Emotions swelled in his throat, and he turned away from Emma. Im going to take a nap so if youll leave the items on the porch, Ill get them later. Please lock the door as you leave. Thanks for your help. He limped down the hall toward the living room.
From the foyer Emma said, Bye. Thanks for helping Josh. Then the sound of the front door closing echoed through the house.
Total quiet, finally. Today the level of noise had strained Jakes nerves, yet working with Josh had made him feel good about himself, as if even with the shape he was in, he could still help someone. When he felt tension begin to take hold of him, he put his hand on Shep and the stress melted away.
Then the sight of Emma when she returned from seeing Carsons mother lifted his spirits. Her bright smile and twinkling eyes reminded him of the sunrays peeking through a bank of storm clouds.
He stretched out on the long couch, and Shep lay down on the carpet near him within reach. I wonder how Emmas meeting with Sandy ONeil went. Maybe Ill call her later and find out, he said to the dog, who cocked his head as he listened. Shes a special lady. Too bad we met at this time in my life.
*
All the way home from work, Emma tried to think of a way to check on Jake. It had been two days since shed seen him. She had been Sheps trainer, so she should see how he was doing with the dog. Yeah, right. That wasnt the main reason she wanted to see or at least talk to him. She cared. The last look he had given her before hobbling out of the kitchen was a resigned one, as though he had come to the conclusion he would fight panic attacks for the rest of his life, that he wouldnt be able to deal with change easily or crowds. But that wasnt the case. People worked their way through PTSD. It wasnt easy, but it could be done, especially if he had a support systempeople who cared. He had isolated himself.
At home Emma paced her kitchen, holding her cell and deliberating between calling Jake and putting her phone in her pocket. Josh would be home soon from Craigs. Shed stayed longer than usual at work, and Craigs mother had picked both boys up at school and taken them back to her house to work on a project for science. She appreciated her network of friends and parishioners who would help her if she needed it.
Jake was alone. Did he even turn to the Lord for guidance and strength? She couldnt have made it through Sams death without God.
Staring down at her cell, she recited Jakes phone number, surprised she could remember it. Usually she had trouble recalling one unless she used it a lot. Shed only called him twice in the ten days shed known him. She started to punch in a nine when the doorbell rang.
Odd. Josh had a key and would let himself into the house. Maybe it was Jake. She had no reason to believe that, but she hurried toward the entry hall, peered out the peephole and frowned.
When she swung the front door open, concern surged to the forefront. Sandy, whats wrong?
Her friends swollen eyes indicated shed been crying and right behind her was Carson, sniffling. One of his eyes would be black-and-blue by tomorrow.
Emma stepped to the side to allow them in. Lets go into the living room, and you can tell me what happened.
Sandy sank onto the couch with Carson right next to her, his head hanging down. I had a long talk with Carson last night about what we discussed on Sunday and told him he needed to apologize to Josh today at school for what he did. I also told him Id better never hear that hes done that to anyone again.
As Sandy talked, her sons shoulders slumped, his chin now resting on his chest.
I appreciate that, Sandy. Carson, why are you hurt? The thought set alarm bells off in her mind.
Tell her what happened at school, Carson.
The child started crying.
Sandys forehead pinched into a frown. That isnt going to help. You should never have become involved with Sean Phillips and Liam Rogers. She looked at Emma. Thats the third boy and the leader. He moved here this summer and should be in sixth grade but was held back. He is in Joshs class. She stopped for a few seconds, drawing in a deep breath.
Emma used that pause to say to Carson in a gentle voice, Tell me about today. I havent seen Josh yet. Hes at Craigs house and should be home soon. Please help me to understand whats going on.
Carson sniffed and lifted his tear-streaked face. I found Josh at recess and told him I was sorry about what happened in the park. I didnt want to hurt him, but if I hadnt, they would have turned on me. Liam likes to pick on smaller guys. When he didnt with me, I couldnt believe he wanted to be friends. Then he started going after Josh. I tried to back off. Liam said I was either on his side or against him.
How can one or two boys have so much power over you all? Emma knew Sean was about four or five inches taller than Josh, but Craig, her sons best friend, was almost that much taller, too.
Its not just Liam and Sean. There are two others, both sixth-graders. Theyve got lots of kids scared. Its getting bad. They said no one better rat on them. They saw me talking with Josh and heard I told him I was sorry. They didnt like that. They paid me a visit. He touched the area by his eye and winced. This was my warning.
This has got to stop for your son and mine, Sandy said, twisting her hands together. She shook her head. But I dont know what we can do. Ill talk with his teacher as well as the principal tomorrow about Liam.
Fear gripped Carsons face. No, dont, Mom. Please.
Thats what Josh kept telling me. But we cant stand by and let boys like Liam get away with what theyre doing.
The sound of the front door being unlocked then opened announced Joshs arrival. Emma wasnt sure if she was glad for his timing or not. She wished Jake were here to help her with the situation. He might have some more insight that would aid them.
When Josh came into the living room, he stopped a few feet inside and stared at Carson. Her sons face went pale. What happened?
Liam, Carson mumbled, and lowered his head again.
Thunder darkened her sons expression. We need to take our school back.
Emmas mouth dropped open. His fierce tone shocked her. What do you have in mind?
Weve got to stand up to Liam and his buddies.
Carson shot a look at Josh. How? Theyre bigger.
I have a friend thats teaching me how to defend myself. Mom, do you think Mr. Tanner would help Carson and Craig? I talked to Craig about it.
Honey, I dont know. Especially after his reaction to Marcellas request.
Can you ask him? Sandy inquired, all three of them staring at Emma.
She gulped. I will.
After Carson and Sandy left, Josh turned to his mom. Do you think Mr. Tanner will help us?
I dont know. Do you want to fight the bullies physically? She still felt bothered about having Josh learn moves, even self-defense ones.
No, there are better ways to settle disagreements. Mr. Tanner told me that. But I like knowing I can take care of myself. Ive got some homework to do, but let me know when you talk with Mr. Tanner.
Josh left and Emma paced. This wasnt something she could talk about over the phone with him, and yet it was better not to surprise Jake by just showing up. She withdrew her cell from her pocket and punched in his number. Still, it would be good for him to be involved and give him something to think about other than what had occurred in Afghanistan.
Shep and I are doing fine, Jake said in a husky voice, as though he hadnt used it a lot in the past few days.
The sound of it made her shiver, and an image of the man occupied every inch of her mind. His handsome features
Emma?
She blinked away the vision of him and said, I need to see you. Can I come over?
You dont need to worry about Shep. You trained him well, and youve shown me the signals he responds to. Were doing fine.
Please.�
�
*
Jake held the phone to his ear while massaging his temple with his free hand. Fine, Im not going anywhere.
Thanks. Ill be there in ten minutes.
When Emma hung up, Jake stood in his kitchen listening to the dial tone for a moment before disconnecting. The urgency in her voice spoke to the protector in himsomething he hadnt tapped into much since his days in Afghanistan. Yet part of him was broken and lay in fear of the slightest loud noise, anything unexpected, the press of people, especially strangers.
Something was wrong. That much was clear from the tone of Emmas voice. Six months ago, before his world blew up around him, he would have been charging over to her house to fix whatever had her so concerned. She was Bens little sister with no immediate family nearby.
It was bad enough that she haunted his waking hours. Often when he looked at Shep, he thought about the time she must have put in to train the German shepherd. But whatever she neededwhat if he couldnt do it? Hed already turned down Marcellas perfectly reasonable request. He was just so scared to have people begin to rely on him. Half his men were killed or wounded that day in the mountains. Hed let them down. He hadnt been able to bring them all out alive.
When he sat at his table to finish the frozen dinner he had microwaved, Shep came over and positioned himself next to Jake, laying his head in Jakes lap. Jake took his last bite, then stroked the dog, inhaling deep breaths to keep the anxiety at bay.
I cant fix everything. I cant control everything. He said those sentences over and over to himself while he ran his fingers through Sheps fur. But the Lord can. Then why arent You? Havent I suffered enough?
When the doorbell rang five minutes later, he was still seated at the table, petting Shep. He wanted to ignore the summons to answer, but he also felt the draw to help Emma as she was trying to help him.
Cmon, Shep. Lets see what she needs. Jake shoved back his chair and strode toward the foyer. The thought that he might actually be able to do some good lifted his spirits.
With his dog by his side, he opened the door, his heartbeat increasing at the sight of Emmabeautiful, caring and in need. That was evident in the tiny lines wrinkling her forehead, the absence of a sparkle in her blue eyes.
Come in. Lets go into the living room. He limped across the entry hall.
You arent using your cane.
My physical therapist wants me to go without it as much as possible. He eased onto the couch. He said I was using it more than I should. Hes probably right. At least he could do without the physical crutch. Now if only he could get his life in order.
How often do you go see him? Emma took a seat at the other end of the sofa.
He comes here twice a week. He saw the lines deepen on her forehead. I do go out occasionally.
When? No, forget I asked that. It isnt any of my business. But Shep can help you leave the house more.
He didnt want to talk about his problems. He was tired of dwelling on what he couldnt do anymore without fear of a panic attack. Is this what you came to talk to me about? It sounded urgent on the phone.
You know I talked to Sandy on Sunday about Carson. She insisted that he apologize to Josh. Carson did at school today and later Liam Rogers, the third bully, made it clear he wouldnt tolerate that with Carson and punched him a few times. Hell have a black eye like Josh did.
In other words, theyre coercing Carson to be one of their followers.
Yes, or at least not be a friend to Josh.
Why are they targeting Josh?
Liam Rogers is in Joshs class. He was held back this year. Josh has always been well liked. Maybe Liam resents that. Thats just a conjecture, but whatever the reason, he wants to make my sons life miserable.
Rage at the situation simmered in Jakes gut. He worked to tamp it down. And you want me to do what?
Josh hoped you would work with Carson and Craig, his best friend, teaching them some of the self-defense moves. He feels if they can protect themselves they wont be so fearful all the time. Itll give them some self-confidence. Right now even Carson feels like a victim.
Was that the way he felt about himselfthat he was a victim? Jakes first urge was to say no, but then he looked into Emmas hopeful face and the denial wouldnt form. Instead, he said determinedly, On two conditions: itll be done here, and there should be a fourth boy. That way I can pair them off to practice. But no more than four. Four might even be too many. Hed taught self-defense and fighting skills to mennot children.
Thats great. Josh has another good friend named Zach. Ill talk with his parents and him to see if theyll agree. When can we start?
Emma was like a dog that smelled a buried bone and would keep digging until it found the prize. I figured that would be your next question, he said with a laugh. Thursday. Well work an hour Saturday, Tuesday and Thursday. Weekdays right after school and Saturday in the morning at ten. Okay?
It is with me. Ill check with the other parents and get back to you. If it is, Ill be here on Thursday to introduce you to everyone involved and to help if you need it.
He knew what she was doing. Since this would be a new situation, she wasnt sure if he would have a panic attack. The fact he couldnt reassure her he wouldnt frustrated him. Just another example of what little control he really had in his life.
Ill call you tomorrow evening. Instead of rising to leave, Emma shifted to face him squarely. So how are you and Shep getting along? Do you have any questions about his training?
In other words, what has he done for me?
Yes. Hes capable of a lot.
Every night he wakes me up before I get too far into my recurring nightmare about the ambush. During the day, he senses when I need to calm down. I havent gone anywhere since he came to live with me. Well find out how that is at the first of next week when I go back to my doctor.
How has it been in the past?
Not easy, but necessary. I have the first appointment in the morning and that helps, but I battle anxiety. Im determined to overcome it. Amazed that he had admitted his fear to Emma, he realized in a short time hed come to trust her. That surprised him even more.
You should practice with short trips to different places. Shep will be able to help you with your anxiety before it really gets started.
Can he stop panic attacks?
Possibly. It depends on what triggers an attack and how fast it comes on. Ive got a proposition for you.
He tensed, not sure he wanted to hear it.
You came to my house when you brought Josh home that first day. I could tell that was hard for you. What if you and Shep came to dinner tomorrow night? Since Im just around the corner, itd be a short trip.
Then what?
Maybe the park or the ranch where I can show you the facilities for Caring Canines and then after that a store.
All by Monday?
We can if you want, or do some after Monday.
Listening to her plan to help him with his panic attacks with crowds and unexpected situations, he felt anger mushroom inside him. He was an invalid and that didnt sit well. He swallowed what pride he had left and said, Ben mentioned that your friend Abbey is a counselor and has a group for people who suffer with PTSD.
Yes. No one in it is a veteran, so it might not be the right one for you. From what I understand, the vets in this area have to go to Oklahoma City for a PTSD therapy group. Abbey only started it a few months ago.
Oklahoma City is two hours away.
I know. Abbeys good. Try her group. The cause of the PTSD may be different from the others, but you all are still going through the same problems. I was glad Ben was in Tulsa where he had one for vets nearby. He never regretted attending.
Jake scrubbed his hands down his face, f
eeling the stubble of his beard. Hed forgotten to shave again this morning. Do you know when the group meets?
Monday evenings. She has an office and room she uses at the ranch. She used to work at the hospital, but with the foundation growing, she quit that job to run Caring Canines. Still, she didnt want to give up some of the groups shed started at the hospital. Ill give you her number. Let her know youre interested. Emma dug into her purse and withdrew a card. Heres her number.
He took it from her, the brief brush of their fingers like an instant connection leaping between them. He didnt know if he could go to a therapy group and discuss his problems, but he had to do something. He didnt like what was happening, and it wasnt getting better with time. He needed more.
Ill call her tomorrow, but with the doctor appointment on Monday, Id rather push it to next week. I can start the group session the following Monday.
She smiled, those blue eyes light like the sea. I hope you like pizza.
Sure, but I can order that and bring it.
No, this is homemade pizza. Josh and I usually have it on Wednesday night. She rose. Id better get back. I dont like to leave Josh too long by himself, even though he complains hes eleven. He thinks I baby him.
Youve been here awhile.
I know but Im only a block away and Buttons is becoming quite the watch dog. Not to mention I have a great neighbor.
The other day with Marcella, his neighbor, still bothered him. I let Marcella down, but Im not ready to do what she asked.
What if this group with the four boys works out? Maybe then you can consider having the ladies over to your house. You could start with a small group and see what happens.
I dont know. I dont want to commit to too much. He didnt want to let down any more people than he already had.
Jake walked Emma to the door and said good-night. When she left, he felt lonely. She brought an energy into his house that teased him with future possibilitiesthat he could have a normal life again.
*
You could open a pizzeria. That was delicious. Jake sat next to Emma on her porch swing the next evening, darkness blanketing the landscape beyond the security light by the front door. Shep lay stretched out nearby with his eyes trained on Jake.
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