A Fine Line

by Emma Leigh Reed

  Xander moved about the tack room, running his hand over the soft leather of the saddles. These were expensive saddles. Abigail had obviously spared no expense when it came to setting up the barn. He continued further into the barn and toward the stairs that led to the loft. Climbing them, he saw bales of straw already in place.

  Just what sort of plan did Abigail have in mind? She had already had things in place. Xander sat down on a bale and stared into space. He had so many questions. And how did he fit into all this? He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He couldn’t dwell on this. Abigail had saved his life in more ways than one and he owed her. He intended to see this through even if Grace decided she wanted nothing to do with him at the end of it all.

  Xander lay back on the bale and closed his eyes. It seemed a lifetime ago that he had been in such trouble that Abigail had stepped in. He had been running with the wrong crowd, drinking heavily and experimenting with drugs. The night he got arrested and his own father wouldn’t come bail him out, Abigail had shown up and told him to get his act together. She had continued to meet with him weekly to hold him accountable for getting schoolwork done and staying out of trouble.

  Xander had been devastated when he had been sent to boarding school and had to stop meeting with Abigail. She had been the mother figure that he never had in his life. He had stayed on the path of getting his schoolwork done and finishing college because of the letters he had received from her. He sighed as he thought about that moment when he realized how much love he never had from his own mother and father. They were parents who watched from afar, never hands on and certainly never telling him that he could amount to anything more than the rebellious teen he had become.

  His thoughts shifted to Grace and the crush he had on her when he was younger. His father had made it clear he was being sent away because of Grace. Why? What was the big issue with Grace and him getting together? Xander smiled at the thought of what his father would say now if he knew they were living together – well, in the same house, anyway.

  “Xander?” Grace’s voice broke through his daydreaming.

  “Up in the loft.” He yelled down.

  He sat up and waited for Grace to appear. She held the ladder tightly, white knuckling it, as she ascended into the loft. “What are you doing up here? And where did all those bales come from?”

  “I was just thinking, and not sure about these. I’m assuming your mother had something to do with it.” He patted the bale next to him for her to join him.

  “I always hated being up in the loft. So high.” Grace sat beside him.

  “I’ll carry you down.” Xander joked.

  “No joke. I might need you to.” Grace looked around. “Did you see the saddles downstairs?”

  “Yeah. No idea what Abigail was thinking though. I thought maybe I would find a clue out here as to what she had hoped to gain with all this.”

  Grace sighed and lay back. “If you don’t think about the height of this loft, it’s pretty cozy up here.”

  Xander’s chuckle brought her gaze to him. “Scared of a little height, Gracie?”

  “Why do you do that?” She smiled and closed her eyes.

  “What?”

  “Call me Gracie.”

  Xander watched her, taking in the softness of her features with her eyes closed. He ran a finger along her jaw line. “Because it suits you and it makes you smile.”

  Grace opened her eyes and found Xander’s face within inches of hers. “Xander,” she whispered.

  He lowered his head until his lips met hers. The kiss was gentle and coaxing. She sighed as she responded. Her hands slid up around his neck and pulled him closer. She parted her lips, allowing their tongues to meet, stroking each other. She felt the weight of him as he moved his body, half covering hers. Passion rose between them and in the back of Grace’s mind she knew she needed to stop this before it went any further. This was a complication she shouldn’t--couldn’t--have right now.

  She pushed against him, breaking off the kiss. “We can’t.”

  “Grace…” Xander sat up and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm the fire in him.

  Grace rose and walked quickly to the ladder. “Xander, we can’t do this.” She disappeared down them and sprinted for the house.

  Xander sighed. He had pushed it and now she was mad. Damn Abigail for putting them in this situation to begin with! He should have been able to court her, not struggle with this hanging over them. He stood and headed back to the house. A motorcycle ride to clear his head was just what he needed, and maybe even go see Hattie.

  Chapter 17

  Grace stared out the window watching Xander race away. She was a fool. She knew the feelings between them were real; she just couldn’t get past the fact that he had lied to her. And now this whole living situation…she had no way of getting away from him. Although if the truth be told, she didn’t want to be away from him. She wanted to allow herself to fall into his arms and let him love her like she had only dreamt was possible.

  She turned from the window and looked around the living room. She was seeing it like she had as a child. There was not one thing in the room that made it hers. This was Mom’s living room. How could she take these things, the pictures of her childhood, the memories she had and just pack them up? She sank into her mom’s favorite rocking chair. Slowly pushing back and allowing the rocking motion to take over, Grace slipped into her childhood memories. She had had a great childhood. Her parents loved her and each other. Their house was one that Grace had always felt safe in. Why couldn’t she have that back?

  She longed to relive that happiness again. Not just floating through life and hoping the right one came alone, but actively participate in her life and find the one that made her smile and laugh. Or had she already found him?

  Grace stood with renewed determination and headed for the basement in search of an empty box. It was time to start fresh and stop living in the shadow of her mother. Grace flipped on the light switch and glanced around. The basement wasn’t a spot she visited much growing up. She disliked the cold dampness as well as the shadows that lined the walls. It was creepy and chills ran down her spine.

  She moved to the far wall where boxes were lined up. Each box was clearly marked “Christmas Decorations”, “Vinyl Records”, etc. Grace shifted a few boxes to the side and came across a small shoe box held closed with rubber bands. There was no marking on the box. Grace pulled the bands off and opened the cover. Inside were letters, some held together with rubber bands, others loose, yet all were yellowed with age and addressed to Abigail. There were no return addresses, but the post marks of the most recent top ones were from years ago when Grace had been just a baby.

  Holding the box, she started back upstairs. She was intrigued and dying to know who would have written her mother. Were they love letters from her father from the time he was away? He had for years had a job that took him traveling for extended periods. How sweet to think her dad had written to her mom all those times.

  She sank back into the rocking chair and flipped through the letters, looking for the oldest one. Pulling it out from the envelope, she sat back, rocking slowly. She didn’t recognize the writing. She immediately went to the signature at the end of the letter. Seeing “All my love, John” threw her. Who was John?

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Ready to read, she opened her eyes and focused. The date was a few years before she was born. Whoever John was, he had been deeply in love with Abigail. He talked about how much he missed her when they were apart and how much he worked to right things so they could be together. Right what? What kept them apart? Grace read letter after letter, sympathy welling up in her for the agony that this John felt in being apart from her mother. She could only assume her mother felt the same way. The only comments that gave her those indications were the comments John made in response to things Abigail must have written in letters to him.

  She turned the letters and envelopes over and over, searching for so
me clue as to where they had been mailed from. No return address. The postmark was from the closest city to their small town, where all the mail came from. John could have lived in this same town, or a few towns away, and there was no way to tell.

  Grace heard the door open and she stopped rocking, folding the last letter back into the envelope before slipping it into the box. She closed up the box and slid it onto the floor beside her just as Xander strode into the living room.

  “Nice ride?”

  Xander stopped when he saw her. “Yeah, it was good.” He sat on the edge of the couch. “I stopped and saw Bob. He sent this packet for you regarding the business that Abigail had in mind for us.”

  Grace nodded, but made no effort to reach for the manila envelope.

  “You okay?” The concern in Xander’s voice brought Grace’s eyes to meet his.

  “Yup, of course. I think we need to stick to the business and just get through the next two years.” Grace picked up the shoe box and stood.

  “Grace, we should talk about this. One minute you’re open to things and the next you’re closed off. What’s going on?”

  “There is nothing to talk about. We are business partners, nothing more.” Grace turned and left the room, leaving Xander staring after her. She hurried up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut. It wasn’t fair to Xander that she was so all over the place, but she couldn’t stay in the same room with him without his charm working on her. She needed to protect herself at all costs, and right now she just wanted to figure out this new secret from her mother’s past. John…who was he and where did he fit into her mother’s life?

  * * *

  Xander sat back down on the couch. What the hell was the matter with her? Had he really screwed it up so badly that she couldn’t even look at the business venture? He pulled out the papers from the envelope and read through them. Plain and simple.

  Abigail had purchased four horses that had been trained in therapeutic riding for special needs children. They were to open a business using these horses to provide therapy riding for autistic children, or any other child with sensory needs. There were clear instructions as to where the horses were and who their stable manager was. Xander was to market the business and Grace was to run the financial end of it.

  It could work, Xander thought. It was a sound plan and there was a need for it, from what he had read in Abigail’s business plan. Grace needed to be onboard, but she was a teacher of young children. Xander had no doubt that this idea would warm her and allow her to still interact with those children she loved so much. And he was convinced that she should be able to continue to teach while they worked on this business together.

  He threw the papers on the coffee table and headed to the kitchen. They could talk about this over dinner, and what a dinner he would plan for her. Damn it, he was going to court her whether she wanted it or not. He wasn’t giving up that easy.

  The next few hours, Xander devoted himself to cooking. By the time dinner rolled around, the smell of chicken parmesan, garlic bread and pasta filled the house. He had even made a chocolate cake for dessert. With music blasting, Xander moved around the kitchen singing along softly and moving to the beat.

  “Well, well, this is quite the scene.” Grace leaned against the doorframe.

  “How long have you been there?” Xander grinned.

  “Long enough to know that, from the smell of things, you cook better than you sing and dance.”

  “Hey, I could serenade you and you would swoon.”

  Grace laughed. “In your dreams, buddy.”

  “Should we wager a little bet on that?” Xander’s eyes twinkled, but seriousness oozed off him.

  “No thanks. I will be happy though to eat whatever Chef Xander makes.” Grace slid onto a bar stool. “It seems delicious. Is that chocolate?” She pointed to the cake.

  “Yes, your favorite I believe.”

  “How would you know that?”

  Xander shrugged. “I used the recipe labeled Grace’s favorite.”

  “Mom’s recipe. Oh, definitely my favorite.” She reached to swipe some frosting. Licking her finger, she closed her eyes and sighed. “Heavenly. When do we eat?”

  Xander shook his head. “As soon as you set the table.”

  The banter continued as Grace set the table and Xander put the finishing touches on the food. Finally sitting down, Xander waited until Grace was well into her meal before putting the business plan before her.

  “We have to talk about this, Gracie.”

  Grace glanced at him. “Why ruin a good meal with that?”

  “It’s a good plan your mom had. Read it over while you eat.” Xander continued to eat, ignoring Grace. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her place the papers where she could read them. They finished their meal in silence.

  Xander cleared the plates as Grace continued to read the business plan. “Coffee with cake or a glass of wine?”

  “Wine, please.” Grace laid the papers aside. “Not talking about this while I’m enjoying my cake.” She gave him a look that spoke of no nonsense.

  With dishes done and wine glasses refilled, Grace grabbed the papers and gestured for Xander to follow her to the living room. She settled onto the couch with her legs tucked up underneath her, sipping her wine.

  Xander sat beside her. Silence filled the air as they both sat with their own thoughts. Grace broke the stillness. “Okay, it’s a good plan.”

  Xander grinned. “Yup.”

  Grace turned to face him, her leg resting against his thigh. “That’s it…yup?”

  “Let’s hear your thoughts.”

  * * *

  Xander took another sip of wine and waited while Grace struggled outwardly with what she wanted to say. The closeness of their bodies clouded her mind, or was it the wine adding to that? She just wanted to kiss him and he sat there acting like the closeness wasn’t affecting him.

  “Looks like Mom has it all set up. When do we start and what do you need to do for marketing?” Grace took a deep breath. There, it was in his court now. She could just sit back and watch him.

  “I can put out flyers and make a web page. There are different venues we can use to advertise – local newspapers, online advertising, schools…we can look into special needs programs and put out the information through them.”

  Grace nodded. “What do I do during all this?”

  Xander locked eyes with her and held her gaze. “Teach.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Grace, you don’t have to give up teaching. You love it and you can still do the financial aspect of this riding business in the evenings or on weekends.”

  Grace shook her head. “I don’t think that is what Mom had in mind.”

  “Where does it say that Abigail says you have to give up teaching?” Xander let his hand slide over her knee and rested it there. “She’s not dictating everything. From what I read, as long as we do the business, you can continue to teach and live your own life.”

  Grace downed the remainder of the wine in her glass. “What is my life? I don’t even know now.” She stood suddenly. “Thanks for dinner, Xander. I’m going to head to bed.”

  * * *

  Xander sat there as Grace practically ran from the room. He frowned. She was running from him and he didn’t like it one bit. He wanted to kiss her goodnight and let her run if she must, but it would be with thoughts of his lips on hers, his body pressed against hers. Instead the thoughts remained in his mind and he had no idea if she even thought of him.

  Chapter 18

  Grace paced her bedroom. She was a coward. She yearned for someone to love her like the kind of love she read in the letters to her mom from John. The love was so transparent and strong. Grace pulled out the shoebox and picked up where she had left off. She still hadn’t figured out what had kept John and Abigail from being together, something about family, but whose?

  Grace read until after midnight. Her eyes felt heavy from the reading of the yellowed papers
and the writing that was difficult to decipher at times. She still had no further insight as to who he was, but without a doubt she knew John had been a strong love in her mother’s life and obviously before her mom had married her father. The mystery became more mysterious and Grace finally closed her eyes with the letters by her face as she drifted off to sleep.

  Her dreams filled with images of her mother and a faceless man running from whatever obstacle they had to face to just be together. Grace awoke shortly after two a.m. with her cheeks wet from tears she had been crying. She put up the letters and crawled into bed. She tried to coax sleep to come to her, but it eluded her and she lay there awake, staring into the darkness with thoughts of Xander and what it would be like if she allowed herself to love him.

  She finally flipped on the light. There was only one more letter to read and although she was dreading it, she had a feeling this was the letter that ended it all. She bolstered herself up on her pillows and opened the final letter.

  My dearest Abby, I can’t tell you how much my heart is breaking at how this is ending for us. I know you feel the pain as much as I do and can only wish that you know how much I want to be there holding you right now. My father has insisted I marry Elizabeth even though I know the child she carries is not mine. There has been no other woman for me but you. My darling Abby, please know you are the only one I will ever love, but that I want you to be able to move forward and find a better love for yourself. Find a man that will give you what I could not give you. I will always be with you, my dear, and you will always be in my heart. I will continue to watch you from afar and know that should you ever need anything, I will be here for her. All my love, John.