by Leanne Davis
Chloe rocked her head back and forth in her hands. Her nose sounded stuffy and she sniffled. “I just want Ebony back.”
She jumped when Ryder set his hand heavily but gently on her shoulder. “I know.”
His tone made her tears fall harder. But this time, they weren’t for Ebony but for them. His voice cracked, but it wasn’t filled with sadness for her. It was empathy. She knew it. She knew the difference. Ryder no longer felt the sadness as deeply as she did. It was relegated to the past, not the present. Deep in her gut she knew it was true. That’s why her anger simmered until it finally boiled over and she got so hot at Tara. Ryder and she weren’t on the same page about Ebony any longer. Chloe started that chapter all over again with grief, hurt, shock, anger, and sadness. Ryder had already ended that chapter and started an entirely new one. She knew it deep down in her gut. She had lost Ryder. She and Ebony had both lost him to Tara. To a new life. He would no longer be at her beck and call. The loss felt as deep and real as losing Ebony. She lifted her gaze, searching his face. “But you don’t anymore. You want her.”
“I do. I want Ebony back. I want her to come back and be the mother to our son, her son, like she was supposed to be. And, yes, I want her—Tara. But that doesn’t change how much I wanted Ebony. How much I wish this never happened to her. How much I grieve for her. Don’t ever doubt that. But I did grieve for her, Chloe. Healing from her was a long time in coming.”
She sniffled and kept shaking her head. His words confirmed what her gut knew. He was done with her. And with Ebony. “I can’t believe she’s dead. My sister. My other half. I’m all that’s remaining of us.”
“I’ll be here for you. Always. No matter what.”
She snorted. “As if she’s going to let that be. Not after what I just did.”
“Now that you realize what you just did was wrong, she won’t hold it over your head. Just go home. Don’t come back until we figure this out, okay? I’ll help you. Always. You know that. Just as you always help me with Wyatt.”
She rubbed her weary eyes. “Will you still let him be around me?”
“All the time.”
She rose to her feet. “Okay. I guess—”
“I’ll take care of the staff. Just go home and take care of yourself. Let me call your mom.”
She shook her head. “No. It’ll just upset her more. I got this. I just need some time alone.” She slipped the light coat over her arms, feeling as if she were being dismissed from her own establishment. But she humiliated herself enough for one day. She inflamed the very people who once felt nothing but sympathy towards her. “Thank you, Ryder. For stopping me here. I’ll… I’ll go find a better way. I just need some time alone.”
“Take all the time you need. And when you’re done, Wyatt and I will be waiting right here.”
Yeah, right. It would never be the same again. Her eyes stung with unshed tears. It felt like she did nothing but fail. She turned and slipped out the back door of the restaurant, hurrying past all the staff. No one said anything. She leaned against the back of the building and bent forward, catching her breath. Her heart raced and her blood boiled. Had she really just done that? She used to be a pretty reasonable employer. A nice person. A happy and optimistic person. Never one to shy away from conflict, she usually handled it through kindness, diplomacy, and well-rehearsed arguments, not by yelling and shouting out ultimatums in front of crowds. Hollowness made her feel empty. What had she just done?
She didn’t know how long she stayed there as she leaned back, using the wall for support. She breathed deeply, trying to calm her strung-out nerves.
Then a voice interrupted her and she spun around in surprise.
“He was never going to be yours.”
Chapter Seven
CHET.
He was standing off to her left. Where did he come from? The storage room. Duh. He’d gone in there most likely to grab some supplies. It was a locked room on the back side of the building. Everything from cleaning supplies to old tax records were stored there. Her gaze scanned over him. He had on a white t-shirt and black pants, which she provided as his uniform. He also wore a plain white apron that tied at his waist, which had a few fresh stains on it. His arms were crossed over his chest and his jaw was locked. He looked angry at her. What the hell? She straightened up.
“What?” Her head popped up and she met his cool gaze before his eyes drilled into her.
“Ryder Kincaid. He would never have ended up with you. He never felt that way about you. You were a connection to the wife he missed. He doesn’t miss her like that anymore so he doesn’t need you that way anymore either.”
She sucked in a slow breath as his blunt words cut her deeply and fast. Honestly, he only spoke the truth, which she had already started to understand. “I—I never wanted Ryder. And you’re wrong. He just told me that I could always count on him.”
Chet shook his head. “Yet you’re out here doubled over in fresh pain. You know, he took Tara’s side because it was the right thing to do. And he only tolerates you and your irrational resentment toward her from a sense of sympathy for you.”
She stiffened. “Who are you to try and explain what Ryder and I are to each other? For that matter, what I am and how I feel about anybody is none of your business. Especially when it concerns Ryder and Tara!” she snarled at him. She was not screaming, however. She refused to sound hysterical and irrational again, lest everyone assume she were being driven mad by grief and acting crazy. They would not listen to her even if she meant it. So she had to talk calmly and unemotionally. Using her sanity. Even if she felt insane along with everything else in her life now. “And you know something else, Chet? I can fire you too, anytime I choose to. Or your mother. So don’t you stand there judging me and acting as if you know anything about me.”
Chet’s gaze narrowed and his mouth tightened. It might have been the first time she ever got an emotional reaction from Chet to anything she said or did. “You leave my mother fucking out of your spewing hatred.”
Of course he was right. Dok had never been anything but a valued, loyal-to-a-fault and upstanding employee, up until today. She was never late or even took vacations, only missing a handful of shifts due to actual illness.
“I didn’t mean it,” Chloe mumbled, feeling contrite for the first time. But she was only sorry about threatening Dok. “About your mom. But maybe also about you.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I could claim sexual harassment.”
She gasped. How dare he? Did he really have the audacity to hurl that abominable event that happened between them, two strangers, against her?
“You wouldn’t dare. It was at your instigation. I wasn’t even aware that—”
“—That it was me?” he interrupted her with a scoff. His gaze again scanned over her and she felt like it was melting her shield of scorn like acid on clothing. He spoke to her as if she were naked, exposed, and vulnerable, despite being dressed reasonably decent. It was that damn voice of his. His low voice was sexy, cool, and unemotional. Who knew? It seemed like she never before heard it until now. Now it made her insides vibrate, hum, and warm up, even though she wanted to detest him. And then, damn it, he still spoke so indifferently, as if he weren’t emotionally or otherwise engaged in what they were discussing. It was as if he responded to her out of duty, without any real interest. “Who did you fantasize you were fucking? Ryder Kincaid?”
“I don’t want Ryder. Why the hell do you keep saying that?”
“Three years of watching you obsess over him pretty much cleared it up for me. You spent every day with him and were always fussing over him.”
“He’s my family.”
“No, he’s not. Not anymore.”
“Oh, my God. What do you consider Wyatt? Is he no longer my nephew now? My own blood?”
“Possibly. I just watched you try to fire a woman because you were jealous over the man she is dating.”
Her mouth dropped open. “I did not. It was because…�
�� Why was it again? She couldn’t support her own argument. She glared at him. “I just—”
“You shouldn’t be here today. Ryder was right about that.”
“What do you have against Ryder?”
“Nothing, actually. I always thought he was a fair-minded cop and nice person in general. He’s always been decent to my mom and me—”
“So have I,” she interrupted, her tone sounding fierce.
He hesitated, but finally nodded. “Yeah. So have you. But it was obvious to anyone that you thought Ryder belonged to you in a way that wasn’t entirely family-oriented.”
She fisted her hands. “Never. Not once did I ever covet my identical twin sister’s husband. Do you understand? She was my exact replica. We shared our hearts and minds and souls. We were closer… closer than any two people can be. The twin bond is stronger than the bond between a baby and its mother. I honestly believe that. More than any husband and wife or parent and child. I never desired her husband. That’s insulting. I can’t believe you’d even suggest that.”
“Maybe you can’t admit it to yourself, but you did.”
Fisting her hand, she resisted the urge to smash it into his cool, neutral face. How could he say such hateful and inflammatory things without even an eye twitch? Who was like that? Was he some kind of sociopath? She stepped back, thinking maybe he was. How could she tell? She knew nothing about him. This was the longest they’d ever spoken to each other. Jolted once more over knowing him without really knowing him at all, she gritted her teeth to hold in the sharp retort. “I didn’t, Chet. Not once. Ryder is my friend. Nothing more. Ever.”
He shrugged and she bottled up her frustration. His body language clearly portrayed his skepticism.
Then he added. “Yeah? You don’t care that he’s in there right now celebrating his engagement to Tara Tamasy? The entire café, your café, is full of people toasting their engagement.”
Like a blunt knife being shoved into her gut, Chloe’s surprise and shock made her mouth drop open. “What the hell are you talking about?” She was ready to storm back in there. But Chet had the gall to grab her arm. She jerked her bicep away, but his long fingers clung to her more tightly, rendering her immobile. He was strong, but his grasp wasn’t bruising.
He pulled her nearer and she was unable to stop him. He stared at her up close now. He bent down and she was gripped by that same strange apathy she felt before. She wondered how to react to his sudden proximity, just as before. His hot breath whispered in her ear and traveled to her cheek, sensuously creating goose bumps all over her body. “Don’t, Chloe. Don’t go in there. You’ll only make a fool of yourself and them. Ryder might have forgiven you for what you just did, but he won’t if you go after Tara again, not so soon. Besides, what would you do? What would you do if he didn’t forgive you?”
She sucked in a breath as his soft, clear, insightful words sunk in. She tried to ignore the surprise, and the undeniable attraction that fluttered like butterflies in her stomach at his touch and his warm breath on her face. She tugged away, trying to indicate she wanted him to release her. “I can do whatever I want.” Uttering the stupid response, she realized she sounded like a petulant child. She bit her lip, ashamed she had become that. At least, that’s what she was acting like.
“The only person you’ll hurt is yourself. You’re already hurting enough. So much you can’t function properly. You can’t even comb your hair nicely. Just stop. Go home. Stop making everything worse.”
She licked her lips to reply, but the truth of what he said smacked into her head-on. She stared up at him. Strangely, it was the comment about her hair, which was always a source of pride and something she spent a lot of time and money on, that evaporated her anger. She touched her head, grimacing when she realized she hadn’t even glanced in a mirror before she left her house. On the spur-of-the-moment, she decided to come in. Dressed in… Shit. She glanced down at her outfit. Her shirt didn’t match her slacks and she wore tacky socks with slip-on, brown flats. Her hair was wild and snarled from the messy knot she haphazardly tried to arrange it in. She might have looked crazy. Like an escaped mental patient off her medication.
She quit fighting Chet and he loosened his grip, but still didn’t let her go. “Come on. Let me take you away from here.”
She nodded vacantly. He pulled her hand and she followed him around the corner of the building and they walked towards the front of it. Then, drawn by something she knew better than to indulge, she stopped beside the front window. Surprisingly, Chet let her go. She was aware he stood behind, towering over her. She sensed he wasn’t looking into the window as she was, but somehow watching and protecting her. Probably from her own terrible tendencies right now.
She put her face to the glass and sucked in a breath as if someone just socked her in the gut. Sure enough, Chet was right. The café was crowded with people raising their glasses to Tara and Ryder, who stood in the center of everyone. Everyone was toasting their happy announcement. They were being celebrated as a future couple in a relationship based entirely on love. She pressed her face closer, watching and remembering another toast for Ryder. It was at her parents’ house with just their parents, her sister and her, all staring up at Ryder. So clearly she could picture the scene: short, petite Ebony under his arm, her face full of joy as he gazed at her before announcing their glad news. Chloe and her mother squealed with delight as they went around the table to stare at Ebony’s ring and hug them. Happy tears glistened from her parents’ eyes as her dad rose to call for a spontaneous toast of their milk glasses to celebrate the new couple.
But now that man, whose face hadn’t changed, was gazing into a different face. The face of a different woman. A woman who was taller as she stood beside him than Ebony had been. A woman who was white and blonde, the very opposite of Ebony. Though if Ryder had chosen a woman who was Ebony’s doppelganger, Chloe would have hated it too. It was mostly the fact that Ebony was no longer there. No one could have pleased Chloe as Ebony’s replacement.
But what hurt Chloe the most was seeing that his expression was just as happy now, today, while staring at the tall blonde as she remembered it being with her sister. She held in a startled gasp.
It struck her hard all at once. Ryder wasn’t hers. Or theirs. He didn’t belong to her family anymore. Not how she used to feel ever since he first asked her father to marry her sister and he became her brother. But now he gazed at the tall, blonde woman without any regret or pause for his first wife, whom they now knew was dead.
Ryder’s eyes lifted and he zeroed in on Chloe at the window. She nearly ducked down in shock until she saw his expression, which was sad and contemplative. Holy shit! Chloe knew, deep down in her gut, that he was thinking about Ebony. He hadn’t forgotten her in his newfound life and happiness. It struck her hard and it helped her too. Ryder remembered Ebony in that moment, despite celebrating with Tara. Perhaps he also remembered toasting his engagement the first time when it happened with her family. He cared. She was glad to know he still cared and remembered her sister.
She couldn’t help smiling softly at him despite all the shock and longing and sadness around Ebony. She realized Ryder was thinking about Ebony in that same moment.
He smiled back and tears streaked down her face. Lifting one hand to the glass, she pressed it as if she were symbolically giving him her blessing. He nodded, and his gaze was deep and sincere. Chloe stepped back once, then twice and spun around to cross the parking lot to get away from all their newfound happiness. No matter how it was spun or how magnanimous she tried to feel, their new beginning remained indelibly attached to her sister’s ending. And it would eventually become part of her and Ryder because neither could ever forget it. Or forgive it. And the stupid part was: it was neither of their faults, or Ebony’s. Death by murder doesn’t just go away or heal, it rips relationships apart and ruins families, as she was witnessing it doing to hers.
Suddenly, a hand took hers. She was blindly running away from it all.
Chet. Duh. Of course. He was waiting for her but she acted as if he showed up out of nowhere again. She was supposed to be following him. He took her hand in his and tugged her towards his car, which was parked beside Ryder’s. She ducked into the passenger seat when Chet opened and held the door for her. After he closed the door, she just stared out the window. Not crying this time. But not enjoying the scenery either. She felt numb and fuzzy and weird and sad.
Why did Ryder have to do that so soon? Why did he have to fall in love again? Now he would be getting married again, and in the midst of it, why did the timing have to coincide with Ebony’s murder being brought to light? How could he? It seemed so ironic. Before Ebony’s body was found, Chloe kept thinking, why doesn’t he?
The car moved and she didn’t question where Chet was going or why she was even with him. A while later, he pulled into an empty parking lot that overlooked a huge, rolling, prairie beside the river. It was surrounded by a large copse of trees. It was a popular walking trail and lookout. But on this weekday it was very quiet. They were the only ones there. She stared out at the appealing view and the river blurred in her eyes. The sky was overcast, but several wispy clouds allowed sunlight to slip through in spots, highlighting the water and its reflection.
Tucking her knees together, she shifted her entire body away from the light and river. Its brightness hurt her eyes.
The ensuing quiet roared between them. At least, it felt that way for her. Minutes ticked by without a word from Chet. How did he do that? Not talk? How could he not fill the silence? She didn’t understand what he was doing there, what she was doing with him, or how it even came about. Until she heard the news of her sister’s murder, she hadn’t even noticed Chet. And now? She slept with him. After suffering through every serious event during the last few weeks, she ended up with him? What the hell?
Angry over his sudden interest and proximity, she snapped. “What is all of this to you? Why are you even here with me? I don’t understand.”