by C. A. Harms
“You do know that I’d be happy with even the smallest of things if it was you I was sharing it with. I don’t need possessions and fancy items, Beau.”
“I know.” He stood taller and used his hand to push back a stray strand of hair that hung near my eyes. “But it still doesn’t keep me from wanting to shower you with all of those things.”
That’s where we differed. I just wanted us, I didn’t care about anything else. Because at the end of the day it wasn’t about whether my sheets were made of satin and silk or just plain cotton; it was all about the man lying next to me that mattered.
I wanted to be able to smile and laugh because the man I chose to share my life with made me feel like there was nothing more important than the love we shared. I wanted something solid, something unbreakable.
I wanted a forever, not a just for now.
Chapter Two
“I love this.” Hayley lifted the edge of my skirt as if closely inspecting it and I swatted her hand away.
“Do you mind not showing everyone here my underwear?”
I looked around hoping that no one was looking and found Kyler leaning against the end of the bar only a few feet away, a wide grin upon his lips.
“Great,” I mumbled as I looked toward the floor. “Beau’s best friend just got a full frontal.” Okay so not full, but my lower half.
“Oh please, like he hasn’t seen it before.” Hayley regained my attention.
“I don’t make a habit of showing Kyler my panties.”
She laughed. “Maybe you should.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Come on, like you don’t think that man is fine. Bad boy, master of street bikes, and sexy as fu—”
I covered her mouth with my hand and she moved back to get out of my reach.
“Don’t you dare pretend that you don’t see it too. That man is yummy.” Beau called him a Hollywood pretty boy, though I saw him as more than a pretty face. He was sweet too. Sure he’d been in a commercial or two and got offers all the time for more, but he wasn’t the glamour type. He’d rather be the one watching the movies instead of starring in them. He never liked the attention much. “Okay fine, I’ll let it go, but you aren’t showing anymore than you do in a bathing suit,” Hayley added, bringing me back to our earlier conversation.
“Not the point.” I looked over in Kyler’s direction once more to find him talking to a blonde girl and I took the opportunity to really look at him. Hayley was right, but I already knew that before she’d mentioned it. Kyler was attractive, tall, fit, dark hair, and the deepest brown eyes, so warm and gentle.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts because they weren’t any I should be having about my boyfriend’s best friend.
“Anyway…” Hayley picked at my skirt again. “Where did you get this dress? I love it.”
I shrugged. “Who knows? Mom picked it up during one of her many excursions.”
“What a life,” she sighed as she tipped her head back and closed her eyes. “Your mother is my idol. Beauty and talent, traveling the world to all these amazing places and sharing her visions with the world. What I wouldn’t give to live a life like that.”
“The free life,” added Kristen, another friend of mine who stood next to Hayley with a dreamy look in her eyes. “What I don’t understand is why you don’t travel with her? You know she’d let you.”
“I have work, and I have Beau.” Just as I said his name I searched him out in the crowd and found him near the dance floor.
“You don’t have to work, you know this. Your trust fund alone will carry you and your children through life without a worry. But I get it, you want to support yourself. But Beau…” Kristen paused for a moment as she looked in his direction. “He shouldn’t hold you back.”
“He looks like he’d have no problem entertaining himself in your absence.” I looked away from Beau to toss a glare in Hayley’s direction, only she didn’t back down. “I don’t know why you waste your time on a guy like him anyway.”
“Hayley,” I said in warning.
Did I mention my best friends weren’t fans of Beau? It tended to make things slightly awkward at times.
“He brings you along so he can ignore you seventy-five percent of the night while he mingles and drinks. Then when he finally decided he’s had his fill, he acknowledges you or whatever. It makes no sense.” I looked back in his direction, not responding to her. I wanted to argue, but how could I argue with the truth?
He stood in the center of a crowd, mixed with both men and women. It was obvious to me he was flirting with the two women who stood closest because I recognized his moves. They were the same ones he used on me when we first met. He was fumbling with a necklace that was around one girl’s neck, leaning in to get a closer look. I could see his lips moving as he talked to her. When he lifted his gaze to look at her, he didn’t pull back, which made them extremely close, too close actually.
The girl placed her hand over his and they just stared at one another, as if exchanging some silent message.
I looked away, because honestly I couldn’t stomach much more, only to lock eyes with Kyler, who apparently had observed the whole thing unfold too. The look he gave me only made my stomach feel even more hollowed out than it already was. Softened eyes, his mouth slack with little to no expression really, just a flat line of disapproval.
Pity. I hated that look.
“Would you excuse me?” I pushed past my friends and walked across the bar toward Beau.
When I was within only a few feet, he looked up, surprise on his face. Yeah, fucker, I’m still here.
“Hey babe,” he slurred. Only I wasn’t impressed, considering the blonde girl remained glued to his side and her hand was resting on his stomach, low and near his hip.
I stepped in between him and the bimbo he was just eye fucking and pushed away her hand using my body. I heard her mumble something that sounded very much like “bitch,” but refused to acknowledge her. She wasn’t worth my time. The sad part about it was that I wasn’t sure he was either, but there I was, chasing the idea in my head that we could be something. Like letting go would be like wasting the last year of my life.
Beau reached out for me and I used my own hand to push his away. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m leaving.” He had the nerve to look confused by my response. “It’s not like you’ve noticed me being here anyway. You can catch a ride with Kyler, or whoever,” I said, looking back over my shoulder at the girl, “but I’m taking off.” I flashed him one last annoyed look before I attempted to walk away but he grabbed my arm. The pressure of his hold made my wrist ache. “Let go, Beau,” I said, the words slow as I glared at him, hoping that there was some logical part of him alert beneath the alcohol-induced asshole I was now faced with. This wasn’t like him, and frankly he was hurting me.
“What’s wrong with you?” What, with me? Was he serious?
I was thinking maybe I should have just left without saying a word to him. I was fully aware of the audience that had formed. Hayley and Kristen had joined us and were both glaring at Beau. I didn’t want a scene, and I could see this was escalating fast. In an attempt to salvage the situation I turned back to face him and tried to remain calm.
“I’m going home.” His eyes narrowed as I tried to remain calm. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
When I tugged my arm away he only gripped tighter, which triggered a yelp from me. “Why the hell do you have to do this every time?” His question surprised me. I hadn’t done a damn thing.
He was argumentative and arrogant; it was who he became when he drank. It was one of many reasons why I would rather skip the parties and get-togethers with friends. “All I’m trying to do is have fun and you have to hold it against me every god-damned time.”
“Come on, man.” Kyler stepped forward. “Just let it go.”
I gave him a thankful glance but his attempt did nothing to soothe Beau. He had this warped vision in his head that made him feel as if I was the one doing something
wrong.
“Stay out of this, pretty boy.” He nudged Kyler out of the way and suddenly I felt guilty for him coming to my rescue. The size comparison between the two was the same. Both stood tall, broad, and confident.
“I don’t think this is a conversation you two should be sharing in front of a crowd.” Did Kyler not know his best friend? Beau loved a crowd; he thrived on attention. “You need to let her go.” I heard the warning in Kyler’s voice and it gave me chills. It was a side of him I hadn’t seen before. There was a silent warning in his eyes as he continued to stare at Beau.
But Beau didn’t back down; instead he leaned in a little closer to his best friend, smirking. “Now isn’t the time for you to run to her rescue. You’re always trying to be the hero. She’s not yours to save, or did you forget she’s my girlfriend and not your own?”
An awkward silence passed between the two of them, and I suddenly found myself confused over the entire scene. Kyler backed away holding his hands in the air, as if surrendering, but I could see the irritation in his eyes. It was the last thing he wanted to do but I think we all understood that his need to ensure my safety was only agitating the situation further.
Taking the opportunity to catch Beau off-guard, I jerked my hand from his and backed away. I didn’t wait for him to start spouting off before I moved across the crowd that had formed around us and toward the front entrance of the club. It was almost as if I had tunnel vision and the only thing I could see was my way out.
My name was being called out somewhere off in the distance, only I ignored it. I felt like the room was closing in around me and I just wanted to leave.
The clicking of heels across the asphalt didn’t stop me as I practically jogged toward Hayley’s car. I knew she was behind me. The headlights of her car flickered as she hit the unlock button on her key fob.
In my decision to leave I’d neglected to remember Beau was the one who drove.
I rounded the front of Hayley’s BMW and reached the passenger’s side just as she opened her door. My name echoed across the parking lot and I looked up just in time to see Beau, followed by Kyler, coming down the front steps of the club.
“He is such an ass,” Hayley announced freely just before climbing inside her car, me following closely behind.
“I know.” Letting out a deep breath, I buckled my seat belt and ignored the approaching men. “Just drive, please.”
As she pulled away I risked one last glance and saw Beau stumble forward just before Kyler reached out to catch him.
He’ll be okay. I told myself this over and over as Hayley drove toward my house. Even though I was angry with him, I still cared. He wasn’t always this version of himself. When we were alone, without the stress of the world, he was sweet, caring even. He’d allowed me to see the guy he hid from most people and I loved that guy. It was that guy who made me fall; this version, the one from tonight, was the one I hated.
The drive was quiet, and frankly I was happy that she didn’t feel the need to rehash the evening. I was glad it wasn’t filled with “I told you so” or “why do you even bother.”
Silence was what I needed.
Sneaking inside, fearful I’d wake my mother or father, I climbed in the shower, allowing the hot water to practically scald my body. The heat felt amazing as it soothed just a small amount of the stress from the evening. After toweling off and slipping on a t-shirt, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over me. The light on my phone flashed, indicating I had an unread message, one I chose to ignore.
I imagined it was from Beau, and at that point I had no desire to hear his excuses or apologies. I just wanted to forget about the previous few hours and save the impending drama for another day.
Chapter Three
Kyler: Did you make it home safe?
That was the message that awaited me. But it wasn’t from the man it should have been from, the man who should have felt bad about his actions and grew worried about me and my safety.
It was from Kyler.
Kyler: I’m a little worried about you.
That was fifteen minutes after the first message had gone unanswered.
Kyler: I just heard from Hayley that she dropped you off safely. I’m sorry he was such an ass. I’m sure he’ll feel terrible about it tomorrow.
Kyler was always apologizing for Beau. He’d try to make things right, try to soothe the fire that flared, but it wasn’t his responsibility. He was kind to me, trying to make me smile even after his friend was a jerk. So many times it was Kyler who stood by my side when it should have been Beau.
I left my phone on my bed, leaving the texts unanswered as I crawled out from beneath my sheets. Slipping my feet into slippers, I exited my room and begin walking toward the kitchen. The closer I got the louder the voices grew, and it didn’t take me long to figure out who a certain gruff tone belonged to.
Irritation instantly hit me as I rounded the corner and paused in the doorway, crossing my arms over my chest.
Beau looked like shit, pure shit to be exact. He sat at the bar, his hair a mess, and he still wore the same clothes he had on last night. Even from the distance that remained between us I could see his bloodshot eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t even notice my mother stood on the opposite side of the island in the center of our large kitchen.
“Ashlynn.” I could hear the concern and maybe a bit of warning in her voice.
“Mom, with all due respect, you have no idea what took place. You may think you know, or at least you’ve heard his version, but I can assure you he’s left out vital information that proves how big of a jerk he was.” I didn’t need her running to his rescue.
“Actually,” she rounded the island and paused at the end, “he told me he was awful and disrespectful toward you. I’ve also shared with him that those things will not take place regarding my daughter. I just think you should listen to him before you go off. You, like your father, are quick to judge.”
I felt trapped. It drove me insane that our mothers were friends. Okay, they were best friends, which meant my mother thought Beau was the perfect match for me. This also meant that he got a free pass, or a wide range of free passes in her eyes. She thought she knew the man he was, but she only knew the side he allowed her to see.
“I’m gonna leave the two of you to talk.” She patted Beau’s shoulder as she passed him and offered me a smile. It was forced, and in turn I gave her the same. I felt anything but happy at the moment. Running to my mother, getting what he felt was his “in,” only infuriated me more.
“I’m sorry.” His voice sounded like a pained whisper in the silence of the room. “I was an asshole.”
“You’re always sorry.” I felt like this was all we did anymore. Our relationship had become nothing more than a long stretch of sorry’s. “Don’t you ever get tired of saying sorry all the time?”
“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate.
I remained in place as he stood from the stool and took a few steps toward me.
“I should have listened to you last night and chose a night in with just you instead.”
“Well, I would have hated for you to settle. Because we all know that I don’t compare to a night of drinking and bimbos hanging all over you like you’re some kind of god.” Bitchy, yes maybe, but I was entitled after the way he behaved.
“With you I’m never settling, Ash.” I closed my eyes as he started moving toward me even more. I knew where we were going with this; it was the same every time. “You’re more than I deserve, I know this, everyone knows this. I was an idiot last night, and you are the only woman I want.”
His hand cupped the side of my face and I kept my eyes closed. I suddenly wished I was back in bed still fast asleep.
“No more parties, no more nights at the club.” That comment made me open my eyes. “I’m done. From now on, it’s just us. I need to stop sabotaging what we have here. Because what we have, it’s the best thing in my life.”
“I
can’t keep doing this with you.” His thumb pressed against my lips in an attempt to quiet me.
“I know.” He slouched, bringing himself eye level with me. “I don’t want to do this anymore either, I want to make things right. I want to fix all the wrongs I’ve done and make this stronger. Make us stronger.” The determination in his eyes was compelling. “Please. Let me fix this.”
I could feel the tears building and I wasn’t sure if it was due to the exhaustion I felt over this recurring situation we seemed to be trapped in or something more. I found myself wondering if what we had was worth fighting for. I loved Beau, don’t get me wrong, but when was enough, enough?
“I love you, Ash.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine and that fluttering I got when he would kiss me took over. That rush of adrenaline when he held me close, even if only for a short time, made me forget we weren’t perfect. But love isn’t perfect; I just wasn’t sure if what we had was worth all this stress and heartache, either.
“I’m so sorry.” He spoke the words against my lips and I swear I felt his own tremble. He sounded almost desperate, panicked maybe. “I never meant for any of last night to happen. I regret the entire night, I wish I could change it.”
I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was related to more than just our fight. Nausea filled my stomach as I let him hold me close.
“Please tell me we’ll be okay.”
“What happened after I left?” He squeezed me tighter.
“Nothing.” He took in a deep breath. “I caught a ride home with Laken and Bryce. Crashed on their couch and this morning Bryce dropped me off to get my car.”
I tried to lean back so I could look at him, only he wouldn’t let me. He was holding me tightly, like he was scared to let me go.
“Why do I feel like there’s more you’re not telling me?”
“If you count me hovering over the toilet for two hours paying for all the stupid choices I made, then yes, there was more.” He finally let go of me and I looked up at him, weighing the expression on his face. “That’s all, babe. I wanted to come to you after I sobered up, but decided it was best I give us both a little time.”