by J. L. Ostle
“I’m so sorry. They sound amazing,” I whisper.
“They were. I don’t know your past but I do know you had a hard life growing up. Lake never talks about your parents. I know it’s something bad and I’m sorry you didn’t grow up the way you should have. You and Lake are such good people. That’s why I’m grateful for the time I had. I know wherever they are, they’re proud of me.” I lean forward and hold his hand.
“They are. How could they not be?” He gives me a warm smile and looks at our hands but, luckily, doesn’t let go. I don’t want him to let go yet.
“Leon, Chris, and Sherry were my family after. When Lake let me and Leon move in, I knew that they were my new family. I can’t imagine my life without them now. They’ve been there for me and I would do anything for them.” He’s still looking at our joined hands.
“I know they love you, thank you for being there for my sister. I’m glad she found you guys.” I truly am. I’m glad she found decent human beings.
“Anyway, what are you watching?” I chuckle at his change in subject. I let go of his hand, even though I didn’t want to, and grab my laptop. He moves so he is at my side while I place it on my knees and he comes in for a closer look. His smell surrounds me.
God he smells amazing.
“Copacabana. I was looking at videos on YouTube and this one song showed up and I was hooked, then realized it’s actually a movie.” I press play and it’s almost at the part that I love. It’s where he sings the song to her, Who Needs to Dream. It’s such a beautiful song. “I love this song,” I speak out my thoughts and he crosses his arms and watches with me.
He stays at my side through the rest of the movie. We both laugh at certain points and at the end I can’t help but cry. I hate the ending. The ending sucks. They finally get together and he dies. She grows old on her own, missing her true love. I grab a tissue from my side table and wipe away the tears. I look up at Dominic and he’s staring at me. He grabs the tissue from my hand and dabs under my eyes softly.
“You’re a romantic aren’t you?” He smiles at me.
“Yeah, I guess I like to believe people get their happily ever after’s. I hate how he dies.” I feel myself wanting to cry all over again. Why do I have to be such an emotional wreck over something that isn’t real?
“You big softie.” I laugh and nudge his shoulder with mine. “What else you do you enjoy watching?” He takes off his shoes and makes himself more comfortable.
“You really want to watch more with me?” I can’t help the smile on my face.
“Yeah. We’re living together, in a band together. We’re probably going to be stuck with each other for a very long time so I think we should get to know each other. Be friends. My first friendly duty is to watch sappy chick flicks.” I laugh at his playfulness. Friends. I can do that. He shared something with me and I do need more friends.
“Okay, friends. Well friend, lets watch Teen Witch. There are some catchy songs in that film.” I start loading it up.
“Play away.” And we proceed to watch movies I have been addicted to into the early hours of the morning.
I wake up feeling more hot than usual. I open my eyes and try and move my body but it’s being pinned down and my heart beats frantically. I’ve been good. I haven’t done anything wrong. I feel myself start to sweat with fear when I hear a low groan next to me and I realize that it’s Dominic. I’m in my room. My new room.
I take in a few deep breaths until my breathing is more under control and turn my head to see Dominic is fast asleep next to me and his body is entwined with mine. His arms wrapped around me. Just knowing he’s here relaxes me. He stayed all night? I can’t even remember falling asleep. I see the laptop is on the side table on his side so he must have put it there but decided to stay. I feel my heart swell that he did.
I like how my body fits in next to his. Like I was made for him. I snuggle back down and entwine my fingers with the ones that are holding onto my stomach. I feel him adjust his fingers and he pulls me in closer. I’m sure I’m smiling like an idiot. I enjoy the closeness for a little while until sleep takes me once again.
We are sitting in the living room watching VBox a music station on TV. It’s the day of our video premier and I’m nervous. Millions of people are going to be watching it. I don’t even know what to expect. I’m going to watch myself on TV for the first time. Lake is sitting next to me and Dominic is on my other side.
I was expecting Dominic to wake up and freak out that he slept next to me but he was fine. He even said that he hasn’t slept so well in years and I felt like doing a little dance of joy. We started hanging out more and more over the last few days. He’ll do his own thing, but will eventually come to my room and suggest a movie. I told him that me and Lake didn’t really watch that many movies growing up. He never judged or pressed the issue but suggested films that he loved watching.
The movies he likes are way too boyish or scary. How can anyone watch a movie with a killer clown who climbs through drains? Or a man with knives as fingers who enters your dreams? That is so messed up. I told him I wouldn’t watch another horror ever again. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I watched anymore. He laughed, calling me a girl to which I reminded him that I was one.
I like seeing this side of him. I feel like we’ve actually become friends and he’s even offered to teach me to play guitar, and in return, I would teach him to dance. He told me he loved how I moved so gracefully and would like to learn. He said we never know if he’ll need to know one day for a future music video. Just thinking of another video makes my tummy go funny. I just hope I’m more fully dressed in the next one.
VBox goes to another break and we groan in frustration; we just want to see it. Robert thought it would be more exciting if we saw the final product on live TV but now I wish I said something and told him to let us see it once it was ready. The break is finished and the host is talking about a new upcoming band and butterflies erupt in my stomach. Then I hear the intro to our song. Lake screams near me but my eyes are glued to the screen.
I know it’s me, but seeing myself all dressed up, I can hardly recognize the girl on the screen. I look beautiful. Hearing my voice burst through, I feel like I’m watching someone else. We all look so perfect. The song is perfect. It starts off in the club but we get flashes of me and Dominic in the BDSM scene. We look so good together which I’m shocked about. Seeing his eyes on me in the video, seeing how I look like I could jump him any moment. My body language and eyes are screaming for him. I knew I was attracted to him but to see it up close is something else entirely.
It’s towards the end and I feel like I’m watching porn or something. Watching something I shouldn’t be. Dominic, half naked, pressed against my own near naked body. How he touches me. Then it’s the scene with the whip. We watch as he grabs it off the wall and releases it towards me. It looks like he actually whipped me by how it cuts to my body arching. Then it’s over.
“Holy fuck, I can’t believe it. That was fucking amazing. I can’t believe I was in a music video.” Lake is jumping up and down on the couch, Leon laughing at her.
“Even with the make-up, I still looked hot. But you two,” he points to me and Dominic, “you looked hot. Robert was right. People are going to think something’s going on.” He arches an eyebrow.
“Well it worked. I just can’t wait to see it go to the charts. I hope we get in the top ten,” Lake screeches.
“Fuck that! Number one baby,” Chris corrects her, chuckling.
“You okay?” Dominic asks me.
“Yeah, just seeing it... It’s crazy.” I don’t know what else to say. That we looked amazing together. That I enjoyed being that intimately close to you?
“Yeah, but if it’s any consolation, you looked amazing.” I smile at him and he smiles back at me.
Friends. Remember, we are just friends.
But why do I want more?
Poison reached number one on the charts. Number one. We were h
oping to be in the top ten, well Chris wanted number one, but we were trying to be realistic. Seeing it on TV and hearing it on the radio is insane. People are going crazy over the video. Lake had to create a Facebook fan page for the band and thousands have already pressed like. They’ve been commenting on how hot the video is, asking if me and Dominic are an item in real life. I guess Roberts intuition was right.
People want to know what’s next, when the album is going to be released, when is there going to be another hot music video? It’s absolutely crazy. Strangers messaging just to say how much they loved the song and how much of a brilliant singer I am. It’s amazing how they take time out of their everyday lives just to say that.
Robert had booked us a photo shoot and set up an interview for the following day so people can learn more about us and the band. We were ushered into a grey building where the photo shoot is being held and waiting to be told what to do. Lake even dressed up in a suit so she would look professional as the bands manager. The guys are looking around in excitement and awe but I feel anxious and nervous. This is happening way too fast. I was hoping we would be taking baby steps into the music world but I feel like I’m being thrown in the deep end.
Right now I feel like I’m drowning.
I hate how insecure I’m feeling but, in three months, my life has been turned upside down and it’s getting crazier each passing day. I feel like I can’t breathe at times. Lake and Dominic keep telling me how amazing I’m doing but on the inside, I’m shaking.
I can hear my parents mocking voices in my head telling me how I’m going to let my new friends, my new family, down. I know if Sherry was here she would be in her element. Everyone looking at her. Everyone expecting her to know what she’s doing. She would meet every task without thinking twice about it. I hate to think this but, at times, I regret saying yes. I was brought up in one controlling world and I feel like I’ve just been pushed into another.
Expectations to be good, to do better.
To be better.
I see an older man with glasses on top of his bald head walk towards us. He eyes each one of us up and down. He’s wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a light pink shirt but they scream designer. They scream expensive.
“Hello, I’m the photographer. Robert has already told me what he wants for this shoot so let’s get you into hair and makeup and in your outfits. I know this is all new to you but try to relax and have fun,” he says, giving us a smile that doesn’t help with my nerves.
“Fuck, make-up again? I’m going to grow a pussy at this rate,” Chris complains.
“Joe, Keela. Take Risen Knights to where they have to be.” He clicks his fingers and two people show up who I assume is Joe and Keela. Joe, who is very tall but very skinny, takes the guys away and Keela is left with me. She has short blonde hair that frames her perfect face.
“Hi, I’m Keela. Follow me.” She shakes my hand quickly and hooks her arm through mine.
“Umm, can I bring my sister please?” I stop and ask. I need Lake. I need her beside me.
“Umm, sure,” she says, looking at me oddly. She probably isn’t use to rock stars being a nervous wreck.
“Lake!” I shout to her. She’s on her phone but rushes over.
“Everything okay?” I want to tell her no, but I know I can’t.
“Can you come with me?” I plead to her. Her eyes soften and she puts an arm over my shoulders.
“Of course. I wouldn’t be a good manger if I didn’t please the lead singer,” she jokes.
We follow Keela into a huge room with a desk and mirror full of makeup, a counter full of hair supplies, and in the far corner is a rail of clothes. Keela tells me to sit on a chair near the hair stuff and tells me someone will see me shortly. Why couldn’t the people who did my hair and makeup before be here? At least I started to feel more comfortable with them.
In thirty minutes, my once straight hair is now a wavy mess and my makeup is a little gothic. Grey, smoky eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and mascara. My skin looks flawless and my lips are a dark brown. The person looking back at me in the mirror isn’t me. My reflection looks like a rock star but the person she is staring at isn’t. I’m taken to the rail of clothes and I groan when they show me what I have to wear.
Underwear.
Black lace matching underwear with a garter belt and stockings. No shoes.
How can they keep expecting me to wear this? Robert knows how I feel about this. He knows I have no self-confidence to wear this stuff. I’m going to be in magazines half naked. What if my parents see me? What if someone shows them what I’ve done? To them, this is like porn. I can picture their angry faces looking at me like I’m dirt. Worse than dirt.
“Lake, why do I have to wear underwear again? I can’t keep doing this.” I sit on a nearby chair with the underwear in my hands. I just want to cry and hide under my covers.
“Sky.” Lake kneels down and holds my hand. “I know you don’t like this but you’re thinking way too much on how people are going to see you. People wear underwear on shoots all the time. It’s like wearing a bikini.” I wouldn’t wear a bikini either, I think sullenly.
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry but we said baby steps, this isn’t baby steps, Lake. I’m not like you. Maybe after a while I’ll feel more comfortable in my own skin, but I’m not there yet. Please help me.” A few tears escape.
“Right. Let me handle this. I’m not letting you do this shoot if you don’t feel comfortable. Let me go have some words. I’ll be right back.” Lake stands up and heads to the door.
“What if they tell us to leave if we don’t do it their way?” I bite my lip. That’s the last thing I would want. I don’t want to ruin this experience for everyone.
“Well tough. They can’t make you do shit. Let me sort this.” With that, she’s gone.
I keep telling myself that I can be more like her but I can’t. For twenty-one years I have been told to dress in a certain way, think in a certain way, and it’s going to take time for me to shake that off.
If I ever can.
Then how come Lake can dress sexy, talk like a sailor and have a man who wants her? She lived in that house too, that nasty voice enters my head again.
Not long after, Lake comes in and walks straight to the rails, flipping through the clothes. She doesn’t say anything until she picks out a long white shirt with a smile on her face. “I made them a deal. Would you be able to wear the underwear with this shirt over it but unbuttoned?” I look at the shirt and it looks long enough to cover my ass. I could cry that she actually did it. I stand up and hug her.
“Thank you so much. It’s so much better than just wearing this.” I pick up the lace.
“What are managers for? You go put all this on and tell me what you think.” I go to the dressing room and put everything on. The shirt is long enough to cover most of my body. I walk back out and Lake whistles when she sees me.
“Wow, you look hot. You feel better?” I look in the long mirror and I still look sexy but I feel more comfortable going out there.
“Yes, thank you again for doing this. I was so worried that they would think I’m some sort of diva making demands.”
“I explained you weren’t comfortable and they understood. So let’s get your sexy ass out there and show the world how hot you are.” She holds my hand and guides me out.
Yeah, let’s show your parents what you’ve become.
Shut up brain.
People are everywhere setting up the shoot, moving around lights, and I see the photographer messing with his equipment. He still hasn’t said what his name is. I’m still looking around me when my eyes stop on Dominic, Chris, and Leon. They’re all shirtless. I’m sure my mouth is hanging open. We walk closer and when their eyes meet me their mouths drop open too but I can’t keep my eyes off Dominic. I don’t think I’ll ever get use to how gorgeous he is. His eyes are trained on me and I smile to myself.
“God, this life suits you Sky. You get hotter and hott
er each time.” Chris walks up to me and holds my hands, spreading them out so he can eye me up and down. I quickly pull away and cover myself a bit more.
“Chris, pack it in,” Lake scolds him.
“Sorry Lake, but damn.” Chris looks me up and down again.
“Let’s get started!” the photographer shouts out and I’m glad that he did so we can get this over with and I can get back in my normal clothes. “Sky, I want you in the middle, Dominic on your right, Chris on your left and Leon, go on one knee in front.” We all get in our positions. “Sky, turn to your side and look up at Dominic. Dominic, put one hand on her waist, the side that is angled towards the camera, looking down at her. Chris press your front to her back and look down to the right. Leon you look forward.” Feeling two men touching me makes my heart race. The one touch I can feel the most is Dominic’s.
“Hey, look at me,” Dominic’s voice caresses over me. I look up, staring into his eyes. “Just keep looking at me, okay? Don’t look away.” I do as he says. I hear clicks of a camera as picture after picture gets taken. We get told where we should stand and what to do but I never stop looking at him.
“Okay, this time Dominic, lean your forehead down onto Sky’s. Sky keep your face forward but look up. Chris and Leon stand on either side of them and stare ahead at the camera.” I close my eyes as I feel Dominic stand in closer. His forehead presses against mine and I can feel his breath on my face.
“Look at me,” he whispers. He presses his thumb and index finger on my chin and I look up. My mouth opens a little, letting the breath I’ve been holding in, out. His lips are so close. I could just stand on my tip toes and they would be on his. He lets go of my chin and his hands glide down my arms, his fingers go under the shirt, touching my skin gripping onto my waist, pulling me in closer to him.