relationship to a reliable source but the information got away from us.” Cash’s family publicist, Leo, says over the line.
“But, what does this mean? Should I stay home-?”
“No, no, no. Everything is fine. The press is not aware of your identity but, they are aware that Cashel now resides in the States and is rumored to be engaged…” Leo trails off. Someone leaked the info about our possible ‘engagement’ together sooner than the family anticipated and now a massive manhunt is going on for Cash and his whereabouts. If I ever doubted Cash’s foreign fame before, I now know it’s true.
“However, some good news has come of this. Some designers wish to know your measurements so that they may send you samples of next seasons fashions.”
“Excuse me? Why the heck would they do that?”
“Marketing. It would be in their best interest to get their latest designs on the girl that was able to capture Cashel Castille’s heart. Girls will be flocking to order whatever you are wearing in the hopes of looking like you and being able to catch Cashel’s eye.” I screw my face up as I hold the phone closer to my ear.
“Is that possible?” I mistakenly ask out loud.
“Excuse moi?” I shake my head and then remember he can’t see me.
“I’m sorry. So what should I do?”
“Just be alert. We are working on getting a small security detail out there as soon as we finalize nondisclosure agreements.”
“Security? Why would we need security? Should I be worried?”
“Just to be safe. Sometimes the media here can be a bit…ruthless. We just want to be cautious.” I sigh a little. This is all so weird.
Leo and I hang up and I shoot Liz a text telling her we need to talk at lunch. Then I leave the bathroom stall and almost run into Lea Daniels, one of Marley’s cronies. She shoots me a smile of a predator and I walk around her, hoping she didn’t hear that conversation.
I spend the rest of the day being jumpy. No matter how much Cash tries to reassure me, I can’t help but feel like French cameramen are going to jump out of lockers and hit me in the face with their cameras. Liz is just as nervous as I am, though she is excited about the idea of getting to wear whatever clothes I don’t like from the fashion designers. Eventually we part ways because she has a family event so Cash agrees to take me home. And this is where we get into an argument about him wanting to meet my father.
“I’m not sure how I feel about you meeting my dad.”
I say.
“Why not? You’ve met my family.”
“Ok, are we missing the part where I told you that my dad has issues?”
“Does that mean that he’s a feral animal? He can’t meet people?”
“Ugh, you don’t get it.”
“No, I don’t. That’s why I’m asking you to explain it. Everyone is embarrassed by someone in their family. I think I’d be more concerned if you didn’t have anyone off their rocker.” His accent is so much thicker that my understanding is delayed. He suddenly whips around to look at me. “Have you told him?”
I fold my arms across my chest, already aware of the direction this conversation is headed in. Danger! Danger, Khloe! “Told him what?”
“That we’re getting married. In another country. In a few months.”
“We’re not getting married. I’m not going to France. Therefore, the time frame is irrelevant.” I reply, not looking at him. The school parking lot sure did empty out quickly.
“Are you serious! Putain.” Cash swears before putting his hands in his hair. He takes a breather and then looks up after a minute or so. “What are you doing Khloe?”
“What do you mean?”
“What. Are. You. Doing?”
After a stare off that really does unnerve me, I cave. Cash and I have bickered back and forth plenty of times but this is by far the most intense.
“I don’t know. At first I was trying to come to terms with it myself, then I wanted to explain everything in a way he would understand. But, it’s hard trying to figure out how to tell him everything. I don’t even know what to tell him. I mean, it would be hard enough telling a father that his eighteen year old daughter wanted to get married without involving all of the other variables that make this situation complicated.”
Cash puts the keys in the ignition and finally starts up the car.