by Chloe Walsh
"Shannon!"
"Oh Jesus, fine!" Mam muttered. "You better behave yourself, Johnathon."
The sound of high heels clicking on tiles filled my ears, and then I was blinded in light.
A few moments passed by in hushed whispers.
And then I heard those two words.
"Hi, Johnny."
"Boom, boom, fucking boom, Da," I groaned, slapping a hand against my chest. "I'm done for."
66
I won't leave you
Shannon
"Shannon, love," Mrs. Kavanagh acknowledged when she stepped out of Johnny's hospital room and found me skulking in the corridor. "It's lovely to see you again."
"Hi, Mrs. Kavanagh," I croaked out, feeling incredibly uncertain.
I'd been lurking around outside Johnny's room for over ten minutes, forcing myself not to push my way through the door.
I knew his parents were in there, and that should have terrified me, but it didn’t.
Because I needed to see that boy more than I needed to be afraid.
Pushing off the wall, I clasped my hands together and asked, "Is Johnny okay?"
"Well," she said, worrying her lip. "He's a little off form right now, love."
Oh, god.
Concern burst to life inside of me.
"Can I see him?" I forced myself to be brave and ask.
Mrs. Kavanagh frowned.
"Please? I'll be really quick," I begged, hoping his mother would take mercy on my fragile heart. "I just need to see him…uh, I mean, I need to check that he's…okay."
With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Kavanagh nodded and gestured for me to go inside.
On unsteady feet, I walked into the dark room, illuminated only from the lights of the city shining in from the other side of the window pane.
My eyes immediately darted to the bed in the middle of the room.
There was a man sitting in a chair to Johnny's right, and Gibsie was standing to his left.
I instantly recognized the man as the one from the photograph in Johnny's room that day.
The hero.
His father was holding Johnny's hand, sitting right by his bedside, and looking like his son thirty years into the future.
Meanwhile, I just stood there, in the middle of his hospital room, with my heart hammering in my chest, and my eyes glued to his slumped body.
"Hi, Johnny," I said, my voice barely more than a whisper.
"Boom, boom, fucking boom, Da," Johnny slurred, clutching his chest. "I'm done for."
His choice of words caused Gibsie to laugh loudly and Mrs. Kavanagh, who had rejoined us, to groan in despair.
"Bring the lights back, Da," Johnny instructed, slurring his words. "Light up the world. You need to see this girl."
"Johnny," his mother said in a warning tone. "Behave yourself."
"I wanna see her, Ma," he groaned. "I can't see her."
My heart leapt in my chest.
"Me?" I squeaked.
"Always you," Johnny groaned. "Fucking balls."
"He's not himself, Shannon," Mrs. Kavanagh hurried to say. "Don’t mind anything that comes out of his mouth."
"Uh…" I looked to her and nodded uncertainly. "Okay?"
His father switched on a small overhead light then, bathing the room in a soft glow.
With my heart racing, I took in the sight of Johnny hooked up to a beeping machine at his bedside.
He had wires strapped to his bare chest, and one coming out of his arm that was hooked to a drip.
For once, I managed to not ogle at his naked chest, concentrating on his beautiful, bruised, and tired looking face instead.
"See her, Da? See? So fucking beautiful!" Johnny announced. "Told ye all."
Oh, god…
"Oh, Johnny," his mother sighed.
"Leave him be, Edel," his father chuckled. "He can't help himself right now."
"Shannon," Johnny slurred, sounding terribly groggy. "She's too far away."
"I'm here, Johnny," I croaked out.
"You're here?" He nodded, more to himself than anyone else. "Don’t leave me again."
My heart squeezed in my chest and my words came out in a small puff. "I won't."
I felt incredibly uncomfortably, having both of his parents in the room, but I pushed down those feelings and made my legs walk towards him.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, closing the space between us, choosing to come around Gibsie's side of the bed. "Are you okay?"
"Come closer," Johnny purred, his bleary eyes trained on my face, as he crooked his finger at me. "I wanna show you something."
"Uh, okay?"
Stepping around Gibsie, I moved to his bedside.
"Don’t you dare!" Mrs. Kavanagh barked, causing me to jerk back and Johnny to groan.
"Spoil sport," Johnny huffed.
"John, tuck those blankets under the mattress," she instructed before turning her glare on her son. "I don’t care how high you are, Johnathon Robert Kavanagh Jr., I will cut it off if you so much as think about showing her."
"Show me what?" I asked nervously.
"My dick," Johnny announced, twisting to face me. "You wanna see?" He smiled lazily up at me. "It's all better now."
Gibsie threw his head back and howled laughing.
Mr. Kavanagh joined him.
"And Jesus wept," Mrs. Kavanagh sobbed.
"He's high, little Shannon," Gibsie explained, still snickering. "As a fucking kite."
"Oh, well, that's okay," I whispered, feeling my cheeks flame in embarrassment.
"Hold my hand," Johnny instructed, flapping a hand out towards me.
I looked to his mother, unsure whether she would mind me touching her son in this condition.
Mrs. Kavanagh just sighed and nodded.
"I was worried about you," I told him, taking his big hand in mine. "You gave me an awful fright."
"And I was worried about you," Johnny replied, wide-eyed and sincere. "I'm always worried about you."
He tugged hard and dragged me onto the bed.
"Johnny!"
"It's okay," I assured Mr. Kavanagh before taking an uncertain seat at the edge of his bed.
I had no choice in this.
It was either sit on the edge of Johnny's bed or let him pull me on top of him because he wasn’t letting go.
"I didn’t know where you were," Johnny continued to tell me as he shook his head, looking all flustered and sounding confused. "I thought I lost you…and my head? My head is hiiiigh as balls, baby."
He called you baby.
He called you baby again.
"I'm here now," I whispered, unable to stop my smile at how adorable he was in this moment. "And you're going to be okay."
"I love you, Shannon like the River," he slurred.
My heart stopped.
Did he just?
No.
No, of course he didn’t.
"I fucking love you," Johnny said again.
Oh, god.
He did.
He absolutely did.
Twice.
He's high, Shannon.
He doesn’t know what he's saying.
Don’t take this to heart.
"Gibs?"
"Yeah, lad?"
"My sperm chord didn’t snap." Johnny sighed happily. "No ball explosions."
Gibsie snickered. "Good to know, Cap."
"See, Ma," Johnny said in a groggy slur. "She'll have my babies – " He twisted his head from side to side until he found my face. And then he smiled. "You'll have my babies, won't you?"
"I…" I cleared my throat and exhaled a ragged breath. "I…"
"Shannon, I am so sorry," Mrs. Kavanagh strangled out.
"Say it," Johnny groaned, clutching my hand. "Tell me you'll have my babies."
"Johnny –"
"Just tell me you will," he begged loudly. "Just say it, Shannon! Please! I can't take it."
"Sure?" I croaked out, feeling faint. "Whatever you want, Johnny."
"
Gibs," Johnny called out happily. "Did you hear that, lad?"
"I sure did, Bulldozer."
"Didn’t I do good, Da?" he continued to rave. "See? I found her!"
"You did a great job," Mr. Kavanagh coaxed.
"Sorry, folks, but Mr. Kavanagh is only allowed one family member to stay with him outside of visiting hours," a female nurse called from the doorway, both startling me and saving me from having to respond to Johnny's statement. "If you're all family, you can rotate," she added. "There's a family room on the third floor, but I'll have to ask three of you to leave."
"I'll stay," Mrs. Kavanagh announced. "John, you can take Shannon and Gerard for some breakfast. I'll give you a call in a couple of hours."
"Listen, I have to go," I whispered, turning my attention back to Johnny, heart still hammering in my chest. "I'll try and come back later before the bus leaves, okay?"
"No, no, no," Johnny groaned, holding onto my hand with both of his. "You said you wouldn’t leave me."
Oh, god.
"Johnny, I know, but I have to go," I whispered, flustered. "It's family only."
"She's my wife," he announced then, blowing my mind clean open.
"Johnathon Kavanagh," his mother snapped. "Stop this right now! You'll scare the girl."
"What are ya talking about?" Johnny slurred. "I’m not scaring her. I love her."
"Johnny, I'll come back," I coaxed, exhaling a trembling breath. "I promise I'll come back, okay?"
I tried to pull my hand free from his, but he wouldn’t let go.
He was shaking his head and looking up at me with big, wide, high as a kite eyes.
"I have to go," I repeated, feeling completely torn. "I'm so sorry."
"I'll come with you," he announced, and then proceed to use one hand to rip at his wires.
"Stop that," I ordered, capturing his rogue hand with my free one. "You'll hurt yourself."
"I want you," he groaned, pulling at my arms. "Just you."
At a loss, I glanced up at his parents who were watching our little wrestling match.
Mr. Kavanagh simply shook his head and led a snickering Gibsie out of the room.
"I'll go," I promised Mrs. Kavanagh. "I just need to –" my words broke off when Johnny wrapped his arms around my waist and clung to me.
"You are a lizard," I muttered in despair, feeling his mother's eyes on my face.
"Take the lights away and stay with me, Shannon like the river."
"I'm so sorry about this," I strangled out as I tried and failed to free myself from his hold. "I'll just be a minute–"
"Stay with him."
My gaze snapped up. "Huh?"
"There's no point in agitating him," she stated quietly, gaze locked on her son, who was currently nuzzling my stomach. "If you feel comfortable staying with him, Shannon, then you can stay."
I didn’t want to leave him.
Not back in the changing room at Royce.
And not now.
Not ever.
Nodding slowly, I whispered, "I'll take care of him."
"Okay, then." Mrs. Kavanagh sighed heavily. "I'll be back in a bit."
And then she turned around and left the room.
"You are in trouble with me," I told Johnny once the door had clicked shut, leaving us alone together. "When you're back to your senses, we're going to talk about what you just did."
"I don’t care," he slurred groggily. "I got what I wanted."
"And what was that?" I asked. "To embarrass your mother?"
"You," he slurred. "I got you."
Oh, god.
My heart.
"Johnny, you're saying strange things right now," I breathed.
And you need to stop.
Because it hurts.
"Look at that face," he whispered, staring up at me with a peculiar expression. "I'm gonna keep you."
"Okay." Relenting to his madness, I coaxed him to lie back on his pillow. "You can keep me."
Sitting beside him, I leaned forward, rested an arm on one side of his head, and stroked his cheek with my free hand.
His hands were still wrapped around my waist, but not so tightly now.
"Close your eyes," I told him softly. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Tell me you love me," he pleaded.
"Johnny –"
"Tell me."
Inhaling a steadying breath, I whispered, "Johnny, I love you."
"Thank fuck," he groaned, exhaling loudly.
"You won't remember this," I added shakily. "But I will."
Which was the only reason I was telling him my truth.
"I love your tits," he informed me then.
"You haven't seen them."
He nodded solemnly. "I have."
I shook my head. "No, you must be thinking about someone else."
"I’m only ever thinking about you," he replied. "Only you."
My heart.
My poor, poor heart.
I didn’t stand a chance with this boy.
"And your pussy." He closed his eyes and groaned. "I saw that, too."
Yes.
Yes, he did.
Oh, thank god he didn’t say that in front of his parents…
"It's mine."
"What's yours?" I asked.
"You." He sighed and tightened his hold on me. "And your perfect, little pussy."
"Johnny," I breathed. "You can't say things like that."
"Touch my dick."
"No, Johnny, I'm not touching your dick."
"Are you sure?"
I chuckled. "I'm sure."
"But you will, right?" he asked, looking forlorn. "Someday?"
"Someday," I whispered in his ear. "I promise."
He smiled up at me with this adorable, drunk expression.
"Gimme a kiss," he purred.
Shaking my head, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
"Don’t leave me," he groaned then, face contorting in pain. "I'm no more good…but don’t go?"
"What?"
"I'm…broken."
I shook my head. "You're not broken."
Johnny groaned as if he was in pain.
"No more…rugby," he slurred and then shook his head.
"It doesn’t matter."
He nodded solemnly. "It does."
"Look at me –" I tilted his face to mine. "Johnny Kavanagh, open your eyes and look at me."
With a great deal of effort, he did.
I waited several beats for him to focus on my face before I continued.
"You are worth so much more than rugby." I kissed his lips because, quite frankly, I had an issue with inappropriate kissing when it came to this boy. "If you never picked up a rugby ball for the rest of your life, it wouldn’t matter to me."
"I think I need you for keeps," he slurred.
"I think I need you for keeps, too," I confessed.
"You are so pretty," he slurred. "That very first day. Boom."
"Boom?" I giggled.
He nodded solemnly. "Boom."
"Listen, I'm going to go and sit in the chair right next to your bed," I coaxed as I tried to untangle myself from his wires and slippery hands. "So you can get some sleep."
Johnny shook his head and pulled me closer. "Sleep with me."
"Johnny, you're just after surgery," I sighed. "You need to rest."
"If this is love, then it's you," he replied, dragging me down to lay beside him.
"Huh?" I asked as I slid onto my side and tried my best not to poke at his legs.
"You," he mumbled sleepily, dropping a heavy arm around my shoulders.
"Me what?" I whispered as I placed my hand on his stomach and snuggled into his side.
"You are love." He sighed contently. "Stay with me."
Always.
"I'll stay with you," I whispered, feeling more in this moment than I could handle.
"Who's making you sad?" he asked then, voice slurred and sleepy. "Tell me, baby."
"Nobody, Johnny."
"You lie and it hurts my heart," he groaned, tightening his hold on me. "All those marks. It hurts when I know someone's hurting my Shannon."
"Johnny –"
"Who's hurting you, baby?" he slurred sleepily. He yawned loudly and then sighed. "I'll fix it."
"It's a secret," I breathed, feeling my body shake.
"I won't tell," he whispered.
Inhaling a trembling breath, I clenched my eyes shut and pressed my lips to his ear. "My father."
I waited several beats for him to say something.
He didn’t.
When I opened my eyes and looked at his face, I realized why.
Johnny was asleep.
67
Plan B
Johnny
Everything hurt.
My balls.
My legs.
My dick.
My head.
I felt like I had been mowed over by a freight train.
There was pressure on my chest.
Something wasn’t right.
And I could smell coconuts?
And then I remembered.
It was over.
All my hard work.
All the years of relentless, grueling training sessions had been for nothing.
Because my body quit on me.
And now I was broken.
Jerking awake, I snapped my eyes open, feeling panicked and close to the edge of a nervous breakdown.
For a few moments, I stared at the ceiling, just absorbing the devastation washing through my heart like a tidal wave of destruction.
Inhaling several deep breaths, I moved to sit up, only to flop back down when I noticed the small frame curled up on the bed beside me.
Holy shit.
"Shannon?"
"Hmm?"
"Shannon," I croaked out, nudging her with my hand. "Wake up."
Yawning quietly, she crept out from where she had been nestled in the crook of my arm.
"You're awake," she said, smiling down at me.
I nodded warily.
"You remember where you are?"
I nodded again.
"Do you remember the match?"
"I remember why I'm here," I croaked out, feeling dry-mouthed and hoarse. "I don’t remember why you're here."
Shannon looked at me for a long moment and then her eyes widened and she quickly scooted off the bed.