by Bry Foster
“You never know what this could be if you don’t try, Koko.” I think over what Liz is trying to say. She may be right. I don’t want to worry about what ifs and come to regret never putting my feelings on the table.
“I’ll talk to him.” I mumble.
“What was that?” Liz asks as she puts my phone behind her ear as if to hear me better.
“I said, I’ll talk to him.” I repeat through my teeth. She smiles brightly at me. “I’ll find a way to make you regret this moment.” I tell her before rolling my eyes. She shrugs and we walk to the bathroom door, opening it and see Clara standing on the other side. She smiles at us as we come out. It’s the smile of a predator. I straighten my back.
“Can we help you?” Liz asks rudely. Clara’s eyes never leave mine.
“Believe me, you’ve helped me plenty.” Her smile’s eerie as she walks away. I whip around to look at Liz.
“Are you happy now?” I ask Liz and she has the grace to look ashamed for forcing me to have the conversation in the first place. As if all of this wasn’t awkward enough.
We leave the bathroom and join the other women. I try to paint a confident expression on my face, these are just larger scale Marley cronies. I can handle this.
“Oh, there’s our beautiful bride to be.” Amelia coos as we come around the corner. All of the women are seated again, Amelia and her assistant, Anna stand up upon Liz and I’s entrance into the room. “We’ve all picked out a silhouette for you to try on. Anna will lead you to the dressing rooms.” I nod my thanks, Liz goes to sit with the other women looking as uncomfortable as I feel, and I follow Anna the assistant down the hall to the dressing rooms.
There are silk white drapes hanging in front of each dressing area, no doors. Anna takes me to the one furthest back and pulls the drapes to the side. The dressing room is much bigger than the ones I’ve seen at Target and the mall. It looks like the women chose half the boutique to have me try on. I feel so overwhelmed as I step in. Beautiful white gowns hang from ornate metal hooks on the walls. No mirror is inside though.
“I brought you some under garments so that we can get the full look.” Anna says as she steps in with me.
“You’re staying in here?” I ask feeling self-conscious, no one but me has seen me without clothes on. She smiles a reassuring smile.
“Of course, I’m going to help you put everything on. Some dresses have hidden zippers that can be tricky and hard to reach for one person. Others have tons of buttons or a corset back that you won’t be able to do on your own. Don’t worry; I’ve done this tons of times,” she informs me. After awhile I decide that there’s really no turning back now and I have a room full of catty women waiting to tear me down.
“All right.” I concede and she smiles encouragingly.
“Perfect. Let’s start with Lena’s choice.” I pull my clothes off and change into the white corset Anna has brought in for me. It looks like a corset in the front, but it stops just above my belly button and hooks in the back like a bra. I am grateful that there isn’t a mirror in here so that I can't see myself and I can’t see Anna seeing me.
Lena’s pick happens to be a long flowing white dress that is fitted around my breasts and then flares out in every direction, it’s loose and feels more like a shift than a dress. I scrunch up my face.
Anna laughs, “Remember, we are just looking at the silhouette that we think looks best, your dress will be custom made so, you don’t have to worry about whether you like the actual design right at this moment. Though, your face tells me everything I need to know.” I chuckle with her and then I slip back into my shoes that are covered by the dress before Anna scoops the drapes to the side and leads me back out to the women.
Everyone turns to look at me when I come into sight and Liz immediately makes a face. I make one too, showing her that I agree before stepping on the pedestal in front of the three mirrors Anna directs me to. Amelia steps up to me with a smile.
“You are beautiful darling.”
Even though I don’t agree my face warms as I thank her.
“Ms. Le Roux, this is your pick I believe.” Amelia says as she fans the bottom of the dress out around me in a flattering manner. I look at Lena in the mirror. She has a hand under her mouth as she looks at the dress intently. Her face is not readable.
“Yes, I see.”
“How do you like it?” Amelia asks Lena instead of me.
“Mhm.”
“I think it hides everything well.” Clara states smugly. I ignore her.
“I don’t like it.” Liz says. I turn slightly so that I can see her.
“I don’t either. It’s a beautiful dress.” I say quickly looking at Amelia. I don’t want to offend her, I genuinely feel like this dress is not my style. “I just don’t think it’s for me.” I tell her.
“I agree.” Corisande says and Amelia nods. “All right so do we not like the design or the silhouette?”
“Both.” Liz and I say at the same time.
“All right, next.”
Anna and I head back into the dressing room. We try on Clara’s pick. It looks like the silk drapes to me. It falls around my breasts before cinching at the waist and then falling out again, but the back is completely open. I immediately hate the dress and take it off, refusing to show the group. Next is Liz’s choice. It is a lace A-line dress with sheer white lace around the collar. It is beautiful, flattering, and it covers me. I walk out and the lady’s appraise it, giving it a lukewarm reception. We all agree that the silhouette looks good but the design is a little old fashioned.
After that one is Corisande’s pick. She picked a classic ball gown. It hugs my chest, has beautiful pearl buttons that go down the back and flares out at my waist into a Cinderella style gown. I hear a few gasps when I come out in it which is the same response I got from Anna once I turned around. Everyone is quiet as I climb up onto the pedestal. Amelia flares the dress out for me and I look at myself in the mirror. My hair, even in the messy bun, looks elegant somehow. My eyes look bright, and the dress fits me quite well. Even I have to pause when I see myself, I don’t look like me, and I don’t know how I feel about that. The pressure starts to fall on my shoulders. I start to think of how much everything will change. What this wedding means for my life, I have only gotten a taste of a few of Cash’s family members and I’m already about to lose it. Could I handle his fan base? What kind of hate will I get for just being with him?
Cash.
Thinking of his name makes me look at myself in a different way. I see myself in the dress, walking down a grand hall to Cash. I imagine him seeing me, like this. I wonder if he would find me worthy, equal to him if he saw me in something this brilliant. Do I look like the kind of girl he and his family could accept permanently? Thinking of his family makes me realize no one is speaking. I turn around. Everyone is studying me intently. Corisande with happiness. Lena appears to be thoughtful, Liz is about to cry, and Clara is pissed. Her nose is flared out and her cheeks are red, her arms tightly across her chest.
“Well?” I ask in a small voice that I almost instantly grimace about.
“It’s all right, I guess.” Clara says before reaching for a flute.
“Beautiful.” Corisande says, and she actually smiles at me. Her eyes crinkle in the corners and I am promptly reminded of her grandson and I remember all the times I zoomed in on that same characteristic when he laughs or smiles.
“Gorgeous.” Liz says and Lena nods.
“You look stunning, dear.” Amelia tells me. “So, we like this one, non?” I nod at her. “Brilliant. All that is left is my pick.”
“You picked one for me?” I ask, Amelia nods.
“I’m the designer. I knew the dress I wanted to see you in as soon as you walked through my shop doors.” She tells me and I let out a small laugh. Anna and I head back to the room and try on the last dress. This dress? This dress is something special. It’s lace and tulle. Sheer lace straps fall around my shoulders and dip so that there
is some cleavage showing but nothing inappropriate for the occasion. It hugs my small waist and my hips in a way that is utterly flattering. The fabric feels so good on my skin that I sigh in contentment. A tulle skirt lined lightly in lace falls from my hips. I can feel that about half of my back is out.
“Wow.” Anna says.
“Don’t tell me. I want to be surprised.” I say and she laughs and then shakes her head in approval. We walk out of the room and Liz shrieks and starts clapping like an excited toddler.
I step onto the pedestal, behind me, Anna fans out the exaggerated train.
“I told you, did I not?” Amelia says to Corisande with a wink.
“You did.” Corisande humors her and then stands and walks over to me. I watch her through the mirror unsure of what she is going to do. When she reaches me, she reaches for my hair. I lean over and she tugs the band from my hair. Dark curly tresses fall around my face and across my shoulder blades. I lean up and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a bride.
But how do I feel? I feel like crap. On top of perpetuating a fraud with a guy I may or may not have serious feelings for, this isn’t anything like what wedding dress shopping should be. My mother should be here. She should be telling me her ideas of how I should wear my hair, which dress accentuates my shape and telling me how lucky my husband to be should feel.
We should be discussing decorations and what my father will wear as he walks me down the aisle. My father. I’ve tried not to think about him since that fiasco at home. However, it’s almost impossible to escape the thought of him and how our lives are the complete opposite of…I look at all the faces in the mirror behind me. People I don’t really know, who don’t really care about me are sharing a moment that should feel personal and intimate.
Tears well up in my eyes and I step down, hastily making my way back to the dressing rooms. I want out of these clothes, out of this shop, and away from the condescending stares.
CHAPTER NINE
The sky is dark, but not the dark that I am used to back home in Louisiana. There are so many lights and billboards that nighttime in New York closely resembles fading day time, without clouds. I notice a make-up ad on one of the screens promoting Le Roux Cosmetics and almost get sick at the thought of being here with her in person. After we were done dress shopping and getting Liz, Clara and I measured; we all head out for dinner. I am still too far in my head and caught up in my emotions to be myself which is probably a positive for Cash’s family. We are leaving a chic little restaurant that had the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted, when a small crowd starts to gather. The guards speak rapidly into their little earphones and I start to get worried.
“What is troubling you?” Corisande asks as we head down the street to the cars.
“It appears a few cameramen followed Ms. Le Roux, they just found our location.” Before he finishes talking we start hearing people shout at us in thick accents.
“Où est Cashel?”
“Les rumeurs sont correctes? Est Cashel se marier?”
It takes me a minute to piece together who these people are, why they are following us, why the body guards are herding us towards the cars. Bystanders gawk in confusion on the sidewalks, probably wondering who we are that’s causing such a commotion. Some of them begin to take their phones out too.
The paparazzi comes closer to us. Cameras flash extremely bright lights in our faces. So many go off at once that I am being blinded. They start to close in, the guards yell for them to stay back and some of them start pushing Liz and me to walk faster behind Corisande, Lena, and Clara while they call for the drivers to bring the cars around to us. Adrenaline pumps through my veins and heightens my awareness. It also makes me a bit fidgety. I slip on the icy sidewalk and drop my bag. One of the guards catches me so I don’t fall and scoops my bag up, shoving it at me before grabbing my arm and almost dragging me to the Escalade once it gets closer to us, still, it’s on the other side of the road.
Commotion picks up behind us as we step between cars in the middle of the road. We’re packed together like vienna sausages and I begin to feel claustrophobic. I turn to try and see what has the paparazzi so worked up but the guard says, “Watch where you are going, we are almost to the cars.” I do as he says and we climb into the cars and buckle in as quickly as we can.
People swarm the car, horns honk loudly at the clamor and the driver has to drive slowly to pull off without hitting anyone, once we leave and head to the hotel I sigh, feeling abundantly more comfortable without all of that drama and say, “That was crazy.”
“You’ve no idea.” Clara mumbles from the second row.
“It will be worse once they find out about you.” Corisande informs me.
Security says, “We will have to take you into the hotel through the garage to avoid being seen.
When we get to our rooms I am thoroughly exhausted. Liz and I are sharing a room so I feel comfortable talking and telling my best friend all of my thoughts about Cash and I and this wedding. I ask her about my dad and she tells me that she told Cash what she could about our situation yesterday when he called. She thinks Cash will try to get him into some program but I told her good luck. I’ve been trying to get my dad into a program since I found out he had a problem and he won’t listen to me. If he won’t make the change for his own kid, I can’t imagine he will do it for a complete stranger. I shower and promptly pass out, missing dinner with the other ladies, and I can’t say I regret it much.
That is until I wake up in the morning and my stomach sounds like a mummy trying to rise from the dead for cream cheese bagels and Belgian waffles. Liz isn’t in the room or the bathroom plus, her bed isn’t made. I get myself up; throw on leggings from my overnight bag and a plaid shirt under a sweater. I tuck my feet into my shoes after brushing my teeth and washing my face. I’m hanging up my face towel when I hear the hotel room door open and Liz yelling for me.
“What’s up?” I ask as I come out of the bathroom. Liz is wearing distressed jeans, a navy camisole and a draped trench over it with moccasins on her feet. The look on her face has me very nervous. “What’s wrong?”
She sighs. “Where is your phone, Khloe?”
I furrow my eyebrows and then walk over to my purse before digging through it. I feel a little more edgy when I can’t find it but then I say, “I might have left it in the car last night. Why, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
She swipes around on her phone and then brings it over to me. On her screen I see… me. There is one picture of Liz, Lena, Clara, Corisande and I being bombarded yesterday, but they’ve zoomed in so that it is just on my face. In a box on the corner the words: Cashel finally settles down! Exclusive text messages and pics of the cute couple inside!
I gasp. “What is this?” I ask Liz.
“It’s a tabloid article. Clara sent me the link to it when I met up with her at breakfast. Here’s the article.” She swipes until she finds what she is looking for and then hands me the phone again showing me the article about Cash and I. There is a picture of my cell phone screen—cracked— but you can clearly read the message from Cash that says, “I’m so glad you said yes.” Next to that is a picture of Cash and I in the school dining hall last week. We are making weird faces and just having a good time. That day he’d asked me if I had made any use of the camera on my phone yet and I told him no. I was still trying to figure out all of the other cool features the phone had on it like the drawing app. When he insisted that I put the camera to use and take some pictures, I had made him take some with me.
“Oh my God.” I say.
“The French media has found out about you. Corisande and Clara said it’s all over every tabloid magazine in France. Hot Topics! Is said to be picking up the story, it’s everywhere.”
“Hot Topics!? That means our entire school will know. It’s bad enough they think we’re just dating.” I say as I plop down on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands. Liz sits down next to me.
“I mean, on th
e bright side, people were going to find out anyway.”
“Yes, but I was hoping that wouldn’t be until the end of the school year. Do you know the hell I’m about to endure at school? I should have put a lock on it after you took it from me in the bridal salon.” I mutter.
“I’m not the type to say I told you so-“
“-You totally are.”
“All right, I told you so!” I push her so she almost falls and she laughs. “Call your future husband, he’s worried about you.”
I ignore my pounding heart, even as I bring my thumbnail to my mouth and start chewing.
“He is?” I say around my nail. Liz slaps my finger away from my face.
“Yes, he thinks he may be dealing with a runaway bride, and I’d have to agree with him, only, Gerard has been posted outside of our room for night guard so he’d know before any of us.”
“Gerard?”
“One of the body guards.”
“You know their names? There are so many of them.”
“I don’t know all of them yet, but I’m working on it. You should too since they’ll likely be following you around for the duration of all this madness.”
I drop my head back into my hands. “I didn’t think this through.” I say and Liz laughs before getting up.
“Whatever, call my friend before he flies out here personally to check on you.” She twists her lips to the side.
“What else is wrong?” She huffs and plops down on a chair at the desk across from me.
“My dad called and found out we’re here. He wants to have lunch.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” She says. I try to think of something comforting to say but, I’m not sure how she’s feeling. Some days she’ll be fine with her dad, other days she won’t feel like arguing with him about why all the choices she’s making for her life are wrong. Where Jasmine is always so free with Liz and letting her make her own mistakes, Alex is the opposite. He tries to plot out every detail of Liz’s life for her and make her see why what he is saying is for the best. Both of her parents are at different ends of the parenting spectrum.