by J. L. Ostle
“Rest with me.” I shake my head.
“I don’t think rest is in your plans. I’ll see you soon.” I press a kiss on his cheek and can tell he’s pissed off. Does he not realize that I feel mortified?
“You really going to go and leave me like this?” He points to his hard bulge.
“I told you, I’m not that kind of girl. It’s only been a day, I’m not going to just start getting you off,” I say sternly.
“What was that back there then?” He points back where the seats are. “You were happy enough to be that kind of girl back there.” I walk back to him and push him.
“You are a dick. I wanted to try and get out of my comfort zone and you throw it in my face. I was trying to please you in a way that I can. Obviously that was a mistake.” I walk away. I hear him calling my name but I ignore him and head back to the bus.
I sing that night with so much more emotion. I’m angry and pissed off. I’m feeling emotions I’ve never felt before. My parents treated me like a doll; they did things that hurt me physically as well as emotionally, but not once have I ever felt like this. The crowd seems to eat it up, screaming out my name, wanting more. I push myself, trying to get rid of this pent up frustration. I dance with the male dancers more seductively than usual. I glide my body from one guy to the next, knowing Jensen is watching. I feel his eyes burning through me but I don’t care.
We sing our last song and I walk past Jensen on my way off the stage, pretending he doesn’t exist. Maybe I’m acting like a child, but I don’t care. I go and get ready and make sure to wear a dress that could pass as lingerie. It’s nearly see through, depending on the lighting, and usually I would never wear something like this, but tonight I want to piss Jensen off.
I’m in a back room, talking to some of the fans, taking photos and signing posters. A few of the male dancers surrounded me and I enjoy the attention. Dominic comes over and joins us and, as usual, hooks his arm around my shoulders. I’m caught up in laughing, my head thrown back, when I feel the familiar tingle of someone watching me. When I look up, Jensen is standing near the door, glaring at me. I smirk back at him and continue like he isn’t here.
A while later, I sneak off to use the toilet quickly and after I relieve myself, I open the door only to be pushed back in, my back pressed into a wall. Jensen’s lips land on mine while his hands pin my wrists over my head, holding them both in one of his hands as he uses the other to slide down my arm, to my waist, to the hem of my dress.
I feel him lift it up as his fingers tickle back and forth on my thigh. My breathing is coming in fast; I’m so turned on and I want him to keep touching me. My whole body is vibrating with so much need. I dig my nails in his hand, wanting to scream out for more. His hand slides up further, nearing my now soaked panties, and I hold my breath, waiting for him to touch me there. A place no one has ever touched.
Like he can hear my thoughts, he begins stroking over my underwear, right on my clit. He rubs harder and I moan out with pure pleasure at the feelings it causes in me.
I need more.
The arm holding my wrists starts to shake and I love that I’m not the only one who is worked up by this.
He pushes my underwear to the side and spreads my wetness through my folds before his finger enters me. I want him to release my hands so I can hold onto his shoulders for support. He enters another finger and I almost buckle.
“Fuck, you’re so wet. So fucking tight.” He releases his fingers and I whimper with the loss.
He releases my wrists and lifts me so I am sitting on the counter and lifts up my dress until it’s around my waist and his thumb is at my clit rubbing a spot that makes me scream out his name. I’m close to something that I know will be amazing. I close my eyes and just feel but then a voice screams out in my head that I’m letting some guy I hardly know touch me in such an intimate place. My head is screaming at me to stop but also to feel that release its crying out for. The first voice wins out and I push Jensen away from me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. I could feel how close you are. I could feel how your pussy was squeezing my fingers and you just pushed me away?” I look at him with anger building inside me.
“Stop talking to me like that. If this is how you’re going to be every time I won’t let you do anything sexual, I’m walking away. Just because most girls you know don’t mind all this stuff doesn’t mean I don’t,” I seethe at him. I jump off the counter and straighten myself up.
“It seems like just a few minutes ago you didn’t mind what I was doing. Look how you’re dressed, the games you were playing, using other guys to make me jealous. You think you’re not like the other girls? You need to look in the mirror, baby,” he mocks me. I look at him and it kills me that I can’t deny what he is saying. He’s right. I’ve known him for a short while and already I’m turning into someone I don’t like.
“You’re right. I can’t do this Jensen. You bring out a side of me that I don’t like.” I walk around him and he grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together. I turn my head and he is looking at me like I just shattered him.
“Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me,” his words are soft and I can see desperation in his eyes.
“You hardly know me, Jensen,” I say his name softly, all the irritation washing off me.
“I want to get to know you, I’m sorry I’m being like this. I’m just so used to this life, so used to girls being a certain way with me. Please, can we start again?” I should have said no, I should have walked away, but a part of me couldn’t.
“Okay,” I say softly and he wraps his arms around me, holding me. I don’t know how long we’ve been in the bathroom just holding one another but I know we have to show our faces before my sister starts worrying where I went. “Jensen?” He looks down at me. “Can I have your jacket please?” He smiles at me and takes off his leather jacket, helping me put it on.
We walk back towards our friends and enjoy talking and laughing. We need to get back on the road so we say our goodbyes to the fans that got VIP passes and head back to the buses. Jensen puts his arm around my waist and when the buses come into view, he stops me.
“Can you stay with me? No funny business, I just want to sleep next to you.” I nod my head and he gives me a huge smile, kissing my lips softly.
I walk towards his bus and turn my head to see Lake giving me a thumbs up. I wonder why she is okay with me being with Jensen but not Dominic? I remember I heard her tell Leon that he was a player and would hurt me. I’m sure Jensen was a bigger player, even though those are thoughts I don’t want to be thinking about.
Stop thinking about Dominic, you’re with Jensen now.
I walk onto Jensen’s bus and it seems like it’s twice the size of ours. There is a round couch with a TV that basically takes up most of one wall with a few game consoles and games. I see a few guitars around. The bunks look more spacious too. Jensen holds my hand and pulls me down the bus.
“Woooo, you’re finally going to tap that!” Kym shouts out, jumping on the couch.
“Shut it, Kym,” Jensen shouts at her and she just pokes her tongue out at him before winking at me. I feel my cheeks blush.
I follow Jensen to a door that I assume is his room, and see a huge bed taking most of the space, covered in black sheets. There are note books everywhere but, apart from that, the place is tidy. I sit on the bed, unsure what to do now. I’m just praying that he keeps to his word and doesn’t expect anything to actually happen, especially after I got us both worked up in the bathroom.
I watch him as he goes to some drawers that are opposite the bed and takes out a big black T-shirt that has AA stamped on it and throws it to me.
“I figure you’ll feel more comfortable wearing the shirt instead of the dress.” I appreciate the gesture and he guides me to the small bathroom that is joined to the room. I change and when I come back out, he’s lying on the bed with the sheets over him. He really does look like the bad boy parents warn you about.
/>
I walk around to other side, feeling self-conscious, and get under the covers. Why do I suddenly feel so nervous to be around him?
Because it wasn’t long ago you let his fingers touch your nether region. My head mocks me.
I lay there stiff as a board and Jensen laughs next to me. I turn my head and he’s laughing so hard I can’t help but laugh with him. We laugh for a few more minutes until we start to calm down and, with that, I start to relax. Jensen puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in closer so my head is on his chest.
“You looked like you were comfortable,” Jensen says sarcastically and starts chuckling again and I softly hit his chest.
“Hey, it’s not my fault you make me feel like this.” I snicker to him.
“I want you to be comfortable around me, like how you are with Dominic.” I almost tense up but control it since I don’t want him to think something is wrong.
“We weren’t like this when we first met. We hardly talked, we hardly even looked at each other, but when I joined the band we knew we had to get along. It took time, but we’re close now.” I feel Jensen’s fingers stroking my arm as he listens.
“How can anyone who just met you not want to be around you? When I first saw you, I felt this aura around you, this pull, and I’m sure every guy who sees you feels the exact same way.” Except Dominic.
“I think you need glasses.” I try and laugh off the comment.
“You’re gorgeous. You have amazing dark blue eyes that look like the night sky, a smile that could melt any guys heart; you just radiate innocence.” I blink at him.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I read online that you weren’t the original lead singer, how did that happen?” I turn my head and he smiles kindly at me and I tell him about Sherry, about me stepping in at a gig last minute and that’s how we met Robert. “Wow, so you sang one song and your life changed. Guess you were at the right place at the right time.” Depends how you look at it.
“To be honest, I didn’t want to be in the band. I didn’t know what I wanted in life other than just to enjoy it. I’m glad that I did though since I get to stay close to my sister.”
“And you would have never met me,” he jokes and I chuckle.
“And there’s that. This life is so crazy, so insane at times, but I do love music, I love how when I sing I feel like I’m a completely different person.” I think about every song I have sung so far, how it takes over me.
“When I see you onstage, seeing you sing, it’s like you’re home. You look like you’re in your own world; you move and flow with the music, its mesmerising, it’s like you’re at peace with the world.”
“What about you? Tell me how you got into music, how you became the famous rock star we all adore?” Jensen turns, leaning on his elbow so he’s facing me.
“I fell in love with playing as soon as I got my first guitar. Travis and Lloyd were looking for a singer back when I was in high school so I auditioned in their garage and they liked me. We played gigs and we got spotted. Nothing exciting I’m afraid.” He pushes some hair over my ear.
“What about your parents, do they support this life of yours?” I see him tense up and I hope I didn’t bring up a sore subject. What is it with these music types having a bad history with their families?
“They wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. They didn’t mind me playing as long as I put my academics first, but when I got the opportunity to play professionally, they didn’t approve and basically disowned me. Travis and Lloyd have been my only family ever since.”
“What about Kym?” I stroke his stubble on his jaw.
Jensen laughs. “Our original drummer got into an accident and couldn’t play anymore and we were lucky enough to find Kym. She plays like a demon possessed when she’s behind those drums; it’s her passion. She’s a good person but she loves to wind people up. I think she likes winding you up the most seeing as how you react so easily.” We both laugh, knowing it’s true.
“I like it when you’re like this.” I swipe his hair away from his eyes and he leans towards my touch.
“Like what?” he whispers.
“Like a normal person, not the rock star, or the sex obsessed guy. How you can talk to me so tenderly, so openly. How you can look at me without only seeing sex.” I smile softly at him and he looks into my eyes.
“I like being like this too, it’s nice to just talk. I like how you don’t expect anything from me.” I cup his cheek.
“I do expect something from you though.” I look into his eyes.
“What’s that?” He grins at me.
“To be like this around me, to be kind, sweet, not acting like you’re the biggest thing ever in front of your friends. Just be you.” I kiss the corner of his mouth.
“How do you do that?” he asks me, shaking his head.
“Do what?” I beam at him.
“Look at me with those deep, dark blue eyes of yours and make me want to be a better person? You draw me in so deep, it’s like my soul has known you for ages.” I look at him, not knowing what to say.
“I don’t know what to say to that,” I speak out my thoughts.
“You don’t need to say anything. Just sleep. Night my sweets.” I chuckle at the name he called me when we first met.
“Night, Jensen.” I hear him suck in a breath and I turn to my side as he holds me. It doesn’t take long before I hear his breathing even out.
Tonight has been a rollercoaster from beginning to end. From being so angry to feeling all mellowed out. I feel like I’ve met a side of Jensen that I will enjoy hanging out with. I just hope I know what I’m getting into. I feel a little worried about that side he brings out in me, but I can’t fully blame him. It’s my choices and decisions; how I dress and act. I try and clear my thoughts and hope sleep takes over me soon.
I’m singing on stage, Jensen in the wing watching me. I feel his eyes on me with each step I take. The song ends and I run towards him and he lifts me up, telling me how amazing I was and kisses my lips like he hasn’t kissed me in days. I am breathless when he puts me down. I look up and see my parents standing behind me, looking at me in disgust.
Jensen turns his head to see what I’m looking at when my parent’s walk towards me and I cower into his arms. They stop just a few paces away from us, eyeing Jensen up and down.
“This is who you’re going to waste your life on?” my mom screams at me and I flinch, remembering how her voice could be.
“Mom…” I try and defend myself.
“Don’t you dare ‘Mom’ me! Do you have any idea what you’re doing to this family? What you are putting us through?” I feel a slap across my face. I touch my cheek and feel liquid and see blood on my fingers. Mom always knows how to hit me without leaving a mark, but I guess this time she doesn’t care.
“You are coming home. You have been whoring yourself for the whole world to see. Kissing girls, grinding against every guy you see on stage. You make me sick.” Dad grabs my wrist so hard, I’m sure he could break it.
“Jensen,” I turn and plead to him but he looks at me with the same revulsion as they did.
“They’re right; I can’t be with someone who throws themselves at every guy who is willing to touch you. I’m sorry, Sky, but I don’t want a girl like that. I thought you were different but I guess I was wrong. A good girl wouldn’t let me kiss and touch her like you let me do to you.” he says with disgust and I feel tears start flowing down my cheeks.
They drag me off the stage, pulling me along so that I am jogging just to keep up with them. We make it outside where a car pulls up and my Mom climbs in first. I don’t want to go with them. That wasn’t the deal. I start kicking and screaming but my dad holds on tighter, causing me to scream out in pain.
“Sky!” I hear Dominic’s voice. I turn and he is running to me. “Sky where are you going?” His voice is panicked.
“Dominic, help me please!” I shout out to him. I stretch out my other arm and try to r
each him, but his fingers barely touch mine when I am dragged into the car. I am banging on the window trying to get to him. I feel my arm being pulled so hard that it almost comes out of the socket until I’m facing my father. His eyes blaze red like fire.
“You are coming home; we are going to teach you how to be the girl we raised. You will be punished like the whore you are.” I feel his fingers tightening on my arm.
I jerk awake, covered in sweat, trying to breath in as much air as I can. It’s been months since I last had a nightmare. Jensen is on the other side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. A part of me wants to wake him up but I know I can’t. I head to the bathroom and look in the mirror to see a frightened little girl. I look paler than normal. I splash some water over my face to try and calm myself down. It was only a dream.
I go back in the room and grab a fresh t-shirt from the drawer and take a very hot shower, trying to get rid of all thoughts of my parents. I look at a scar on my side, seeing just a faint white line, and memories come back in a flash I crumble down on the floor and cry. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there for but I feel arms wrap around me, holding me. Reassuring me that I’m safe and no one will harm me. I pray to the God’s that it’s true. Jensen is fully clothed but he continues to hold me, stroking my hair, soothing me, and we stay that way until the water turns cold.
The next day, Jensen doesn’t bring up my melt down, which I really appreciate. I could never tell him about my past or the dream I had. There are some things I’m not ready to share. He held me all night and I woke up with his arms still around me. We have a day before we have to get back on the road so Jensen wants to surprise me and take me out for the day. Our first real date. Well, my first date. Ever.
I was told to dress casually so I got help from Lake who giggles and shrieks the whole time. I put on a light blue summer dress that hugs my curves and flares around my knees. I know it’s the right choice when Jensen’s eyes soften when he sees me. He holds my hand and guides me to a fancy car that looks expensive, and I’m shocked to see that he got a personal driver to take us.