by C. A. Harms
“Please, Ash.”
“I can’t do this with the two of you, I just can’t.” She turned around to face me and I froze, seeing fresh tears staining her face. “I used to think you were so different, Kyler. You were the good guy, the one that most girls would dream of being noticed by. You were the perfect combination of everything good, with a little bad boy thrown in.”
I felt my heart rate spike at her explanation of what she thought of me.
“You were always so sweet, and I’ll admit I liked when you stood by me, always there to try to protect more. I liked it a lot more than I had the right to.”
I swallowed past the thickness in my throat as she continued.
“Everything fell apart the moment we slept together, and that’s partially my fault. We should have just remained friends.” Her words stung. “You need to go to Italy, enjoy this opportunity that you’ve been given, and let go of whatever this is.”
“I don’t want to let go of it.”
“From what I’ve seen you already have, so why this? Why now? Is it because she’s there and I’m here?” Her questions confused me. “You’ve moved on, so please just let go.”
“Is this about Aurora?” I saw Ashlynn flinch when I mentioned the girl I’d met. “It’s not what you think.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” she said in quick response. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“I met her while roaming the streets of Italy, feeling lost over what happened between us. I was fucking miserable, Ashlynn, being so far away from you, being unable to fix the shit that fell apart.”
She looked away and I knew she didn’t believe me.
“Do you want to know what we talked about every time we shared a dinner or a walk? Hell, every fucking time we were together.” She still didn’t look at me. “You.” She looked up at me, her eyes clouded with unshed tears. “She listened to me ramble on and on about the girl that I can’t seem to get out of my head. The woman that I see every god damn time I close my eyes.”
I could hear Beau approach from behind me but I didn’t give a fuck. My mind was racing, my adrenaline was pumping, and I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. “You’d think she would have grown tired of hearing about that perfect woman, but instead she listened. She told me that if my heart was with that woman, then I should do whatever it took to ensure she understood just how much she means to me.”
I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall.
“You told me to go.” I wanted to reach out and wipe away the tear that had fallen and was sliding over her cheek. “So I went, but not because I wanted to. I thought I was giving you what you needed. I thought I was giving you time.”
Chapter Twenty
Ashlynn
I sat in a booth, picking at the fringe on the tablecloth that hung over the table. My stomach flipped back and forth as I tried to rehearse the words I wanted to say in my mind. Each time I ended up forgetting, only to start over again and end up back in the same place.
Lost.
I’d spent the last few hours mulling over where I was and how I got there. But I knew no matter how much I whined and complained, no matter how many tears I shed, it wouldn’t change the outcome.
I was going to be a mother and Kyler was gonna be a father. He deserved to know even if the idea of seeing him made me feel nauseated. Because the truth was even if I tried over and over to convince myself our night together was nothing special, I knew different.
“Ashlynn.” I jumped in reaction to the sound of his voice and in the process tugged on the tablecloth, knocking over my water. Thankfully it was only half full and Kyler rescued it before it was completely emptied.
“Shit,” I mumbled as I chastised myself for being so tense.
“It’s okay.” Kyler lifted his hand in the air, signaling the waitress. “It was my fault for scaring you.”
I thought of telling him that it was me and my nerves but instead I watched as Kyler helped the waitress gather the wet tablecloth, then proceeded to help her dry the tabletop before taking one corner to help spread out the new one. He thanked her for her help, and when she walked away, he sat down across from me, looking almost as nervous as I felt.
“I’m glad you called.” He placed his palm against the table and tapped his fingers as if he felt the need to keep them busy. “I’ve missed you.”
“You’re not supposed to miss someone you share a one-night stand with,” I said freely, still trying to push off what had taken place.
He no longer refrained from reaching out to touch me as his hand rested over mine. I didn’t pull away. It was actually comforting, even though my heart was screaming for me to snap out of this haze.
“That’s not what it was.” He leaned in closer and stared directly in my eyes. “I meant everything I said to you. Everything we shared was so much more than a one-night stand.”
I looked down at our joined hands, just as Kyler linked his fingers with my own. “I never should have played it off as nothing to Beau, I should have been up front from the beginning. I guess I just felt like I wanted to protect you from the backlash I knew would be coming once he found out. We both know how he is when he doesn’t get his way. Somehow his best friend telling him he’d fallen for his ex-girlfriend in the middle of your living room, or even on the sidewalk near a busy road didn’t sound like the most logical option.”
“I didn’t ask you here to recap on the things we shouldn’t or should have said.” I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat. “It’s not important—”
“It is.” I watched in confusion as Kyler stood up and moved around the table. He sat in the space next to me. “I fucked up, Ash. I should have just told him that there was something between us. I shouldn’t have given a shit about what he had to say because you were right, we didn’t owe him an explanation.”
I took in a deep breath as I prepared to tell him what I’d come here to say. Before I could say anything he started again.
“I made it sound like what we shared was nothing, but the truth is,” he slid in close and placed his finger beneath my chin, carefully applying pressure to get me to face him, “it was everything.”
I tried to look away and he stopped me.
“I’m sorry, Ashlynn.”
“I’m pregnant.” The words flew out of me in a rush. “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, it didn’t seem right. This wasn’t planned, but it—”
The words were lost as his lips pressed to mine.
“It’s why you were sick?” I nodded. “We’re pregnant?” I nodded again as I waited for him to freak out, panic, or anything really. But the only reaction he expressed was a smile larger than any other I had even seen from him.
“I’m not telling you this because I expect anything, I just felt you should know.”
“You may not expect anything,” his thumb trailed along my lower lip, “but I’m here. For everything.”
I shook my head and he cupped my jaws, one hand on each side, holding me still. “Yes,” he said with conviction. When he lowered one hand and placed it over my stomach, I swear for a moment I forgot to breathe. “All three of us are in this together.”
“I won’t deny you from being a part of your child’s life.” I looked up at him before quickly looking away again. I couldn’t take the fearful look in his eyes.
“Where does this leave us, Ash?”
I took in one deep breath after another, feeling my heart ache with such an intense pain that I felt like I would pass out.
“You’re gonna go back to Italy,” I whispered, concentrating on my hands as I twisted them nervously. “You’re gonna kick ass doing this commercial and everything else it entails. And I’m gonna stay here doing what I’ve been doing every day since I found out I was pregnant.”
“And what’s that?”
It was then that I looked up at him. “Taking one day at a time.”
“What if that’s not enough for me?” Kyler’s voice
cracked with emotion.
“It has to be.” I needed the time to figure out what I wanted. That might sound selfish but I knew it was what I needed. It was no longer just about him and me, there would one day be a child involved. I had to do this right, because up until then I’d been doing everything wrong.
***
Telling my parents I was pregnant was almost as nerve wracking as telling Kyler. I felt like I was sixteen again and handing up a big round of disappointment to the two people I never wanted to let down.
I left the restaurant feeling drained after I shared the news with him and now there I sat wondering what they would think when I shared that their unwed daughter was knocked up by a guy she wasn’t even in a relationship with.
It was my fault I knew, but it was better than diving in head first and having it all blow up in my face. There was no guarantee where this job in Italy would take him, what kind of lifestyle it would trigger. I had to keep my heart safe.
My father was the first to speak. “Your silence is only making us worry, Ashlynn. Do you mind telling us what’s going on before we assume the worst?”
“Depends on what you feel the worst might be.” I saw the way he tilted his head just slightly, obviously displeased with my continuing elusive behavior.
“Ashlynn.” The warning in my mother’s voice rang clear.
“How about, I messed up.” I looked between my mother and father. “I was careless and now I’m pregnant.”
My father didn’t look surprised as he leaned back and relaxed against the couch behind him. I expected a saddened look on both of their faces, but my mother smiled wide. To say I was shocked is an understatement.
“Does he know?” my mother asked and I continued to stare at her blankly. “I would assume that this is related to the heated conversation I saw taking place earlier down by the pool between two men.”
I only nodded.
“So again I’ll ask, does he know?”
“I told Kyler earlier tonight.” My mother nodded and I could visibly see my father’s shoulders sag with relief.
“What?” he asked when my mother gave him a curious stare. “I’m just happy that she didn’t say Beau was the father.”
“Dad.”
“I’m just playing, sweetheart, but I am happy to hear that it’s Kyler. He and his father are stand up men, and I know that he’ll do the right thing by you and this baby.”
“We’re not together.” They both looked at me with surprise. “We could be, but I think I just need some time for it all to sink in. He has this deal in Italy and I can’t compete with that right now.”
“There is no competition,” my father said sternly and I nodded. “You and this child come before anything else.”
I hoped so, but there was no guarantee that this deal wouldn’t lead to more and I’d seen what that kind of life did to relationships.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kyler
“A baby.” I looked across the table at Aurora as she nodded her head, wearing a smile. “That’s good, no?”
“It’d be better if she didn’t basically tell me that she and I were not an us.” She wrinkled her forehead in confusion. “I left California not knowing what’ll happen after I get done here.”
“So she needs time?”
“She always needs time.”
Aurora laughed as she reached out and placed her hand over my own. “Women are full of doubts and fears. In our minds we’re always looking at the worst scenario and allowing it to overtake our minds.” Now I was the one confused. “She needs to know that you’re with her now for all the right reasons and not simply because you are a good man. You have to show her that what you feel for her is real and not an obligation to do the right thing.”
“I told her I wanted her before I even knew about the baby.”
“Yes.” Aurora nodded as she leaned back once more in her chair. “But now you’re here and for how long?”
“Four weeks, six maybe.”
“That is a lot of time in the eyes of a girl who is carrying your child.” It was still hard to believe Ashlynn was pregnant and I was going to be a father. “It’s six weeks now, but then after that it will be more. You told me this entire deal could be months, and let’s not forget promotional events that follow. Fame, parties…” She shrugged.
“That’s not me,” I said. “I don’t want that life.”
“Then why did you accept the deal?”
“Honestly?” When she nodded I was the one leaning forward. “I wanted the damn bike free and clear.”
That made her laugh.
“It’s a beautiful bike.” I smiled in return, though on the inside I felt like I was falling apart. I wanted to hop on the first plane I could and head back to California. I wanted to stay there and force Ashlynn to accept that the things I felt were developed long before I knew she was carrying my baby. That fact just sealed the deal.
She was mine, she just needed to accept that too.
“Can’t carry a baby on a bike, though.” Aurora regained my attention and she shrugged with a pleased look on her face when she realized I had nothing to say in return.
Then it hit me. “No, maybe not, but I’ll guarantee that my kid will be the coolest kid in high school when he rolls up on that bike and all the girls turn their heads in his direction.”
“Could be a girl,” she said while lifting her glass of wine to her lips, attempting to hide her smirk.
“I thought you were my friend?”
“I am,” she lowered her glass, “which is why I’m bursting your bubble.” She stood and placed her bag over her shoulder as she leaned over to kiss my cheek. It’s a gesture she offered to me often. “Call your girl and check on her. Even if she doesn’t answer, Kyler, leave her a lengthy message.”
Aurora left without another word. She was right, having a friend in the city was much better than being there alone. In a short time she’d become a big part of my life.
***
The phone rang for the third time and with each one I felt my heart sink. It was around lunch time in California, on Sunday no less, so I figured reaching her would be easy.
I was just about to lose hope when someone picked up on the other end. “Hello?”
“Hi Hayley.” I sat down on the end of the bed and rested my elbows on my knees, holding the phone securely to my ear. “Is Ashlynn around?”
“Well, if it isn’t the guy who knocked up my friend and then skipped town, hell, you skipped the country.” Hayley was vocal, as in whatever was on her mind she’d say it without a second thought.
“Hayley, listen, I—”
“I’m just messing with you,” she interrupted me and by the tone of her voice I could almost see her smiling. “Like I told you a long time ago, I’m Team Kyler.”
“Thanks,” I said with a chuckle.
“Now I’ll admit, when I thought you were in Italy hooking up with some goddess-like woman I hated you. Like I wanted to castrate you and watch you bleed kind of hate.” I held back my laughter because I had a feeling she wouldn’t have appreciated it. “But I think a part of me knew you wouldn’t do that. I remembered the way you looked at Ashlynn when you didn’t think anyone was watching you. Someone that looks at a woman like that isn’t gonna let go without a fight.”
I’m glad she understood.
“So you are gonna fight, right?”
“Yeah, Hayley.” My grin widened. “I’m gonna fight.”
“Good, you better.” Quinton had his hands full with this woman for sure. I almost felt sorry for the guy.
“So can I talk to her?”
“She’s sleeping.” I heard rustling around on the other end of the phone. “There, accept my request.”
“What?”
“Look at your phone, Kyler.” I imagined her rolling her eyes in that way that she did when she was annoyed. I did as she asked and pulled my phone away from my ear. A video request was waiting and I accepted it as I watched the screen.
Then the screen lit up and there on my screen was Ashlynn, sleeping soundly. She was curled up on her side, her pillow tucked in close, her hair piled high on her face in what appeared to be one huge ratted mess.
“She had a rough morning.” I heard Hayley’s voice, yet I could still see Ash on the screen.
“Rough morning?” I slid down off the bed and used the mattress behind me to rest my back against. “How was it rough?”
“She’s not doing too great with the morning sickness,” Hayley said softly and I assumed it was out of fear of waking Ashlynn. “We had to take her to the ER and get her rehydrated. It’s been bad, Kyler, like ice cubes and popsicles make her throw up too.”
Guilt hit me hard because I should be there with her, even if she told me to go.
“She’s only been sleeping for about an hour, but if you want me to wake her I can.”
“No,” I interrupted her, “let her sleep.”
There was a silence that set in as I watched her sleep. I wanted to reach out to her and push back the hair that had fallen near her eye. I wanted to feel her soft skin beneath my fingertip and do everything I could to comfort her.
“I can see a sadness in her eyes when she talks about how she left things between the two of you.” Hayley spoke again and that emptiness in my chest intensified. “I just think that maybe she’s afraid of holding you back and you hating her for it later.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I let out the deep breath I’d been holding. “But I get it.”
Silence settled over us once more and I focused on Ashlynn, the way she lay with her hand tucked in safely beneath her cheek. God, she was so beautiful that it literally hurt to be this far away from her and being unable to hold her. I may have only had that one night with her, but in that night it was enough to assure me that she was all I wanted.
“I’ll tell her you called,” Hayley added. “Maybe she can call you back later.”
“Whatever time, it doesn’t matter, and can you do me a favor?”